Il Commiato, la Mia Principessa
Chapt.5
Erik watched intently as the lucid tears fell silently down her pale cheeks. Had he not been the man that he was, it would have been a rather uncomfortable situation to stand and gaze upon a simpering child weep quietly at his feet. But Erik had seen and done a great many things in his exhaustingly curious existance; he had made young girls cry, and so the tears of yet another sobbing ingenue was not enough to melt the bitterness embedded around his heart .
He was unsure as to what had posessed him to relinquish the pitifully tragic tale of the cold agony which had kidnapped his life , to a stranger who, no doubt did not care to hear the story of Poor Erik . But his thoughts had not been focused on the wide-eyed girl who was lost and afraid in a mysterious kingdom of darkness . Only one woman had immersed herself completely inside the depths of his brain once more . A woman who, much like his street-urchin guest , was still very much a child, and had also shivered helplessly on the frigid floors of his home ; vulnerable to the unknown horrors of the impending night . Christine . The name tasted bittersweet on his tongue, combined with the salty tang of tears shed in vain . Cursing his mind silently for allowing his angelic demon to once again capture his very soul , Erik slowly lost himself in the black shadows of memories passed which haunted the cellars ; desparately imploring the darkness for answers he knew he could not have . At last , the Phantoms of what might have been dissipated , soaring gently away on an unknown wind; leaving the Phantom of What Must Be alone, with only another broken spirit to keep him company.
"You weep, Mademoiselle, for my pain?" The question resonated throughout the Opera cellars with quiet intensity, cutting through the deathly chill which surounded them and silencing the girl , causing her to raise her glowing eyes up to meet with his own. She hesitated slightly, before responding,
"Yes , Monsieur Erik .... and no ." He turned to stare deep into her volumnous expression; the peak of his curiosity slightly aroused . Allowing himself the pride to believe that her tears were shed only for him , Erik arched an eyebrow ever so slightly in mock astonishment .
"No ? It hasn't been long since the last time I gazed upon the suffering of a young child such as yourself, and so, you will forgive my astute manner , Mademoiselle , when I say that I can identify pain. What else could possibly bring forth the agony which has gathered in your eyes?" The girl smiled faintly through the dim light produced by the fading candles.
"You flatter yourself, Erik . I know you have experienced a great deal of anguish, simply by extracting the harsh facts from your pitiful story, however, do you honestly think you are the only human being who has ever been hurt or despised ? Do you truely believe Life has been cruel to you, and you alone?" The simplicity of her words cut through him like a knife, depriving him of the mysterious retorts and ominous resolutions which she had apparently grown accustomed to hearing escape his lips . Though it was quite obvious that his guest had never known good fortune , it shocked him to think that perhaps she shared in the similar , wrenching pain which he had thought was resevered only for a select few . But it was not possible for this wayward little cat to have experienced the black misery which had been carefully created and layed aside especially for Erik . Underneath the boyish mannerisms, ratty clothes and layers of ash and soot, stood a young girl with pleasant features and a charming smile; who, undoubtably could have been a strong and beautiful lady of society , had she only been given the chance . The horrors of what lay beneath the mask could never have haunted her. What, then, was so depressing that she couldn't at least take a moment to weep only for Erik ? His self -absorbtion surprised him, and he paused to gather his thoughts , unsure of how to respond.
"I can see that my words astonish you. Perhaps you think that I could not possibly understand the true pain which has accompanied Monsieur Erik throughout his cold, miserable life . Perhaps you are right . There are still many things I haven't learned , regarding your existance , and I am unsure as to whether or not I ever will . Since it would obviously be unfair to propose such a bold argument without proper justification, however, I will not deprive you of the sad occurances which have lead me to present it. That is, unless it would bore you." The slight bitterness which hung onto the last of her words suggested that perhaps she had relinquished this proclimation before, only to be silenced, patronized or ignored. Erik was beginning to realize that his mysterious stranger was more than she appeared to be ; the dirty street urchin who walked the streets was fading, and in her place , a blurred figure of hurtful pride and feline curiosty was forming . His intruigue growing , but still reluctant to express it , Erik 's eyes penetrated the darkened cellars, giving his silent permission for her to continue .
