What a Broken Heart Can Bear

Chapter 3: Trying to Cover the Pain

Oh, it appears that I wasn't very clear when I asked about the DA video. It's not that the actual video made for the specifically for the song is about DA. Some people put the videos together on their computer and add a song to it - thus the music video. If you wanna see some you can go to 'Logan and Max {A Dark Angel Shipper Site} and look in the Fogle Towers section. I'm a personal fan of the 'Deliver Me' video. Great song. Sorry about the confusion.

I think it's my responsibility as the author to give you guys a bit of a warning about a decision I made the other night.  Where this story is headed, may not be where you all are hoping. Now don't get me wrong, I'm as big a Max/Logan shipper as anyone.  But I wanna try something different with this.  So please when it becomes obvious as to what I'm doing, let me know what you think. And contrary to popular opinion I can be swayed. I'm a bit nervous about doing this so I can use all the support you're willing to give.

***I have one more favor…what song(s) do you think of when you think of DA?

Ummm, I think that's about it as far as Author's notes go. Umm…well on with the show.

          Adriann slipped into Logan's apartment just as the sun was beginning to rise from  the horizon in a fiery blaze. She half expected Logan to be asleep, or mindlessly at work as Eyes Only. But, she found Logan not far from where she had left him; on the couch watching the sun rise. Hearing the sound of the percolating coffee, Adriann took a detour to the kitchen and poured two cups of the rare beverage and joined her roommate on the couch and handed him his cup.

          "Breathtaking isn't it?" he murmured only half feeling the warmth seep through the glass to his hands.

          "Hmmm." Adriann was watching her friend more than the sunrise, as the sun broke over the hill crest in the distance. 'He didn't sleep much, and whatever sleep he did get was probably full of nightmares. And knowing him, he hasn't talked to a soul about this. Which makes my job even harder. But the question is, how do I bring this up?' Taking a sip of her coffee, Adriann composed her thoughts, and turned more towards Logan. 'Might as well just dive on in. It's gonna be messy no matter what. So why bother cutting corners?'

          "So, you finally told Max that you love her." Adriann stated flatly, her eyes showing nothing but empathy and love.

          "She told you." He nodded slightly. "Quite frankly, I'm surprised she's still in Seattle." Logan added harshly.

          "And why is that?" Adriann pushed a  bit defensively.

          "Oh, please Adriann. You know as well as I do, that whenever things get hard or sticky or too emotional, Max runs. Just like the rest of them." Logan spat angrily, unaware of what he had just said.

          "Just like the rest of them." She whispered hardly audible. She felt like she had just been kicked in the gut, and the wind knocked out of her. "Well, if that's how they are maybe I should be running. Because this situation you've gotten yourself into is a bit too emotional for a lab rat like myself." Adriann put her coffee cup on the table as she rose to her feet. "I'll get my things and let myself out." Her anger growing to cover the hurt, Adriann stalked off towards her bedroom, leaving Logan on the couch.

          "Adriann. You know I didn't mean you." He sighed exasperated, as he rose to his feet.

          "Oh really? The what did you mean?" she asked adjusting the shoulder strap of her duffle bag, walking back into the living room.

          "I don't know. I was just angry. I didn't mean anything." Logan shouted.

          "Well, anger tends to bring out the truth about what people think of others. So Logan, what do you really think?" Adriann asked raising her voice to meet his.

          "Oh I dunno. That you're a genetically engineered killing machine. Or maybe a lost little murdering freak with no real place in the world anymore. Or how about some guy's nice little test tube creation that never should have been made. Or even a military trained half breed who can't stay out of other people's business. Every time you try to help, you just screw it up more! Damn it Adriann, I wish you never showed your face here!" Logan screamed at the top of his lungs. 

"Get OUT!" He added throwing  his coffee mug against the wall, sending hundreds of tiny pieces of glass showering down around the room like diamonds.  All anger that was coursing through Adriann's veins quickly vanished at Logan's harsh words. She felt like she had just been stabbed by the most solid and stable figure in her chaotic life. As tears threatened to fall, Adriann took a deep breath to stabilize herself, and keep her dignity.

