** Note: Chris and Jill's proportions from RE1 and Claire's proportions from RE: CV
*A bit of background to the story…Chris had spent the night at Jill's house, after watching a late night movie. This is the next morning.
Jill Valentine wakes up after sleeping on the couch with her friend and partner, Chris Redfield, after watching a late night movie with him. Chris is in the kitchen in his Tigger boxers looking through Jill's refrigerator. She moves around a little and her eyes open slowly as the sunlight peaks through her window. Chris looks over to her.
"Sleep well beautiful?"
"Not bad actually, thanks. You?"
"Pretty well, you're a comfy pillow. Although I think you drooled on my shoulder a little," Chris replies with a smirk on his face.
"Oh, I'm sorry…"
Chris, a little shocked, "That's okay. Wait, you're actually not going to hit me?"
"Nope, not this time."
Chris, quite happy at her remark does a backflip in her living room. Jill is getting a little annoyed, and is worrying about her stuff.
"I will smack you if you keep doing backflips in my house…"
"Why? It keeps me in shape." Now being a little sarcastic, "You do want me to stay in shape, don't you?"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She stands up and walks over to him smiling at his Tigger boxers. And punches him in the stomach. "Yeah, real fit, you are a shrimp." She looks him over a couple of times and then sits back down on the couch. "Don't you ever eat any vegetables? Or drink milk or something like that?"
"Stop that, I can't help that I am scrawny…"
"Oh c'mon yes you can, all you need to do is eat more…"
He looks at her with a little concern "What's wrong? You are lacking in insults. Something, other than me, bothering you?"
Jill looks back to him "Hey, it is still early in the morning, you need to give me some time to wake up still." Jill gets up and walks to Chris and punches him softly in the shoulder. "Be a doll and get me some coffee."
He looks in the cupboards and then talks to her with his head in the cupboard. "Where do you keep the coffee? And where's the Mountain Dew?"
Jill is sitting on a stool at her bar. "I don't have any, you need to drive your ass to Starbucks for me. And stop by the store while you're at it."
Chris mumbles a little bit and then walks to the counter and picks up his keys.
"Can I interest you in a bagel or something?"
"No thanks, I just want a Venti Caramel Frappachino."
"Venti, is that a tall?" Chris asks as he picks up his khaki cargo pants and his navy Abercrombie t-shirt from the chair they were hung out on.
"Yup."
"Sheesh, you have expensive taste…." Chris, knowing he is going to get hit if he doesn't get out of the room, quickly ducks into the bathroom with great speed.
"Yeah, you better run…"
Chris then changes into his clothes, grabs his keys and heads toward the door with haste. He picks up his leather jacket from on the couch on his way out.
"Okay, I'm out," as he runs out the door.
Jill sits down on the couch and grabs the remote. She flips through a couple of channels then stops on Pokemon for a second. "I don't see why kids are so into this show, although that little yellow thing is kinda cute…"
She puts the remote down, still watching Pokemon. Ten minutes go by and then, there is a knock on the door. Jill gets up and walks to the door. As she is right in front of it, it comes flying open at her. Outside, Chris is standing with a Venti Caramel Frappachino in his hand and bags full of stuff in his arms.
"You need some help with that?"
"Yeah, if you would be so kind."
"Well, you don't get any, because you almost killed me with the door." She looks at the Frappachino in his hand and takes it. "I'll take that, and you can put that stuff on the counter."
He walks over to the counter and sets the bag on it. He starts pulling out some stuff and setting it on the counter.
"Since you were mean, I won't share my Ben & Jerry's with you."
"Oh yes you will."
"No, I won't," Chris shoots back in a childish tone.
"Sure you will, I'll make you share."
"No you won't." He then sticks out his tongue and pulls down his eye "Nyah nyah. I will only share if you apologize."
"You are so childish, and apologize for what?"
"For not helping me."
She then starts walking toward him and looks over his shoulder into the bag. "What else you got in here?" She then quickly grabs his ice cream and makes a mad dash with it. "Ha ha, I got it!" Chris, a little startled by her sudden movement, quickly darts after her and his ice cream.