"I was born to an inexperienced mother and a father who wanted a boy . My mother later discovered that Father would never receive his male heir. He thought less of the both of us after that . It was a strange match between them ; an Irish farm-girl and a proud, wild-eyed Spaniard , roaming the Italian countryside like a pack of wolves; but nobody else seemed to notice, and I became colorblind to my patchwork heritage . I encountered so many strange and magical things wherever we went, and I soon realized that what I once thought to be bizarre was ordinary compared to the spectacles I had seen. Such was the life of a Fair-Owner's daughter , and I grew to cherish our gypsy characteristics with a certain pride ."
She hesitated for a moment, and in the deepening silence, Erik shuddered. The word "gypsy " had taken his breath away, causing him to inhale sharply; leaving him gasping for air as though he had been pulled into a vast, dangerous lake. It was as though a stone had been attachted to his ankles, dragging him down, down into the deepest, blackest cavern of his mind, to where all the pain resided. Here , every wound would be slashed open, every cut exposed, every scar torn apart, until the fresh agony of a life so cold would be ever-present once again . Memories of the past floated by in a horrible parade of torture. The horrible gypsy fairground, and each moment of fear and torment which had never erased itself from his mind surfaced , accompanied by his ominous dream. The devilish man and the smiling Christine mocked him from their havens beyond the bars, until Erik could not tolerate their haunting presence any longer. Grasping his thobbing head between his thin fingers, he forced the glow of his eyes to rest upon the small frame of his urchin guest .
"Go on ," he murmered, hoarsely. Curiosity no longer wracked his brain. It was the mere thought of returning to the sepulchral cellars of his subconsious which caused his heart to cry out for some form of escape; finding it only within the mysterious gaze of an alley cat . She started , as though he had aroused her from a deep sleep , and eyed him carefully with an expressionate stare, before continuing .
"I can see , however, that you do not think as highly of my upbringing as I once did. It appears the gypsy caravans have left their mark on more than one person over the years .
"Even before I could talk, I knew music. Mama sang Irish folk songs and Italian lullabys, and Father had his wooden flute and fiddle. Had we possessed no knowledge of anything musical, our purpose with the traveling fair would have ceased to exist long ago, for that was how we earned our money, and our right to stay . It was essential that everyone in the camp claimed and witheld their place; our's was to entertain using the soft melodies from Father's instruments, and Mama's voice . I have never again heard such beauty flow from any human throat, and I doubt that I ever will . She was my father's only pride , as I was not the boy he had anticipated ; however, he did make sure I was put to good use. A little wind-up doll who danced on command took the place of his once carefree daughter , and I soon forgot all emotion whenever he was near . 'Come , Bianca , it is time . The hour grows late , you must come ! Dance, Bianca , dance!' And the music would start ; combining with Mama's song in a heavenly presentation, completed only by the presence of a young ballerina who spun around the fire with such agility and grace, it made young men smile and children applaud in delight . He never offered gratitude or appreciation , however. A simple smile of encouragement would have sufficed , and yet there was nothing.
"Fortunetely , I was not completely forgotten. Mama somehow managed to rescue my spirit from a meaningless life of vacant performing . She would always speak of music, and how it must have a soul with which to breathe and grow; otherwise, there could be no Magic.
"'You must dance for you, Bianca . ' she would murmer in Italian, and gently stroke my hair . 'And no one else. You are my pride; my Princess . My Princess .... '" The girl stopped, and closed her eerie cat eyes briefly , as her trembling hands gently fingered the exotic ruby which hung around her pale throat. Neither occupants of the morbid cellars dared breathe, and for the smallest incriment of time , Erik absorbed the quiet which surrounded them . He reflected with slight astonishment on the impact of silence , and how he had trained his mind to somehow survive without sounds. Yet he knew , no matter how desolate the world may seem , and no matter how dead society thought him to be , the soft melodies of nights passed would haunt his memory forever . Christine had, quite literally put him inside a cage, and locked the door behind her; but the cruel irony he felt with burning remorse was that it had been built by his own hand.
