Author's notes: Rurouni Kenshin's characters are not mine. They belong to Watsuki-sensei or to whomever he says they belong to (not to me). Dream Theater's song also is not mine (had I had this talent for writing...)
Late April on the 16th year of Meiji Era. It had been five years since the whole Kenshin-gumi's last gathering. Their lives had taken very different paths; undoubtly, the oddest ones had been Sanosuke's and Megumi's.
Long the sun had gone. At the clinic, standing by the window, eyes upon the moon, Megumi recalls her past. "Yes... five years had gone... Five long and useful years for me to learn, to grow up... To taste my bitter memories every day, every single minute..." Just like Kenshin had said her, she has to keep on living to fix her mistakes the way she can, and so she's doing, not only by being a doctor and using her knowledge for good meanings: the nightmare of Kanryuu's control was more than she could stand, and it ended... "due to them. If it weren't for Ken-san and Sano... Maybe I would be there till now...or I'd have killed myself." She missed them.
It became late. Hoping that the memory will leave the spirit soon is the only thing she does now. "I have to sleep... I must manage to relax and forget this things -oh, why did I ever remember it?". She shuts the doors and lights, and lays her body on her bed, turning her head aside, where images and words are running deep. Sanosuke's. Her inner despire when she saw him so badly hurt by Saitou, her effort to make sure he'd get well. "No, I'd give my blood for any of my patients, not only for him." She denies herself. Then she remembers all the times she had to heal his hands from Futae-no-kiwame's damages, the way she was worried about the possible harmful effect of so many injuries... "No! I got mad every time he did it! He used to make me work even more, as if I had nothing else to do!". In fact she doesn't believe any of her own arguments, but she has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head. "No, Sano. I hate you. I do hate you." So quietly she lays and waits for sleep.
It will take long for her to doze off. Till it happens, she stares at the ceiling and tries not to think: useless. His face shapes on the back of her head, despite her effort to shake it away. Not a real effort, in fact. His spiky brown hair and his mischievous smile (from where hanged a fishbone) were still stead on her mind. "Baka... Why didn't I follow you when I had a chace and-- WAIT! What am I thinking? It's absurd! No, no, Megumi, no!" she ducks away her first thought. "I wouldn't waste my life on Sano's! I live for heeding my faults! For my work! Yes, that's it, Megumi, you are a doctor, think about your work and there will be no room in your mind to that rooster." She thinks (with a straw of despair) to herself and pictures the chain she's been trying to link again. She starts recalling her last patients so as to as to forget Sanosuke's image, but his face is much more pleasant than blood, vomit, fever and stitchments: definitely, she's not in the mood for her work now. She tried, but the feeling is gone. Just his remains still cheering her up.
"I have to sleep!" she says aloud, getting up and heading to outdoors. She fills a bucket with water and washes her face, rubbing it violently. Useless. She rubs her face with wet hands and spills a little of the liquid on the back of her neck. Useless: his face remains. Patienceless, she spreads the whole amount of water in the bucket over her head noisily, but again useless. She sighs and convinces herself that water can't cover her memories, neither from the bucket, nor from her eyes. Nothing can..."If only I hadn't been so stubborn!" she cried out as if someone could hear her from the cold night, remembering something secret, something nobody had heard or seen...
* Flashback *
I was about to leave to leave to Aizu. I didn't mean to tell anybody, just vanish and send them a letter, apologizing for my slipping off. I had already packed when I saw someone standing outside. By his tall body and his tori-atama, I knew it was Sano.
"Come in, rooster." I said. He obeyed me.
"Gotta talk to ya." He muttered, coming indoors and proping on a wall, his hands in his pockets, his head down.
"So? Did you break your hand again making that 'Futae-don't-know-what'?"
"My hand's fine."
"Hm... What do you want then?"
He hit the wall and said, kind of angry, his eyes upon the ground yet. "I know yah leaving to Aizu."
