Chapter 4: Scene 42
The remains of the Fellowship and Angela and Squall were camping in a dark scary forest. Angela had long since dragged Squall away, saying she'd "spent a whole twenty cents and by dammit she was gonna get her money's worth, though that was gonna take a while because Squall was at best a two cent whore." The Fellowship secretly pitied Squall.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Fellowship had come across quite a predicament. They had run out of rations waiting for them, (they had been gone for like, a week,) and were starting to get irritable. Suddenly, Angela and Squall returned.
"My god in heaven, why you aren't a one cent whore, I'll never figure out." Angela said to a rather dejected looking Squall. Angela looked at the rest of the Fellowship.
"What's wrong with you? Turn those frowns around! I know!" Angela whipped out a microphone from seemingly no where.
"Aragorn. this song is dedicated to you, my friend." She took a deep breath, and began to sing: "I do both Jake and Jane! They make me feel the same! It's rushing to my brain! I like both Jake and Jane!"
"For the last time, Angela! I am NOT gay!" Aragorn shouted, causing a giggle from both Merry and Pippin.
"Sure you aren't." Angela said, rolling her eyes.
"Angela, we have a more important crisis on hand!" Gimli shouted.
"Yes! We're out of food!" Pippin said with a pout.
"But we've got plenty of crack!" Merry shouted, with a puff.
"Well. eat that!" Angela said.
"Silly humans! Crack is for smoking, not eating!" Merry replied.
"Okay. well, we could always eat Squall. Wipe that smirk off your face, Aragorn. I mean 'eat' as in 'putting sustenance into your body,' not as in 'suck,' or 'blow.'" Angela said with a smirk.
Aragorn looked somewhat disappointed.
Squall glared at all of them. "No one is eating ME."
"Okay, maybe the rest of us could like, draw straws. Whoever gets the short straw, gets to be eaten! Dun dun DUN!" Angela shouted.
So they all drew straws. and Merry got the short one.
"No! That's not fair!" Merry cried, like the sore loser that he is.
"What's fair is fair, Merry. We drew straws. you lost."
"But. but. Pippin! You're my best friend!"
"Good bye, Merry! I'll miss you!" Pippin said.
Suddenly, the little white owl from "Harry Potter" flew down and landed on a tree.
"OH MY GOD!!" Pippin screamed.
"It's an OWL!" Merry screamed.
"It's an EVIL owl!" Angela screamed.
Everyone screamed at the sight of the vicious owl. The owl just sat there and stared at them.
Suddenly, Legolas jumped out of nowhere and shot the owl. And so, Hedwig met her god in whom I do not believe.
Everyone sighed in relief. Then, Harry Potter flew down on his broomstick.
"Oh no! Not Hedwig!" Harry Potter said, and started to cry.
So Legolas put him out of his misery too. And so, Harry Potter met his god in whom I do not believe.
Then, everyone got up and did a victory dance to the backdrop of the "Final Fantasy Victory Theme." Suddenly, it dawned on them that Legolas was there.
"Hey. weren't you Staci's prisoner?" Pippin asked.
"I escaped somehow." Legolas replied.
"Well, that explains everything!" Angela replied.
"At least now we don't have to eat Merry." Gimli replied.
"Yes, and now we can have barbequed obnoxious boy wizard and stewed evil owl!" Aragorn said.
"Alright, but first, I must offer a sacrifice of candy to the Great Tree!" Angela said with glee.
"Wait a minute, I almost died, and all this time you had candy!?!?!" Merry asked.
"Circle of life, kid." Angela replied.
So Angela made a sacrifice of candy to the Great Tree. The Tree bit her, and in a rage, she cut it down. They used its humble branches to eat Harry Potter and his stupid owl. Then, they all got up and left.
"Doesn't it feel like maybe we're missing something?" Gimli asked.
"No, not really." Aragorn replied.
Meanwhile.
Many different animals were having a grand old time, feasting merrily on Boromir's rotting carcass.
