The opportunity
I was surprised when the idea of wormhole physics was brought up again. I wasn't like the research directors at the Pentagon to throw an idea at you repeatedly. Normally there were several options on the table to choose from. But this wasn't an option. We would work on the wormhole theories. It wasn't until something obvious was found that they let us in on the little secret of why we were doing this work. The Stargate. The huge metal ring that they'd dug up and fiddled with until they'd realized what it did. Interstellar travel. Wow. The thought was enough to fry your brain. And there was my name on the top of the list, well, just below Dr. Jackson's actually, to go through the Stargate when they got it to work. We weren't due to meet up until about a month before they opened the Stargate and we all had to move into the area. Jonas got a transfer to Colorado, the base of the Stargate operations deep beneath Cheyenne Mountain, easily enough and was OK with moving because he didn't like his CO on his base. We were working as hard as we could to try and get the gate open for business and the different groups didn't meet up often so I didn't really have time to meet up with Dr. Jackson before he finally opened the gate. We were told to take a few weeks off whilst they planed the mission and then we would meet up and start our training for it. It was the opportunity of the lifetime – to go into space. No one could know. But if things did go wrong, if we didn't reach the other side or if we couldn't get back; the system was still set to send the e-mail to Liam in the Pentagon. Nothing would be wasted. Jonas would still be taken down.
But one thing I never counted on was Jonas. I suppose I should know him by now. The real him that is. He smiles and shakes hands and everyone tells me what a great catch I have. But he's changed over the last few years. His old teammates will vouch for that. But he's split himself him self inside somehow. Disproportionation is a word for it. A nice, impersonal scientific word for this man that stands before me. Part of him, the outside part that everyone sees, this part has softened and cultured. Opening up to his surroundings and starting to living in the outside world. The other part, the inside, had twisted around and tightened. Lashing out at every opportunity and releasing all emotions on me. On my body and my mind. Killing me inside. But it was the outside that everyone else saw. Which is why, when one Major Doctor Samantha Carter was removed from active duty for a month, missing the first fateful Stargate Mission, no one noticed the satisfied look on the face of the man who was responsible. Because that was the inside face. The one that no one sees. No one but me.
Away
If there was one thing I'd learned with Jonas, it was that eye contact in a bad situation was not the way to go. So, standing here in this horrendous dress in front of the man who is just about to buy me and is currently breathing his horrendous breath down my neck and waving a very long knife around. I'm desperately trying to find something thrilling to stare at in the room. How does Daniel do it? Find everything so thrilling? I thought of my three teammates, my three friends, whom I'd grown so close to these last few months. It seemed like I'd known them forever. There was Colonel O'Neill. The sad air force Colonel, who'd lost someone close, but didn't want to talk about it. Who cracked jokes and refused to leave anyone behind. Who wasn't beyond grinning at his 2IC in a dress. His strong, no messing, I can be a man better than any of you', 2IC. Who was now going to have to work twice as hard to win back his trust in her as an officer. Tall and hard-featured, he could be very threatening if he wanted to be. He was a stubborn man, who had a soft spot for a certain Dr., even though he admitted to hating all scientists. Daniel. He was so sweet, really. He deserved his own sign Danger, walking disaster area.' Although it was possible he'd never get over the loss of his wife who had, so recently, been taken, he was so sure he'd get her back. Anthropologist, archaeologist, linguist, part time genius. Without him they could never go on the amazing travels through the star gate. And without him there was a serious chance that the Colonel might not still be here today. Tall and thin, his brown bangs had been cut short this year in an attempt to conform to the military norm. The new hairstyle making his huge blue eyes look, if it were possible, even bluer. And then there was Teal'c. Big, strong, stoic Teal'c. Hugely built and facially emotionless apart from the occasional twitch of an eyebrow. Self appointed guardian to them all. Who had given up his planet to join their fight against his people's oppressors. I'm not sure if I've won his trust yet. He's an emotional blank to me. The colonel seems to be able to interpret all of the subtle movements in his face that shows all of his emotions, but I still can't. Women on his world were to be protected, not to fight. He was still a little over protective of me for my liking, but I can get over that if that's what it takes for his friendship.
