Chapter 3
Sunday 23 July
Life kind of got back to normal during the next week. I worked and tried to pretend that I could handle spending chunks of time with Ron. I rehearsed with the band. And I waited for Draco to owl. And waited. And waited. I guess I could have owled him but I was determined to win this round. So with all this working and longing and rehearsing and waiting, the days just drifted by. On Sunday, just as I was attempting to get out of bed in time for the 'Enders omnibus, the flames erupted in the fireplace.
I quickly came over to the fireplace, even though I was still stupid with sleep, I was awake enough to feel a tiny flicker of hope. Maybe it was Draco. But it wasn't. It was Cho.
"Hermione? Did I wake you?" Cho's head said as it appeared in the flames.
"Yeah you did actually," I mumbled. "I was going to get up soon anyway."
"Well it is one o'clock," she pointed out with a touch of irritation.
There was a moment's silence.
"So how have you been?" I finally asked, but by the look of her face she wasn't in the mood for small-talk.
"I need to talk to you," Cho said baldly. "Can you meet me?"
"If it's about Ron, then no," I snapped. "We just work together."
"What's Ron got to do with it?" she asked. "Or is that your conscience?"
"Cho, I'm not in the mood for cryptic puzzles."
"OK, sorry," she sighed. "I'll meet you by the lake in. can you be ready in an hour?"
"Yeah," I agreed in a resigned voice and hung up the connection. I didn't know what Cho wanted but I knew it couldn't be good.
Cho used to be the cool, elder sister I'd never had and now her fire-code wasn't even on my speed dial. It wasn't like we'd had a big argument and stopped being friends.
It was worse than that-we'd drifted apart. You could say it started when Ron and I were sneaking around together a few months ago while I was still involved with Draco too. Cho had not been impressed. The last time I'd seen her she'd made lots of sly remarks about love triangles. I'd never bothered to call her after that. There didn't seem to be any point. Especially after Veronique told me that if I ever attempted to split her and Ron up again she'd make sure none of their crowd ever spoke to me. Well, newsflash, none of that crowd talk to me anyway. Apart from Ron, Harry and Draco, which just takes me back to square one.
And then there was the whole Ginny thing, which I could only explain if I had a spare couple of years. Let's just say the Ginny thing broke me and Ron up in the first place-and it was partly Cho's fault.
So it wasn't any wonder that I was feeling sick as I walked to the local park.
It was really hot, the sun was glaring down and I was glad I'd smothered myself in sun block before I left the house. It was way too hot to wear anything than a loose cotton dress, definitely a no muggle-made fibres day. Trying to put off the icky situation a bit longer, I stopped to buy an ice- cream from the van at the park gates but I was just delaying the inevitable. Cho was waiting for me by the bridge, and I tried to casually stroll towards her as if her call hadn't freaked the hell out of me.
"Hey," she said pensively.
"Hey," I replied through a mouthful of vanilla Mr Whippy.
We walked around the park lake and made polite conversation about the band and Cho's job in the Sport's and Regulations department in the Ministry of Magic. This used to be the witch who I could talk about anything with and now we were having serious problems trying to sustain a five-minute conversation. Even her hair was different.
I couldn't bear it any longer. "What's all this about, Cho? I asked. "We haven't spoken in months so something must be wrong if you suddenly need to talk to me."
Cho pulled a face. "I'm going to get sunburnt." Cho always reckoned she had Elf (sensitive to sunrays) blood in her veins. She was the whitest person I'd ever seen, apart from, like, Veronique, so I pointed to a bench under the shade of a willow tree.
"Let's go and sit down."
I looked at her curiously as she sat down. Even though it was easily 90 degrees. Cho was wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt under her strappy vest.
"Aren't you hot?" I said.
There was a pause. "No." There was a longer pause, which seemed to last most of the afternoon. "I'm pregnant."
"What?" I hadn't been expecting this.
"I'm four weeks late, Hermione and I'm usually regular to the minute," Cho said bitterly.
"Oh," I was stumped for what to say. "So are you and Harry pleased?"
She gave me a furious look. "Do I look pleased? I'm 18, I've just started my career, I'm still living with my parents. I think it's safe to say that I'm not exactly jumping for joy."
"I'm sorry," I muttered. "How did it happen?"
"How do you think it happened?"