"That was what she meant by Magic." Her words sliced through the stillness , and once more , Erik was rescued from falling . "The life a person brings to music was so extraordinary , how could one call it by any other name? I used to be that naive; to believe in the Magic .... It is almost as though she took it with her; as though it doesn't belong here on Earth. Only the Angels guard what is truely celestial , I suppose ." She turned her gaze up towards Erik , and he could see the faraway mist which danced in her glowing eyes fade, and in its place , the familiar pain returning .
"It is not the fact that she is gone which continuously breaks my fragile heart , but the frightening realization which has always lurked in the back of my mind, that I could have stopped her . I knew she was not happy ; none of us were, and yet, I still refused to look ugly reality in the face .
"'It was your fault, Bianca ,' he had whispered softly, after they carried her away . 'You could have saved her; saved us all. We are nothing now , because of you.' The Magic had disappeared completely , and I was the sinister magician who had made it happen . Nothing would ever be right again .
"I fled to Paris , slowly but surely . It seemed the right place for all wandering souls, and I soon found I enjoyed the company of no one. Six years I have been on my own ; and never once have I regretted it , for Life despises my exisitence , and I , in turn , despise the cold, bitter Life I have always known ." Her eyes flashed with a fierce intensity as they bored into his own ; almost as though she was searching for something impossible to find . "I was always a Princess . 'Someday , Bianca ,' she would say, whenever that familiar expression of bliss passed over her face, 'Someday , you will be a Prima Ballerina ; with a grace and charm like no other. You will be famous; with admirers, and possessions suitable only for royalty . The grandest princess ever to walk the Earth .' And now look; I have failed her yet again , for I am not grand, nor am I anything but the same , worthless street rat I have always been . I only pray that she is still proud of what used to be ."
Surprisingly , no tears ran down the pallid cheeks of the now silent ingenue , though a look of intense suffering had clouded across her pleasant features. For the first time in many weeks , Erik 's heart broke for someone else. He, too, knew cruelty and bitterness, and silently found himself wishing his guest had been granted a normal childhood ; a normal life . His very soul ached for the pain they both shared, and the question which he had never forgotten surfaced once more : Why had Life been so cold and unfeeling ?
"The song of an Angel is one to be cherished ," He returned her inquistive stare with the same powerful gaze, and, for one moment in his infinitely long life , Erik felt as though someone understood . "I, as well, once basked in the glow of a Heavenly candle; only to have it quickly stolen and snuffed out .... There is no light, no matter how beautiful , that shines forever ." The girl stood, never loosing his eyes, and steadied herself against the organ. A look of angiush and almost panic began to pass over her face, and he could almost hear the very cellars speaking to her with their silent voices; torturing with their forgotten song. Erik watched intently as she slowly dissolved into nothingness, as he had done only hours before , until she gave a small cry and ran from the broken room , up towards the harsh light of day from which she had come . Something inside her must have whispered, 'Run away! Escape from the pain which comes with remembering , and look ahead to the future .' If only the little cat knew just how fortunate she was to be able to abandon it all; for not ever the Opera Ghost possessed something as wonderful and sacred as Tomorrow . He no longer had somewhere to run.
Her footsteps reverberated throughout the many passages; combining with the last, faint echos of her desperate voice , which seemed to linger softly on the walls long after her flight. Erik silently allowed her to go; unsure as to whether or not he would ever again encounter the one person he felt he could see, and could see him in return .
