A/N: Chapter eight, in which there is a party in Rivendell, and Elrond
makes an announcement. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed chapter
seven. If anyone has any ideas about which way the plot should go next,
please tell me. If you like this, you might also like my other fic, Back to
the Present, which is also humorous and also centred around an evil
character (Sauron). Evil characters are so much easier to write about than
good ones, don't you find? :)
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Chapter 8
The Rivendell Elves were notably less highbrow than the Lorien and Mirkwood ones (this probably had something to do with the fact that Elrond was only half Elven), and they were famous for throwing noisy and chaotic parties, which generally resulted in all participants having shocking hangovers for the next three days. However, everyone who attended always said that it was worth it, so the parties continued at regular intervals, almost every month.
That night's party was no exception, and the Rivendell staff had spent the past week preparing. The huge main hall of Imladris was completely unrecognisable: sheets had been hung around the walls to protect the fragile artwork, streamers hung from the ceiling, and there was a large rotating mirror ball suspended in the middle of the room, temporarily replacing the ornate chandelier which was normally there. At one end of the hall was a long table, on which stood innumerable bottles of Mirkwood's finest wine (the one with the highest volume of alcohol). At the other end were a pair of gigantic speakers, connected to a record player.
Elrond walked through the hall an hour before the party was due to begin. To all who saw him, he looked almost exactly the same as he always did, but if they'd stopped to examine him closer, they would have detected a certain air about him, a strange glint to his eyes which had not been there before, and a way of walking which seemed somehow more cold, more calculating. However, no-one did and no-one noticed, until later on.
The assembled company who were at Rivendell at that time comprised some 100 Elves, assorted humans, and of course three hobbits and two wizards. These latter sat in a corner, sipping glasses of the potent wine, and talking quietly, feeling out of place. Frodo actively disliked parties and avoided them, Saruman, who had led rather a sheltered existence, thought that the only form of party was a formal sit-down dinner, such as the ones his parents had once given, and Gandalf possessed a unique ability to enter a lively party which was going with a swing and proceed to empty the room of people within a surprisingly short period of time, by telling boring anecdotes in an obscure dialect of Quenya. Gandalf had ruled that the party was not suitable for Pippin, and had sent him early to bed. Merry was nowhere to be seen.
"Where has Merry got to?" asked Frodo.
"Dancing," said Gandalf, pointing out the hobbit, who was in the middle of a line of Elves doing the Macarena. Frodo rolled his eyes, then said,
"What's the point of us being here? I hate parties. Saruman hates parties. Parties hate *you*, Gandalf, if you'll excuse me saying so. Nobody'll miss us if we leave."
Gandalf looked up from his beard, which he had been plaiting thoughtfully.
"I know, Frodo, but Elrond said he had an announcement to make and specifically requested that we be here. Said it was important."
"Well, I hope he'll get on and make it soon, while everyone's still sober enough to understand what he's saying," said Frodo. Right on cue, Elrond jumped up onto a crate of wine, waving a hand to the DJ to make him cut off the music. Elrond silenced the crowd with another careless wave of his hand.
"Right," he said briskly, "I have a Very Important Announcement to make, and I'm going to make it now, while you're all still capable of basic brain processes such as speech and language comprehension. Now, I don't know if you've all met Saruman yet - stand up and wave to the people, Saruman - there he is! Give it up for Saruman, everyone, he's a very good friend of mine." ("Am I?" said Saruman, bemused) Elrond continued, "Well, earlier I was talking to Saruman, and he introduced me to a very revolutionary new way of thinking. It had just never occurred to me before. But today, I saw the light. I now understand the meaning of my life, my vocation. I am no longer the benevolent psychiatrist you all know and love. I am now...ELROND THE EVIL!"
The crowd gasped, and then laughed and began to applaud. It was clear to them that Elrond had had one too many already, and there were shouts from some of the Elves. Elrond, observing that he was not being taken seriously, raised both hands above his head and shouted, "Why are you laughing, you...you....you foolish vermin! You ought to be trembling in your boots! Repent now, or it will be too late. I, in my might and wrath will strike you down like so many dominoes. All shall fall down to worship me!" By this point most of the listening company were lying on the floor, unable to move, because of their laughter. Even Gandalf and Frodo were smiling. Saruman, however, was looking sympathetic.
Elrond continued shouting for some minutes. He would probably have gone on all night, but luckily, one of his extravagantly gesturing hands caught the mirror ball, and it came crashing down on his head, knocking him out. There was a short pause while three of the more sober Elves carried him out of the room and deposited him unceremoniously on the cold stone floor, and then the party continued much as before. When Elrond came round, he did not go back into the party, but instead lay on the floor and muttered under his breath. Of the all the outcomes of his announcement he had considered, he had not even thought of the possibility: that they just would not believe him. But he would teach them not to defy the dark lord of Rivendell. Oh yes, he would teach them alright.
