Title: Utterly Alone
Author: ReeCee
Feedback: If you'd like to give it, then I'd love to get it. lol No pressure.
E-mail: dangerous_angel@2die4.com
Distribution: Here! lol I'm not sure if my stuff is really up to par with everyone else's so I have no idea WHY you'd want to. . . but if you do. Thanks! Just email me and tell me where.
Disclaimer: Do I really need to? . . . (sigh) NOT MINE. Capiche? Besides, JJ Abrams is God to my Alias world.
A/N: I've been having a whole lot of personal problems at home. My family's completely outta whack. This chapter's been a long time coming, and it's been ready for about 2 days. But with what's happened at home, I was compelled to kill how it actually went. It now seems fitting. I have no clue how many of you will actually end up liking it, but I hope you do. Forgive me. :o) I tried to lengthen it a bit to compensate for the lost time, so if it doesn't always seem to flow… SOWIEE!!
They spent a leisurely time in New York, just strolling through Central Park and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears as they held hands in the autumn sun. Each night they slept together (making love, caught up in passion) and waking up in each other's arms the next morning. They were (for the most part) content.
They'd sit around in cafés in the city reminiscing on their "rendez-vous privés" at home (Good Ol' "Home Style Coffee"). They'd shop and laugh and act like the perfect (in love) couple that they should have been. They aimed for the normalcy that they had both always craved.
He couldn't help but wish their time would never end. He couldn't help but hope that she felt the same way. He couldn't help but love her like he always had.
//This feel so normal. So right.//
But as their secret time together came to a close, she grew more and more reserved. Concerned one night as she stood by the window, he pulled her down into his lap, eliciting a soft smile and giggle.
"Penny for your thoughts…" he said, nuzzling her neck. She sighed deeply, leaning into him. "It's not gonna be easy for us when we get home, you know."
He nodded, urging her to go on. "I just… This probably wasn't very smart of us, you know? We're constantly gonna be wanting and hoping, we're both gonna be distracted… which is dangerous!! I… We…Gosh, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."
He chuckled, then gently tilted her head upwards and kissed her softly. He held on to her, holding her and letting her melt into him (We are one). He played with her hair, it's shininess distracting him momentarily from the complicated mess that they called reality.
When he finally spoke, it was with confidence, to reassure both himself and beautiful woman sitting in his lap.
"If we really want this, we can make it happen. It isn't like before, you know. There's no protocol to stop us. It wouldn't be such a hard thing for us to… pursue a relationship. I virtually don't exist, Syd. I work at a secret office. If we want this, we can have it… Just say the word."
He saw her smile reflected in the glass of the window. "I never thought of it like that." She twisted slightly and pecked him on the cheek. He waited for her to say the words, but she never did. His spirits, which had been soaring only seconds before, were suddenly plummeting to his feet.
//She doesn't want this.//
Slowly she rose from his lap, his hands falling carelessly from her waist.
"Let's go to bed," she whispered. Broken, he followed her, savoring the way she moved towards the(ir) bed. They slipped underneath the sheets, and he made love to her like there was no tomorrow.
***
He woke up the next morning feeling unbelievably sore and alone. He didn't realize how true that actually was until he reached out for her and only took in air. He bolted upright, searching the room thoroughly with his eyes, but he already knew she was gone.
Silently, he got up, gathered some clean clothes and went to the bathroom to clean up and change.
In 15 minutes, he was set to go. As he stood in the elevator heading towards the lobby, he leaned against the walls and closed his eyes.
Now he knew what she felt like when he had walked away from her all those years ago.
Broken, betrayed, crushed and utterly alone.
He continued to feel that way in the cab ride to the airport, waiting to board his plane, on the plane itself, in the stop over in Las Vegas, landing in L.A., and sitting in his apartment when he finally got home.
All of a sudden, he couldn't stand the silence anymore. He yanked the phone out of the stand and pressed the ON button. His fingers hovered hesitantly over the numbers. He shook his head and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes again and began to dial the numbers that he knew by heart.
