A neighbour
It had been nice last night. No. Nice was the wrong word. It had been wonderful. Who would have thought that he could be so charming? He had come up with so many wonderful things that we'd done together, hell, I wanted to be me. We'd visited the Robs next door. They were having a Barbecue with friends and, being next door neighbors, we'd been invited. Mrs. Rob was a concerned lady. She'd confronted me more than once about Jonas. But I didn't want anyone else to get involved. If he found out I'd been talking to someone
The invitation to the barbecue had been to me and me alone, but Jonas wasn't one to pass up on a chance to show off his smart air force beauty to anyone, and the promise of free beer and new men to boast to was too tempting. We'd sat with our arms around each other and commented on the weather, the garden and football. We sat there on the bench in our neighbor's garden and I'd fended off, with skilful ease, jokes about women in the army much to the hilarity of the women, who knew their sexist husbands too well. Jonas had helped the men mess with the barbecue, which didn't really need messing with; it was a man thing. And I went to help the women prepare food. They didn't really need help, but I couldn't help the men with their man thing.
Afterwards, when everyone was nearly gone, Sarah took me aside and she smiled at me with tears in her eyes and whispered in my ear. You're very brave' she said. And from her eyes I saw a tear fall for me. She knew why. Why I sat there and smiled. Why I sat there and hoped he wouldn't drink too much, but never asked for protection. She could see and she knew.
She could see why that night I sat and I waited, for the blows I knew would come. Why this morning I looked in the mirror to see another blue mark appearing and why I will cover it and hide it and laugh and bluster my way through another day. For. Love. Not for him, not for me, but of everyone who is too near to him for comfort.
In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight
Taught to win
I never thought I could fail
No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face
I've changed my name
But no one wants you when you lose
Don't give up
You still have us
Don't give up
We don't need much of anything
Don't give up
'Cause somewhere there's a place where we belong
Rest your head
You worry too much
It's going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Don't give up
Please don't give up
Kate Bush and Peter Gabriel – Don't Give up