Authoress' note: Well here it is, don't kill me. Halfway through this fic I
realised, I can't write jokes. Oh well, it got a giggle out of my friend
Kaiba, which is a miracle in itself. I hope you enjoy.
*Goes to sit in director's chair.* And we're rolling!
*Mew sits behind the camera and presses the record button.*
Panthra: Roll opening credits.
*Montage of humorous clips from Yu-Gi-Oh play to the memorable theme tune. Ends with screen saying.*
Have I got Yugi for you. Episode 1
*The cameras open up on a room plastered with pictures of the Yu-Gi-Oh cast looking extremely deformed and various quotes from the show. Two people are seated at desks on either side of the room with one single person in the centre. Lights go up on a sullen looking Seto Kaiba.*
Seto: Greetings, and welcome to the premier episode of have I got Yugi for you, a bucket of idiotic slop cleverly disguised as Humour. Our team captains are Jono 'Me so dumb' Katsuya
Jono: Heeeeeey!
Seto: And Yugi 'I see dead people' Moto
*Yugi just looks confused*
Seto: Today, alongside Jono, we achieved to get one of the most intelligent and skilled duelists on the whole planet.
*Camera cuts to Rebecca, sitting next to Jono, looking very smug.*
Seto: However, he charged too much for our budget, *cough* DamnBBC *cough* so we had to settle for this brat instead.
*Rebecca 'humphs' then turns away in a strop as Jono laughs at her*
Seto: However, she is still good enough to make Jono look like an idiot.
Jono: Hey!
*Rebecca blows raspberry to Jono*
Seto: And joining Yugi is a man at the epitome of physical health, apart from the fact he's dead, Yami Bakura.
*The crowd is filled with wolf-whistles from various fangirls in the crowd, Bakura smiles wickedly.*
Round 1
Seto: Now the first round is the creatively named, 'what's it all about?' in which our contestants have to figure out, well. what it's all about. This week we have a movie theme. Yugi and Bakura, please look at your screens.
Viewscreen plays Picture of Mai appears, she's babbling on about her beloved harpies lady.
Bakura: Oh look, it's Maggie Thatcher.
Yugi: No, Maggie was much more attractive.
Mai points and the camera changes angles to Yugi who is sobbing about his match to Kaiba.
Yugi: Oh, did I really look like that?
Bakura: *Laughs* Ha, what a wimp.
Seto: *to camera* He doesn't know what we have planned for him.
Bakura: Huh?
The movie finishes up with Pegasus laughing like a nutbar.
Bakura: He looks like my mother.
*Seto gives a traditional 'Angus look' to the camera*
Seto: Well, thanks for sharing that with us. Would you also care to share the answer?
Bakura: No.
Jono: Bakura, share? There's more chance of me ice skating with the devil. Like a one in a million, no chance.
Yugi: But there's still a chance.
Jono: No there isn't, it's 1in 1000000!
Yugi: Yes, but that means there's still one chance. If there were no chance, it would be 0 in 1000000.
*Jono begins counting on his fingers with a look on his face that makes you think his brain will explode any minute.*
Bakura: Oh let's just get on with it. We'd be here all day.
Yugi: I have the answer.
Rebecca: Then why didn't you just say so dork!
*Jono has only just realised Rebecca is here*
Jono: I thought you'd left, I thought the silence was too good to be true.
*Rebecca stands up, waddles over to Jono, stares at his for a while, then kicks him in the shin*
Jono: Oh for the love of-
*Jono clutches his shin and his wheelie chair zooms out from under him so that just his legs are now visible above the desk*
Yugi: *after a long laugh* Ok, the movie is 'My little eye'. Because you have Mai, then little me *smiles kawaiily (is that a word?) making fangirls all go 'awwwwwww'* and Pegasus had the millennium eye, so its Mai little eye.
Seto: Is the correct answer.
*Applause*
Seto: Jono and Rebecca, here are your blights of the face of sanity.
Viewscreen plays Yami Yugi is seen stripping down to his bare butt.
*Audience applauds and whistles wildly, Yugi looks dumbstruck, Bakura laughs madly*
Yami Bakura is seen in the infamous, 'thong fiasco' (Bakura wearing a pink thong!)