I listen to his words with detachment. "You skin is fair. Your eyes the colour of blue river stones." He's finished circling me and is stood before me. His hand brushes an old bruise and I flinch. "Someone has touched you in violence. You shall be safe with me if you behave. Do as I say and no one will hurt you again." The voice has softened. I feel like I'm being looked at like a car. One previous owner. Slight damage.'
Oh, God. He's asking for eye contact. For a moment I consider the man. He's big. Not that young, but either of these could work with or against me. And looking around I know that I would never get out of here alive, even if I could get the man's knife, that he was waving around rather close to my throat, away from him and get into a position to use it with my hands still bound. God, that's a big knife. I wasn't willing to be this man's slave, but getting myself killed trying to escape wasn't sensible. The rest of the team were bound to find out sooner or later and come to rescue me. I come to my senses as a young girl walks in and Abu's eyes follow her around the room. She's beautiful and I'm not surprised to find that this is the prize my captor wishes to trade me for. But her father, her father who's breath I can still feel on my skin. He has other plans. He wished to trade her for tribal unity. To another chieftain, sounding as chauvinistic as he was. Not a good trade. Not for her.
"How could you do that to your own daughter!?!" I'm asking, even before I register that Abu has left and I belong to this man. Everything is disjointed by fear. I know that I will be rescued. I know that. So why am I so scared? Even before I can register the hand raised in violence it streaks a painful line across my cheek. "A woman does not speak unless she is spoken to." Comes the command. Oh, God.
I stand, confronting him about his daughter. He's made a bad deal in me and I'm going to make sure he knows it. "How would you like to be hung upside down with dried husks in your mouth and nose. Suffocation is a slow way to die." Oh God, no. He'd do it as well. I know that. Where are the guys, where are my team? There's only one I'm getting through this alive. Submission. To survive.
"I'm sorry. I'm sure you know what's best for her." I look away. Inside, something screams. That same thing was still screaming later that day when I see an opportunity. As all of the women ran towards one tent to look after a young girl, I pick up the knife I'd been cutting vegetables with. It wasn't sharp, but it would do. I carefully sneak a look out of the corral where the women were kept and located the horses. They were where I'd seen them before, bridled but not saddled. It was going to be hell riding bareback in this dress, but I could do it. I was glad of the riding I'd done when I was younger. Vaulting onto the nearest bridled horse I ride off quickly down the track I'd entered the camp with Abu on. I prayed that the guys would be somewhere along this track, looking for her. A few meters out of camp I was feeling free and thinking about slowing the horse to avoid tiring it when a whistle sounded. I'd never taken lessons on a rearing horse whilst riding bareback in a dress. It wasn't a situation I thought the air force would ever put me in. Lying on the floor I realised what this would mean. He would punish me for this, trying to escape. I had never doubted my ability to escape. Never thought about what the consequences would be if I failed. I cursed myself as I was dragged off the floor by rough hands. I was in trouble now.
We were back in his tent and his wives were still stood behind him like veiled guards. It as almost a physical pain for me, when I think of what they endure. What they thought was fair and just. If you behave I will protect you.' I don't want to know. At a hand gesture from the tyrant a woman I recognized as one of his wives stepped forward and a whip appeared. As he slit through her top and prepared to swing the whip I steeped in, knowing it was a bad idea, but not being able to stop myself.
"Hey! If you need to hit a woman to feel like a man, try me!" Did I say that? What am I doing? Trying to commit suicide again?
"I like spirit in my horses. I look for something else in my women." And with that he grabbed the back of my head and almost head-butted me, trying to get me to kiss him. A short time later I sit with his daughter and the woman's too it seems. She thanks me for her mother's life and I try to show her the error in the tyrant's ways. She is convinced. She would escape, and I would help her.
