Explanations
Janet turned as the other three members of SG1 walked into the infirmary. These three men and the women who'd just left had rewritten the dictionary meaning for disaster area. Now it read SG1'. They'd also saved the world more than once already. When she turned on them today there was a fire in her eyes that hadn't been there that weekend. Silently she handed each of them a Doctor's report. Then she marched out of the room, headed for the general's office.
There was a splitting pain that wrenched through my arm, ripping through me.
Jack caught up with her before she turned the first corner.
"Janet, what is this?"
The agony was too much. Causing me to call out, to yell. He smiled grimly in my face.
"It's my report on the injuries Jonas inflicted on one Major Samantha Carter after the stunt you two pulled on Saturday night." The shock on their faces registered quietly with Janet. They deserved it.
My head slammed in to the wall and I felt something break as the world started spinning.
"Janet, where is she? I have to go talk to her. Is she all right?" Jack's eyes betrayed him. Showing the pain that he was trained to hide.
I have to keep my balance. It's all based on balance. If I have my balance I can The wall betrays me again. Striking out at me.
"She's safe Jack. She's gone to stay with her father. I'm taking a report she's written to the General and he will take it to the police. They can take it to the courts. This was what Sam planned all along. If you hadn't interrupted she could have done it with a little less pain." OK so he didn't deserve that.
Things aren't moving right again and black spots have appeared on the walls. And on the stairs. Big black spots. I have to pull myself together. I don't want to be this close to the stairs. It's a long way down
"General. Could I have a moment?" The Doctor sat and explained. She took him through every detail in the report. All the medical experience she could offer to help him understand, the poor old man, that one of his officers had crawled into her office this morning with no hope. She explained the leave, and what should happen next.
The stairs were getting closer, despite my efforts. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't take control. I couldn't
That night the Doctor walked outside to her car. She looked around for a moment with something niggling at the back of her head. Something that shouldn't be there. After a few minutes she gave up and went home. It would come to her.
The Past
The phone rang. "Hammond" was the simple answer.
"Major General Hammond? This is General Stephens. You asked me to contact you? Something about some of the men under my command?"
"Yes. I'm looking into the history of a Major Jonas Hanson and a Captain Samantha Carter. I was under the impression they were under your command at one time."
"Yeah, they were both under my command. Hanson. Never liked him. Creepy guy. Bad history. Quiet ones are always the worst."
"Did the two meet under your command?"
"Umm, yeah. Yeah, I remember. Start of Desert Storm'. She was flying an F-16; he was in the old tankbuster – the A-10. Not many of those left these days. I can remember a conflict between the two planes. They wanted to replace the old A-10s with new kited up F-16. Never worked couldn't get the range out of the F-16 for the job. Sad that, ugly old things the A-10s. What did you want to know about them?"
"Anything you can think of, We're doing an investigation into Hanson's behavior."
"I can't remember how they met, tell truth. But I remember they used to talk in the mess. Can't remember how exactly it happened. I never liked Hanson. Carter was a great pilot though, for a scientist. Every so often, if you started to forget that she was a scientist she would go off on one. Took hours to shut her up. But Hanson he was weird. He took risks in the planes that anyone else would have thought were insane. Wired. But he could pull the stunts off, he was that good. Weird guy. Bad History."
"But Captain Carter and he got along?"
"She was a lieutenant at the time. Some history herself. I remember now. She'd pulled some stunt in the F-16. Nose-dive into a bottleneck dropping the HARM on the way down. Beautiful. Bleeding insane though. Saved the MI's lives, hit her target. Everyone was ribbing Hanson. Saying she was challenging his title as the most insane pilot of the fleet. Thought he'd take it badly, you know, what with her being a girl and all, but they just started comparing stunts and planes and before anyone knew it they were all over each other. I think I saw him smile for the first time when they were together. His crew says he smiles at his planes sometimes, but I've never seen it. I didn't like Hanson, so I tried to get them split up, you know. In the interests of both of their safety. But before long they were both deep in the fighting and I thought that maybe it couldn't hurt, y'know. Take their minds of everything. After everything had finished, she was transferred to the Pentagon. He turned up the day after she'd left with a belting great bruise on his face and a temper like a lion. It wasn't until about a year later that we started to notice things change in him. He started talking to people, smiling. It was weirder than seeing him angry and normal. Normal for Jonas that is. What ever had happened, it had changed him. A few months later he announced that they were getting engaged. About five years ago he got a transfer and moved up to Colorado with Carter. Sounded like she got herself a desk job, from what I heard. Something to do with telescopes. He left a different man to when he started here. Completely different. I haven't seen him since he left for Colorado. Bit sad to see him go; though I scare myself saying it. He was a good pilot. Just bad history."
