Evanesce
Chapter Four
Hope, However Little, is Always Encouraging
One thing I'd always liked about my job was that there was often a kindred thing going on between soldiers. In a weird way, the USMF was like a large family. If you spent long enough in one company or squad, it went far beyond that. I knew, or before then I did anyway, that I could trust my life to any one of the Deep Eyes and I could see in a glance that they felt the same. Through anything, we always knew where we could place our lives.
In part, that was what hit me hardest when had Neil died. He felt safe enough to trust his life to me and I let him lose it. Now I stood here with him and could see that trust was gone, and not even for the reason it should have been. Not to mention the fact that he was alive when he shouldn't have been.
I didn't know what to think. I felt numb.
He watched me for a while. I guess he was waiting for an answer. I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't know anything, really. The only thing I had known for sure was that he died and now that meant nothing.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing," I started awkwardly, cursing myself inwardly in praise of my wonderful start.
"Good, I'm… good" he answered, looking quite bewildered, "Um, can… could I ask who you are?" Even braced for it, the question hurt.
"I'm Jane," I answered quietly, forcing a smile. What was I going to say? 'Hey, Neil, I'm the person who's devoted my life to making yours a living hell, nice to see you again after I let you die'? Instead I simply said, "I guess you don't remember me." Good for you.
"Jane huh?" he started going through one of the boxes, "You do look familiar, but I don't actually recall ever having met you."
"I guess it wasn't that important," I shrugged, though he didn't see me.
"Guess not," he agreed after a minute, "Hey, I'm gonna be busy for a while, but you can stick around if you want."
I seriously considered the offer, but in the end decided against it, "Nah, I've got some things to do," I said. I don't know whether or not it was a lie, and at the time it didn't matter. I wanted to leave, and at the same time I didn't. I wanted to go think and figure everything out.
"See you around then," he called as I walked out the door. I turned in time to see him smiling at me as the door closed. It was actually a friendly smile, which was not something I was used to from him. It bothered me, but, when compared to everything that already happened, I didn't worry about it.
I looked at the nameplate on the door. Neil's name, along with a few other details, was inscribed on it. I memorized the room number. I decided to think everything through and come back tomorrow. Maybe by then I would have everything figured out.
I was outside before I remembered why I'd gone inside in the first place. Frustrated, I returned and went to the twelfth floor in search of Kristina. Doubly frustrated, I left and swiftly made my way back to the alley. She didn't live there anymore, and I didn't have a way to contact her.
I sat down and stared up at the sky. I still wasn't used to that, I didn't think I'd ever be. I kept thinking that I'd suddenly hear those unmistakable screams or see the reddish glow seep out of the ground or out of a wall. So when that white cat came back, treading on silent feet, he startled the hell out of me.
"I hope your day's been better than mine," I told him as he purred and pressed himself up against me. I eventually found myself telling the cat the story as I tried to make sense of it. I stopped about halfway through, realizing I was talking to an animal. I was still hearing those voices too. I wondered if I'd gone insane.
I decided that I couldn't be insane, even if that's what insane people say. I told the voices to shut up, which startled the cat and he went skittering off somewhere. I tried to reason everything out. I came to the conclusion that everything was normal until Neil's death. I reasoned that maybe none of us got away. If Neil was alive when he shouldn't have been, maybe everyone died. That included me. It couldn't be true because I was alive; but then so was Neil. Despite the relief of finding him alive, out of irritation I was starting to wish I hadn't.
The cat came back and dropped something next to me before starting to clean himself. I looked at the at first unrecognizable shape and felt a little disgusted when I figured out it was a dead mouse.
I got up and stood across the alley. The cat picked up the mouse and dropped it in front of me.
"Are you going to eat it or are you just going to show it off?" I asked, slightly miffed. The cat just rubbed up against my legs and purred.
"Gift," the voices supplied. I forgot; cats do that sort of thing don't they? I stared down at the feline's cheerful little face. Stupid little…
"Great," I grumbled, picking up the mouse. It scared me when it moved, but that was just gravity acting on its limp form. I held it in my hand, wondering what to do with it. I noticed one of its eyes was gone, and blood trailed down its face. I didn't look at it after that, and disposed of it as quickly as possible.
I took my time deciding what to do. It had been early afternoon when I found Neil. It was nearing evening again, and when the sun set it got cold. I don't know if I like nighttime in the city, it'll take a while to get used to.
By the time I went to sleep, I still didn't know what I was going to do. I decided I wanted to talk to Neil again, if for nothing more than comfort of someone familiar. So I went back the next day.
When I got to the room, the door was locked and the keypad stated that Neil wasn't inside. I didn't want to cause suspicion waiting, but the voices stopped me before I could leave. They gave me a code for the locked door. Curiosity wouldn't let me leave until I tried it, and stupidly enough it worked.
I entered the dark room and locked the door from the other side. After turning on the lights I sat down at the desk in confusion. I wasn't quite sure what I was doing there. I knew I'd come to see Neil, but he wasn't here. Why had I broken into his room?
"Wait," came the explanation. I guessed it made sense a little, but it made me uncomfortable to have broken into someone's quarters. Especially when it was someone that didn't even remember me. I didn't want to think about that, either. I swore I'd find out what had happened, why he couldn't remember and everything else.
I noticed a strange book in front of me. Flipping through it, I found it was a photo album. I studied it for a while, lacking anything else to do at the time. It held a couple hundred pictures. Some of them were of people and places that were unfamiliar to me, and the rest were of Neil and of places I knew from New York.
There were extremely precise dates and descriptions along with each picture, and when I started reading them I thought I'd made a mistake. I read every one carefully; they were painstakingly arranged in chronological order to the minute. But they had to be wrong, some of them. I remembered some of these days, but these events never happened then.
I stared in disbelief at a picture. I remembered the day it was supposed to have been taken. We'd been on a mission, nearly failed, and were gone all day. The date in the book just had to be wrong.