Part Nineteen
"Max," Maria said flatly, "Its been a while."
"Yes, it has, Maria. I … I know what I did, what I said is unforgivable but I would appreciate it if you would give me a chance to explain," he said, looking at her pleadingly.
"You said I ruined your life, Max. You have an excuse for that?" she asked him directly, as was her manner. It was, and had always been a little disconcerting. Michael could particularly testify to that.
"Not an excuse, Maria. Nothing I could do could make up for that. Just an explanation. Then you can decide if you would be willing to give me another chance at earning your friendship," Max spoke formally. It was an occasion, an apology that was too serious for anything else.
"Have you any idea what it feels like to be accused of destroying someone's life, to be told to get out of their life, Max. Do you? And by your best friend." Her voice was one of total disappointment, of accusation.
And he felt it, her every word was like a dagger. Until now, Max thought he couldn't possibly have felt as bad as he did in the White Room or when Liz left after their destiny was first revealed. He was wrong – then, he had the knowledge of knowing he was right… that he was on the side of good, that he didn't deserve what happened to him – it was a knowledge he always took for granted, one Michael envied him for, one Michael had to work to achieve. Now, for the first time looking into the eyes of the person who he betrayed, Max felt, how truly awful his actions were. What he did, what he said, his total lack of belief in the one person that never gave up on him was possibly one of the worst things he ever did. One he wasn't sure he deserved to be forgiven for. One he really had no right to ask for forgiveness.
But she deserved to be asked. To at least know that he was sorry, to understand why he behaved so abominably and it was because of that, he was going to try to explain.
"Do you know what you were to me? What you did for me… how you saved me? I don't know if telling you will make it worse what I did or help you understand how come it hurt so much when I lost everything, and all I had left was anger… I just lashed out to the person that I blamed for it all," Max started. He stared at the floor, then he looked up. He was going to face her during this. She deserved to look him in the face, even if it was killing him to see what he did in hers.
"Okay, Max. Explain it to me. Explain to me how the one person that should have understood a false accusation, considering your origins could believe one in his best friend," she asked him angrily. He was the one that kissed the Skin. Of all of them, Maria couldn't decide who she was madder at, but she did know one thing, Max was at the top of her list. With Michael, for once in her life Maria had taken the easy way out – it hurt too much to think about him so she didn't, some of the time at least.
"I guess it all started at the White Room… it was like all my worst fears came through all at the same time. I was captured, Liz left and to top it all of, I was supposed to be some damn king. A king – all I was, was a teenage boy," Max got up and started pacing. He was just talking now, finally getting it all of his chest. He looked only at Maria. He didn't even seem to notice Michael still in the room, or the others walking in and sitting quietly.
"I was all alone, Michael was dealing with losing you and killing Pierce and Isabel was in shock… seeing our real mother and everything else – I couldn't tell her about the nightmares, and what happened there, it was her biggest fear. I was drowning, Maria, inside and I just couldn't see a way out – I wanted to go to Liz but she just left… just disappeared. I could have dealt with her breaking up with me if I could still have her as a friend, but she just… went to Florida. Then, then there was you… it was like you knew I was this close to losing it. My parents could see it, they sent me to counselling … but what was I suppose to say – I was tortured and the girl I loved more then life left me because lets not forget I am suppose to be king of another planet. Yeah that would have gone down real well," he paused and looked at her to see if she was hearing him, listening to him. She nodded and he started again, not noticing the guilt on the others in the room.
"You never asked questions. You just made sure I laughed, that I smiled, that I got through the day and you never gave up hope on Michael or Liz. Everytime I would think about how mad I was at her for leaving, I would think about you and Michael. How it didn't matter what he said, you always knew what he meant," he said glancing up at her, mid pacing.
"You were my lifeline, I guess I just got used to having you always being there, you telling me that everything was going to be alright, that we all got to have happy endings because we were the good guys. And you were right, things got better. You made me speak to Tess, even when I wanted to stay away from her, you made me practise when I wanted as little to being an alien as possible.
