Chapter 3: Mindless Maniacs Marching in Mordor
(Justin and Sharice are suddenly in the Dead Marshes on their way to Mordor.)
Justin: How come we're suddenly in script format?
Sharice: So the author can annoy you.
Justin: Dammit, Angela! Leave me the hell alone! *looks for something to throw at Angela, and finds a book out of nowhere* Ah, this will do nicely. *throws the book at the author*
Author: Ow! That really hurt! *strikes Justin with lightning*
(Justin falls down burnt to a crisp, but just gets up again)
Justin: Ow. You stupid-!
(Author hits Justin with lightning again. Justin falls down and gets up again.)
Justin: .ow.
Sharice: You dumbass! Don't you know never to mess with the author?
Justin: What?
Sharice: ................... Never mind.
Justin: I don't get it.
(Justin and Sharice continue on. Suddenly, Gollum appears!)
Justin: Ack!
Sharice: Ew!
Gollum: What?
Sharice: You stink!
Gollum: Don't sssssssay that! Y-you're hurting my feelingsssss! *sniff* I may be a hideous monsssssster, but I am still sssssenssssitve! Gollum..
Sharice: So?
Justin: What do you want?
Gollum: Ssssmeagol can help you!
Justin: Do what?
Gollum: Take the Ring to Mordor!
Justin: Why?
Gollum: Becausssssse, Frodo..
Justin: I'm not Frodo.
Gollum: *without the accent* You're not?
Sharice: Hells no!
Gollum: Then where are Frodo and Sam?
Justin: They're dead.
Gollum: They are?
Sharice: YES!
Gollum: But that's not in the script.
Sharice: It is now.
Gollum: Then who are you?
Justin: Well, I'm Justin Timberlake.
Gollum: THAT DOES IT! I QUIT! Tell Peter Jackson I'm gonna sue!
(Gollum walks away.)
Justin: Well. that was nice.
Sharice: Whatever.
(They start to walk again, when suddenly Todrey appears.)
Sharice: HOLY FUCKING ASSCRACKERS!
Todrey: That's right!
Sharice: Hell do you want? *latches on to Justin's arm*
Todrey: I'm going to take the Ring and kill you both!
Justin: That was remarkably straight-forward.
Todrey: Right. well. GIVE ME THE RING!
Justin: What if I don't want to?
Todrey: You have no choice!
Justin: It's a free country!
(Justin gets struck with lightning again.)
Todrey: *laughs* I told you!
(Todrey uses her anime power to make herself look all scary-like. Justin starts to cry.)
Todrey: Now, I am going to KILL you both!
Todrey's Dad: Todrey? Are you trying to kill innocent people again?
(Todrey immediately turns back to normal.)
Todrey: No.
Todrey's Dad: Yes you are! I can see you from this parallel dimension! Go to your room right now!
Todrey: *sulking* Sorry, Sharice. I'm going to have to kill you and Justin when I get un-grounded.
(Todrey starts to float away.)
Todrey's Dad: And stop that!
(Todrey stops floating and walks away.)
Sharice: Right. *looks around and sees that Justin has already run away in fright* Oh no! I have to catch up with Justin!
(Sharice starts running after him. Up ahead, a boy is looking up into a tree. His kitten is stuck in it.)
Boy: Hello, miss? Can you help me, please? My kitten is stuck in that tree! I can't climb, and if I don't get her down in the next three minutes, she'll have an asthma attack!
Kitten: Meow! *hack* *hack* Meow! *cough* *hack*
Boy: Oh no! It's starting!
Sharice: I don't have time for your stupid cat! I have to catch up with Justin!
(Sharice runs by them. Eventually, she comes to an old lady lying in quicksand.)
Old Lady: Excuse me, miss! I've fallen into this quicksand, and I just can't get up! Will you help me before I sink into the mud?
(Sharice steps on her and gets over the quicksand easily.)
Sharice: No time for you, old bag!
Old Lady: How rude! *sinks into the mud*
(Sharice keeps running. Suddenly, Legolas runs up to her. He is wearing a green leaf shaped thong.)
Legolas: Sharice! Due to an evil conspiracy set up by Staci the Interdimensional Pimp, I'm being subdued by a bunch of manic maniac rabid fan girls!
Sharice: Sorry! I have no time to waste! I have to catch up with Justin!
Legolas: B-but, tomorrow is Thursday night!
Sharice: JUST DEAL WITH IT!
(Legolas watches sadly as Sharice runs away. Suddenly, the fan girls appear behind him again.)
Fan girl #1: OH MY GOD! IT'S HIM!
Fan girl #2: He's so dreamy!
Fan girl #3: His voice is like velvet on naked skin!
Fan girl #4: DIBS ON THE THONG!
Fan girl #1: HELLS NO, BITCH!
(The fan girls start fighting amongst themselves. Legolas takes the opportunity to escape into another dimension.)
(Meanwhile, Sharice has finally caught up with Justin)
Sharice: Oh, Justin! *grabs him and gives him a big hug* You wouldn't believe all the crap I had to go through to.
(Sharice suddenly realizes that Legolas was wearing a thong. Justin gets all scared.)
Sharice: Hey Justin. how come you never wear a thong for me?
(Suddenly, Justin is wearing a blue-camouflage thong.)
Sharice: OH THANK YOU GOD!
Justin: Aw, crap.
Sharice: Lookin' sexy, there.
Justin: Don't even start.
Sharice: Alright. *pats his butt.*
(They exeunt!)