"Thank you, General. You've been most helpful. I may have to get beck to you."
"Any time General, any time."
The general turned to his desk. Sat on it was the journal. Notes made by the Captain over time. Little things, her thoughts, her feeling. He'd saved this job for last and now, as he waited for the phone calls from all of Samantha Carter's closest friends, relatives and people who knew her, people she'd pointed out as those who could help her in her quest, he picked up this journal, staring at the worn cover of the thin note book. Now wanting to break into Sam's private domain. He opened the cover.
We've known each other for longer than I care to think about. Things have changed over time. When they'd first met Jonas Hanson had been a harsh and embittered man. Hurt about his past and scared of his future. When we'd first met I hadn't been much different. Playing up to superiors, being the bright one, this never handed me friends on a platter. I considered suicide one day. There wasn't anything to look forward to. Samantha Carter, PhD. I kill people for a living. Only the bad people that is, or the people my government told me were bad. I'd flown my plane, my great and powerful F-16, straight at the gully where I was meant to be doing my run. I was close before I dropped the HARM and pulled up. Feeling the air ripple as the complex forces I knew so well squeezed and released the air and the ground. And the people. When I smiled at him that evening he smiled back and I saw in his face a familiar demon. And seeing it there, and spending time with it it allowed both of us time to release our demons for a time. Only I never knew the depth of Jonas' demon. It goes much, much deeper than I could ever have imagined. Giving him a chance to get rid of it only made him cling to it closer. To take it closer to him.
What's it been, over a decade
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other, totally
We only bruised each other more so
How long, can a girl be shackled to you?
And how long til my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl be haunted by you?
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Alanis Morissette – Flinch
The phone rang. "Hammond" came the response.
"Hi, umm, Liam Garland. You asked me to call you back ASAP?"
"So you're saying Hanson and Captain Carter weren't together when she first arrived at the Pentagon?"
"No. From what I could tell, they broke up just before she left for D.C. I think he tried to hit her when she was leaving. Something to do with his past. I didn't really get it all, she was kind of upset and, well we'd only just met, so"
"I see. So how did they get engaged?"
"Well. I don't really know what was happening, but he turned up at a party, drunk and looking for her. She left pretty sharpish and he tried to attack one of the guests. She gave him a broken nose and two months later Sam turns up at work wearing a ring. No warning, nothing. Tells us she's engaged to this guy. I think she knew from the start what she was doing, building up the file and all, but she didn't tell anyone. It wasn't like it wasn't obvious that he was beating on her, but I don't think she wanted anyone else involved. I think the only reason she risked her stupid plan was to catch him. Because she was worried the next person he got hold of might not be military, might not be able to protect herself against him. She's a stubborn girl, general. Please keep her safe."
"Don't worry, son. We've got this guy. I promise."
He picked up the journal once again. Calming himself so that he could read the gently sloping writing slowly and understand. Understand why.
Liam told me he'd seen him the other day. Here, in the city. I don't want him to be here. Liam knew, he offered comfort, but this isn't the time. I'm scared. I'm scared for Liam and my new friends here. I'm scared for anyone who he touches and anyone who he knows. I'll leave Liam to be worried about me. He's like a little brother to me. He looks after me and I look after him. I spent the other day thinking of Dad and Mark. I miss them. I haven't talked to either of them for years. I don't even think they know I've been promoted, Dad was out of town' and Mark just didn't want to know. He's never wanted to know since mum died. He can't believe I joined the air force after mum. I don't think it was the air force's fault my mum died, or my dad's that he was late to pick her up. It was some stupid drunk driver who will probably never be allowed to drive again, and if he's sensible, never try. I think if I tell myself that enough times I might even believe it. I wished for my mum's soft face hiding in the crowd as General Jason pinned the tiny flowers on the lapels of my dress uniform. I miss her. I wish I could talk to my dad or bother about it, but I can't. It's a simple fact. I'm a Captain now, and even more than before I have to play my dad's impenetrable and unfeeling air force officer. The one he loves so much. I just pray I don't see Jonas. I hope he doesn't find me. I hope
Where've you been, I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you, somewhere downtown
I'd be paralysed, if I ran into you
My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again
How long, can a girl be tortured by you?
