Chapter 3
Snape peeled back the gold satin sheets and slipped into bed. A short brass reading lamp gave off light,, the glow a pale aqua from filtering through the glass lampshade. A wide leather bound book sat next to the lamp on the richly colored hardwood night stand. Embossed on the cover, the initial SS . Snape relaxed and leaned back, letting his black hair rest against the light shade of coal that represented his pillowcase. Without glancing over, Snape extended his arm and moved the leather book through the air, finally setting it on the sheets above his chest. His newly polished fingernails glinted in the aqua light as he stroked the cover of the book. His most precious possession, containing all of his innermost thoughts committed to thick vanilla paper. He raised the cover, and paged through until he came to a blank sheet. He reached toward the night stand again, feeling for the gold inlayed pen that laid there. He uncapped it and released the pent up passion of the day, contained in the form of black ink.
" Oh God! The chance of a lifetime, the completion of every dream, the desire of my every waking moment. Just to hold her, that's all I wanted. The feel of her soft breasts beneath the robe, the expression of pure ecstasy in her eyes, pure bliss. And the feel of her small waist, shivering beneath my palm. No words exist to describe how much I love her, for how many years I have longed for that. And how disappointed I am in myself! I have fought that since she stepped into this school, since the first time she raised her hand to answer my questions. I am no better than any other womanizer, and worse, she is a child! A student, my responsibility! I have betrayed every trust, and worse, I have betrayed her. I deserve the hell that exists for people of the worst crimes, but God help me, I enjoyed it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. If this condemns me, then I will take it. I am despicable, vile, and evil. I am everything everyone thinks about me, but I won't change. I love her and I can't give it up. God help me..."
Snape let the pen fall from his fingers. He stared down at the words he had written in anguish. Such a choice! To live without her was impossible to imagine, unthinkable. To have her, to complete what he had almost started today, the worst thing in the world. Just the thought of soiling her, to crush her innocence, for an innocent he was sure she was....god. How could he be thinking this? There was no choice involved, shouldn't be at least. But Snape knew what he would do, and he mourned inside because of it.
Meanwhile...
Hermione slammed closed the cover of "Unicorns, a History of Myths and Folklore". The loud thud resounded throughout the nearly empty common room. She and Ginny had been studying for hours, ever since she had returned from her meeting with Snape. Unicorns, the subject fascinated her. So when Ginny had suggested that they might observe them together, Hermione had jumped at the chance. Ever since last year, Ginny had been her only true friend, Harry and Ron refused to talk to her now. Hermione reflected for a moment, thinking about what had happened, maybe she could have handled the situation better. Maybe telling Professor Mcgonagal had been a bit harsh, but there were reasons the lake was forbidden, especially late at night. She sighed inwardly, from then on Harry and Ron had refused to speak to her. But no matter what it had cost her, she didn't regret stopping them. Hermione would much rather except the cold silence they offered than have two dead friends. And when Ginny had offered her a king word and her friendship, Hermione had been very happy to accept. After all, Ginny was a bright girl and one couldn't remain friendless forever. So now they were in the process of researching Unicorns, to be sure to get as much as possible out of it when they watched them. It was enthralling, the reading itself was riveting, usually. But tonight she couldn't seem to concentrate. This afternoon had been a shock, and she needed time to think. Hermione pushed the chair back from the table and excused herself from Ginny. She could feel the cool stone against her bare feet as she padded up the stairs to her room. As head girl she naturally had her own living space, a cozy four roomed apartment she had occupied for the last four years. The copper door knob felt like ice against her heated skin. She walked into her bedroom and shut the door with a flick of her wrist. The events of the day swirled in her mind, threatening to drown her with their growing intensity. Preoccupied, and completely exhausted, Hermione unbuttoned her robe and let it fall to the floor. Oh well, she thought as she walked toward her bed, it's still warm enough to sleep like this, if only for a short time. As she slipped between the cool sheets she smiled. No matter what else, no matter how forbidden, she had enjoyed kissing Snape. Hermione lay back against the pillow and stared at the curtains swirling around her. How she had begged her parents for this bed, and then begged Dumbledore to let her bring it in! But it had been worth it, a beautiful four poster canopy bed, built with a beautiful mahogany, the one thing material possession she truly cherished. And the swirling draperies, fashioned of a gossamer violet color, threaded with silver and black, glistening in the moonlight, the thing she had worked all summer to afford. Her head spun, and tranquility wound itself around her. Everything was perfect...everything but...