(Justin and Sharice are suddenly in the Dead Marshes on their way to Mordor.)
Justin: How come we're suddenly in script format?
Sharice: So the author can annoy you.
Justin: Dammit, Angela! Leave me the hell alone! *looks for something to throw at Angela, and finds a book out of nowhere* Ah, this will do nicely. *throws the book at the author*
Author: Ow! That really hurt! *strikes Justin with lightning*
(Justin falls down burnt to a crisp, but just gets up again)
Justin: Ow. You stupid-!
(Author hits Justin with lightning again. Justin falls down and gets up again.)
Justin: .ow.
Sharice: You dumbass! Don't you know never to mess with the author?
Justin: What?
Sharice: ................... Never mind.
Justin: I don't get it.
(Justin and Sharice continue on. Suddenly, Gollum appears!)
Justin: Ack!
Sharice: Ew!
Gollum: What?
Sharice: You stink!
Gollum: Don't sssssssay that! Y-you're hurting my feelingsssss! *sniff* I may be a hideous monsssssster, but I am still sssssenssssitve! Gollum..
Sharice: So?
Justin: What do you want?
Gollum: Ssssmeagol can help you!
Justin: Do what?
Gollum: Take the Ring to Mordor!
Justin: Why?
Gollum: Becausssssse, Frodo..
Justin: I'm not Frodo.
Gollum: *without the accent* You're not?
Sharice: Hells no!
Gollum: Then where are Frodo and Sam?
Justin: They're dead.
Gollum: They are?
Sharice: YES!
Gollum: But that's not in the script.
Sharice: It is now.
Gollum: Then who are you?
Justin: Well, I'm Justin Timberlake.
Gollum: THAT DOES IT! I QUIT! Tell Peter Jackson I'm gonna sue!
(Gollum walks away.)
Justin: Well. that was nice.
Sharice: Whatever.
(They start to walk again, when suddenly Todrey appears.)
Sharice: HOLY FUCKING ASSCRACKERS!
Todrey: That's right!
Sharice: Hell do you want? *latches on to Justin's arm*
Todrey: I'm going to take the Ring and kill you both!
Justin: That was remarkably straight-forward.
Todrey: Right. well. GIVE ME THE RING!
Justin: What if I don't want to?
Todrey: You have no choice!
Justin: It's a free country!
(Justin gets struck with lightning again.)
Todrey: *laughs* I told you!
(Todrey uses her anime power to make herself look all scary-like. Justin starts to cry.)
Todrey: Now, I am going to KILL you both!
Todrey's Dad: Todrey? Are you trying to kill innocent people again?
(Todrey immediately turns back to normal.)
Todrey: No.
Todrey's Dad: Yes you are! I can see you from this parallel dimension! Go to your room right now!
Todrey: *sulking* Sorry, Sharice. I'm going to have to kill you and Justin when I get un-grounded.
(Todrey starts to float away.)
Todrey's Dad: And stop that!
(Todrey stops floating and walks away.)
Sharice: Right. *looks around and sees that Justin has already run away in fright* Oh no! I have to catch up with Justin!
(Sharice starts running after him. Up ahead, a boy is looking up into a tree. His kitten is stuck in it.)
Boy: Hello, miss? Can you help me, please? My kitten is stuck in that tree! I can't climb, and if I don't get her down in the next three minutes, she'll have an asthma attack!
Kitten: Meow! *hack* *hack* Meow! *cough* *hack*
Boy: Oh no! It's starting!
Sharice: I don't have time for your stupid cat! I have to catch up with Justin!
(Sharice runs by them. Eventually, she comes to an old lady lying in quicksand.)
Old Lady: Excuse me, miss! I've fallen into this quicksand, and I just can't get up! Will you help me before I sink into the mud?
(Sharice steps on her and gets over the quicksand easily.)
Sharice: No time for you, old bag!
Old Lady: How rude! *sinks into the mud*
(Sharice keeps running. Suddenly, Legolas runs up to her. He is wearing a green leaf shaped thong.)
Legolas: Sharice! Due to an evil conspiracy set up by Staci the Interdimensional Pimp, I'm being subdued by a bunch of manic maniac rabid fan girls!
Sharice: Sorry! I have no time to waste! I have to catch up with Justin!
Legolas: B-but, tomorrow is Thursday night!
Sharice: JUST DEAL WITH IT!
(Legolas watches sadly as Sharice runs away. Suddenly, the fan girls appear behind him again.)
Fan girl #1: OH MY GOD! IT'S HIM!
Fan girl #2: He's so dreamy!
Fan girl #3: His voice is like velvet on naked skin!
Fan girl #4: DIBS ON THE THONG!
Fan girl #1: HELLS NO, BITCH!
(The fan girls start fighting amongst themselves. Legolas takes the opportunity to escape into another dimension.)
(Meanwhile, Sharice has finally caught up with Justin)
Sharice: Oh, Justin! *grabs him and gives him a big hug* You wouldn't believe all the crap I had to go through to.
(Sharice suddenly realizes that Legolas was wearing a thong. Justin gets all scared.)
Sharice: Hey Justin. how come you never wear a thong for me?
(Suddenly, Justin is wearing a blue-camouflage thong.)
Sharice: OH THANK YOU GOD!
Justin: Aw, crap.
Sharice: Lookin' sexy, there.
Justin: Don't even start.
Sharice: Alright. *pats his butt.*
(They exeunt!)