He waited as the phone rang (once, twice, three times…) before a sleepy "Hello?" greeted him.
"Uh… hey, Weiss. I'm home." He sighed as he sat down on his couch, trying desperately to disappear into the soft folds.
"Are you alright, Mike? Is she… Are you alone?" He nodded (He can't see me) before answering, "Yeah. I am… I'm not sure if she went directly home after I saw her though, so I don't know when she'll be back."
Eric sighed softly. "You didn't answer my first question, but it sounds like you had a rough time, Mike," (I DID. But I'll live) "but I'm afraid it's not gonna get any better. You haven't contacted us in days. We didn't know where you were. Devlin was set to burn you at the stake."
Mike nodded, but he had thought of a cover story on his way over (to keep himself from being engulfed in his loneliness and sadness). "It was weird. Like she knew I was tracking her. I had to be discreet or I never would have gotten the chance to threaten her scrawny ass." He chuckled then, trying to make his story believable.
Eric laughed along. "Good, good. So that's what I'll tell Devlin… How did your week really go?"
Images of them making love, waking up together, enjoying the peace and tranquility of normal life flooded him… all shattered with the memory of waking up alone earlier that day. He sighed as he felt his heart break a little more.
"All you need to know was that it was bittersweet."
Eric couldn't keep the sympathy and pity from his voice. "Mike, I'm sorry. I was hoping you wouldn't feel this way when you came home."
//Neither did I, quite frankly.//
A few minutes later, after the phone was hung up, he still found his apartment deafeningly silent. So he left, indulging himself by taking a long walk.
He walked to the park, he walked up to the lookout spot where he could see everything… He saw the pier and knew she'd be there, yet he decided against the imminent confrontation and walked towards the beach instead (the opposite direction). He plopped himself in the sand and sat still, just watching the waves roll in and retreat (roll in and retreat… roll in and retreat… over and over and over and over…). Before long, he was watching the sunrise.
He was hit with a realization and the suns rays simultaneously: He'd feel the same no matter where he went or whom he was with.
Without Sydney Bristow, he'd always feel utterly alone.
Author: ReeCee
Feedback: If you'd like to give it, then I'd love to get it. lol No pressure.
E-mail: dangerous_angel@2die4.com
Distribution: Here! lol I'm not sure if my stuff is really up to par with everyone else's so I have no idea WHY you'd want to. . . but if you do. Thanks! Just email me and tell me where.
Disclaimer: Do I really need to? . . . (sigh) NOT MINE. Capiche? Besides, JJ Abrams is God to my Alias world.
A/N: I've been having a whole lot of personal problems at home. My family's completely outta whack. This chapter's been a long time coming, and it's been ready for about 2 days. But with what's happened at home, I was compelled to kill how it actually went. It now seems fitting. I have no clue how many of you will actually end up liking it, but I hope you do. Forgive me. :o) I tried to lengthen it a bit to compensate for the lost time, so if it doesn't always seem to flow… SOWIEE!!
They spent a leisurely time in New York, just strolling through Central Park and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears as they held hands in the autumn sun. Each night they slept together (making love, caught up in passion) and waking up in each other's arms the next morning. They were (for the most part) content.
They'd sit around in cafés in the city reminiscing on their "rendez-vous privés" at home (Good Ol' "Home Style Coffee"). They'd shop and laugh and act like the perfect (in love) couple that they should have been. They aimed for the normalcy that they had both always craved.
He couldn't help but wish their time would never end. He couldn't help but hope that she felt the same way. He couldn't help but love her like he always had.
//This feel so normal. So right.//
But as their secret time together came to a close, she grew more and more reserved. Concerned one night as she stood by the window, he pulled her down into his lap, eliciting a soft smile and giggle.
"Penny for your thoughts…" he said, nuzzling her neck. She sighed deeply, leaning into him. "It's not gonna be easy for us when we get home, you know."
He nodded, urging her to go on. "I just… This probably wasn't very smart of us, you know? We're constantly gonna be wanting and hoping, we're both gonna be distracted… which is dangerous!! I… We…Gosh, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."