It was all getting better, and Liz and I got back together. But it wasn't the same… I guess a part of me never forgot that she left when I needed her most. And that part remembered that you were the one I talked to, the one that made the nightmares go away for a little while just by being my friend. I couldn't give that up, you… you were my stability. I didn't know she was jealous, you know – but I think she may be right. I do come to talk to you now. Its not that I can't talk to her, just that I relied on you. You're so strong, like Michael – I always needed that. Being around you made me strong. Its funny, isn't it… a king who can't make a single decision by himself," he added the last sentence ruefully.
Maria let Max talk. In a way what he said made perfect sense. Their friendship began after the people they loved most in the world left. In the beginning she did it more for Michael and Liz. She was taking care of Max, because they couldn't do it just then. It was her way of losing her own pain in that horrible summer, but their friendship grew. Then she did it for Max. Because he needed her, because he couldn't do it on his own. She saw Liz, Isabel, Tess, Kyle, and Alex come in with the drinks and she knew that Max hadn't. She didn't say anything. They all needed to hear this, their group needed to get issues out in the open, get rid of the hurt before it killed them. The Galinas had been right – she needed to talk to her friends, to forgive them. Not for them only but for her.
"When that skin came up to me and I saw her, I thought it was you and I was so happy to see you. I was thinking, at that second, that it was perfect. You, Liz, Michael and me – the four of us. We could all go out together like it was before." Max didn't say before what… they all knew what it meant. Before everything. Before Destiny. Before the FBI. Before the Skins.
"And then she kissed me. I was in total shock. I couldn't comprehend it in a way… and then I pushed her away, and I turned and saw Liz, and Michael just staring at me," he stopped pacing and just stared at the floor for a few seconds.
"They looked so… so betrayed. Like I dug out their hearts with a spoon, laughing. And then Michael punched me. Michael doesn't hit people, you know… he's stronger than that. Stronger than me. I hit him before, even though I knew, knew about Hank, and he always forgave me – he always forgave me everything, but this, this was the first time Michael ever hit me. It hurt. It hurt like hell and then he took off. I looked up and she was gone and Liz… Liz was running."
It was difficult to be mad when you saw pain in someone else. All this time Maria kept her eyes on Max but now she took one glance at Michael to see what he was thinking. And she could see it in his face… the pain he normally took such great care to hide, the look he got when anyone mentioned Hank, the pain from Max hitting him, from doing to Max what he thought of as an unforgivable act, the pain from the memory of that day.
"I spent the whole night trying to talk to them. I begged Liz and looked everywhere for Michael but he just disappeared and then the next day I walked into school and there you were and all I saw was someone that didn't even care that she had just destroyed all out lives. It was like you didn't care that you betrayed Michael, and Liz and…me. Then I got mad, so mad…" he started to pace again.
"Michael told me once that my problem was that I didn't recognise flaws. That I saw Liz as perfect, that I had been staring at her so long that I couldn't see she wasn't. He was right then, but when Liz left, it took me a while but I finally figured out that she was just… just human. But then I guess I transferred my reliance onto you. I wasn't in love with you but I needed you, so when everything blew up and I saw you that morning after, I…lashed out. I just let all that pent up anger I was feeling, the whole night, all onto you. I didn't see that you didn't know, that were just worried about us, I couldn't see just then… how impossible it all was, but the thing of it all was, the reason I got so mad, so angry was because it was all so impossible. You were my stability, my friend and I just lost you. Just like that, a snap of your fingers and another thing in my life just crumbled."
Max stopped in front of Maria and following Kyle's example crouched in front of her and took her hands in his, "I…" he started.
And she interrupted, "I need to know Max, with Alex, Kyle, Isabel and Tess I know that they were trying to contact me – but you – would you have ever asked me what happened. Did you even care where I was, what I was doing? Would you…?"