I blushed. "I know how it happened, but I thought you were using some kind of protection." Cho slumped in her seat. "It spilt. And I didn't have any time to get any emergency contraception. I was really busy with work and stuff. I thought it would be alright." She looked so utterly miserable sat there that even though we'd stopped hanging out I put an arm around her.
"Cho it'll be alright," I said. "Harry loves you to death."
She twisted out of my hug. "It won't be alright. He won't talk about it; he just pretends that it isn't happening. I can't talk to him about whether I'm going to have a termination or keep it or anything. He changes the subject."
"Maybe you could talk to Ron, get him to have a word with Harry," I suggested nervously, not really wanting to mention the R word.
"I don't want to talk to Ron about it.boy.girl stuff, urgh," Cho tailed off. "I wondered whether you'd talk to Harry."
"Me?" I squeaked. "Why me?"
"'Cause your one of his best friends." Cho said.
"I wouldn't even know what to say to him."
"Look, you just go round to their flat, pretend you need to see Draco or something and then mention that you've bumped into me and you're worried about me and you think."
"You've thought this all out, haven't you?" I interrupted. "You want me to go and tell your boyfriend that you're upset about.that.I mean, what do you actually think I could say to him that would make any difference?"
"I don't know," snarled Cho. "You think if I knew what to do I'd ever have called you? You're the last person I wanted to call, believe me!"
I could feel icy shivers tracing a path down my spine.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, Hermione you haven't been much of a friend in the past have you?" said Cho. "You treated Ron like hell when you were going out with him, you tried to spilt up his relationship with Veronique even though you could see that they were happy and then you stopped talking to me because I actually had the audacity to be friends with Ron's girlfriend."
It was like having a bucket of cold water thrown in my face. Yeah, those were the bare facts but there was so much more to it that that. I didn't even have the energy to argue with Cho. How could I explain to her I'd done all those stupid, crazy things because when I lost Ron I felt as if someone had reached into my ribcage and plucked out my heart.
"You can think what you like," I told her quietly. "It's all history now and it's over between Ron and me anyway."
"Oh, are you going to cry now Hermione?" taunted Cho.
"Isn't that what you usually do when it all gets too much?"
"Maybe I've changed," I said. "And maybe you have too. When did you become such a hippogriff? Look, I'm sorry that you were caught in the middle of me and Ron and Veronique and I'm sorry that we don't talk any more and I'm sorry that you're pregnant, but I'm not a bad person. I had reasons for doing what I did."
Cho looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "You have changed," she said slowly. "You used to be really sweet."
"I'm going," I announced, standing up. "Don't take your problems out on me."
Cho caught hold of my wrist and tugged me back. "I'm sorry. It just makes me sad. You used to be all innocent and sparkly. It's why I don't hang out with you now 'cause you never really smile anymore. It's like you're hiding behind this wall you built up."
Cho knew me too well. "No I don't," I denied desperately. "I'm still me. I got messed over Ron and it's taken me a while to get through it. But I smile, I smile all the time, you're just not around to see it."
And I should have asked Cho about pregnancy tests and if she'd seen a doctor but all I said was, "So couldn't you have asked Veronique to talk to Harry? I mean, you guys hang out all the time."
Cho pulled a face. "I don't really want to talk about Veronique with you but she can be a little tactless sometimes, and she and Harry don't really get on."
"OK," I said. "I'll go and see him but I'm not promising anything." I didn't know why I was so troubled about talking to Harry, after all he was my best friend, maybe it's because Harry's never dealt with something like this before. It seemed quite funny inside in a way, Harry can handle defeating the Dark Lord, Voldemort but this seems like a whole different matter.
I could also see how hurt and defenceless Cho seemed, besides I missed her and if this got us halfway back to being friends then it had to be a good thing.
If I'd gone to meet Cho with a heavy heart, then the walk round to the lads' flat was even worse. It was a crazy idea and no good would come out of it, I thought as I rang on their doorbell. Cho had reckoned that Harry would be in on his own and thankfully she was right.
"Hi Hermione, Draco's out," he said when he saw me standing on the doorstep. "Or did you come round to see Ron? You didn't, did you?" he added uneasily.
I kind of laughed on the inside. Harry seems so sober now than he was that night in the nightclub. He looks really troubled though, so maybe that was the reason for the serious face.
I managed a smile. "No, I came round to see you. Can I come in or shall I just stand on the doorstep?"
It took a while for Harry to make a cup of tea and clear Ron's owl, Pigwidgeon out of the room (Pig had been flying around the room like it belonged in St. Mungo's).