*More wild applause, Yugi grins at a fuming Bakura.*
Finally, a secretly filmed video plays which slowly turns to film. Seto in the shower!!
*Audience laughs. All contestants snap a glance at Seto*
Seto: What? Where did that. I was not told. Who did this?
Panthra: *Giggles and pats her trusty sony camera.*
Rebecca: Oooh, you're naughty. Showing dirty pictures! I'm telling.
*Jono strips of a piece of duct tape and slaps it across Rebecca's mouth. There is much rejoicing.*
Audience: Yay!
Jono: I, master of the most intelligentest, intelligent. thing, know the answer!
Seto:* staring into space* M..ma.ma.
*Jono snaps his fingers in front of Seto's face.*
Bakura: *dramatic* Oh my, he's dead! Oh what a tragedy!.. Anyone want a pop tart?
Jono: *ignoring the fact that Seto is totally out of it.* The answer is Triple X. That one was easy.
Seto: *Is snapped out of his trance by the fact that Jono got one right* My god. that's the right answer. Now, this one's open, fingers on buzzers. Panthra.
*Panthra comes in carrying a roll of gauze and grabs Yugi from his seat.*
Yugi: Hey, wait. what-
*Yugi is cut off as Panthra spins him round, attaches a piece of gauze, then stops him. Yugi is now completely wrapped up with only his nervously blinking eyes visible.*
Bakura: *Buzzes in* The Mummy!
Seto: Surprisingly not.
*Panthra then pushes Yugi into a sarcophagus, sits on it and waits a few moments, then opens it and hauls him out and parades him around.*
Jono: *Buzzes in* The Mummy returns.
Seto: Is correct.
Audience: Applause
Seto: Relatedly, Margaret Thatcher once said at a conference, and this is true. 'I saw the sign The Mummy Returns, I never knew they were expecting me'. There is however, a very big difference between the two. One is an evil undead monster, and the other is an Egyptian body. (I apologise for the idiocy previous joke) And the winners of that round are Jono and Rebecca.
End of round one. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------
Panthra: So that was round 1. Round 2 will be Yu-gi-oh related headlines, if anyone has any ideas, or if anyone wants to be in the audience, just e- mail and review. Thanx to all, hope you enjoyed it!!
*Mew sits behind the camera and presses the record button.*
Panthra: Roll opening credits.
*Montage of humorous clips from Yu-Gi-Oh play to the memorable theme tune. Ends with screen saying.*
Have I got Yugi for you. Episode 1
*The cameras open up on a room plastered with pictures of the Yu-Gi-Oh cast looking extremely deformed and various quotes from the show. Two people are seated at desks on either side of the room with one single person in the centre. Lights go up on a sullen looking Seto Kaiba.*
Seto: Greetings, and welcome to the premier episode of have I got Yugi for you, a bucket of idiotic slop cleverly disguised as Humour. Our team captains are Jono 'Me so dumb' Katsuya
Jono: Heeeeeey!
Seto: And Yugi 'I see dead people' Moto
*Yugi just looks confused*
Seto: Today, alongside Jono, we achieved to get one of the most intelligent and skilled duelists on the whole planet.
*Camera cuts to Rebecca, sitting next to Jono, looking very smug.*
Seto: However, he charged too much for our budget, *cough* DamnBBC *cough* so we had to settle for this brat instead.
*Rebecca 'humphs' then turns away in a strop as Jono laughs at her*
Seto: However, she is still good enough to make Jono look like an idiot.
Jono: Hey!
*Rebecca blows raspberry to Jono*
Seto: And joining Yugi is a man at the epitome of physical health, apart from the fact he's dead, Yami Bakura.
*The crowd is filled with wolf-whistles from various fangirls in the crowd, Bakura smiles wickedly.*
Round 1
Seto: Now the first round is the creatively named, 'what's it all about?' in which our contestants have to figure out, well. what it's all about. This week we have a movie theme. Yugi and Bakura, please look at your screens.
Viewscreen plays Picture of Mai appears, she's babbling on about her beloved harpies lady.
Bakura: Oh look, it's Maggie Thatcher.
Yugi: No, Maggie was much more attractive.
Mai points and the camera changes angles to Yugi who is sobbing about his match to Kaiba.