          "Well," she whispered. "If that's how you feel…It was nice knowing you Logan." Turning on her heal, Adriann began to walk to the door, but stopped half way there and faced Logan once more.

          "Who the hell do you think you are? And how dare you treat me like one of your degenerate-low life-brainless-piss poor informants, who screwed up again! I know you're upset about the whole Max and the virus ordeal. But need I remind you that you are the one who wasted quite possibly the most precious year of your life with Max? So you can be as angry and self destructive as you want, but don't even think of ever speaking to me like that again! I don't deserve it. And I sure as hell won't put up with it. And don't think for one minute that Max will either. Get over yourself Logan, for once,  and take a look around! You're not the only one hurting here." With that Adriann reached for the door handle, with barely a second thought, 'Goodbye Logan' and yanked it open

          "Dre?" A small, weak a voice called, so softly that without her enhanced hearing she would have missed it. "I can't lose you too." Logan sat back down on the edge of the couch, putting his head in his hands hoping that she would stay to listen.

          "I'm sorry. I'm just so…so…raw. It's like I'm walking around with open wounds all over my body and every breath pours salt in them. I didn't mean any of that. I swear I didn't. You've got to know that. All of what I said was what Manticore wanted you to become, wants you to believe that you are. But, you're  not anything like that, not even close. I don't know what made me say those heinous and hurtful lies. I am so sorry. I hate thinking about the sick and twisted plans Manticore had for the people I love most in my life." Logan lifted his head to look out the window, feeling Adriann's presence near by. He continued turning to face the woman standing silently behind the couch and took her hands in his.

"But there are times when I do wish that you had never showed up on my door step that night." Logan admitted. Feeling Adriann immediately tense Logan's tear filled locked with hers. "Because if you never showed up that night and I never met you, I wouldn't be so terrified of losing you someday. Just the thought of it, just the possibility, scares the hell out of me Adriann. It really does." Taking a small step forward, Adriann smiled down sadly as Logan wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head against her stomach, losing his battle with his tears. Holding him close, she bent down to kiss his head. 'I never knew that he cared about me that much. I knew he did, a lot. But I never could have imagined how much.'

"You don't have to worry about losing me. You will never lose me Logan, I can promise you that. Anytime you need me -for anything- I'll be here. All you have to do is say the word, and I'm here. Shh. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay." She consoled as Logan's grip on her tightened. 'Good thing I'm 'superwoman' otherwise I wouldn't be able to breathe.'

"Adriann?" Logan asked, without moving.

"Yeah."

"I need you. I think I always will, but right now, I really need you here with me." Logan pulled his head back to look at her face. "Please don't leave. Stay here with me. You can have your old room back – I haven't touched a thing in it – It could be like old times. Please? Adriann. Stay."

'Aww, he looks so desperate and pathetic. Like a lost little puppy. How can I say no to him when he looks like that? BUT…I'll have to make him work for this.'

"I'll move back in on two conditions."  She told him, doing everything she could to maintain her appearance of seriousness.

"Anything."

"1. We have to watch some old movie together at least once a week, or have some kind of quality time together, so we can work out any issues or just talk they way we used to." 'I miss our talks Logan.'

"Done." He smiled, not seeing the sacrifice in that. But he wouldn't complain, she could make his life much more difficult if she wanted to and Logan knew he deserved it. Especially after his little outburst today.

"2. We've got to do something about that hair. It's ridiculously long and out of control." Adriann scolded as she, fighting to keep a straight face.

"I think I can handle that." Logan chuckled, running a hand through his messy hair. "I've been meaning to cut it anyway."

"Well it looks like you've got yourself a roomie Mr. Cale. Now move over." She said playfully pushing his aside, before hoping over the back of the couch and reclaiming her seat. Leaning into his shoulder, Adriann sighed.

"Gotta broom?" she asked flatly.