And this time, it was Max that interjected, "I wish I could say for sure that I would have Maria. I wish I could say that I was over it, over all the anger and pain and could see past that but honestly Maria, I just don't know."
Maria didn't hide the pain like she had been doing for so long – she let it show, and she watched as a tear left Max's eye, her eyes fixed on the slow progress it made as it rolled down Max's cheek. He lifted his hand and wiped the ones on her face, "We all cried too much over this already, Maria. I know it was selfish, I know what I did was the worst kind of sin, that I gave up on you when you would have never have, have never given up on me… I know what I said is no excuse, but Maria I just wanted you to understand. Understand how much you meant to me as a friend, understand how sorry I am. I took you for granted, we all did and I swear Maria if you take me back I will fix things with you, with Liz, with Michael, with Isabel, with everyone… I just don't know if I can do any of it without you telling me its all going to be okay…"
"Its all going to okay, Max," Maria cut his apology off, and she believed what she said. It was so easy to forgive him, so easy after all that to just let go of all the pain and anger. Max always needed her more than any of the others, except Michael and Maria could never deny that need – to let him hurt, the same way Michael, in a way, always tried to protect Max from the painful things in life. They all failed once, and Max was still paying from the effects of that time. In a way hearing it all from the beginning, from the White Room helped Maria put in all in perspective. It was time for them to stop hurting.
And then all her thoughts flew out her head, as Max threw himself in her arms and wrapped his arms around her. She flew backwards, almost losing her balance, but she hugged back. And for the first time watching, Liz felt no jealousy, Michael felt no envy and the others felt relief. None of them had really understood Max's reliance on Maria, and now that they did, the relief was for the fact that she had been there for him when they had not, and for her forgiving him.
"Drinks, everyone," Alex said out aloud when Max let go of Maria and he got up and gave Max one and handed Maria hers.
Max looked surprised to see him, to see them. He saw Liz walk over to them, and he gave her a tentative smile – and she returned it. Liz wrapped her arms around him and sat softly in his ear, "I'm sorry I left you, that I was jealous." And he knew then that they would be fine, that they would talk again.
Then Liz walked to Maria and hugged her and whispered a little tearfully, "I'm sorry I left you, that I left Max, for being jealous. Thank you for taking care of him."
"I care about him too, you know," Maria replied quietly.
"I know. I know and I won't be jealous any more. Not now. I never knew he felt any of that," Liz said.
"You know now. That's what matters."
"How'd you get so smart, huh?"
"It's the genes, chica," Maria said and she started to laugh and then Liz started, and for a few moments they couldn't stop. It was like something in them got released. And it was almost like it was before.
Max found himself standing next to Michael, both of them leaning against the wall. They didn't look at each but instead stared at the two girls that were laughing across the room.
"She does love you. I know she'll forgive you, Michael," Max said to his friend.
"I don't know, Maxwell. This was your first mistake… I seem to be forever making them. She's not always going to take me back," Michael replied, almost too soft to hear. Max nodded, acknowledging his reply and they were silent.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Michael broke the silence.
"Yes, she is. They both are," Max replied.
Michael turned now to face him, "I was jealous, you know. Not like Liz but… because you got to hold her and listen to her talk, and be with. And I couldn't. I'm sorry about that, Maximillian."
"It's okay, Michael. I envied you as well."
"You did, why?
"Because you were always more brave. You killed Pierce – and you suffered for that, and that's the one thing in the world I wanted to do. When he took me, I lost all control of my life, and I needed to get it back. You got it back for me."
"You were not meant for killing, Maxwell. You're suppose to heal. Its not the same with me," Michael answered him.
"You're wrong Michael. Did you ever think that if you meant to be a killer wouldn't suffer killing the one man that really deserved to die. What you did was to protect us all, just like you always did, Michael. " and there was silence again.
"I missed talking to you, Michael," Max said softly.
"I missed talking to you too."
End Part 19
A/N i have a bunch of max issues,especially right around this time in the show, but i like the show too much to be too mean. Let me know what you think.