"Get back here with my ice cream!!!" Chris yelled as he chases her around the house a little. She hides behind the table. He jumps over the couch and lunges for her waist. Jill knowing he was going to do that moves out of the way and he falls flat on his face on the carpet. Jill, having the ice cream, and no spoon, takes off toward the kitchen. She quickly opens a drawer and grabs a spoon. As she is doing this, Chris has already gotten to his feet and is making his way to the kitchen. She sees him coming and takes off back into the living room with her spoon in one hand and the ice cream in the other. He grabs her legs and she trips. Chris, still wanting his ice cream, starts climbing up her body and wrestles the ice cream out of her hand, and then the spoon. "Mine now," quipped Chris as he pops open the top and starts to eat it. Jill sits up and punches him in the shoulder.
"Awww…c'mon, I just wanted a bite."
"Now who's acting childish…well, I might give you some a little later."
"Fine," grumbles Jill as she grabs her coffee off the counter.
"Yum…Mint cookie and cream…"
"Well you don't need to go and rub it in…"
Chris looks up for a second and puts the spoon right in front of her face. "You want it?" She, knowing he will pull it back, just looks at it.
"Yes, I do…but what's the catch?" as she reaches for it.
He pulls it back, "Yoink…well the catch…trade me for your frappachino."
She looks at the frappachino, which is now half-empty and then looks at the ice cream, which is also half-empty. "Well, ok," as she hands him the drink.
"SCORE!" as he hands her the ice cream. "Oh, by the way, the container's half-full, not half-empty."
"Yeah, sure, whatever." She stands up and walks to the fridge and grabs a Mountain Dew.
"I'll just have one of these." She sits back down next to him.
"Can you believe this? We are sitting here at 9:45 in the morning and we are sitting here drinking Dew and eating ice cream. I love living on my own."
"Well, it isn't as bad as having Dew and pizza at 1:45 in the morning," says Jill as she is still eating the ice cream.
"I don't see anything wrong with that."
"Yeah, well, I guess not."
"Didja know that Claire takes her coffee black? No sugar or creamer."
"Eww…just straight? That is sick."
"Yeah, and she thinks I'm weird." Chris ponders what he had just said. Then quickly adds, "Don't laugh."
Jill tries to hold back the laughter that is building up inside her body. She fights it off for a couple of seconds then, like a speeding train, it breaks through and Jill starts to laugh. "I'm sorry," she says as she wipes away a few tears that started to form because she was laughing so hard.
"Ok look, I already know that I'm weird, but I can't help it. It is my nature."
"I know Chris…you can't help but be weird. You have problems…like the rest of us do."
"Claire looks at me like I'm 'Mr. Perfect' and a total brain, but still was stupid enough to get trapped in a mansion full of zombies."
"Well yeah, that is true."
Chris gives Jill a look like she is nuts. "Oh shut up, you were there too you know…"
"Hey, I was only covering your ass in there."
"'Covering my ass?' Who was it that saved you from the prison AND the Tyrant? Huh? That would be me." Chris starts to chuckle a little bit, "So…you were checking out my ass, eh?"
Jill, starting to blush a little bit, tries to hide it. "Oh be quiet." She picks up the empty ice cream container that is lying on the floor next to her and chucks it at Chris. "And, no, I wasn't for the record."
Chris catches the container and throws it behind him "Yeah sure, you keep telling yourself that…"
Jill, a little insulted at that remark, picks up the spoon next to her and chucks it at Chris…nailing him in the face.
"Owww!" Chris exclaims as he feels where the spoon hit him.
Jill, a little surprised she hit him, apologizes. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think I would hit you…"
Chris, thinking he can pull a fast one on Jill, starts to cry a little bit and gives her the puppy dog eyes. He rubs his forehead as tears form in his eyes. "You didn't have to go and hit me like that," he sniffles as the tears roll down his cheeks.
Jill feeling sorry for him gets up and starts to walk to him. "Lemme see, it can't be that bad. It was a spoon for God sakes. And don't give me those puppy dog eyes…"
"It hurts…that was a metal spoon, you know…"
"Oh God, you are such a wussy." She gets to him. "Move you hand so I can see it."
He moves his hand from his forehead and grabs Jill, pulls her close to him and lays a big kiss right on her lips. Jill, a little shocked by his actions, pulls away really quickly.
