Missing something

For the next week Janet walked into work with something on her mind that she couldn't pinpoint. On the third day, though, something unexpected happened. Liam Garland, Sam's friend in the Pentagon phoned the General. And told him the one thing he didn't want to hear.

"I received Sam's e-mail. There's something wrong. I received an emergency e-mail from Sam. You have to check her house, find her. Find Jonas. She's in trouble."

Dear receiver, This is an automated letter set to be sent to you by dr_s_carter@scienceweb.com. This letter was set to reach you after 3 weeks inactivity in this account. Since these parameters have been reached we have forwarded this letter

Hey Liam. I'm sure you know why you've received this. There is a phone number for a General Hammond in the Cheyenne Mountain base. He's my current CO; he'll know what to do. Love you forever, Sam.

Hearing the news, something clicked for Janet. She was crying as she rushed out of the base into the car park. Sure enough, sitting there was Sam's car. Not touched.

Four figures watched as the long black bag was removed from the pretty suburban house on a gurney. Janet turned into Daniel's embrace as the ambulance doors were slammed and the body of Captain Samantha Carter was removed from the scene. An officer walked out of the small house. He was a large man and his cold eyes told tales of things no one wishes to see. He walked over to the four figures and apologized for their loss. Jonas was gone and all that was left was a crumpled shell of the woman who tried to save his soul.

Afterwards

The door opened and a crack of light assaulted the occupant's eyes. Stood in the doorway was a thin young man with slight features and bespectacled eyes. Eyes puffy and red from cried tears. There, sitting at her so recently occupied desk was Jack, her colonel. His face blank and empty, staring into the distance, not even noticing as his friend walked into the room. In the gloom Daniel could make out Teal'c, sat on the floor in the middle of the room. He was deep in Kel'no'reem, a meditation to soften the edges of his pain. As he walked further into the room he could make out the Doctor, holding herself tight against the wall, her head in her lap, sobs shaking her soft shoulders. One of Sam's friends from the labs, Dr. Masters, was sat against one wall and Sergeant Siler was sitting on one of the tables, carefully examining one of the objects she'd left lying there in a moment of disorganisation, a deserted object, lonely in the world without it's master to command it. As the door shut again the dark enveloped their emotions and feelings, surrounding themselves in their own private guilt and sorrow. They sat in the room together, each of them feeling more alone then ever before. All of them heard Janet stand and as she turned on the light, all eyes turned to her.

"We have to get him now. More than ever. We have to find him. Wherever he's gone." Jack's face lifted from his knees.

"We have to get him good. He will pay." The violence was raw as his voice. Edges serrated by pain, a quiet threat to the one who had caused him such pain.

"I Sam she had something set up, in case of this. There were some letters. One for each of you. Private ones. We're not to talk to each other about them. I don't blame you if you want some privacy while you read them." She handed disks to all of the people in the room. "I have ones for the General and some of the other people in the labs as well" the doctor's steady voice faltered " I" The doctor slid gently back down the wall as if her strings had been cut and her sobs began afresh.

Daniel moved to one side of her and placed his hands gently on top of hers. Jack stood up and wavered for a moment. Then he started to walk out of the room, pausing to rest his hand on Teal'c's broad shoulder and he walked out of Sam's Lab to find a computer. Teal'c watched his friend leave with tears in his normally so impassive eyes. Maybe they weren't alone after all.

The colonel's head was on his desk when the general walked into his office. Thinking he was asleep he watched for a moment before turning to leave his 2IC to the sleep he knew he needed so badly. As he turned, a movement caught his eye. When he turned back around the colonel was standing straight and tall before him.

"Sir, I want to be discharged from the SGC. I'm a risk to the program, to you and to what's left of my team." The viciousness that penetrated his words didn't reach his emotionless, red-ringed eyes. The General saw pain in those eyes that belied the owners years, pain built up and contained over millennia all rested in one man. Through his pity he couldn't help being angry with the man for not realising his responsibility at this time. He hated the rough edge that sharpened his comments, but the anguish of her father on the phone was fresh in his mind. The colonel had no right to lie here when others needed his strength. He only wished he could be there for his friend, so far away and hard to reach.

"I'm sorry if that's what you want, son, but request most certainly denied. I need you at the moment, Jack. I need you to take care of what's left of your team'. They need you at the moment, too. Lots of people on this base do. They need your strength and your comfort. Go look after your team Jack. They need you now." The conflicting emotions on his face were painfully obvious, nothing he was trained to cope with could cover the emotions he was feeling, that were ripping through him now. That was when the phone call came through.

"We've found him, sir. He's shacked up in some abandoned compound. He's killed Lieutenant Marks. She worked at the SGC, sir. Looks like he's targeting our people. He's become a security risk. Young Captain Stephens escaped from him, she's safe in hospital, guarded. She's told us everything we need to know. We have him." The general put the phone down, his heart heavy.

"Sir? Have they found him? What is it?"

"Yes colonel, they've found him." He paused. "He's killed another SGC officer." A million emotions flashed over Jacks face at once, hatred, sadness, pity, and finally resolve and hardness. A decision had been made that the General had no influence over and he knew that.

"Sir. There's something I have to do. Something I promised Carter I promised her. I have to sort this out sir, now. Before someone else gets hurt."

"Are you going to tell the others about this?"

"No, sir, with all due respect. I don't want them involved in this. This is something I have to do alone." The new glint that the General could see in the Colonel's eyes almost made him reconsider the decision that was already made. What he saw there scared him. Or rather what he didn't see. The warm brown eyes that had faced him with such pain were now cold and empty. Killing eyes.

"I thought so. General Davies is running the mission. He's asked you to contact him. Do you have a contact?"

"Yes, sir, I can contact him. Thank you sir."

"Good Luck, son. God's speed." The General watched the Colonel leave his office. He knew all special ops officers had some black history and Jack wasn't unusual in that way. But this man he thought he knew, this man had a direct line to General Davies and the look in his eye and the tone of his voice said nothing good about the mission he knew he was about to receive. Not for the first time General Hammond prayed for Jack O'Neill's soul.

It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
Nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
It's just the way that we are tied in
But there's no one home
I grieve...
for you
You leave...
me
So hard to move on
Still loving what's gone
Said life carries on...
Carries on and on and on...
and on
The news that truely shocks
Is the empty, empty page
While the final rattle rocks
Its empty, empty cage...
And i can't handle this
I grieve...
for you
You leave...
me
Life carries on and on and on...
Did I dream this belief?
or did I believe this dream?
now I will find relief
I grieve...
Peter Gabriel – I grieve