We started talking about the weather for some strange reason, but eventually we were sitting down and I started to launch into my prepared speech. But as I started to stutter about bumping into Cho and how she seemed really depressed I could see Harry fidgeting and not really getting it, so I decided to just let him have it. I told him that Cho was beside herself with worry and that he was being a complete wuss and if he really loved Cho he'd be supportive and if she did decided to have the baby he was proving that he'd be really crap daddy material. It took me a good ten minutes but when I finally ran out of steam, Harry was looking very shame-faced.
"But she hasn't even done a pregnancy test," was all he could think to say.
"Well go and buy one then," I shouted. "And get her a bunch of flowers while you're at it."
He was already on his feet and scooping up his keys when Ron suddenly walked in. Harry and I whirled around and I guess we both looked guilty because Ron said in a suspicious voice, "What's going on?"
Harry shot me a warning glance. He didn't really want his best friend to know about the pregnancy thing; also me and Harry being in this flat alone seemed really suspicious. "Hermione was just passing and she needed to, um, well she'd been meaning to, well."
"I was looking for Veronique!" I suddenly said. Where the hell did that come from? Ron looked even more wary.
"And why would that be?"
I looked to Harry for some help but he shrugged helplessly. I turned back to Ron. "I needed to see her because I'm having a. barbecue!" He was never going to buy this. "Yeah, I'm having a barbecue and I wondered whether she wanted to come!"
Ron arched an eyebrow and my heart started pumping painfully fast.
"So you could have told me about it tomorrow at the café."
Harry decided to give me some help as he disappeared out the door. "You know what Hermione's like, she gets an idea and goes with it."
Ron was still standing in the middle of the room. "Hmmm, you always were impulsive," he said softly. "It used to keep me on my toes."
The atmosphere had changed. Now Harry was gone, the air in the room seemed to sizzle in a way that had nothing to do with the heat of the day. Ron was looking at me in a really sultry way that made me very aware of the thinness of my dress and my bare legs and even by the way my toes were peeking out of my clumpy Dr Scholls.
"So, anyway. I bumped into Cho and we hadn't really had a chat for ages," I started burbling to fill the uncomfortable silence and because I still wasn't sure if Ron was convinced by the whole Veronique invitation thing. "And we decided it would be cool to have a barbecue and we should have it at my place 'cause, y'know, 'rents off the premises, and then we thought it would be good if it was just witches/girls and it would be a chance for me and Veronique to get to know each other."
Ron put a finger to my lips and I jumped back like he'd burnt me.
"What did you do that for?" I demanded in a wobbly voice.
"I thought you were going to pass out if you didn't stop to take a breath soon," Ron said huskily. "You always talk to much when you get nervous. Am I making you nervous?"
"Of course not," I said but you could hear my heart thudding in the next county. "I should be going." Ron and I hadn't been alone in the same room since Veronique's ultimatum and now I knew why. 'Cause I couldn't trust myself with Ron and I couldn't trust him either. And if his flirting led to a kiss and if that kiss got discovered, it would be me that got a Hippogriff-size of grief.
"Can't you stay for a drink?" Ron asked pleadingly.
"It's too hot to go racing round the streets of Derby." I dithered. "Well, I don't."
"Oh, c'mon Hermione," drawled Ron. "We have some pumpkin juice and some chilled Butterbeer in the fridge and ice cubes and a fan."
Of course I stayed. I hated myself for being such a pushover but I was greedy for Ron's company.
He moved the fan (which is operated not by electricity but by magic, of course) so that when we sat on the sofa we got blasts of delicious cold air wafting over us. The breeze lifted Ron's red hair and I itched to stroke it.
It looked like he was still cutting it himself with any sharpish implement he could find. It was all tufty. I stole surreptitious glances at him as the fan moulded his robes to his lean body and his mouth wore a special half smile that he always had when he talked.
And we did talk, like the months we'd been apart had melted away to nothing. Even when Ron and I talked about silly things like the dress I wanted to buy or the Weasley Twins; Fred and George and their new joke inventions, the conversation meant more than the things we were actually talking about.
"You're not Ok, are you, Herm?" Ron suddenly said. "I know there's something wrong."
And there were loads of things that were wrong, like me angsting about my NEWT results and my future and whether I should have intercourse with Draco, but what was really bothering me was the chat I had with Cho earlier.