"I knew you were going to do that!" She yells in a really pissed off voice. She raises her hand and smacks him right in the face. The slap can be heard through the whole house. She gets up and starts walking to her room. "I hope it was worth it."
Chris, knowing he was going to get that, says in a sarcastic voice with a HUGE grin on his face, "Yup, it definitely was, babe." He gets up and walks to the bathroom to check out his battle wounds, for he is in a battle he will NEVER win. Love…
He looks in the mirror and the whole right side of his face is red, and you can see the imprint of Jill's hand. He thinks to himself as he is doing this. Damn, how am I going to get one her good side? I have pissed her off something bad today. Well, I'll make an attempt to get on her good side and maybe something good will come from all of this…
Meanwhile, in Jill's room, she is silently pondering her previous action. Hmm…maybe I shouldn't have done that to him…it's not like I really minded, but still… Wait, this is really stupid. I can be mature about this and prove that I am above his childish behavior…I guess I can let bygones be bygones; after all, he did look like he was really shaken up by it. It also looked like it hurt him really good.
Jill stood up from the edge of the bed and walked outside to confront Chris, only to find him standing in front of the mirror. As she came up behind him, Chris didn't really pay her any attention since he was intently studying the mark across his face.
"You obviously know that this is hurting me like a bitch, but I guess I deserved it. There, I said it. I guess I'm apologizing to you for my previous action, but…"
"No, I'm sorry. I overreacted…actually; I should be the one to apologize to you…since I did hit you with both the spoon and…my own hand. Let me take a look at that…I got you pretty good, huh? It looks like it really hurts."
Chris grinned back, though he winced slightly as he did so. "Yeah, you did. I bow to your superior judgment, it does hurt."
She gave him a gentle smile back as she gently touched the side of his face. "Hmm…well, I think you'll live. Why don't you get yourself cleaned up a bit? You might feel a little better. Besides you need a shower anyway, you stink."
"Jeez, adding insult to injury… Yeah, I guess I'll go do that, and I don't stink THAT bad."
"Have you smelled yourself recently? You smell like a man…and all men stink." She blushes a little "Well not all men, Mike smelled really good." She gets all fluttery and girlish.
"What the fuck is this?! 'Insult Chris Day?!' Mike…huh? Who the hell is he?"
Jill, still in her fluttery state, "Mike Griffin, he was an old boyfriend from high school, and he was so strong and had a cute butt. He was a water polo player and a swimmer so he had a lot of upper body strength. When he didn't smell like chlorine, which I didn't mind the smell of, he smelt like Brute."
"A swimmer huh?" He rolls his eyes, "He sounds like a loser…"
"Oh be quiet, Mr. 'I smell like a junk yard'. Soon or later you will have flies around your head and dogs sniffing your ass. Now get in the damn shower before I hurt you." She pushes him toward the shower.
"Hey-hey, I know you want to grab my ass, but you can be a little more gentle about it…" he shoots back as she is pushing toward the shower.
"Don't make me hit you, and your ass isn't as hard as Mike's was, yours is flabby." She turns around and starts walking toward the door.
"I take that as in insult…"
"It was." She gets to the door and opens it up.
He is taking off his shirt. "You must love me a lot, 'cause you sure insult me a whole lot."
"I sure do hun," as she closes the door behind her.
Chris puts his shirt on the toilet seat and glances in the mirror. He flexes his muscles. "I have upper body strength." He takes off his pants and sets them on top of his shirt. He turns on the shower water as he takes off his Tigger boxers. He is standing completely nude in front of the mirror. He can't help but flex again. He smirks and gets in the shower.
Jill walks into the bathroom and grabs his clothes so she can throw them into the washing machine. She glances over to the shower and sees Chris washing his hair, his butt flat on the glass. She yells out to him "I'm putting your clothes into the wash!"
Chris hearing this, quickly removes his butt from the glass, and starts to blush. "Ok, thanks and…can you bring in me some soap? I don't have any in here."
"Uhh…sure, hold on I'll be right back." Jill walks out of the bathroom to retrieve an unopened box of soap from the hall closet. She comes back, only to find that she walked in at the wrong time.
Chris sees her walk in and suddenly realizes that she can see him.