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Chapter 8
The Rivendell Elves were notably less highbrow than the Lorien and Mirkwood ones (this probably had something to do with the fact that Elrond was only half Elven), and they were famous for throwing noisy and chaotic parties, which generally resulted in all participants having shocking hangovers for the next three days. However, everyone who attended always said that it was worth it, so the parties continued at regular intervals, almost every month.
That night's party was no exception, and the Rivendell staff had spent the past week preparing. The huge main hall of Imladris was completely unrecognisable: sheets had been hung around the walls to protect the fragile artwork, streamers hung from the ceiling, and there was a large rotating mirror ball suspended in the middle of the room, temporarily replacing the ornate chandelier which was normally there. At one end of the hall was a long table, on which stood innumerable bottles of Mirkwood's finest wine (the one with the highest volume of alcohol). At the other end were a pair of gigantic speakers, connected to a record player.
Elrond walked through the hall an hour before the party was due to begin. To all who saw him, he looked almost exactly the same as he always did, but if they'd stopped to examine him closer, they would have detected a certain air about him, a strange glint to his eyes which had not been there before, and a way of walking which seemed somehow more cold, more calculating. However, no-one did and no-one noticed, until later on.
The assembled company who were at Rivendell at that time comprised some 100 Elves, assorted humans, and of course three hobbits and two wizards. These latter sat in a corner, sipping glasses of the potent wine, and talking quietly, feeling out of place. Frodo actively disliked parties and avoided them, Saruman, who had led rather a sheltered existence, thought that the only form of party was a formal sit-down dinner, such as the ones his parents had once given, and Gandalf possessed a unique ability to enter a lively party which was going with a swing and proceed to empty the room of people within a surprisingly short period of time, by telling boring anecdotes in an obscure dialect of Quenya. Gandalf had ruled that the party was not suitable for Pippin, and had sent him early to bed. Merry was nowhere to be seen.
"Where has Merry got to?" asked Frodo.
"Dancing," said Gandalf, pointing out the hobbit, who was in the middle of a line of Elves doing the Macarena. Frodo rolled his eyes, then said,
"What's the point of us being here? I hate parties. Saruman hates parties. Parties hate *you*, Gandalf, if you'll excuse me saying so. Nobody'll miss us if we leave."
Gandalf looked up from his beard, which he had been plaiting thoughtfully.
"I know, Frodo, but Elrond said he had an announcement to make and specifically requested that we be here. Said it was important."
"Well, I hope he'll get on and make it soon, while everyone's still sober enough to understand what he's saying," said Frodo. Right on cue, Elrond jumped up onto a crate of wine, waving a hand to the DJ to make him cut off the music. Elrond silenced the crowd with another careless wave of his hand.
"Right," he said briskly, "I have a Very Important Announcement to make, and I'm going to make it now, while you're all still capable of basic brain processes such as speech and language comprehension. Now, I don't know if you've all met Saruman yet - stand up and wave to the people, Saruman - there he is! Give it up for Saruman, everyone, he's a very good friend of mine." ("Am I?" said Saruman, bemused) Elrond continued, "Well, earlier I was talking to Saruman, and he introduced me to a very revolutionary new way of thinking. It had just never occurred to me before. But today, I saw the light. I now understand the meaning of my life, my vocation. I am no longer the benevolent psychiatrist you all know and love. I am now...ELROND THE EVIL!"
The crowd gasped, and then laughed and began to applaud. It was clear to them that Elrond had had one too many already, and there were shouts from some of the Elves. Elrond, observing that he was not being taken seriously, raised both hands above his head and shouted, "Why are you laughing, you...you....you foolish vermin! You ought to be trembling in your boots! Repent now, or it will be too late. I, in my might and wrath will strike you down like so many dominoes. All shall fall down to worship me!" By this point most of the listening company were lying on the floor, unable to move, because of their laughter. Even Gandalf and Frodo were smiling. Saruman, however, was looking sympathetic.
Elrond continued shouting for some minutes. He would probably have gone on all night, but luckily, one of his extravagantly gesturing hands caught the mirror ball, and it came crashing down on his head, knocking him out. There was a short pause while three of the more sober Elves carried him out of the room and deposited him unceremoniously on the cold stone floor, and then the party continued much as before. When Elrond came round, he did not go back into the party, but instead lay on the floor and muttered under his breath. Of the all the outcomes of his announcement he had considered, he had not even thought of the possibility: that they just would not believe him. But he would teach them not to defy the dark lord of Rivendell. Oh yes, he would teach them alright.