"Misty's Song (I Wanna Tell You…)" is copyright it's authors and is off of the Pokemon: 2-B A Master CD. Yes, it's from a Pokemon CD, but the song fits this part of the story rather well. *Warning* This is a slash fic. If you do not like slash pairings, I really don't know why you would be on chapter five of this story in the first place. Also, please don't tell me that chars aren't gay, cause in my mind, love is love. It knows no gender, race, color, or religion. You love who you love, whether it be of the same gender or not. All chars and settings are copyright J.K. Rowling, save the ones you don't recognize. Your reviews are what keep this story going, so please review. And now… on with the angst….
I Wanna Tell You…
"Ron, th… there's something I have to talk to you about…"
Ron looked down at the frail and fragile form of his best friend cradled in his arms. Their eyes met briefly, and Ron quickly looked away. "You know you can always tell me anything, Harry."
"I know.. This is just hard to tell you. I mean, I have wanted to for a long time, but I just never have been able to get the nerve." He looked so small there in the moonlight as he spoke. He was shaking nervously in the red head's arms. Ron couldn't help but smile, and wonder to himself if this could be the moment he had been waiting for…
Out here in the quiet of the night,
Beneath the stars, and moon.
We both know we got something on our minds,
We won't admit, but it's true.
You look at me, I look away…
There was a long silence between the two of them as they looked at each other, eyes locked. Was it Ron's imagination, or was that same longing that he saw months before back in Harry's eyes? Ron looked away quickly, just in time to notice a star falling from the sky. He licked his lips, wishing for the strength to say what he longed to… wishing that Harry would say it back.
I wanna tell you what I'm feeling,
But I don't know how to start.
I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid,
That you might break my heart.
Oh, why should anything so easy,
Ever be so hard to do.
I wanna tell you what I'm feeling,
And to say that I love you.
It was Harry who finally broke the silence. "Ron, we've been best friends for a long time now, and I know for the past few months, I haven't really been that great of a friend. I'm sorry for that. The truth is, every time I see you, I try to go to you, to talk to you, but I always lose my nerve. It's like, I've always been able to talk to you, but this is almost… impossible to tell anyone, let alone my best friend. I've just been so afraid that you're going to hate me…"
"You know nothing you could ever tell me could make me hate you Harry. You're my best friend in the world." Ron smiled gently as he looked back to the other. They had been sitting beneath the tree in the garden for some time now, and for Ron, this was a dream come true. He had his best friend back, and they were sitting holding each other beneath the night sky. What more could he ask for. The strength to tell Harry he loved him, that's what. He knew all to well what the other boy was talking about, he too had been trying, every day, to admit his feelings, sometimes even rehearsing what he would say on his lonely walks. Perhaps tonight, in such a perfect setting, he would finally be able to say those words. The three small words that are the hardest to say.
I practice all the things that I could say,
Line by line,
Every word.
I tell myself, today could be the day,
But, every time, I lose my nerve.
I look at you, you look away…
"Ron, I… I… " and he suddenly turned away from Ron, losing his nerve completely once again. The black haired boy pulled himself from the warm, sheltering embrace of the other and quickly began walking towards the end of the garden. The only thing that halted him, was Ron's voice as he moved to catch up to his best friend.
"Harry, please wait." His voice was almost pleading as he ran down the garden path. When he finally caught up to him, Harry turned, and he could plainly see the tears once again flowing from those dazzling emerald eyes. He reached up to gently wipe away the tears from Harry's face, but the other boy shied away from the touch. "Harry, whatever it is, it can't be that bad…"
I wanna tell you what I'm feeling,
But I don't know how to start.
I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid,
That you might break my heart.
Oh, why should anything so easy,
Ever be so hard to do.
I wanna tell you what I'm feeling,
And to say that I love you.
Harry quickly looked away from Ron. He couldn't look at him crying like this. He had always been the strong one of the group, and now, here he was, falling apart in front of his best friend. Harry figured he had nothing left to lose…
Why?
Why do you turn away?
It might be that you're afraid like me.
I try, but I can't pretend that I,
Don't feel for you,
The way I do,
Can't you see?
"I'm gay Ron, and I think I'm in love with you… I've been trying to tell you almost all year now, but I just couldn't bear to risk it. I know you probably hate me now. I know that you probably think I'm just a faggot, but I just want you to know that, I will always be your best friend, just as I will always consider you mine." His voice was barely audible as his cheeks slowly turned red from embarrassment.
Ron stood there, stunned. Harry had just said the words he had been longing to hear for so long, and he couldn't believe it. His wish had come true. He stuttered a couple of times, and then burst into tears.
Harry looked up at the sound of Ron's tears and mistook their meaning. "I'm sorry, Ron," he whispered and then, before Ron could stop him, he ran. He ran until he was back at the castle, not looking back despite Ron's calls. His own tears filled his eyes until he could no longer see. He collapsed on the stone steps of the castle, curling up into a ball and letting his tears fall.
Ron fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands. He had blown it. There was his chance, and he blew it. Harry had admitted everything to Ron and he had froze. He cursed himself through his tears. All of his dreams had just come true, all of his hopes, his wishes, and because of his weakness, he let them slip through his fingers. All he had to say was that he loved Harry too, and he couldn't do it. He felt more dead inside than he had for the last four months of being ignored. Why couldn't he have just said it? Why couldn't he have just told Harry how he felt? He collapsed into the dead roses, to numb to feel the cold thorns as they scratched through his delicate flesh. And it was there he stayed, crying himself into a troubled sleep.
I wanna tell you what I'm feeling,
But I don't know how to start.
I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid,
That you might break my heart.
Oh, why should anything so easy,
Ever be so hard to do.
it was Hermione who found him there the next morning. She roused the red headed boy, "Ron…" She said, her face and her voice quite panicked. "Ron, wake up! Harry's gone!!"
I wanna tell you what I'm feeling,
And to say that I love you.