Severus Snape Takes Matters into His Own Hands and Writes a FanFiction
The sound of a clattering keyboard drew Professor Lupin's attention, and he paused in the open doorway.
"What are you doing, Severus?" he asked the figure hunched over a tangerine iMac at the desk by the window.
"I'm writing the best fanfiction ever," Snape replied. "It's going to be MUCH better than the crap floating around on the web right now."
"Er, that's very...interesting," Lupin said slowly, sitting down by the desk. "What is it about?"
"It's about me, DUH," Snape retorted impatiently. "And it's going to be great. First, we start off with a flashback to when I was a student at Hogwarts and I generally get portrayed as a misunderstood loner."
"I...think that's already been done," Lupin began hesitantly.
"Shut up. Next, we introduce my rivalry with James Potter as being over Lily and NOT Quidditch. That is SO original...I bet everyone who reads it will be totally shocked."
"Um, Severus..." Lupin tried again.
"THEN, " Snape continued, "we cut to a few years ago and detail my struggles and internal moral debates about being a Death Eater. Really angsty. I may throw in some goth poetry."
"Ummm..."
Snape paused and examined the screen in front of him, then shook his head. "Nah, wouldn't work," he muttered to himself. "I was going to add in a little mini-slash story right here with me and Lucius Malfoy, but it would be too long. I guess I'll leave that part out."
"Thank God for that," said Dumbledore, as he randomly passed by the doorway.
Snape glared at the door and continued. "After that, we skip to the present and take an overview of how I'm a terrible person to everyone around me at school because I feel isolated and alone. Enter in the big climax with me returning to Voldemort after the fourth book, then betraying him (because I'm really a spy, you know) and saving Harry Potter's life, then tragically dying in the end, misunderstood by all. What do you think?"
Lupin paused in contemplation. Then he pulled out a steel-barreled Colt .45 pistol and riddled Snape's iMac with bullets.
"Now to kill Sarah Noble," he said cheerily.
The sound of a clattering keyboard drew Professor Lupin's attention, and he paused in the open doorway.
"What are you doing, Severus?" he asked the figure hunched over a tangerine iMac at the desk by the window.
"I'm writing the best fanfiction ever," Snape replied. "It's going to be MUCH better than the crap floating around on the web right now."
"Er, that's very...interesting," Lupin said slowly, sitting down by the desk. "What is it about?"
"It's about me, DUH," Snape retorted impatiently. "And it's going to be great. First, we start off with a flashback to when I was a student at Hogwarts and I generally get portrayed as a misunderstood loner."
"I...think that's already been done," Lupin began hesitantly.
"Shut up. Next, we introduce my rivalry with James Potter as being over Lily and NOT Quidditch. That is SO original...I bet everyone who reads it will be totally shocked."
"Um, Severus..." Lupin tried again.
"THEN, " Snape continued, "we cut to a few years ago and detail my struggles and internal moral debates about being a Death Eater. Really angsty. I may throw in some goth poetry."
"Ummm..."
Snape paused and examined the screen in front of him, then shook his head. "Nah, wouldn't work," he muttered to himself. "I was going to add in a little mini-slash story right here with me and Lucius Malfoy, but it would be too long. I guess I'll leave that part out."
"Thank God for that," said Dumbledore, as he randomly passed by the doorway.
Snape glared at the door and continued. "After that, we skip to the present and take an overview of how I'm a terrible person to everyone around me at school because I feel isolated and alone. Enter in the big climax with me returning to Voldemort after the fourth book, then betraying him (because I'm really a spy, you know) and saving Harry Potter's life, then tragically dying in the end, misunderstood by all. What do you think?"
Lupin paused in contemplation. Then he pulled out a steel-barreled Colt .45 pistol and riddled Snape's iMac with bullets.
"Now to kill Sarah Noble," he said cheerily.