Domino
"Max," Maria said flatly, "Its been a while."
"Yes, it has, Maria. I … I know what I did, what I said is unforgivable but I would appreciate it if you would give me a chance to explain," he said, looking at her pleadingly.
"You said I ruined your life, Max. You have an excuse for that?" she asked him directly, as was her manner. It was, and had always been a little disconcerting. Michael could particularly testify to that.
"Not an excuse, Maria. Nothing I could do could make up for that. Just an explanation. Then you can decide if you would be willing to give me another chance at earning your friendship," Max spoke formally. It was an occasion, an apology that was too serious for anything else.
"Have you any idea what it feels like to be accused of destroying someone's life, to be told to get out of their life, Max. Do you? And by your best friend." Her voice was one of total disappointment, of accusation.
And he felt it, her every word was like a dagger. Until now, Max thought he couldn't possibly have felt as bad as he did in the White Room or when Liz left after their destiny was first revealed. He was wrong – then, he had the knowledge of knowing he was right… that he was on the side of good, that he didn't deserve what happened to him – it was a knowledge he always took for granted, one Michael envied him for, one Michael had to work to achieve. Now, for the first time looking into the eyes of the person who he betrayed, Max felt, how truly awful his actions were. What he did, what he said, his total lack of belief in the one person that never gave up on him was possibly one of the worst things he ever did. One he wasn't sure he deserved to be forgiven for. One he really had no right to ask for forgiveness.
But she deserved to be asked. To at least know that he was sorry, to understand why he behaved so abominably and it was because of that, he was going to try to explain.
"Do you know what you were to me? What you did for me… how you saved me? I don't know if telling you will make it worse what I did or help you understand how come it hurt so much when I lost everything, and all I had left was anger… I just lashed out to the person that I blamed for it all," Max started. He stared at the floor, then he looked up. He was going to face her during this. She deserved to look him in the face, even if it was killing him to see what he did in hers.
"Okay, Max. Explain it to me. Explain to me how the one person that should have understood a false accusation, considering your origins could believe one in his best friend," she asked him angrily. He was the one that kissed the Skin. Of all of them, Maria couldn't decide who she was madder at, but she did know one thing, Max was at the top of her list. With Michael, for once in her life Maria had taken the easy way out – it hurt too much to think about him so she didn't, some of the time at least.
"I guess it all started at the White Room… it was like all my worst fears came through all at the same time. I was captured, Liz left and to top it all of, I was supposed to be some damn king. A king – all I was, was a teenage boy," Max got up and started pacing. He was just talking now, finally getting it all of his chest. He looked only at Maria. He didn't even seem to notice Michael still in the room, or the others walking in and sitting quietly.
"I was all alone, Michael was dealing with losing you and killing Pierce and Isabel was in shock… seeing our real mother and everything else – I couldn't tell her about the nightmares, and what happened there, it was her biggest fear. I was drowning, Maria, inside and I just couldn't see a way out – I wanted to go to Liz but she just left… just disappeared. I could have dealt with her breaking up with me if I could still have her as a friend, but she just… went to Florida. Then, then there was you… it was like you knew I was this close to losing it. My parents could see it, they sent me to counselling … but what was I suppose to say – I was tortured and the girl I loved more then life left me because lets not forget I am suppose to be king of another planet. Yeah that would have gone down real well," he paused and looked at her to see if she was hearing him, listening to him. She nodded and he started again, not noticing the guilt on the others in the room.
"You never asked questions. You just made sure I laughed, that I smiled, that I got through the day and you never gave up hope on Michael or Liz. Everytime I would think about how mad I was at her for leaving, I would think about you and Michael. How it didn't matter what he said, you always knew what he meant," he said glancing up at her, mid pacing.
"You were my lifeline, I guess I just got used to having you always being there, you telling me that everything was going to be alright, that we all got to have happy endings because we were the good guys. And you were right, things got better. You made me speak to Tess, even when I wanted to stay away from her, you made me practise when I wanted as little to being an alien as possible.