I felt a freezing wave in the depth of my spine.
"H--How... how do you know about it?"
"I've got sources. -t doesn't matter now." He raised his head and allowed me to see his eyes. "Yah leaving, that matters. And yah leaving without telling g'bye."
I didn't know what to tell: he puzzled me after all -he was not as stupid as I thought him to be. My pride would never allow me to confess this conclusion I had, though. So I sighed and tried to keep on pretending, calmly-looking. "Ok... And what have you come to?"
He looked down again, aside, than he faced me. "Notta say g'bye." I said nothing, I wasn't able to. He came closer firmly, just in front of me, making me look up to meet his piercing gaze. "I'm a stupid, stubborn, childish, trouble-chaser, rooster-headed fighter."
"I know. And I absolutelly agree."
"Yes. But I'm also very proud. O' what? Dunno. The fact's: I am."
"Well, what does it have to do with me?" I asked, the thrill of the answer burning my soul.
"When I knew yer goina leave to Aizu... I decided that it was the time for childishness, stupidity and pride to get lost. Before ya would."
He did something I'd never imagined he was able to: he held my waist and kissed me. I did something I'd never imagine I was able to: I held him close and kissed him back.
"I'm gonna follow ya, Fox." He spilled firmly on my lips. "We can go togetha to Aizu."
"N-No, Sano... I can't accept it." I struggled to say.
"Why the hell can't ya?" he turned angry, yet onto my lips.
"You wouldn't understand..." I proped my forehead on his shoulder and felt his heavy chin on the top of my head. "I... I'm thankful that you saved my life -and you did so many times- but... I must carry on with my life, with my task. I'm not Megumi: I'm a doctor."
We stood there for a while, he held me even tighter. Then we finally released each other, a strange emptiness never felt before placed between our bodies, and he walked away. From the door he yet said. "Sorry. This baka doesn't do it often. F'get it: let it burn, let this night burn."
"I'm leaving tomorrow, Sano. I'll tell the people at the dojo."
He smirked and left me. I cried. And now I ask why. Why have I done it? Why did I deny?
* Flashback *
She is still kneeling on the grass, holding her breath, water dropping from her hair, her face. Yet she wants to turn back time, but that's impossible and ashes can't answer her pain, not even that night's ones.
Cheerlessly she goes back indoors, dries and changes herself. Back to the futon she lays. "Kami-sama, give me the power to take breath from a breeze, the slightest one, and call lifre from a cold metal frame, all of the mine, because that's what I live for, that's why I abandoned him..."
She falls fast asleep with a daring tear sleeping on the corner of her lips.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Somewhere far beyond the rooster is laying now, awake, wrapped by a whore. He's thinking about what it could have been, drunk, crying aloud a gibberish song with lyrics that only he and his kitsune-oni could understand.
"I'm there, my dear Fox... I know I am! In with the ashes or up with the smoke from the fire, may it burn, may it be already burnt... I bet it still burns in you. It does in me too. With wings up in heaven, when you look after me in thoughts and dreams, or here, lying in bed, such an ordinary person I am... In a way or in other I'm there with ya!"
He starts whistling a sweet melody. The whore with him asks. "Hey, man. What the hell is it?" He mumbles something unpleasant and gets up, taking a little walk, out from the ill-reputed house.
Outside, he throws up, due to the alcohol he had inhaled in great amount. Down on his knees, grabbing the ground he thinks. "Megumi... Sorry fo' being so irresponsible and concerning ya... I know yah worried about me... Ya still do... I feel the palm of her hand to my head, looking after my weakness, from far putting something right into this tori-atama o' mine: you could have been mine, fox... One day, I swear, yawl be... Yah already mine..."
He gets up and keeps on walking, staggering and singing aloud the melody he whistled before. "Now and forever curled in my heart and the heart of the world... Did ya listena me, Megumi?"
She did. Somehow she did.