I picked a tiny scab on my knee. "It was something that Cho said before." I muttered. "Do you think I've changed? Do you think I pretend to be someone I'm not?"
I was curled up in one corner of the sofa while Ron was sprawled over the remaining three quarters. He shifted his long body so he was right against me, looking intently at my face. I could have drowned in the depth of his chocolate brown eyes.
"Everybody changes," he said carefully.
"She said I never smiled anymore and that I used to be sparkly and stuff," I whispered. "I s'pose she thinks I've turned into a really hard-faced hippogriff."
Ron reached out and stroked a loose tendril of my hair behind my ear. "I think if you've changed it's because you got hurt. And I know I was the one who hurt you and let you take the blame. We've never really talked about it, have we?"
I tried to pull his hand away form my face but before I could let go he clasped my fingers in his.
"What's the point Ron?" I said with a sigh. "You were with Veronique then, you're with her now. I knew that all that sneaking around we were doing was wrong but I didn't do anything to stop it."
"Neither did I," Ron reminded me gently. "And I knew that Draco and Veronique were getting at you and I just let that happen. Do you remember when Veronique and I came round to see and she said all those horrible things and I just stood there and let her? I hated myself."
"But I practically threw myself at you on at least, like, five different occasions," I protested.
"And I could have made more of an effort to stop you but I didn't," admitted Ron fiercely, squeezing my hand tighter. "And when Malfoy started coming on to you, the thought of him touching you just made me so angry."
"But it's all in the past now, isn't it?" I said. "You're going out with Veronique and I'm going out with Draco -well sort of."
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for all the times I acted like a complete git," Ron was saying when we heard a key turn in the lock and Draco talking to someone who was down the street. We both exchanged horrified looks.
"He'll kill me if he finds me here with you," I hissed. Before I could think straight Ron was tugging me to my feet and covering me with Harry's invisibility cloak and to keep things safe I slide behind the sofa, so nobody would bump into me.
"Stay there and don't make a sound," Ron ordered quietly. I shifted uncomfortably and pulled my knees up against my chest as I heard Draco come into the lounge.
"Oh, it's you," he said to Ron. "I thought I heard voices."
"I wasn't expecting you back," Ron managed to say casually.
"Forgot my Vault Key," said Draco shortly. "I was going to call round and see Hermione but I thought I'd let her sweat a little bit longer. Got a problem with that?"
"Don't want to hear it, mate," Ron bit out.
"But I thought you'd understand," continued Draco smoothly. "It's such a turn on when she gets all upset and confused, she goes all clingy."
I almost gasped out loud. I couldn't believe the way Draco was talking about me. Like I was a little doll that he pulled out of the toy box when he wanted something to play with. And what was the deal with him goading Ron by talking about me in that hateful way, flippant way? I knew they weren't really friends anymore (my fault again) but this was something else. Something else that I didn't really want to know about.
"Well if she does owl or call," Draco was saying, "tell her I had to, hmmm, that something else came up but I can't wait to see her."
Ron snarled something very rude and I heard Draco chuckle as he left the room. I waited a few more seconds until the front door slammed and Ron's head appeared over the back of the sofa.
"It's alright, he's gone."
I managed to squeeze out from behind the sofa and slipped the Invisibility Cloak off. My calf muscles were protesting from my awkward position behind the sofa.
"I've got cramp," I moaned at Ron, collapsing in an armchair. Ron knelt down in front of me as I rubbed the back of my leg.
"So what was all that. what the hell are you doing?" I yelled as Ron put one of my feet in his lap and started to gently stroke the muscles below my knee.
"Shush," Ron said firmly. "I'm just making you feel better."
The touch of his hands kneading out the knots was pure bliss. And when the knots had gone, Ron carried on stroking my leg. All of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I looked Ron with confused eyes and he stared right back at me, almost daring me to make him stop, before bending his head to kiss my knee. I knew that all I had to do was reach forward slightly and Ron and I would be on the floor, with out mouths locked together. And by the glint in his eye I could tell that he knew it too. For a moment I did nothing and then I was reaching forward but it was only to push him away so I could stand up.
"I'm out of here," I said decisively "We really shouldn't be alone together."
Ron gave a groan and fell back on the floor. "I can't even look at you without wanting to do things that I shouldn't."
I couldn't help myself. "What kind of things?"
Ron gave another groan. "Things that would make you blush if I told you about them."