"Here, I got some soap for you…"
"What the-HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus H. Tapdancin' Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!! Couldn't you knock before walkin' in?!?!?!?!" He immediately turned around to face the wall and began to blush furiously while Jill, who is also beet red, slowly walked over to the stall and handed him the soap over the top.
"Um…Here, sorry about that…" stuttered Jill as she slowly backed away, shock still overpowering her judgment.
Chris turned his head slightly, only to find that Jill was still there. He grinned to himself before quipping, "I know you're loving this moment, but I can do this by myself you know…"
Jill quickly realized that she was still staring at Chris as his words still rang in her ears. With her indignation rising, she walked over to the stall, opened the door, and smacked him upside the head.
Chris, a little shocked, sees an opportunity. He grabs Jill and pulls her into the shower with him. "Take a shower with me babe."
Jill, getting drenched in her clothes, gets furious. "How dare you pull me in here. I would never take a shower with you!!!!" She screams at him as she makes her way out of his arms and out of the shower sopping wet. Refusing him the pleasure of seeing her towel off in front of him, Jill makes a mad dash to her room. She quickly removed her sopping wet clothes and pulled on another robe. Jill thought about what had just occurred and then began to think of a way to get back at Chris.
Hmm, well that went well. Although I would never admit it to his face, that wasn't too bad, but I'm still gonna kick his scrawny little ass. Now how am I going to do this? I want him to suffer bad…Let's see…need to think of a good torture device or item…Ah ha! I know what will get him…yeah, this is gonna be good.
As Jill began to formulate her plan, Chris was getting out of the shower and toweling off. Once he was sufficiently dry, Chris wrapped the towel around his waist and walked out of the bathroom. The moment he walked out, he had the strangest feeling that something bad was going to happen to him, but was not quite sure what. He went to retrieve his clothes from the washing machine, but found out that they were still being washed. Sighing, Chris made his way back to the living room,
Suddenly, Jill sprang from out of her room and immediately grabbed him.
"Okay, I know I'm in trouble, but…what are you gonna do to me Jill?" Chris asked in a somewhat high-pitched tone, not unlike a child who just got in trouble.
"You don't even want to know what I'm planning for you," answered Jill in a sweet tone as she maneuvered him towards a nearby chair and sat him down.
"Oh man…I-I swear that I'm sorry for about the shower incident, but please don't- Holy shit!!!!!!!! No-no anything but that…" Chris' voice trailed off as Jill turned on the television and changed the channel to the PBS station, which was now showing The Teletubbies.
"Now, Chris…because what you did to me was very wrong and against my will, I going to have to do the same to you. While I take my shower, you will sit here like a good little boy, and watch The Teletubbies during the duration of my shower. And as a bit of insurance…" Jill produced a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed Chris to the chair. "These will make sure that you stay put. Oh-and if you try anything, such as escape from the cuffs, I'm holding your clothes hostage and you will be forced to spend the rest of the day…NAKED. Understand?"
Chris slowly nodded his head and sat in the chair motionless while Jill went back to her room to grab her stuff. She grabs a dry towel from the hall closet on her way into the bathroom. She sets Chris' wet clothes, which she pulled out of the washer before she left him alone in the living room, on the toilet seat, takes off her robe and gets into the shower.
Now you know how girls are. They take hour-long showers, washing their hair a million times over again. They shave every part of their body, and so on and so on. Anyway…back to the story… Jill takes her hour-long shower. Meanwhile, Chris is going crazy in the living room watching the little freaky-looking dolls jump around singing on the television screen. Jill gets out of the shower and goes to the sink and brushes her teeth, without even drying off first. She finishes and then takes a towel and dries herself off. She puts on some deodorant and puts some underwear, a bra, and her robe back on. She walks out into the living room only to see Chris sitting in the chair sobbing like a little girl. After replacing his clothes in the dryer, Jill walks up to him.
"Ok, that's enough torture." She turns the TV off and takes the handcuffs off. Chris nearly fell out of the chair as soon as the screen goes blank. Instead, he got up and stood in front of her. Jill, unsure of what he's going to do next, looks at him warily.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you…"Chris murmurs repeatedly as he grabs her right hand and began to kiss it over and over.
Jill immediately pulls her hand back and thumps him over the head. "Down boy, or else I turn the TV back on," she replies in a warning tone.