It was all getting better, and Liz and I got back together. But it wasn't the same… I guess a part of me never forgot that she left when I needed her most. And that part remembered that you were the one I talked to, the one that made the nightmares go away for a little while just by being my friend. I couldn't give that up, you… you were my stability. I didn't know she was jealous, you know – but I think she may be right. I do come to talk to you now. Its not that I can't talk to her, just that I relied on you. You're so strong, like Michael – I always needed that. Being around you made me strong. Its funny, isn't it… a king who can't make a single decision by himself," he added the last sentence ruefully.
Maria let Max talk. In a way what he said made perfect sense. Their friendship began after the people they loved most in the world left. In the beginning she did it more for Michael and Liz. She was taking care of Max, because they couldn't do it just then. It was her way of losing her own pain in that horrible summer, but their friendship grew. Then she did it for Max. Because he needed her, because he couldn't do it on his own. She saw Liz, Isabel, Tess, Kyle, and Alex come in with the drinks and she knew that Max hadn't. She didn't say anything. They all needed to hear this, their group needed to get issues out in the open, get rid of the hurt before it killed them. The Galinas had been right – she needed to talk to her friends, to forgive them. Not for them only but for her.
"When that skin came up to me and I saw her, I thought it was you and I was so happy to see you. I was thinking, at that second, that it was perfect. You, Liz, Michael and me – the four of us. We could all go out together like it was before." Max didn't say before what… they all knew what it meant. Before everything. Before Destiny. Before the FBI. Before the Skins.
"And then she kissed me. I was in total shock. I couldn't comprehend it in a way… and then I pushed her away, and I turned and saw Liz, and Michael just staring at me," he stopped pacing and just stared at the floor for a few seconds.
"They looked so… so betrayed. Like I dug out their hearts with a spoon, laughing. And then Michael punched me. Michael doesn't hit people, you know… he's stronger than that. Stronger than me. I hit him before, even though I knew, knew about Hank, and he always forgave me – he always forgave me everything, but this, this was the first time Michael ever hit me. It hurt. It hurt like hell and then he took off. I looked up and she was gone and Liz… Liz was running."
It was difficult to be mad when you saw pain in someone else. All this time Maria kept her eyes on Max but now she took one glance at Michael to see what he was thinking. And she could see it in his face… the pain he normally took such great care to hide, the look he got when anyone mentioned Hank, the pain from Max hitting him, from doing to Max what he thought of as an unforgivable act, the pain from the memory of that day.
"I spent the whole night trying to talk to them. I begged Liz and looked everywhere for Michael but he just disappeared and then the next day I walked into school and there you were and all I saw was someone that didn't even care that she had just destroyed all out lives. It was like you didn't care that you betrayed Michael, and Liz and…me. Then I got mad, so mad…" he started to pace again.
"Michael told me once that my problem was that I didn't recognise flaws. That I saw Liz as perfect, that I had been staring at her so long that I couldn't see she wasn't. He was right then, but when Liz left, it took me a while but I finally figured out that she was just… just human. But then I guess I transferred my reliance onto you. I wasn't in love with you but I needed you, so when everything blew up and I saw you that morning after, I…lashed out. I just let all that pent up anger I was feeling, the whole night, all onto you. I didn't see that you didn't know, that were just worried about us, I couldn't see just then… how impossible it all was, but the thing of it all was, the reason I got so mad, so angry was because it was all so impossible. You were my stability, my friend and I just lost you. Just like that, a snap of your fingers and another thing in my life just crumbled."
Max stopped in front of Maria and following Kyle's example crouched in front of her and took her hands in his, "I…" he started.
And she interrupted, "I need to know Max, with Alex, Kyle, Isabel and Tess I know that they were trying to contact me – but you – would you have ever asked me what happened. Did you even care where I was, what I was doing? Would you…?"