Yugi: Oh, did I really look like that?
Bakura: *Laughs* Ha, what a wimp.
Seto: *to camera* He doesn't know what we have planned for him.
Bakura: Huh?
The movie finishes up with Pegasus laughing like a nutbar.
Bakura: He looks like my mother.
*Seto gives a traditional 'Angus look' to the camera*
Seto: Well, thanks for sharing that with us. Would you also care to share the answer?
Bakura: No.
Jono: Bakura, share? There's more chance of me ice skating with the devil. Like a one in a million, no chance.
Yugi: But there's still a chance.
Jono: No there isn't, it's 1in 1000000!
Yugi: Yes, but that means there's still one chance. If there were no chance, it would be 0 in 1000000.
*Jono begins counting on his fingers with a look on his face that makes you think his brain will explode any minute.*
Bakura: Oh let's just get on with it. We'd be here all day.
Yugi: I have the answer.
Rebecca: Then why didn't you just say so dork!
*Jono has only just realised Rebecca is here*
Jono: I thought you'd left, I thought the silence was too good to be true.
*Rebecca stands up, waddles over to Jono, stares at his for a while, then kicks him in the shin*
Jono: Oh for the love of-
*Jono clutches his shin and his wheelie chair zooms out from under him so that just his legs are now visible above the desk*
Yugi: *after a long laugh* Ok, the movie is 'My little eye'. Because you have Mai, then little me *smiles kawaiily (is that a word?) making fangirls all go 'awwwwwww'* and Pegasus had the millennium eye, so its Mai little eye.
Seto: Is the correct answer.
*Applause*
Seto: Jono and Rebecca, here are your blights of the face of sanity.
Viewscreen plays Yami Yugi is seen stripping down to his bare butt.
*Audience applauds and whistles wildly, Yugi looks dumbstruck, Bakura laughs madly*
Yami Bakura is seen in the infamous, 'thong fiasco' (Bakura wearing a pink thong!)
*More wild applause, Yugi grins at a fuming Bakura.*
Finally, a secretly filmed video plays which slowly turns to film. Seto in the shower!!
*Audience laughs. All contestants snap a glance at Seto*
Seto: What? Where did that. I was not told. Who did this?
Panthra: *Giggles and pats her trusty sony camera.*
Rebecca: Oooh, you're naughty. Showing dirty pictures! I'm telling.
*Jono strips of a piece of duct tape and slaps it across Rebecca's mouth. There is much rejoicing.*
Audience: Yay!
Jono: I, master of the most intelligentest, intelligent. thing, know the answer!
Seto:* staring into space* M..ma.ma.
*Jono snaps his fingers in front of Seto's face.*
Bakura: *dramatic* Oh my, he's dead! Oh what a tragedy!.. Anyone want a pop tart?
Jono: *ignoring the fact that Seto is totally out of it.* The answer is Triple X. That one was easy.
Seto: *Is snapped out of his trance by the fact that Jono got one right* My god. that's the right answer. Now, this one's open, fingers on buzzers. Panthra.
*Panthra comes in carrying a roll of gauze and grabs Yugi from his seat.*
Yugi: Hey, wait. what-
*Yugi is cut off as Panthra spins him round, attaches a piece of gauze, then stops him. Yugi is now completely wrapped up with only his nervously blinking eyes visible.*
Bakura: *Buzzes in* The Mummy!
Seto: Surprisingly not.
*Panthra then pushes Yugi into a sarcophagus, sits on it and waits a few moments, then opens it and hauls him out and parades him around.*
Jono: *Buzzes in* The Mummy returns.
Seto: Is correct.
Audience: Applause
Seto: Relatedly, Margaret Thatcher once said at a conference, and this is true. 'I saw the sign The Mummy Returns, I never knew they were expecting me'. There is however, a very big difference between the two. One is an evil undead monster, and the other is an Egyptian body. (I apologise for the idiocy previous joke) And the winners of that round are Jono and Rebecca.
End of round one. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------
Panthra: So that was round 1. Round 2 will be Yu-gi-oh related headlines, if anyone has any ideas, or if anyone wants to be in the audience, just e- mail and review. Thanx to all, hope you enjoyed it!!