The remains of the Fellowship and Angela and Squall were camping in a dark scary forest. Angela had long since dragged Squall away, saying she'd "spent a whole twenty cents and by dammit she was gonna get her money's worth, though that was gonna take a while because Squall was at best a two cent whore." The Fellowship secretly pitied Squall.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Fellowship had come across quite a predicament. They had run out of rations waiting for them, (they had been gone for like, a week,) and were starting to get irritable. Suddenly, Angela and Squall returned.
"My god in heaven, why you aren't a one cent whore, I'll never figure out." Angela said to a rather dejected looking Squall. Angela looked at the rest of the Fellowship.
"What's wrong with you? Turn those frowns around! I know!" Angela whipped out a microphone from seemingly no where.
"Aragorn. this song is dedicated to you, my friend." She took a deep breath, and began to sing: "I do both Jake and Jane! They make me feel the same! It's rushing to my brain! I like both Jake and Jane!"
"For the last time, Angela! I am NOT gay!" Aragorn shouted, causing a giggle from both Merry and Pippin.
"Sure you aren't." Angela said, rolling her eyes.
"Angela, we have a more important crisis on hand!" Gimli shouted.
"Yes! We're out of food!" Pippin said with a pout.
"But we've got plenty of crack!" Merry shouted, with a puff.
"Well. eat that!" Angela said.
"Silly humans! Crack is for smoking, not eating!" Merry replied.
"Okay. well, we could always eat Squall. Wipe that smirk off your face, Aragorn. I mean 'eat' as in 'putting sustenance into your body,' not as in 'suck,' or 'blow.'" Angela said with a smirk.
Aragorn looked somewhat disappointed.
Squall glared at all of them. "No one is eating ME."
"Okay, maybe the rest of us could like, draw straws. Whoever gets the short straw, gets to be eaten! Dun dun DUN!" Angela shouted.
So they all drew straws. and Merry got the short one.
"No! That's not fair!" Merry cried, like the sore loser that he is.
"What's fair is fair, Merry. We drew straws. you lost."
"But. but. Pippin! You're my best friend!"
"Good bye, Merry! I'll miss you!" Pippin said.
Suddenly, the little white owl from "Harry Potter" flew down and landed on a tree.
"OH MY GOD!!" Pippin screamed.
"It's an OWL!" Merry screamed.
"It's an EVIL owl!" Angela screamed.
Everyone screamed at the sight of the vicious owl. The owl just sat there and stared at them.
Suddenly, Legolas jumped out of nowhere and shot the owl. And so, Hedwig met her god in whom I do not believe.
Everyone sighed in relief. Then, Harry Potter flew down on his broomstick.
"Oh no! Not Hedwig!" Harry Potter said, and started to cry.
So Legolas put him out of his misery too. And so, Harry Potter met his god in whom I do not believe.
Then, everyone got up and did a victory dance to the backdrop of the "Final Fantasy Victory Theme." Suddenly, it dawned on them that Legolas was there.
"Hey. weren't you Staci's prisoner?" Pippin asked.
"I escaped somehow." Legolas replied.
"Well, that explains everything!" Angela replied.
"At least now we don't have to eat Merry." Gimli replied.
"Yes, and now we can have barbequed obnoxious boy wizard and stewed evil owl!" Aragorn said.
"Alright, but first, I must offer a sacrifice of candy to the Great Tree!" Angela said with glee.
"Wait a minute, I almost died, and all this time you had candy!?!?!" Merry asked.
"Circle of life, kid." Angela replied.
So Angela made a sacrifice of candy to the Great Tree. The Tree bit her, and in a rage, she cut it down. They used its humble branches to eat Harry Potter and his stupid owl. Then, they all got up and left.
"Doesn't it feel like maybe we're missing something?" Gimli asked.
"No, not really." Aragorn replied.
Meanwhile.
Many different animals were having a grand old time, feasting merrily on Boromir's rotting carcass.