And how long til my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl be haunted by you?
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Alanis Morissette – Flinch
A party, they were setting up a party and everyone at the office and the sector in the Pentagon knew about it. Someone had come up to me and told me, thinking that I was just someone who hadn't been invited. It's surprising how big that place is. There are people who haven't heard of me here. It's new. The people that is. I'm so used to working in a small tight-knit community, it's strange. I miss the planes. The Pentagon is a place of hushed voices and loud secrets. I miss the planes. The party was going to be held in some big hall. Liam was marching me around the groups of people, making sure I met every one. I just wanted to sit in the corner and watch, listen. Know these people from the outside before I really had to meet them. When a scientist who worked next door to me told me that someone was here looking for me, a Jonas, I smiled and told him he must be mistaken, I didn't know anyone called Jonas. I wasn't until I heard him scream my name across the room that I believed him. Realised he was here, here looking for me. Here to get me. I ran. I ran through the nearest door, not bothering who saw my undignified dash. I ran out of the car park and jumped into my car, seeing the guy's face in the great bay windows of the hall as I drove away. I waited until I knew I was out of sight and pulled over, laying my head in my hands and crying until I felt empty and my head throbbed. He was here.
So here I am, one room away from where I know you're standing
A well intentioned man told me you just walked in
This man knows not how this information has affected me
But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in
How long, can a girl be tortured by you?
And how long til my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl be haunted by you?
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Alanis Morissette – Flinch
I stood in my room in my new house here in D.C., knowing you would be coming. Knowing you would find me. I stood in my room and waited.
My face was clean and dry. My body tense. I was ready. I could do this. When he marched through the door I would confront him and give in. I was planning to give in. He would hurt someone. When he was like this I knew he would hurt someone and I couldn't let that happen. No. No more running. He was going down and I knew how to do it. So I stood there until he arrived. Until he got here. Then it started. Then it started. And you never knew.
Jonas walked in yesterday with a red face and tear-filled eyes. Before I could reach him, before I could ask him what was wrong he collapsed against the door, slamming it and falling into a heap on the floor. I sat down there beside him, not touching, just there for him when he was ready. And I waited. And when his sobs subsided I offered him my support, a gentle touch, a hug. I offered him my love, my comfort. And when he was ready he took me. He crossed a line he'd never crossed before and he took me. And then he beat me senseless. When I woke up in hospital two weeks later I asked Liam about the Stargate mission. The first mission. The last as it seemed. Lives had been lost, Dr. Jackson, the man who had opened the Stargate was one of them. The program would be shut down. Liam laughed at the look on my face. I'd lived through much worse, he told me. Jonas' mother pressed charges on his Father three weeks ago, and he has been given life imprisonment. Two weeks ago Jonas' father committed suicide. Yesterday Jonas walked in with a red face and tear-filled eyes. Only it wasn't yesterday was it? How much of my life I might miss.
The General looked down at the journal. No being able to conceal his anger anymore he shouted and threw the journal across the room. The police were still not able to get permission to raid the house and arrest Hanson, and it looked like without Sam around they never would. They were working on it. Knowing some of the people on the force was always helpful. But he had a promise to keep to an old friend. He had promised he would keep General Carter's daughter safe from harm under his command, and he had failed his promise dismally. Now it was his duty to bring this man down. He looked over at the journal and noticed a slip of paper that had fallen out. It was heavily scored and folded and, upon taking a closer look at this lost piece of paper, he could see it contained both Sam's and Jonas' handwriting. What was this? As slowly he read, he began to understand, to understand many, many things. Finishing the journal and putting the loose page aside he handed it to the people he knew needed to understand. SG1. Her team, her friends, who she had kept this from for so long.