~Geez, how angsty can you get ? Anyway, I know it's depressing, but, be warned, this is planning on getting even more so . I recommend you go read a nice , randomly hilarious phic to boost your mood . :) More to come !~
Chapt.5
Erik watched intently as the lucid tears fell silently down her pale cheeks. Had he not been the man that he was, it would have been a rather uncomfortable situation to stand and gaze upon a simpering child weep quietly at his feet. But Erik had seen and done a great many things in his exhaustingly curious existance; he had made young girls cry, and so the tears of yet another sobbing ingenue was not enough to melt the bitterness embedded around his heart .
He was unsure as to what had posessed him to relinquish the pitifully tragic tale of the cold agony which had kidnapped his life , to a stranger who, no doubt did not care to hear the story of Poor Erik . But his thoughts had not been focused on the wide-eyed girl who was lost and afraid in a mysterious kingdom of darkness . Only one woman had immersed herself completely inside the depths of his brain once more . A woman who, much like his street-urchin guest , was still very much a child, and had also shivered helplessly on the frigid floors of his home ; vulnerable to the unknown horrors of the impending night . Christine . The name tasted bittersweet on his tongue, combined with the salty tang of tears shed in vain . Cursing his mind silently for allowing his angelic demon to once again capture his very soul , Erik slowly lost himself in the black shadows of memories passed which haunted the cellars ; desparately imploring the darkness for answers he knew he could not have . At last , the Phantoms of what might have been dissipated , soaring gently away on an unknown wind; leaving the Phantom of What Must Be alone, with only another broken spirit to keep him company.
"You weep, Mademoiselle, for my pain?" The question resonated throughout the Opera cellars with quiet intensity, cutting through the deathly chill which surounded them and silencing the girl , causing her to raise her glowing eyes up to meet with his own. She hesitated slightly, before responding,
"Yes , Monsieur Erik .... and no ." He turned to stare deep into her volumnous expression; the peak of his curiosity slightly aroused . Allowing himself the pride to believe that her tears were shed only for him , Erik arched an eyebrow ever so slightly in mock astonishment .
"No ? It hasn't been long since the last time I gazed upon the suffering of a young child such as yourself, and so, you will forgive my astute manner , Mademoiselle , when I say that I can identify pain. What else could possibly bring forth the agony which has gathered in your eyes?" The girl smiled faintly through the dim light produced by the fading candles.
"You flatter yourself, Erik . I know you have experienced a great deal of anguish, simply by extracting the harsh facts from your pitiful story, however, do you honestly think you are the only human being who has ever been hurt or despised ? Do you truely believe Life has been cruel to you, and you alone?" The simplicity of her words cut through him like a knife, depriving him of the mysterious retorts and ominous resolutions which she had apparently grown accustomed to hearing escape his lips . Though it was quite obvious that his guest had never known good fortune , it shocked him to think that perhaps she shared in the similar , wrenching pain which he had thought was resevered only for a select few . But it was not possible for this wayward little cat to have experienced the black misery which had been carefully created and layed aside especially for Erik . Underneath the boyish mannerisms, ratty clothes and layers of ash and soot, stood a young girl with pleasant features and a charming smile; who, undoubtably could have been a strong and beautiful lady of society , had she only been given the chance . The horrors of what lay beneath the mask could never have haunted her. What, then, was so depressing that she couldn't at least take a moment to weep only for Erik ? His self -absorbtion surprised him, and he paused to gather his thoughts , unsure of how to respond.
"I can see that my words astonish you. Perhaps you think that I could not possibly understand the true pain which has accompanied Monsieur Erik throughout his cold, miserable life . Perhaps you are right . There are still many things I haven't learned , regarding your existance , and I am unsure as to whether or not I ever will . Since it would obviously be unfair to propose such a bold argument without proper justification, however, I will not deprive you of the sad occurances which have lead me to present it. That is, unless it would bore you." The slight bitterness which hung onto the last of her words suggested that perhaps she had relinquished this proclimation before, only to be silenced, patronized or ignored. Erik was beginning to realize that his mysterious stranger was more than she appeared to be ; the dirty street urchin who walked the streets was fading, and in her place , a blurred figure of hurtful pride and feline curiosty was forming . His intruigue growing , but still reluctant to express it , Erik 's eyes penetrated the darkened cellars, giving his silent permission for her to continue .