"Alright, alright…I'll back off with my gratitude. Seriously, you are mean and sadistic when you want to be. I would never wish that kind of torture on anyone…even Wesker…"
"Hey, after having you as a partner, I've learned how to truly become sadistic."
"I'm not that bad…am I?"
"Well, let's just say that you know how to become truly annoying when you want to be. Besides, it's nice to know your weaknesses…that's how I can exploit it and torment you with them."
"Point taken. Still…"
"Still…?", asked Jill as she arched an eyebrow at him.
"I can still torture you with my charms, looks, and smile."
"Yeah right, whatever," she muttered as she blushed slightly.
"If I'm wrong and delusional, then why are you blushing? You only do that whenever I'm right," replied Chris with a huge grin.
"Shut up…I wasn't kidding about turning the TV on again…"
Chris held his hands up in defeat. "Okay, I'll stop tormenting you…for now. How about we call a momentary truce and yell at each other after we're dressed?"
"Fine by me." Jill hit his left shoulder lightly before she turned and headed toward her room to finish dressing.
As he watched her leave, Chris just shrugged his shoulders and sat back down on the couch to wait for his clothes to finish drying. Chris sat there silently until the ticking of the clock began to annoy the hell out of him, which took about ten seconds, and he decided to pick up the remote. Closing his eyes momentarily to block out the sight of those freakish mutant dolls called Teletubbies; he changed the channel until he finally settled on watching Scooby-Doo.
He slowly gets up, still watching the TV and walks into the kitchen. He opens both the fridge and freezer at the same time and skims over what she has in there. She has a lot of healthy stuff, and very little junk food. She has a lot of Tupperware full of salad, pasta, fruit and a lot of vegetables. She also has milk, orange juice and a huge bottle of V-8; he also found a Styrofoam take-home box in there. He takes out the 'To go' box and opens it up. Inside the box, lie a half eaten double double cheeseburger and a splattering of fries from In-and-Out. Chris' eyes light up like a Christmas tree as he spots the food. He takes the food and the last can on Mountain Dew back to the couch, kicking the fridge door closed with his foot. He sits down and continues to watch Scooby-Doo as he takes a huge bite out of the cold burger.
Jill, still in her room, is looking through all of her clothes. She yells out to Chris from her room. "So what are we going to do anyway? And what should I wear?"
"Well, I kinda thought we could go and get some grub, then maybe a movie. And I know the perfect place to get some food."
"Ok, so what kind of clothes should I wear? And what is the name of the restaurant?" she says as she is still rummaging through her clothes.
"Well, I'd wear something casual. And it is called Claim Jumpers." He says as he takes another bite of food and a swig of Dew.
"Are you eating?!?!?" Jill yells at him from in the room. "It sounds like you have food in your mouth," she puts on a pair of skintight blue jeans and a dry robe.
Chris, blushing a little bit, "Uhh…No, I'm not eating. I was…ummm…" He quickly thinks as he comes up with an excuse. "Chewing on the remote because I am hungry," he says as he wipes away the sweat drop that is rolling down his forehead.
"You had better not be…." she says as she opens her door and walks into the living room. "What shirt should I wear with these jeans? The blue or the gray?"
Chris quickly throws the food under the couch and sits there looking at her with mustard all over his mouth from the burger. "Uh…I like the gray," he says. Thinking he outsmarted her, a big grin comes over his face.
Jill, knowing he was eating, walks over to him and sits next to him on the couch. Her real intention is to find out where he hid whatever he was eating. She moves in closer to him and gives him a huge kiss. Chris, a little shocked at her sudden kiss, pulls away.
"What was that for?"
"Oh, I just wanted to get the mustard off of your face." She then begins to feel below the couch and grabs the Styrofoam box. "Ah HA! I knew you were eating."
Chris starts to blush a little "Well…"
"Why the hell are you eating now?! I thought we were going out because you wanted to go get food?! God, can't you wait?!"
"No...Not really. I figured you were gonna take about an hour and a half to get ready, so I would've had enough time to digest this extra food."
"Ohh…I hate you so much." Jill says in an angered voice.
Chris quickly replies and he gets ready to block himself, "Please don't hit me."
Jill shakes her head and grabs the nearby pillow. She immediately hits him with it and glares at him.
