Sorry about the delay with this chapter. First I went to Hungary for a
week, then I got ill, then I developed a severe case of writer's block.
This chapter is a bit short, and nothing much happens, but the next one
will be longer, I promise. Meanwhile please keep the reviews coming (I want
to get more than Snowling. She has 83 or something like that at the moment,
so it's not very likely, but I can dream, can't I?). :)
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No-one knew quite what was to be done with Saruman. What could you do with an Istari who had finally completely flipped after years of threatening to do so? It would have been better if he had been quietly insane; at least then they would have been able to put him in a tower and forget about him, or stuck him on a boat heading West (nobody noticed if you were mad over there). But Saruman seemed determined to make a nuisance of himself, and he could not be allowed to go around terrorizing hobbits (or, more accurately, trying to terrorize them, since none seemed to be very scared).
He had been staying at the local hospital, a couple of miles away from Hobbiton. He had calmed down slightly, and was more coherent, but he still believed he was evil, and kept trying to get passing hobbits to swear allegiance to him. This request was normally greeted with wild hilarity, and although not a single hobbit had so far agreed, it was clear that Saruman could not be allowed to remain in the Shire, and eventually it was decided that he should be taken to Rivendell. Elrond was the best psychiatrist for miles.
A small party set out to go with Saruman, since he was clearly not capable of getting there himself. This consisted of Gandalf, Frodo, and also Merry and Pippin, who both said that they wanted to see Rivendell again (Sam had decided that leaving Rose at home with their thirteen children while he went off on a long journey would probably result in divorce). By the end of their first day of travelling, Saruman had tried to escape twice, Gandalf had lost his temper with Pippin five times (Pippin had been repeating the phrase "Are we nearly there yet?" at two-minute intervals throughout the day) and Merry, who insisted he was an excellent cook but in fact didn't know which way up a frying-pan went, had succeeded in burning their breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, lunch, tea and supper. The result of this was that Frodo was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, everyone was very hungry, thirsty, tired and fed up, and they had only just got out of the Shire. They decided to spend the night in Bree, but the Prancing Pony was closed for refurbishment, so they ended up pitching a couple of tents on a cold hill overlooking the village. Gandalf was trying to get a fire going. Saruman was sitting nearby insisting that he was so evil that he would start a fire by simply looking at the wood. Gandalf was saying that this was completely impossible. A heated argument (in both senses of the word, as Gandalf's beard caught fire) ensued. Frodo watched from a distance.
"This is worse than the Quest," he said to Merry, who wasn't listening. Frodo said it again.
"Oh, I don't know about that," replied Merry. "There were some rough spots here and there. Like that time the Ring somehow ended up in a salami sandwich, and Gimli almost ate it, remember? And when Aragorn fell out of that tree in Lorien. Oh, and there were all the orcs in Moria and..."
Frodo interrupted him: "Yes, and I didn't enjoy Mordor particularly either, but the point I was making was that at least we weren't all arguing continuously and we had someone along with us who could cook."
At that point terrified screams began to emanate from Pippin's tent, so Merry was not able to reply. He shouted "What is it, Pip?"
"Merry! Help! There's a huge great spider in here and it's looking at me!" was Pippin's reply.
"Oh, Eru, not spiders as well!" said Frodo, and fainted.
*******
The journey continued in a similar fashion. Saruman was insane. Gandalf was quick-tempered and pompous. Merry spoiled the food. Pippin whined. Frodo fainted. Everyone was in a bad mood and wanted a bath. In the end it took them six weeks to reach Rivendell, because Gandalf's shortcuts kept getting them lost. The day after they arrived Saruman went for his first session with Elrond.
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No-one knew quite what was to be done with Saruman. What could you do with an Istari who had finally completely flipped after years of threatening to do so? It would have been better if he had been quietly insane; at least then they would have been able to put him in a tower and forget about him, or stuck him on a boat heading West (nobody noticed if you were mad over there). But Saruman seemed determined to make a nuisance of himself, and he could not be allowed to go around terrorizing hobbits (or, more accurately, trying to terrorize them, since none seemed to be very scared).
He had been staying at the local hospital, a couple of miles away from Hobbiton. He had calmed down slightly, and was more coherent, but he still believed he was evil, and kept trying to get passing hobbits to swear allegiance to him. This request was normally greeted with wild hilarity, and although not a single hobbit had so far agreed, it was clear that Saruman could not be allowed to remain in the Shire, and eventually it was decided that he should be taken to Rivendell. Elrond was the best psychiatrist for miles.
A small party set out to go with Saruman, since he was clearly not capable of getting there himself. This consisted of Gandalf, Frodo, and also Merry and Pippin, who both said that they wanted to see Rivendell again (Sam had decided that leaving Rose at home with their thirteen children while he went off on a long journey would probably result in divorce). By the end of their first day of travelling, Saruman had tried to escape twice, Gandalf had lost his temper with Pippin five times (Pippin had been repeating the phrase "Are we nearly there yet?" at two-minute intervals throughout the day) and Merry, who insisted he was an excellent cook but in fact didn't know which way up a frying-pan went, had succeeded in burning their breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, lunch, tea and supper. The result of this was that Frodo was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, everyone was very hungry, thirsty, tired and fed up, and they had only just got out of the Shire. They decided to spend the night in Bree, but the Prancing Pony was closed for refurbishment, so they ended up pitching a couple of tents on a cold hill overlooking the village. Gandalf was trying to get a fire going. Saruman was sitting nearby insisting that he was so evil that he would start a fire by simply looking at the wood. Gandalf was saying that this was completely impossible. A heated argument (in both senses of the word, as Gandalf's beard caught fire) ensued. Frodo watched from a distance.
"This is worse than the Quest," he said to Merry, who wasn't listening. Frodo said it again.
"Oh, I don't know about that," replied Merry. "There were some rough spots here and there. Like that time the Ring somehow ended up in a salami sandwich, and Gimli almost ate it, remember? And when Aragorn fell out of that tree in Lorien. Oh, and there were all the orcs in Moria and..."
Frodo interrupted him: "Yes, and I didn't enjoy Mordor particularly either, but the point I was making was that at least we weren't all arguing continuously and we had someone along with us who could cook."
At that point terrified screams began to emanate from Pippin's tent, so Merry was not able to reply. He shouted "What is it, Pip?"
"Merry! Help! There's a huge great spider in here and it's looking at me!" was Pippin's reply.
"Oh, Eru, not spiders as well!" said Frodo, and fainted.
*******
The journey continued in a similar fashion. Saruman was insane. Gandalf was quick-tempered and pompous. Merry spoiled the food. Pippin whined. Frodo fainted. Everyone was in a bad mood and wanted a bath. In the end it took them six weeks to reach Rivendell, because Gandalf's shortcuts kept getting them lost. The day after they arrived Saruman went for his first session with Elrond.