"I was born to an inexperienced mother and a father who wanted a boy . My mother later discovered that Father would never receive his male heir. He thought less of the both of us after that . It was a strange match between them ; an Irish farm-girl and a proud, wild-eyed Spaniard , roaming the Italian countryside like a pack of wolves; but nobody else seemed to notice, and I became colorblind to my patchwork heritage . I encountered so many strange and magical things wherever we went, and I soon realized that what I once thought to be bizarre was ordinary compared to the spectacles I had seen. Such was the life of a Fair-Owner's daughter , and I grew to cherish our gypsy characteristics with a certain pride ."
She hesitated for a moment, and in the deepening silence, Erik shuddered. The word "gypsy " had taken his breath away, causing him to inhale sharply; leaving him gasping for air as though he had been pulled into a vast, dangerous lake. It was as though a stone had been attachted to his ankles, dragging him down, down into the deepest, blackest cavern of his mind, to where all the pain resided. Here , every wound would be slashed open, every cut exposed, every scar torn apart, until the fresh agony of a life so cold would be ever-present once again . Memories of the past floated by in a horrible parade of torture. The horrible gypsy fairground, and each moment of fear and torment which had never erased itself from his mind surfaced , accompanied by his ominous dream. The devilish man and the smiling Christine mocked him from their havens beyond the bars, until Erik could not tolerate their haunting presence any longer. Grasping his thobbing head between his thin fingers, he forced the glow of his eyes to rest upon the small frame of his urchin guest .
"Go on ," he murmered, hoarsely. Curiosity no longer wracked his brain. It was the mere thought of returning to the sepulchral cellars of his subconsious which caused his heart to cry out for some form of escape; finding it only within the mysterious gaze of an alley cat . She started , as though he had aroused her from a deep sleep , and eyed him carefully with an expressionate stare, before continuing .
"I can see , however, that you do not think as highly of my upbringing as I once did. It appears the gypsy caravans have left their mark on more than one person over the years .
"Even before I could talk, I knew music. Mama sang Irish folk songs and Italian lullabys, and Father had his wooden flute and fiddle. Had we possessed no knowledge of anything musical, our purpose with the traveling fair would have ceased to exist long ago, for that was how we earned our money, and our right to stay . It was essential that everyone in the camp claimed and witheld their place; our's was to entertain using the soft melodies from Father's instruments, and Mama's voice . I have never again heard such beauty flow from any human throat, and I doubt that I ever will . She was my father's only pride , as I was not the boy he had anticipated ; however, he did make sure I was put to good use. A little wind-up doll who danced on command took the place of his once carefree daughter , and I soon forgot all emotion whenever he was near . 'Come , Bianca , it is time . The hour grows late , you must come ! Dance, Bianca , dance!' And the music would start ; combining with Mama's song in a heavenly presentation, completed only by the presence of a young ballerina who spun around the fire with such agility and grace, it made young men smile and children applaud in delight . He never offered gratitude or appreciation , however. A simple smile of encouragement would have sufficed , and yet there was nothing.
"Fortunetely , I was not completely forgotten. Mama somehow managed to rescue my spirit from a meaningless life of vacant performing . She would always speak of music, and how it must have a soul with which to breathe and grow; otherwise, there could be no Magic.
"'You must dance for you, Bianca . ' she would murmer in Italian, and gently stroke my hair . 'And no one else. You are my pride; my Princess . My Princess .... '" The girl stopped, and closed her eerie cat eyes briefly , as her trembling hands gently fingered the exotic ruby which hung around her pale throat. Neither occupants of the morbid cellars dared breathe, and for the smallest incriment of time , Erik absorbed the quiet which surrounded them . He reflected with slight astonishment on the impact of silence , and how he had trained his mind to somehow survive without sounds. Yet he knew , no matter how desolate the world may seem , and no matter how dead society thought him to be , the soft melodies of nights passed would haunt his memory forever . Christine had, quite literally put him inside a cage, and locked the door behind her; but the cruel irony he felt with burning remorse was that it had been built by his own hand.
