"On My Own" is copyright it's authors and is from the wonderful, yet sad, musical "Les Miserables" which is based on the book of the same name written by Victor Hugo. All settings and characters, save any you don't recognize, are copyright J.K. Rowling. Please do not flame me or tell me that characters are not the way I write them to be, because after all, this is fan fiction. Inside my head, they are exactly how I portray them to be in my stories. Also, I don't want to hear about how you had to go and vomit after reading my stories. This is a slash story, if you don't like boy-boy pairings, there's a simple solution. DON'T READ. Please review, and if you have criticisms, please share, but only if they are constructive. Don't be mean. Remember, it's your reviews that keep this story alive. And now… on with the story…

On My Own

Early November, the grounds of the school are covered in a chill and uninviting rain. The dead trees of the forbidden forest stand like lonely, decaying sentinels inside an old forgotten tomb. A day like today was one meant for sitting in the commons with friends by the fire or laughing over a mug of hot cocoa in the Great Hall. No one would even think about setting foot outside on a day like today. No one, that is, but Ronald Weasley.

With classes over for the day, he had put on his heavy winter coat and wandered out the great front doors into the nothingness that lay outside. He figured, even though it was raining, he would have less of a chance of running into Harry out here. He really did not want to see his best friend at the present moment, as he was still grappling with the fact that he wasn't strong enough to tell Harry how he really felt. Thoughts of rejection, blind hate, and truly losing his best friend forever were playing through his mind, drown out only by the day dreams in which he and his prince could live happily ever after.

The sun was setting in the west and painted the dreary skies with hues of violet, pink and magenta. Of course, these dazzling colors were only visible through sparse breaks in the clouds. Tonight, no stars would shine, and the sky would look as dead and empty as Ron felt inside.

And now I'm all alone again,

Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.

Without a home, without a friend,

Without a face to say hello to.

And now the night is near,

I can make believe he's here…

This wasn't the first time the boy had been wandering the grounds alone after classes were finished. He had found solace in this. A way to try and escape the pain of the feelings he held inside. This was a way to keep the feeble light of hope burning inside of his chest. On most of his lonely treks around the grounds, he would find himself fantasizing that he was walking, not alone, but with Harry. Hand in hand, arm in arm, the way lovers may walk.

Sometimes I walk alone at night,

When everybody else is sleeping.

I think of him and I am happy,

With the company I'm keeping.

The castle goes to bed,

And I can live inside my head…

A smile crept across his face as he walked, musing to himself what things could be like. If he could only get the courage to say what he truly felt, but alas, it was a lost cause. He'd never be that strong. And even if he were, there was no way Harry would ever love him back. No, the only time they would ever be together was when Ron was all by himself.

On my own,

Pretending he's beside me.

All alone,

I walk with him till morning.

Without him,

I feel his arms around me,

And when I've lost my way, I close my eyes,

And he has found me.

He sighed as he approached the lake. He looked down into the dark, cold water, still surface marred only by the rain falling upon it. He stared at the broken, redheaded reflection looking back at him. "Who are you?" he asked the mirror image of himself. "Even I don't know anymore. I've been so wrapped up trying to figure out how I feel, I've lost myself…." With a sigh, he continued on his way.

In the rain,

The pavement shines like silver.

All the lights,

Are misty in the river.

In the darkness,

The trees are full of starlight,

And all I see is him and me forever and forever.

And I know it's only in my mind.

That I'm talking to myself and not to him.

And although, I know that he is blind,

Still I say, there's a way for us…

"Why do you torture yourself like this?" he asked himself quietly. "you know that none of these day dreams can ever happen. He's in love with Cho. They'll most likely be getting married after graduation."

Graduation. He hadn't even thought of that until now. Commencement was only a half a year way. Yes, it still seemed far away, but every day it drew closer. That's when the fear hit him, gripping him tightly by the inside of his stomach. If he didn't tell Harry soon, there most definitely wouldn't ever be a chance. If Graduation came and went, Harry would leave, and Ron would most likely never see him again.

The fear left almost as soon as it had hit, when he realized that it didn't matter… Harry would leave with Cho whether Ron told him how he felt or not. He silently cursed himself for being so fool hardy. He'd just walk now, no more thoughts. And then he would face the school tomorrow as he had for the past four months, alone, and wishing he wasn't weak.

I love him,

But when the night is over,

He is gone, the river's just a river.

Without him, the world around me changes,

The trees are bare and everywhere,

The halls are full of strangers.

Although he had made a promise to himself not to think anymore, he really couldn't help it. He told himself he was nothing but a fool for thinking that anything could ever develop from his feelings. He knew, he KNEW that Harry was not attainable by any means. He also knew that, when Graduation came and went, Harry would leave without so much as a single look back.

I love him,

But every day I'm learning,

All my life,

I've only been pretending.

Without me,

His world will go on turning.

A world that's full of happiness,

That I have never known…

As he entered the gardens of the school, he saw a shadowy figure sitting beneath a tree. Above, the sky had begun to clear and the light of the moon cast a lonely glow upon the other figure, silhouetting it amidst the darkness. The figure, silhouette or not, was one Ron's eyes knew well. It was Harry. He gingerly approached the other, and as he did, he noticed that his best friend was crying. "Harry? Harry, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice concerned. All of his own troubles were forgotten for a moment as he looked at his friends pained form.

I love him…

Harry looked up, his eyes red behind his wire frame glasses. A hand reached up to wipe at his running nose as hurt emerald eyes looked upon his friend. "Cho… and I… b…b…broke up." he stammered between a few pained sobs, and as he finished, fresh tears welled up in Harry's eyes.

I love him…

It hurt Ron to see Harry in such a state. To see the tears falling from his eyes the way the rain had been only a few moments ago. He moved to sit beside his friend, pulling the poor broken boy into his arms. Harry lay his head on Ron's shoulder, arms encircling his best friend, holding on for dear life.

I love him…

It was a while before Harry's tears had ebbed and he lay there, almost boneless against Ron's strong frame. Ron cradled his beloved friend, with all the care and compassion of a mother holding their hurt child. The silence dwelled heavy upon both of them, until Harry's weak voice broke it…

"Ron, th… there's something I have to talk to you about…"

But only on my own.