And this time, it was Max that interjected, "I wish I could say for sure that I would have Maria. I wish I could say that I was over it, over all the anger and pain and could see past that but honestly Maria, I just don't know."
Maria didn't hide the pain like she had been doing for so long – she let it show, and she watched as a tear left Max's eye, her eyes fixed on the slow progress it made as it rolled down Max's cheek. He lifted his hand and wiped the ones on her face, "We all cried too much over this already, Maria. I know it was selfish, I know what I did was the worst kind of sin, that I gave up on you when you would have never have, have never given up on me… I know what I said is no excuse, but Maria I just wanted you to understand. Understand how much you meant to me as a friend, understand how sorry I am. I took you for granted, we all did and I swear Maria if you take me back I will fix things with you, with Liz, with Michael, with Isabel, with everyone… I just don't know if I can do any of it without you telling me its all going to be okay…"
"Its all going to okay, Max," Maria cut his apology off, and she believed what she said. It was so easy to forgive him, so easy after all that to just let go of all the pain and anger. Max always needed her more than any of the others, except Michael and Maria could never deny that need – to let him hurt, the same way Michael, in a way, always tried to protect Max from the painful things in life. They all failed once, and Max was still paying from the effects of that time. In a way hearing it all from the beginning, from the White Room helped Maria put in all in perspective. It was time for them to stop hurting.
And then all her thoughts flew out her head, as Max threw himself in her arms and wrapped his arms around her. She flew backwards, almost losing her balance, but she hugged back. And for the first time watching, Liz felt no jealousy, Michael felt no envy and the others felt relief. None of them had really understood Max's reliance on Maria, and now that they did, the relief was for the fact that she had been there for him when they had not, and for her forgiving him.
"Drinks, everyone," Alex said out aloud when Max let go of Maria and he got up and gave Max one and handed Maria hers.
Max looked surprised to see him, to see them. He saw Liz walk over to them, and he gave her a tentative smile – and she returned it. Liz wrapped her arms around him and sat softly in his ear, "I'm sorry I left you, that I was jealous." And he knew then that they would be fine, that they would talk again.
Then Liz walked to Maria and hugged her and whispered a little tearfully, "I'm sorry I left you, that I left Max, for being jealous. Thank you for taking care of him."
"I care about him too, you know," Maria replied quietly.
"I know. I know and I won't be jealous any more. Not now. I never knew he felt any of that," Liz said.
"You know now. That's what matters."
"How'd you get so smart, huh?"
"It's the genes, chica," Maria said and she started to laugh and then Liz started, and for a few moments they couldn't stop. It was like something in them got released. And it was almost like it was before.
Max found himself standing next to Michael, both of them leaning against the wall. They didn't look at each but instead stared at the two girls that were laughing across the room.
"She does love you. I know she'll forgive you, Michael," Max said to his friend.
"I don't know, Maxwell. This was your first mistake… I seem to be forever making them. She's not always going to take me back," Michael replied, almost too soft to hear. Max nodded, acknowledging his reply and they were silent.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Michael broke the silence.
"Yes, she is. They both are," Max replied.
Michael turned now to face him, "I was jealous, you know. Not like Liz but… because you got to hold her and listen to her talk, and be with. And I couldn't. I'm sorry about that, Maximillian."
"It's okay, Michael. I envied you as well."
"You did, why?
"Because you were always more brave. You killed Pierce – and you suffered for that, and that's the one thing in the world I wanted to do. When he took me, I lost all control of my life, and I needed to get it back. You got it back for me."
"You were not meant for killing, Maxwell. You're suppose to heal. Its not the same with me," Michael answered him.
"You're wrong Michael. Did you ever think that if you meant to be a killer wouldn't suffer killing the one man that really deserved to die. What you did was to protect us all, just like you always did, Michael. " and there was silence again.
"I missed talking to you, Michael," Max said softly.
"I missed talking to you too."
End Part 19
A/N i have a bunch of max issues,especially right around this time in the show, but i like the show too much to be too mean. Let me know what you think.
Domino