Life kind of got back to normal during the next week. I worked and tried to pretend that I could handle spending chunks of time with Ron. I rehearsed with the band. And I waited for Draco to owl. And waited. And waited. I guess I could have owled him but I was determined to win this round. So with all this working and longing and rehearsing and waiting, the days just drifted by. On Sunday, just as I was attempting to get out of bed in time for the 'Enders omnibus, the flames erupted in the fireplace.
I quickly came over to the fireplace, even though I was still stupid with sleep, I was awake enough to feel a tiny flicker of hope. Maybe it was Draco. But it wasn't. It was Cho.
"Hermione? Did I wake you?" Cho's head said as it appeared in the flames.
"Yeah you did actually," I mumbled. "I was going to get up soon anyway."
"Well it is one o'clock," she pointed out with a touch of irritation.
There was a moment's silence.
"So how have you been?" I finally asked, but by the look of her face she wasn't in the mood for small-talk.
"I need to talk to you," Cho said baldly. "Can you meet me?"
"If it's about Ron, then no," I snapped. "We just work together."
"What's Ron got to do with it?" she asked. "Or is that your conscience?"
"Cho, I'm not in the mood for cryptic puzzles."
"OK, sorry," she sighed. "I'll meet you by the lake in. can you be ready in an hour?"
"Yeah," I agreed in a resigned voice and hung up the connection. I didn't know what Cho wanted but I knew it couldn't be good.
Cho used to be the cool, elder sister I'd never had and now her fire-code wasn't even on my speed dial. It wasn't like we'd had a big argument and stopped being friends.
It was worse than that-we'd drifted apart. You could say it started when Ron and I were sneaking around together a few months ago while I was still involved with Draco too. Cho had not been impressed. The last time I'd seen her she'd made lots of sly remarks about love triangles. I'd never bothered to call her after that. There didn't seem to be any point. Especially after Veronique told me that if I ever attempted to split her and Ron up again she'd make sure none of their crowd ever spoke to me. Well, newsflash, none of that crowd talk to me anyway. Apart from Ron, Harry and Draco, which just takes me back to square one.
And then there was the whole Ginny thing, which I could only explain if I had a spare couple of years. Let's just say the Ginny thing broke me and Ron up in the first place-and it was partly Cho's fault.
So it wasn't any wonder that I was feeling sick as I walked to the local park.
It was really hot, the sun was glaring down and I was glad I'd smothered myself in sun block before I left the house. It was way too hot to wear anything than a loose cotton dress, definitely a no muggle-made fibres day. Trying to put off the icky situation a bit longer, I stopped to buy an ice- cream from the van at the park gates but I was just delaying the inevitable. Cho was waiting for me by the bridge, and I tried to casually stroll towards her as if her call hadn't freaked the hell out of me.
"Hey," she said pensively.
"Hey," I replied through a mouthful of vanilla Mr Whippy.
We walked around the park lake and made polite conversation about the band and Cho's job in the Sport's and Regulations department in the Ministry of Magic. This used to be the witch who I could talk about anything with and now we were having serious problems trying to sustain a five-minute conversation. Even her hair was different.
I couldn't bear it any longer. "What's all this about, Cho? I asked. "We haven't spoken in months so something must be wrong if you suddenly need to talk to me."
Cho pulled a face. "I'm going to get sunburnt." Cho always reckoned she had Elf (sensitive to sunrays) blood in her veins. She was the whitest person I'd ever seen, apart from, like, Veronique, so I pointed to a bench under the shade of a willow tree.
"Let's go and sit down."
I looked at her curiously as she sat down. Even though it was easily 90 degrees. Cho was wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt under her strappy vest.
"Aren't you hot?" I said.
There was a pause. "No." There was a longer pause, which seemed to last most of the afternoon. "I'm pregnant."
"What?" I hadn't been expecting this.
"I'm four weeks late, Hermione and I'm usually regular to the minute," Cho said bitterly.
"Oh," I was stumped for what to say. "So are you and Harry pleased?"
She gave me a furious look. "Do I look pleased? I'm 18, I've just started my career, I'm still living with my parents. I think it's safe to say that I'm not exactly jumping for joy."
"I'm sorry," I muttered. "How did it happen?"
"How do you think it happened?"
