Cry
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not fair, but not mine.
It was the scariest freaking thing I had ever seen. And I've seen a lot of scary shit. I've seen crack addicts OD, and people get mugged, and my mom get hit. It had never fazed me. I took pride in the fact that I was rarely moved. When I got in that accident with Rory, and she had broken her wrist; that was the first thing that had moved me to tears in such a long time. In years. But this... there was nothing I could do. All I could do was watch. I never said a word. I pretended I wasn't there. It scared me that much.
Luke was crying.
I could tell from where I stood in the doorway of my cluttered room. I only saw him from the back, but I could tell. I could see his shoulders heaving, I could hear him sniffling, I could tell he was trying in vain to wipe away his tears, I could feel his pain. I knew what had happened. She had broken his heart. The poor guy hadn't seen it coming. He thought that this would be different because it was him. But she had done it again. The fear I had initially felt melted away and was replaced by anger. What right did she have to make him feel this way? In the time I've been living here, I've learned a few things. Number one: You don't make friends by being an asshole. Number two: Just because you love someone doesn't mean they'll love you back. Number three: Although he yells, and is strict and a bit confusing at times, Luke has a heart of gold, and doesn't deserve to be treated like shit. It took me a long time to figure that last one out. I disrespected him for a long time. I treated him badly because I was angry. Not at him, but at my mother, at myself, and at this whole damn town. I just took it out on him.
But one day, I realized that Luke wasn't who I thought he was. It was the day Rory left for Yale. She had told me that she was sorry that she never returned my feelings, and that maybe, under different circumstances, we could have worked something out. It had made me so angry to hear that, now that it was too late. I had been cold to her, and her mother had been angry with me. She had come into the diner one day, fists clenched and veins a- popping. She had just started screaming at me, about how Rory was upset and how it had added more to the stress she was already feeling about school. Before I had a chance to yell back, Luke stepped in and told me to go upstairs. I stopped in the stairwell to see what he would do. If he would agree with her, or if he would defend me. To my surprise, he did the latter. Lorelai said something to the effect of
"Luke, Rory called me up last night in tears because of him!" Him meaning me.
"Lorelai," Luke had replied in a tone he had often used with me when I was being a tool, "I know what happened. I heard it all from Jess. I think what Rory said was unfair."
"She's up at Yale, all alone. She doesn't know anyone. She's stressed out. Jess being a little prick isn't helping her stress levels here."
I saw Luke's shoulders tense up.
"Lorelai. I'd prefer it if you wouldn't call him that. Jess is a good kid."
I smiled a bit at this. Lorelai wasn't pleased.
"I think you're blind Luke." She said, "I think that just because he's family, you're protecting him. You're blind to what he's actually like."
"You think I don't know the kid?" Luke said. He was getting angrier. The people in the diner had all stopped eating and were looking at him, and for once he didn't care. You think after living with him for almost three years, I don't know what he's like? You've hated him from the word go, and you're implying that you know him better than I do!"
"He upset my kid, Luke. Rory is important to me. She's all I have."
Luke sighed, "Lorelai, you think that my kid wasn't upset too?"
He had called me his kid. I almost couldn't believe my ears.
"You think that he's not all I have? Please, Lorelai, tell me who else in this world I have but him. Please. I'd like to know."
My mouth had dropped open. It had never occurred to me that I actually mattered. Up until then I had thought that I was simply a burden. Luke's own personal load to bear. I never once thought that I was all he had. Lorelai had apologized after he had said that, she had explained that she was just upset about Rory leaving and she had needed a scapegoat. They called me, and Lorelai explained and apologized again, this time to me.
It was a few months later that she and Luke had finally started dating. The whole town (including, I'm ashamed to admit, myself) could finally let out that long-held breath. They were very happy for a good amount of time. They were together for about eight months, and that's when it happened. That's when I had seen the scariest sight I'd ever witnessed. That's when Lorelai had broken Luke's heart. That's when I had seen him cry. I was so filled with rage, but I couldn't do a damn thing. Just as I was all Luke had, he was all I had too. I had to fix this. Not wanting to interrupt Luke's pain, I climbed out my window as I had countless times. I walked over to the Gilmore residence, and rang the bell. I was so angry, I could barely contain it. It was freezing out, and I was in a tee shirt and jeans, but I didn't care. Luke was alone in our apartment in unimaginable pain. I had to do something. I rang the bell again. And again. There was no answer. I tried the door, it was open. I walked carelessly through the house, calling Lorelai's name. I found her sitting in Rory's room, cross-legged on her bed. She didn't look upset. My rage grew. I tried my best to remain calm as I approached her. She looked at me blankly. I took a deep, shaking breath.
"What did you do?" I rasped.
