I don't hurt as much anymore, is what I remember.

It used to really hurt
not being with Jesus and God
because they were so much in my life.

I used to talk a lot to Jesus, you know.
When I was a child.
Tell him how my day was
and who I was going to see
occasionally what I was doing that particular day.
(I also used to do this with Orion, though.
Stand outside the house on a cool fall night
and talk to my archer.)
He was so nice, in many ways.
He didn't yell at me, didn't put me down.
He listened and slowly through talking I learned about myself.

So when the bitterness shattered
and logic told me, unwillingly
(I didn't want to...)
that the only way for me to accept myself
was to understand the hurt
and comprehend that I could not anymore
believe in the same God I used to
because it was false to myself.

I believe
still, however,
in what I always believed in.

Life as the reason for life.
Humanity's possibilities.
The healing powers of love.
Beauty in everything,
(especially in my messy room...hee.)

Why do I believe in these things?
Why does anyone believe in something?

Sakura-san said,
"My God doesn't love me.
Which is fine with me, really. "
And that is something of the thing I have now.
I believe there is no God,
because I cannot see him,
and there is an easier explanation
that I can accept.

It's a good thing to know you are loved unconditionally.
(What kind of unconditional love damns us all?)
And I can accept that, slowly I am able to.
I slowly understand that people need that.
And...I guess that is okay.

It's a lie to say I don't want that love.
But it's a lie to say I could believe in it again.
It would be false to my own self.
And as our dear Polonius said,
"To thine own self be true."

~~~~~

I wanted to say something now, however.

I don't have a bible with me,
so I may not be right.

Ignore, for a moment, that annoying Paul
(mysogynist twerp!)
and Acts and everything.
I only use Jesus's words
(badly translated as they are...)
for an idea.

What if Jesus, when he said,
"Only through me shall they enter the Kingdom of Heaven,"
meant it in a symbolic view?

Jesus is Mercy and Love and Forgiveness.
What if, perchance, he really meant,
"Only through Mercy and Love and Forgiveness shall they enter the Kingdom of Heaven"?

I'm sure that this is not the first time this has been brought up.
But wasn't Jesus a man of parables?
Why is everything written so literally.
Give the heathens a chance, now.

In the last book of Narnia
a follower of Tash, the devil
ends up in Heaven
And when he questioned Aslan
how he came to this place
Aslan said,
"Whatever good you did in Tash's name,
I took to myself."

I'd appreciate a few reviews on that.

~~~~~

I grow up, slowly.
And learn.
The biggest thing, though, that I see
that oftentimes screws us all up
is the simplest thing.

A child, when growing up,
learns about anger.
Anger can, in certain instances, be good.
It's good to be angry about injustice
and things that wrong us and that can be changed.

But almost never
is it productive to hate.
Note the period there.
Even children know that.
Hate causes more hurting than healing

And anger is a very dangerous thing.
Righteous anger is an incredibly dangerous thing.
You think you're right?
Maybe you are.
But maybe you're wrong.
And as Auntie-Mama said,
"get more bees with honey."
Hitler thought he was right.
See what happened?

Ghandi believed he was right.
So did MLK Jr.
But they did not hate - they loved.
And see how much more they accomplished?

Children can see this,
if they are wise.
Anyone can see it,
if they are wise.

~~~~~

berenwasteland, I LOVE YOU!!
*wink* And K2, as always, and NYB, you're okay...I guess...^_~ Hey, the non-christian thing is a good thing.
I wonder why no one reviews, though. Is it that a certain someone finds his position untenable in front of a little bit of truth and honesty? Kashira, kashira!

(And, by the way, if ANYONE can tell me what anime I've been quoting from, you get a cookie. Really!)

(Puchuu!)

Signing off,
Java-chan