I blushed. "I know how it happened, but I thought you were using some kind of protection." Cho slumped in her seat. "It spilt. And I didn't have any time to get any emergency contraception. I was really busy with work and stuff. I thought it would be alright." She looked so utterly miserable sat there that even though we'd stopped hanging out I put an arm around her.
"Cho it'll be alright," I said. "Harry loves you to death."
She twisted out of my hug. "It won't be alright. He won't talk about it; he just pretends that it isn't happening. I can't talk to him about whether I'm going to have a termination or keep it or anything. He changes the subject."
"Maybe you could talk to Ron, get him to have a word with Harry," I suggested nervously, not really wanting to mention the R word.
"I don't want to talk to Ron about it.boy.girl stuff, urgh," Cho tailed off. "I wondered whether you'd talk to Harry."
"Me?" I squeaked. "Why me?"
"'Cause your one of his best friends." Cho said.
"I wouldn't even know what to say to him."
"Look, you just go round to their flat, pretend you need to see Draco or something and then mention that you've bumped into me and you're worried about me and you think."
"You've thought this all out, haven't you?" I interrupted. "You want me to go and tell your boyfriend that you're upset about.that.I mean, what do you actually think I could say to him that would make any difference?"
"I don't know," snarled Cho. "You think if I knew what to do I'd ever have called you? You're the last person I wanted to call, believe me!"
I could feel icy shivers tracing a path down my spine.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, Hermione you haven't been much of a friend in the past have you?" said Cho. "You treated Ron like hell when you were going out with him, you tried to spilt up his relationship with Veronique even though you could see that they were happy and then you stopped talking to me because I actually had the audacity to be friends with Ron's girlfriend."
It was like having a bucket of cold water thrown in my face. Yeah, those were the bare facts but there was so much more to it that that. I didn't even have the energy to argue with Cho. How could I explain to her I'd done all those stupid, crazy things because when I lost Ron I felt as if someone had reached into my ribcage and plucked out my heart.
"You can think what you like," I told her quietly. "It's all history now and it's over between Ron and me anyway."
"Oh, are you going to cry now Hermione?" taunted Cho.
"Isn't that what you usually do when it all gets too much?"
"Maybe I've changed," I said. "And maybe you have too. When did you become such a hippogriff? Look, I'm sorry that you were caught in the middle of me and Ron and Veronique and I'm sorry that we don't talk any more and I'm sorry that you're pregnant, but I'm not a bad person. I had reasons for doing what I did."
Cho looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "You have changed," she said slowly. "You used to be really sweet."
"I'm going," I announced, standing up. "Don't take your problems out on me."
Cho caught hold of my wrist and tugged me back. "I'm sorry. It just makes me sad. You used to be all innocent and sparkly. It's why I don't hang out with you now 'cause you never really smile anymore. It's like you're hiding behind this wall you built up."
Cho knew me too well. "No I don't," I denied desperately. "I'm still me. I got messed over Ron and it's taken me a while to get through it. But I smile, I smile all the time, you're just not around to see it."
And I should have asked Cho about pregnancy tests and if she'd seen a doctor but all I said was, "So couldn't you have asked Veronique to talk to Harry? I mean, you guys hang out all the time."
Cho pulled a face. "I don't really want to talk about Veronique with you but she can be a little tactless sometimes, and she and Harry don't really get on."
"OK," I said. "I'll go and see him but I'm not promising anything." I didn't know why I was so troubled about talking to Harry, after all he was my best friend, maybe it's because Harry's never dealt with something like this before. It seemed quite funny inside in a way, Harry can handle defeating the Dark Lord, Voldemort but this seems like a whole different matter.
I could also see how hurt and defenceless Cho seemed, besides I missed her and if this got us halfway back to being friends then it had to be a good thing.
If I'd gone to meet Cho with a heavy heart, then the walk round to the lads' flat was even worse. It was a crazy idea and no good would come out of it, I thought as I rang on their doorbell. Cho had reckoned that Harry would be in on his own and thankfully she was right.
"Hi Hermione, Draco's out," he said when he saw me standing on the doorstep. "Or did you come round to see Ron? You didn't, did you?" he added uneasily.
I kind of laughed on the inside. Harry seems so sober now than he was that night in the nightclub. He looks really troubled though, so maybe that was the reason for the serious face.
I managed a smile. "No, I came round to see you. Can I come in or shall I just stand on the doorstep?"
It took a while for Harry to make a cup of tea and clear Ron's owl, Pigwidgeon out of the room (Pig had been flying around the room like it belonged in St. Mungo's).