"That was what she meant by Magic." Her words sliced through the stillness , and once more , Erik was rescued from falling . "The life a person brings to music was so extraordinary , how could one call it by any other name? I used to be that naive; to believe in the Magic .... It is almost as though she took it with her; as though it doesn't belong here on Earth. Only the Angels guard what is truely celestial , I suppose ." She turned her gaze up towards Erik , and he could see the faraway mist which danced in her glowing eyes fade, and in its place , the familiar pain returning .
"It is not the fact that she is gone which continuously breaks my fragile heart , but the frightening realization which has always lurked in the back of my mind, that I could have stopped her . I knew she was not happy ; none of us were, and yet, I still refused to look ugly reality in the face .
"'It was your fault, Bianca ,' he had whispered softly, after they carried her away . 'You could have saved her; saved us all. We are nothing now , because of you.' The Magic had disappeared completely , and I was the sinister magician who had made it happen . Nothing would ever be right again .
"I fled to Paris , slowly but surely . It seemed the right place for all wandering souls, and I soon found I enjoyed the company of no one. Six years I have been on my own ; and never once have I regretted it , for Life despises my exisitence , and I , in turn , despise the cold, bitter Life I have always known ." Her eyes flashed with a fierce intensity as they bored into his own ; almost as though she was searching for something impossible to find . "I was always a Princess . 'Someday , Bianca ,' she would say, whenever that familiar expression of bliss passed over her face, 'Someday , you will be a Prima Ballerina ; with a grace and charm like no other. You will be famous; with admirers, and possessions suitable only for royalty . The grandest princess ever to walk the Earth .' And now look; I have failed her yet again , for I am not grand, nor am I anything but the same , worthless street rat I have always been . I only pray that she is still proud of what used to be ."
Surprisingly , no tears ran down the pallid cheeks of the now silent ingenue , though a look of intense suffering had clouded across her pleasant features. For the first time in many weeks , Erik 's heart broke for someone else. He, too, knew cruelty and bitterness, and silently found himself wishing his guest had been granted a normal childhood ; a normal life . His very soul ached for the pain they both shared, and the question which he had never forgotten surfaced once more : Why had Life been so cold and unfeeling ?
"The song of an Angel is one to be cherished ," He returned her inquistive stare with the same powerful gaze, and, for one moment in his infinitely long life , Erik felt as though someone understood . "I, as well, once basked in the glow of a Heavenly candle; only to have it quickly stolen and snuffed out .... There is no light, no matter how beautiful , that shines forever ." The girl stood, never loosing his eyes, and steadied herself against the organ. A look of angiush and almost panic began to pass over her face, and he could almost hear the very cellars speaking to her with their silent voices; torturing with their forgotten song. Erik watched intently as she slowly dissolved into nothingness, as he had done only hours before , until she gave a small cry and ran from the broken room , up towards the harsh light of day from which she had come . Something inside her must have whispered, 'Run away! Escape from the pain which comes with remembering , and look ahead to the future .' If only the little cat knew just how fortunate she was to be able to abandon it all; for not ever the Opera Ghost possessed something as wonderful and sacred as Tomorrow . He no longer had somewhere to run.
Her footsteps reverberated throughout the many passages; combining with the last, faint echos of her desperate voice , which seemed to linger softly on the walls long after her flight. Erik silently allowed her to go; unsure as to whether or not he would ever again encounter the one person he felt he could see, and could see him in return .
~Geez, how angsty can you get ? Anyway, I know it's depressing, but, be warned, this is planning on getting even more so . I recommend you go read a nice , randomly hilarious phic to boost your mood . :) More to come !~