He chuckled, then gently tilted her head upwards and kissed her softly. He held on to her, holding her and letting her melt into him (We are one). He played with her hair, it's shininess distracting him momentarily from the complicated mess that they called reality.
When he finally spoke, it was with confidence, to reassure both himself and beautiful woman sitting in his lap.
"If we really want this, we can make it happen. It isn't like before, you know. There's no protocol to stop us. It wouldn't be such a hard thing for us to… pursue a relationship. I virtually don't exist, Syd. I work at a secret office. If we want this, we can have it… Just say the word."
He saw her smile reflected in the glass of the window. "I never thought of it like that." She twisted slightly and pecked him on the cheek. He waited for her to say the words, but she never did. His spirits, which had been soaring only seconds before, were suddenly plummeting to his feet.
//She doesn't want this.//
Slowly she rose from his lap, his hands falling carelessly from her waist.
"Let's go to bed," she whispered. Broken, he followed her, savoring the way she moved towards the(ir) bed. They slipped underneath the sheets, and he made love to her like there was no tomorrow.
***
He woke up the next morning feeling unbelievably sore and alone. He didn't realize how true that actually was until he reached out for her and only took in air. He bolted upright, searching the room thoroughly with his eyes, but he already knew she was gone.
Silently, he got up, gathered some clean clothes and went to the bathroom to clean up and change.
In 15 minutes, he was set to go. As he stood in the elevator heading towards the lobby, he leaned against the walls and closed his eyes.
Now he knew what she felt like when he had walked away from her all those years ago.
Broken, betrayed, crushed and utterly alone.
He continued to feel that way in the cab ride to the airport, waiting to board his plane, on the plane itself, in the stop over in Las Vegas, landing in L.A., and sitting in his apartment when he finally got home.
All of a sudden, he couldn't stand the silence anymore. He yanked the phone out of the stand and pressed the ON button. His fingers hovered hesitantly over the numbers. He shook his head and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes again and began to dial the numbers that he knew by heart.
He waited as the phone rang (once, twice, three times…) before a sleepy "Hello?" greeted him.
"Uh… hey, Weiss. I'm home." He sighed as he sat down on his couch, trying desperately to disappear into the soft folds.
"Are you alright, Mike? Is she… Are you alone?" He nodded (He can't see me) before answering, "Yeah. I am… I'm not sure if she went directly home after I saw her though, so I don't know when she'll be back."
Eric sighed softly. "You didn't answer my first question, but it sounds like you had a rough time, Mike," (I DID. But I'll live) "but I'm afraid it's not gonna get any better. You haven't contacted us in days. We didn't know where you were. Devlin was set to burn you at the stake."
Mike nodded, but he had thought of a cover story on his way over (to keep himself from being engulfed in his loneliness and sadness). "It was weird. Like she knew I was tracking her. I had to be discreet or I never would have gotten the chance to threaten her scrawny ass." He chuckled then, trying to make his story believable.
Eric laughed along. "Good, good. So that's what I'll tell Devlin… How did your week really go?"
Images of them making love, waking up together, enjoying the peace and tranquility of normal life flooded him… all shattered with the memory of waking up alone earlier that day. He sighed as he felt his heart break a little more.
"All you need to know was that it was bittersweet."
Eric couldn't keep the sympathy and pity from his voice. "Mike, I'm sorry. I was hoping you wouldn't feel this way when you came home."
//Neither did I, quite frankly.//
A few minutes later, after the phone was hung up, he still found his apartment deafeningly silent. So he left, indulging himself by taking a long walk.
He walked to the park, he walked up to the lookout spot where he could see everything… He saw the pier and knew she'd be there, yet he decided against the imminent confrontation and walked towards the beach instead (the opposite direction). He plopped himself in the sand and sat still, just watching the waves roll in and retreat (roll in and retreat… roll in and retreat… over and over and over and over…). Before long, he was watching the sunrise.
He was hit with a realization and the suns rays simultaneously: He'd feel the same no matter where he went or whom he was with.
Without Sydney Bristow, he'd always feel utterly alone.