We started talking about the weather for some strange reason, but eventually we were sitting down and I started to launch into my prepared speech. But as I started to stutter about bumping into Cho and how she seemed really depressed I could see Harry fidgeting and not really getting it, so I decided to just let him have it. I told him that Cho was beside herself with worry and that he was being a complete wuss and if he really loved Cho he'd be supportive and if she did decided to have the baby he was proving that he'd be really crap daddy material. It took me a good ten minutes but when I finally ran out of steam, Harry was looking very shame-faced.
"But she hasn't even done a pregnancy test," was all he could think to say.
"Well go and buy one then," I shouted. "And get her a bunch of flowers while you're at it."
He was already on his feet and scooping up his keys when Ron suddenly walked in. Harry and I whirled around and I guess we both looked guilty because Ron said in a suspicious voice, "What's going on?"
Harry shot me a warning glance. He didn't really want his best friend to know about the pregnancy thing; also me and Harry being in this flat alone seemed really suspicious. "Hermione was just passing and she needed to, um, well she'd been meaning to, well."
"I was looking for Veronique!" I suddenly said. Where the hell did that come from? Ron looked even more wary.
"And why would that be?"
I looked to Harry for some help but he shrugged helplessly. I turned back to Ron. "I needed to see her because I'm having a. barbecue!" He was never going to buy this. "Yeah, I'm having a barbecue and I wondered whether she wanted to come!"
Ron arched an eyebrow and my heart started pumping painfully fast.
"So you could have told me about it tomorrow at the café."
Harry decided to give me some help as he disappeared out the door. "You know what Hermione's like, she gets an idea and goes with it."
Ron was still standing in the middle of the room. "Hmmm, you always were impulsive," he said softly. "It used to keep me on my toes."
The atmosphere had changed. Now Harry was gone, the air in the room seemed to sizzle in a way that had nothing to do with the heat of the day. Ron was looking at me in a really sultry way that made me very aware of the thinness of my dress and my bare legs and even by the way my toes were peeking out of my clumpy Dr Scholls.
"So, anyway. I bumped into Cho and we hadn't really had a chat for ages," I started burbling to fill the uncomfortable silence and because I still wasn't sure if Ron was convinced by the whole Veronique invitation thing. "And we decided it would be cool to have a barbecue and we should have it at my place 'cause, y'know, 'rents off the premises, and then we thought it would be good if it was just witches/girls and it would be a chance for me and Veronique to get to know each other."
Ron put a finger to my lips and I jumped back like he'd burnt me.
"What did you do that for?" I demanded in a wobbly voice.
"I thought you were going to pass out if you didn't stop to take a breath soon," Ron said huskily. "You always talk to much when you get nervous. Am I making you nervous?"
"Of course not," I said but you could hear my heart thudding in the next county. "I should be going." Ron and I hadn't been alone in the same room since Veronique's ultimatum and now I knew why. 'Cause I couldn't trust myself with Ron and I couldn't trust him either. And if his flirting led to a kiss and if that kiss got discovered, it would be me that got a Hippogriff-size of grief.
"Can't you stay for a drink?" Ron asked pleadingly.
"It's too hot to go racing round the streets of Derby." I dithered. "Well, I don't."
"Oh, c'mon Hermione," drawled Ron. "We have some pumpkin juice and some chilled Butterbeer in the fridge and ice cubes and a fan."
Of course I stayed. I hated myself for being such a pushover but I was greedy for Ron's company.
He moved the fan (which is operated not by electricity but by magic, of course) so that when we sat on the sofa we got blasts of delicious cold air wafting over us. The breeze lifted Ron's red hair and I itched to stroke it.
It looked like he was still cutting it himself with any sharpish implement he could find. It was all tufty. I stole surreptitious glances at him as the fan moulded his robes to his lean body and his mouth wore a special half smile that he always had when he talked.
And we did talk, like the months we'd been apart had melted away to nothing. Even when Ron and I talked about silly things like the dress I wanted to buy or the Weasley Twins; Fred and George and their new joke inventions, the conversation meant more than the things we were actually talking about.
"You're not Ok, are you, Herm?" Ron suddenly said. "I know there's something wrong."
And there were loads of things that were wrong, like me angsting about my NEWT results and my future and whether I should have intercourse with Draco, but what was really bothering me was the chat I had with Cho earlier.