I stood facing him across the arena. The colonel didn't believe I could beat him. The truth in his eyes was plain for all to see. But this I would do to save the life of a child who didn't deserve to die, her only crime being the madness' known as love. Facing me was the chieftain. He didn't believe I could beat him either. Then again, that's not so laughable when I compare the size of the huge blade that he's hefting to the tiny blade we're provided with to protect ourselves. Yeah, right. Lets look at this. He's bigger than I am. He has a larger weapon. He hasn't been beaten in the last few hours. I might be a better fighter hand-to-hand than he might, but things don't look good. Good training is never a compromise for size. Something I'd leaned the hard way in training. Oh God
Oh, great idea Sam, aggravate him until he really tries to kill you. Brilliant plan. But then he was on the floor, my blade at his throat. I was tensing to press down, all of my anger at him, at Jonas, at men in general A call from his daughter brought me back to reality, dragged me back. I didn't want to kill this man the voice told me. But I did Didn't I? Another one would just take over, fill his place and start again. Killing him wouldn't change anything for these people. What I would do was teach him. Teach him my way.
The colonel looked at me curiously.
"What is it sir? Didn't you think I could do it?"
"Can I tell you a story Sam?" Since when does he call me Sam? Maybe since I stopped following his orders' my conscience decided to put in. OK, but still.
"Sure sir, fire away."
"When I was younger I owned a very nice car. A corvette in fact. My friends and I tended to drive it through the streets at not quite legal speeds, and one day we got pulled up, somewhere around Colorado Springs funnily enough. The police stopped us and I'll never forget the guys. Their names were Mark and Simon and they slashed my tires and took us all home in the police car. I think that was when my parents decided to enrol me in the airforce. I could've killed those men that night, just cause they'd made me look bad in front of my friends. They never really did anything to me. Well, Except for slashing the tires which cost a bomb" Was the man ever going to shut up?
"Is there a point to this story sir, because I ache and I'm tired and I'd rather just" Jack interrupted with,
"I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm proud of you Carter. I don't think I could have shown the same restraint in the same situation."
"Thank you, sir. You have no idea how much that means to me." And I meant it. My CO was proud of me. My day was made. Now for my dad, my brother, my fiancé
I walked into my house, so glad to be home and safe. Dr. Janet Fraiser, the base's CMO had held me back for what seemed like hours, making sure I hadn't done anything serious to myself during my adventure. Janet was a great friend, we'd connected almost immediately and, despite her sometimes over-enthusiastic ministrations, she was a very good doctor. She had been worried about me when I'd admitted to the way I'd been treated in the camp. She worries too much. Jonas was home when I got in; his jacket hung neatly on a hook by the door.
"Hey Honey, I'm home." I called, Flintstones style, hoping for a laugh, a hello, anything.
"Get in here." Came the gruff reply, not exactly what I hoped for. Still on a delayed adrenaline high, I didn't notice the aggression in the voice. The cold, hinting aggression that was so obvious when I think back to it.
"Hey! You wouldn't believe my day." I called round into the dining room. That was an understatement, she thought. Today I travelled to the ends of the galaxy and met a group of chauvinistic bastards who proceeded to sell me to the highest bidder. The usual.
I walked around the corner that evening, tired and bruised, and woke up the next day mourning the loss of another day. Too much time lost, too much.
I was afraid you'd hit me if I'd spoken up
I was afraid of your physical strength I was afraid
You'd hit below the belt I was afraid of your
Sucker punch I was afraid of you reducing me
I was afraid of your alcohol breath I was afraid
Of your complete disregard for me I was afraid
Of your temper I was afraid of handles being
Flown off of I was afraid of holes being punched
Into walls I was afraid of your testosterone
Alanis Morissette – Sympathetic Character