Touch
Chapter Two "When Reality Comes Crashing Down"
Standard Disclaimer: All things property of respective owners
Warnings: Yaoi, angst, YxA, OC, Bastardization of characters, next to no resemblance to series timeline, POV switching, cursing, lime
A/N: Wow, I a surprised people actually liked this piece. Thank you to Rue-chan, tmelange, nekojita and everyone else who reviewed, it is because of people like you that this fiction was continued. I will try my hardest to write the potential all of you saw in this. Oh, a note on the switch to first person, I found that this story worked better coming from first person, I will POV switch during the course, I wanted to avoid that but I couldn't, gomen. Chapter one is going to be revised when I have time, which isn't now. So everyone read and review. Oh, and of course enjoy the lovely lime shower scene I included for you. A brief rest bit from the angst.
Flashback
:telepathy:
Translated conversation
*** Scene, time or POV change
"…damn days. I don't know why I even-"
"Yes, of course I do. What the hell does that mean?"
"No, no I don't. Well… yeah, I mean-"
"No, that is not what I meant damn it."
"Yeah, I know. God, over six hours. I'll let you go, I promise to call you tomorrow."
"Yes, all right, yeah, good bye."
I don't know why I called; I honestly haven't contacted anyone from my past life since I joined Weiss, well more correctly since he joined Weiss. The one person living in Japan, who knew the man I suppose used to be me, well we don't often talk when we see each other. Its strange what happens over time, one day you go to sleep and your king of the world, life couldn't be sweeter, wonderful friends, wonderful family, and then... Then you decide to leave, disappear to find who you are in the midst of chaos. I don't regret the decisions I've made, a great man once said the only regret you can ever carry is to not live your life without them, and I still believe what he said, I still believe in him and want to find my way back to him. I am so lost now, and so very alone.
"Youji? Ah, there you are I… I was concerned." Concerned, I know he's telling me the truth but, its so at odds with who he is. But then, he never comes home from an assignment early, so why is here? Because I was hurt? Because he couldn't protect me? That doesn't make sense, Aya made it clear the only person he cares for is his sister. So why the sudden concern for my well being? Damn. I am still bitter about the fight two nights ago. Fucking hell.
"Hey, Aya. I'm fine, why the sudden tender concern?" Oh fuck, fuck, fuck! What the hell is wrong with me? That's great Kudou, just great the moment he starts to give you push him away because you are such a fucking idiot. "Um, Aya, I didn't mean to imply or anything, I just wondered what you were doing home so early I mean normally…"
"I know what you meant. Excuse me." And with that he left. He just spun on a heel and walked out the door leaving me, there, sitting on the bed mouthing words. Suave, real suave. Ruffled, moi?
I wanted to go after him, sweep him in my arms and tell him everything I rehearse in my mind after he goes to sleep. The only thing stopping me is well, him. The coldness in those eyes, his posture, I can't sweep him off his feet, I can't even reach him. I never could, he'd never let me.
Glancing into the mirror, I never refuted being an egotist; I see the hopelessness of soulless eyes. The pain of one who has lived to long, and something else. A shadow of a past hovering near my lips. That's when I realize, I am smirking, the old confident grin, and I realize something else far more important to the situation at hand.
Who said he had a choice?
***
Hot water, such a simple thing in and of it self, yet so overly therapeutic. I never held much stock in old traditions and whispered sayings. Yet the steady beat of a never-ending torment against my back loosens the tightness I feel centered there in. Though not the one that lies deeper than even the sinews beneath my flesh. Ridiculous, to think such foolish thoughts. Think of him.
The heart is an organ, a vessel, which pump blood and carries oxygen to the brain. It is necessary and vital to stay alive. A wound to the heart is fatal; it destroys the means in which the blood circulates. In a match a blow to the chest will win. Love is not real, only an abstract idea for those who are not strong enough to face duty without something to soften the blow.
I care deeply for my sister. She is the last remaining anchor to my family. I owe her. It was my responsibility to protect them, it was trough my naivete, my weakness that keeps her trapped in a dream realm, keeps them trapped in the soil I so often work with. It is my duty, however fond of her I was it is honor that is my motivation.
As for him… well, he… that is… I am undeniably attracted to him. And as a person he is, that is to say he can be very charming, but that in no way translates into the concept of love. I face my duty with honor as befits a warrior; I do not need some shapeless, intangible entity to soften my responsibilities.
Ah, but for only a moment, wouldn't it be nice to believe, if just for a moment. The warm water enveloped me, striking my face and exposed body, coating me in crystal droplets. The sound of the powerful water surrounded by ears blocking out all other sound.
Ehhhm, he is so like the element of water. So gentle and so powerful, aaahhhh. It almost feels like his hands are on me, touching me, aaahhh why does the thought of him do this to me. The blood flowing so strongly to my passion, leaving me sensitized, vulnerable. Aaah, he knows hot to touch me, what will send me to the edge. His hands, stroking me until I lose cohesion. Griping me as I thrust. Sensation, color, sound, images and emotion flash in my mind. Aaaahhhh, I can't… breathe…. My lungs… coated in this thing… like sweat and semen…errr….ahhh… itai…itai…
"Aaahhh!" ***
His skin is so soft, so pale. Gods, his voice… when he moans it makes me shiver, scary, he doesn't even have to touch me to make me go wild. I need to get in control, but he's stripping me of that, just like I send him over the edge. I couldn't help touching him, hearing him moan a little in the shower, he makes those noises when he sleeps. Those sounds that tell me where, when, how hard. A whole language of Aya, devoted to pleasure. One of the things I love about the guy.
His skin is so hot now. The shower is like ice, but his skin is feverish. Did I do that? What can I say in my defense? When I feel like this, so much in the past that I live in ten seconds in the future I tend to… well, Aya can attest to what I tend to do. And from the sound of it he doesn't mind in the slightest.
Oh sweet Lady of the Moon I want to see his eyes. Those bright twilight eyes so distant and pure, warm and loving for the instant before-
"Aaahhh!" The water is washing off the stickiness of his spent pleasure, heh, might as well help. He's leaning foreword, his head touching the wall which must me cold as all hell, the water sure is.
He turned it off, finally, I could have done that myself but-
"YOUJI!"
"Yeah, me, who did ya think it was? Omi?" The words slip out to soon for me to think, but damn it I am such a fucking fool. Bring up Omi now, that's great, who next? Ken? Sakura? How many others have fallen for 'em? Yeah, Kudou bring each and everyone up that's just fucking god damned brilliant.
"No. I was, however, not expecting you in my shower."
"Really? 'Cause you seemed to be enjoying it until it turned out to be me."
"And what does that mean?"
"It means… it means nothing, Aya. I didn't come over to argue, I wanted to make it up to you."
"Make what up?"
"Me, being such an idiot earlier. I know you were just being, well for lack of a better word, you."
***
'For lack of a better word?' He can be so endearing when he chooses. Even when he isn't aware, somehow, he manages to present a compelling persona. But it's not a persona that is who Kudou Youji really is. Beautiful, exotic, fragile, vulnerable, but not weak. That may be one of the compounds of this mysterious attraction toward him. We are utter opposites, yet he has none f the weaknesses that are so evident in myself. Yet, he has the symptoms of them that I have honed out of myself. Such a conundrum.
"There is no reason for you to make up for that. However, I can think of other ways if you are really committed to the idea…"
"Oh definitely…"
~ TBC…