Lorelai looked at me for a long time, with that same blank stare. After an eternity she said, "Is he ok?"
I clenched my fists. Was he ok? Of course not!!! How could he possibly be ok? I took another breath. I suddenly wanted to cry. "What did you do?" I repeated.
"I ran." She said, "I was so scared. Things he did started to annoy me. When that happens, I start to obsess over them, and they're all I can think about until the person I'm with isn't even a person any more. I didn't want to start hating Luke. I love him too much."
I rolled my eyes. I didn't think it was possible to get angrier than I was, but I did. I struggled for something to say that wouldn't come out as a string of swear words. Finally I said, "He's at home crying Lorelai. Crying. You caused that. I don't give a shit about your little issues with the way he flosses his teeth or the way he wears his hat or whatever. Work them out. What is with you Gilmores and running away? Why do you do this? You know you were happy! You know he was happy! There was no good reason to ruin something that good!"
"But, I just told you-" She said meekly. I interrupted.
"No. Don't be stupid, Lorelai. Did I mention that you made him cry? That is something I never wanted to see. I can't stand to see him in pain. He's my uncle. He's hurting, and you caused it. Now you need to go back there and fix it. If you have a problem with something that he does, talk to him about it! Don't just run away and hope that it will fix everything. Luke is all I have, Lorelai, and if he's in pain, so am I. So go back there and fix it. Now." I was almost screaming. How could she be so stupid? She slowly got up, and we walked out of the house. I led her to the apartment door, and let her in. I caught a glimpse of Luke, who had stopped crying, but his eyes were still red. I closed the door and went downstairs to help Caesar.
Later on that night, I was lying in bed reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. I hated that book; I don't know why I kept reading it. There was a small knock at the door. I gratefully put down the book and told Luke to come in. He did, and sat at the edge of my bed. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and sat beside him.
"I, uh, just wanted to thank you, Jess."
"Hey, no problem." I cheerily replied.
"I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't... done what you did. Thanks."
"You're welcome." I said sincerely. He stood up and turned to look at me. He gave my shoulder a rough squeeze and walked out. I lay back down on my bed, knocking that damn book off the bed, and closed my eyes. I felt good. I felt happy, for Luke and myself. Hopefully this thing with Lorelai and him would work out. Rory would go nuts with me as her brother in law.
Fin.
So do you like it? Hate it? Are you indifferent? If you have any or no opinion, please review!
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not fair, but not mine.
It was the scariest freaking thing I had ever seen. And I've seen a lot of scary shit. I've seen crack addicts OD, and people get mugged, and my mom get hit. It had never fazed me. I took pride in the fact that I was rarely moved. When I got in that accident with Rory, and she had broken her wrist; that was the first thing that had moved me to tears in such a long time. In years. But this... there was nothing I could do. All I could do was watch. I never said a word. I pretended I wasn't there. It scared me that much.
Luke was crying.
I could tell from where I stood in the doorway of my cluttered room. I only saw him from the back, but I could tell. I could see his shoulders heaving, I could hear him sniffling, I could tell he was trying in vain to wipe away his tears, I could feel his pain. I knew what had happened. She had broken his heart. The poor guy hadn't seen it coming. He thought that this would be different because it was him. But she had done it again. The fear I had initially felt melted away and was replaced by anger. What right did she have to make him feel this way? In the time I've been living here, I've learned a few things. Number one: You don't make friends by being an asshole. Number two: Just because you love someone doesn't mean they'll love you back. Number three: Although he yells, and is strict and a bit confusing at times, Luke has a heart of gold, and doesn't deserve to be treated like shit. It took me a long time to figure that last one out. I disrespected him for a long time. I treated him badly because I was angry. Not at him, but at my mother, at myself, and at this whole damn town. I just took it out on him.
But one day, I realized that Luke wasn't who I thought he was. It was the day Rory left for Yale. She had told me that she was sorry that she never returned my feelings, and that maybe, under different circumstances, we could have worked something out. It had made me so angry to hear that, now that it was too late. I had been cold to her, and her mother had been angry with me. She had come into the diner one day, fists clenched and veins a- popping. She had just started screaming at me, about how Rory was upset and how it had added more to the stress she was already feeling about school. Before I had a chance to yell back, Luke stepped in and told me to go upstairs. I stopped in the stairwell to see what he would do. If he would agree with her, or if he would defend me. To my surprise, he did the latter. Lorelai said something to the effect of
"Luke, Rory called me up last night in tears because of him!" Him meaning me.
"Lorelai," Luke had replied in a tone he had often used with me when I was being a tool, "I know what happened. I heard it all from Jess. I think what Rory said was unfair."
"She's up at Yale, all alone. She doesn't know anyone. She's stressed out. Jess being a little prick isn't helping her stress levels here."