I picked a tiny scab on my knee. "It was something that Cho said before." I muttered. "Do you think I've changed? Do you think I pretend to be someone I'm not?"
I was curled up in one corner of the sofa while Ron was sprawled over the remaining three quarters. He shifted his long body so he was right against me, looking intently at my face. I could have drowned in the depth of his chocolate brown eyes.
"Everybody changes," he said carefully.
"She said I never smiled anymore and that I used to be sparkly and stuff," I whispered. "I s'pose she thinks I've turned into a really hard-faced hippogriff."
Ron reached out and stroked a loose tendril of my hair behind my ear. "I think if you've changed it's because you got hurt. And I know I was the one who hurt you and let you take the blame. We've never really talked about it, have we?"
I tried to pull his hand away form my face but before I could let go he clasped my fingers in his.
"What's the point Ron?" I said with a sigh. "You were with Veronique then, you're with her now. I knew that all that sneaking around we were doing was wrong but I didn't do anything to stop it."
"Neither did I," Ron reminded me gently. "And I knew that Draco and Veronique were getting at you and I just let that happen. Do you remember when Veronique and I came round to see and she said all those horrible things and I just stood there and let her? I hated myself."
"But I practically threw myself at you on at least, like, five different occasions," I protested.
"And I could have made more of an effort to stop you but I didn't," admitted Ron fiercely, squeezing my hand tighter. "And when Malfoy started coming on to you, the thought of him touching you just made me so angry."
"But it's all in the past now, isn't it?" I said. "You're going out with Veronique and I'm going out with Draco -well sort of."
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for all the times I acted like a complete git," Ron was saying when we heard a key turn in the lock and Draco talking to someone who was down the street. We both exchanged horrified looks.
"He'll kill me if he finds me here with you," I hissed. Before I could think straight Ron was tugging me to my feet and covering me with Harry's invisibility cloak and to keep things safe I slide behind the sofa, so nobody would bump into me.
"Stay there and don't make a sound," Ron ordered quietly. I shifted uncomfortably and pulled my knees up against my chest as I heard Draco come into the lounge.
"Oh, it's you," he said to Ron. "I thought I heard voices."
"I wasn't expecting you back," Ron managed to say casually.
"Forgot my Vault Key," said Draco shortly. "I was going to call round and see Hermione but I thought I'd let her sweat a little bit longer. Got a problem with that?"
"Don't want to hear it, mate," Ron bit out.
"But I thought you'd understand," continued Draco smoothly. "It's such a turn on when she gets all upset and confused, she goes all clingy."
I almost gasped out loud. I couldn't believe the way Draco was talking about me. Like I was a little doll that he pulled out of the toy box when he wanted something to play with. And what was the deal with him goading Ron by talking about me in that hateful way, flippant way? I knew they weren't really friends anymore (my fault again) but this was something else. Something else that I didn't really want to know about.
"Well if she does owl or call," Draco was saying, "tell her I had to, hmmm, that something else came up but I can't wait to see her."
Ron snarled something very rude and I heard Draco chuckle as he left the room. I waited a few more seconds until the front door slammed and Ron's head appeared over the back of the sofa.
"It's alright, he's gone."
I managed to squeeze out from behind the sofa and slipped the Invisibility Cloak off. My calf muscles were protesting from my awkward position behind the sofa.
"I've got cramp," I moaned at Ron, collapsing in an armchair. Ron knelt down in front of me as I rubbed the back of my leg.
"So what was all that. what the hell are you doing?" I yelled as Ron put one of my feet in his lap and started to gently stroke the muscles below my knee.
"Shush," Ron said firmly. "I'm just making you feel better."
The touch of his hands kneading out the knots was pure bliss. And when the knots had gone, Ron carried on stroking my leg. All of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I looked Ron with confused eyes and he stared right back at me, almost daring me to make him stop, before bending his head to kiss my knee. I knew that all I had to do was reach forward slightly and Ron and I would be on the floor, with out mouths locked together. And by the glint in his eye I could tell that he knew it too. For a moment I did nothing and then I was reaching forward but it was only to push him away so I could stand up.
"I'm out of here," I said decisively "We really shouldn't be alone together."
Ron gave a groan and fell back on the floor. "I can't even look at you without wanting to do things that I shouldn't."
I couldn't help myself. "What kind of things?"
Ron gave another groan. "Things that would make you blush if I told you about them."