"You know that we were going out to eat…and yet you decide to go eat behind my back. What, were you planning to eat me out of house and home?"
"No…I decided to help you…clear out your fridge a bit…"
"Right…"
"Really…" Chris looks away from her gaze as he quickly thinks of what to say, "Besides, you need to keep more food in your fridge…none of that health food shit, but real food…when you know that I'm coming over. Yeah-that's it."
Jill looks over at him and notes the nervous smile across his face. She throws her hands in resignation as she gets up from the couch. "I give up. This isn't a winning battle…"
As she starts to walk away, Chris looks over at her and asks, "Can I finish eating now?"
Jill shakes her head, walks over to the kitchen sink, fills a glass of water, and dumps it over Chris' head. Setting the glass on the table, Jill smiles at the genuinely shocked expression and says, "If you want. You're lucky that the couch has been water-proofed and that your clothes are still in the dryer…"
Chris grumbles something, but she decides to let it slide. "Well, I'm just going to finish dressing…and then just relax for a bit. I'll try to think of an appropriate punishment later." Jill heads back to her room, leaving Chris alone in the living room.
When he was sure the coast was clear, Chris shrugged his shoulders and continued to eat. Once the food was gone and there was no more soda in the can, Chris walked over to the kitchen and threw away the garbage. He then walked to the freezer and opened it. Smiling to himself, he quickly hid the extra carton of Ben & Jerry's under a huge stack of frozen food. Making sure that it looked like nothing had been disturbed, he closed the door and walked over to the bathroom. Chris silently brushes his teeth as he continues to wait for his clothes to dry.
Man, that damn thing takes forever to dry… This really sucks. I hate waiting… As soon as he finishes rinsing out the toothbrush, the familiar "ding" of the dryer went off. Chris bolted out of the bathroom, grabbed his stuff, ran back to the bathroom and quickly got dressed. After getting dressed, he then spiked up his hair and stared in the mirror for a brief moment. Ahh…much better.
Chris then walked over to Jill's room, opened the door, and poked his head inside. "Jill, are you ready to go?"
Jill, who had been reading a book, nearly had a heart attack when she heard those words and promptly threw her pillow at him.
Chris shook his head and scowled, "What the fuck was that for?! I just wanted to know if you were ready!"
"You scared the shit out of me! Couldn't you have knocked or something?!"
"Well sorry, I didn't think that you scared easily…Princess."
Jill was ready to throw her book at him. "Chris…I am giving you until the count of three to get the hell out of my room. One…Two…"
Chris quickly removed his head from the book's proposed path and shut the door. Once he was gone, Jill sighed in relief. The book that he had caught her reading was actually her diary. She was about to write something when Chris startled her. God, that was close. Had he stayed in here longer or had I thrown it at him…I know that he would have immediately asked about it. Dammit Chris…you're driving me crazy…and I don't know if it's a good thing or not…
She picks up a pen and writes in her diary…
Dear Diary, July 25, 2001
Oh man was that close…Chris walked in just as I was about to write in you. Anyway, He is taking me to some restaurant named Claim Jumpers, and I have not a clue what that is going to be like. Chris spent the night last night, and no we didn't do anything, we just watched a movie and drank some Mountain Dew. We had some problems this morning, like that isn't a shock. It is so hard to keep that man on my good side. He always says something witty that makes me want to kill him. Or he pulls stunts that make me so mad. Like this morning, he pulled me in the shower with him, with my wool robe on, when I was handing him a bar of soap. Do you know how long it will take that thing to dry? Anyway, I did get to see him naked and that was the only plus about that. Well…that and he kissed me. That is the one thing I really like about him; he is a good kisser. Whenever he kisses me… it makes me feel like I want to throw him on the bed and make love to him. I know that is in my wildest dreams but hey, I can dream can't I? Well, I'll write a little later to tell you how the day went.
Jill then reads over her work and then puts the diary on the end table. She grabs her purse and her gun and walks out into the living room. Chris is sitting on the couch waiting for her.
"Well finally… Dammit woman, you take long enough…" he grumbles as he stands up.
"Oh be quiet and let's go," she says as she grabs her keys from the table and heads for the door. "And I'm driving."
Chris picks up his leather jacket from the back of the couch and follows her out.