I saw Luke's shoulders tense up.
"Lorelai. I'd prefer it if you wouldn't call him that. Jess is a good kid."
I smiled a bit at this. Lorelai wasn't pleased.
"I think you're blind Luke." She said, "I think that just because he's family, you're protecting him. You're blind to what he's actually like."
"You think I don't know the kid?" Luke said. He was getting angrier. The people in the diner had all stopped eating and were looking at him, and for once he didn't care. You think after living with him for almost three years, I don't know what he's like? You've hated him from the word go, and you're implying that you know him better than I do!"
"He upset my kid, Luke. Rory is important to me. She's all I have."
Luke sighed, "Lorelai, you think that my kid wasn't upset too?"
He had called me his kid. I almost couldn't believe my ears.
"You think that he's not all I have? Please, Lorelai, tell me who else in this world I have but him. Please. I'd like to know."
My mouth had dropped open. It had never occurred to me that I actually mattered. Up until then I had thought that I was simply a burden. Luke's own personal load to bear. I never once thought that I was all he had. Lorelai had apologized after he had said that, she had explained that she was just upset about Rory leaving and she had needed a scapegoat. They called me, and Lorelai explained and apologized again, this time to me.
It was a few months later that she and Luke had finally started dating. The whole town (including, I'm ashamed to admit, myself) could finally let out that long-held breath. They were very happy for a good amount of time. They were together for about eight months, and that's when it happened. That's when I had seen the scariest sight I'd ever witnessed. That's when Lorelai had broken Luke's heart. That's when I had seen him cry. I was so filled with rage, but I couldn't do a damn thing. Just as I was all Luke had, he was all I had too. I had to fix this. Not wanting to interrupt Luke's pain, I climbed out my window as I had countless times. I walked over to the Gilmore residence, and rang the bell. I was so angry, I could barely contain it. It was freezing out, and I was in a tee shirt and jeans, but I didn't care. Luke was alone in our apartment in unimaginable pain. I had to do something. I rang the bell again. And again. There was no answer. I tried the door, it was open. I walked carelessly through the house, calling Lorelai's name. I found her sitting in Rory's room, cross-legged on her bed. She didn't look upset. My rage grew. I tried my best to remain calm as I approached her. She looked at me blankly. I took a deep, shaking breath.
"What did you do?" I rasped.
Lorelai looked at me for a long time, with that same blank stare. After an eternity she said, "Is he ok?"
I clenched my fists. Was he ok? Of course not!!! How could he possibly be ok? I took another breath. I suddenly wanted to cry. "What did you do?" I repeated.
"I ran." She said, "I was so scared. Things he did started to annoy me. When that happens, I start to obsess over them, and they're all I can think about until the person I'm with isn't even a person any more. I didn't want to start hating Luke. I love him too much."
I rolled my eyes. I didn't think it was possible to get angrier than I was, but I did. I struggled for something to say that wouldn't come out as a string of swear words. Finally I said, "He's at home crying Lorelai. Crying. You caused that. I don't give a shit about your little issues with the way he flosses his teeth or the way he wears his hat or whatever. Work them out. What is with you Gilmores and running away? Why do you do this? You know you were happy! You know he was happy! There was no good reason to ruin something that good!"
"But, I just told you-" She said meekly. I interrupted.
"No. Don't be stupid, Lorelai. Did I mention that you made him cry? That is something I never wanted to see. I can't stand to see him in pain. He's my uncle. He's hurting, and you caused it. Now you need to go back there and fix it. If you have a problem with something that he does, talk to him about it! Don't just run away and hope that it will fix everything. Luke is all I have, Lorelai, and if he's in pain, so am I. So go back there and fix it. Now." I was almost screaming. How could she be so stupid? She slowly got up, and we walked out of the house. I led her to the apartment door, and let her in. I caught a glimpse of Luke, who had stopped crying, but his eyes were still red. I closed the door and went downstairs to help Caesar.
Later on that night, I was lying in bed reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. I hated that book; I don't know why I kept reading it. There was a small knock at the door. I gratefully put down the book and told Luke to come in. He did, and sat at the edge of my bed. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and sat beside him.
"I, uh, just wanted to thank you, Jess."
"Hey, no problem." I cheerily replied.
"I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't... done what you did. Thanks."
"You're welcome." I said sincerely. He stood up and turned to look at me. He gave my shoulder a rough squeeze and walked out. I lay back down on my bed, knocking that damn book off the bed, and closed my eyes. I felt good. I felt happy, for Luke and myself. Hopefully this thing with Lorelai and him would work out. Rory would go nuts with me as her brother in law.
Fin.
So do you like it? Hate it? Are you indifferent? If you have any or no opinion, please review!