"What?" Logan looked over at his roommate, baffled.

"Well someone's got to clean up the glass, and it might as well be me." Adriann replied flippantly, as she got up and began to pick up some of the bigger shards of glass. "But don't get used to me cleaning up after you. Because it will not be a regular occurrence." Cutting behind him, she dumped the glass into the garbage can.

"If I remember correctly, you would be the slob of the house not me." Logan laughed, taking the broom out of the hall closet and handing it over to her.

"You remember that huh?" Dre said with a smile and a shrug. "Oh well. A girl's gotta try right?"

"Uh-huh." Logan rolled his eyes, squatting down to hold the dust pan in place. "What ever you say."

After they had finished cleaning up the mess, Adriann brought her bag back into her room and unpacked while Logan showered. The actual process of unpacking didn't take long, but all the reminiscing extended the ordeal.

          'He really didn't touch a thing. I've been gone for almost seven months and everything is exactly as I left it.' Adriann sat down on her large soft bed, and picked up the stuffed bear sitting in front of the pillows. 'He even kept this.' She smiled at the bear as the memories flooded her mind. 'It seems like yesterday…' Bling had won the bear for her at a near by town's carnival. That was one of those days you wish never ended…but at the same time, you've never been so happy it was never coming back. That was the day the virus came into play. The four-some had spent the day at the carnival, happily laughing and thoroughly enjoying themselves and each others company.

That night Logan had made dinner for them. While Bling and Adriann were dancing, Logan and Max were finishing up the dishes. He leaned down to kiss her and suddenly it was as if Max had become poison. Logan broke out in a cold sweat, boils, a rash and he had a fever that was through the roof. Then thanks to Adriann's good 'ole sixth sense, she figured out that it was Manticore. Somehow they had managed to create a virus specifically targeted towards Logan's DNA, and Max was their host; she carried it in her blood. When the virus was initially introduced Max was so weak, because of her recent heart transplant, that it couldn't be full implanted into her system. Her immune system doing its job, held the virus at bay just long enough to give both Max and Logan some hope for the future. When she was finally back to full strength, Max's immune system backed off and the virus was free to do as it pleased.

Adriann had taken care of Logan while Max had gone back to Manticore for the antigen. The rest is history. That was one of the best and worst days of Adriann's life. And this bear was a reminder of that and so much more. It was a reminder of Bling. 'Bling. Now there is someone I don't want to think about. After all he is married now. So what's the point? After all, it's my own fault he's married and not to me. I am a human 'fog bank', a trait that appears to run in the family. Get on with your life. He's still a friend. He did invite you to the wedding – not that you went – but you were invited. And Heather is a sweet heart, they're great together. Anyway, it wasn't meant to be. I could see that more than anyone. But the time we had together, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I guess that means, the bear stays.' Adriann laughed to herself. 'Always gotta talk things out don't you? Yep, you're nuts.'  Tossing the bear back onto the bed, Adriann decided it was time for breakfast.

          "Hey Logan!" she yelled walking out into the hall.

          "Yes Adriann?" Logan replied, knowing what was coming next.

          "You making me breakfast or what?" The only answer she got was the burst of laughter flowing out of the kitchen. 'I guess that's a yes.'

          "Well, make a lot, cause I'm hungry."

~Well kiddies, there you have it chapter 3. I am sorry that it took me so long to get this up. Forgive me? Please. Remember to review for me cause I'm curious as to what you're thinking about the impending change in the direction of this little story of mine. As well as the songs you think of when it comes to DA.
Kimmy, you're the best! Thanks soooooo much for the help with the virus delay. You have no idea how thankful I am. Granted I was a moron and accidentily deleted the email before I used you great little bit of info…so I probably screwed up your idea royally. For that I apologize. But for the really good part of that - You get all the credit for that one!

Kat, as always you're there to push me…keep me going. I love you hon. What would I do with out you. And yes I am alive. Haven't dropped off the face of the earth or anything. Sorry if you worried about me. :o)