The Wheel of Time belongs to Robert Jordan, I just play here.
Chapter 5
As Jahar woke on his second morning in the camp, it was still early. Even so, Sheriam was up before him and already out. He ate little more than he had the day before, but he did channel briefly to warm the icy water in the pitcher. It was the first time he had channeled since.. well, the first time, and he almost lost the Source again. When filled with Saidin everything seemed more pronounced, not just sights and sounds but other things as well. He gritted his teeth and he made himself hold on to Saidin after he heated the water, and channeled a few times to move the breakfast tray and to straighten the bedclothes. He would have to Travel to Cairhien later today and it would do not good to mess up then. He felt tired from a night of bad dreams. Slowly and methodically he dressed and braided his hair.
As he was done, Sheriam came in with another Aes Sedai. "Jahar, this is Myrelle, she is a green," she said. She felt concerned again, he noticed.
He greeted Myrelle, but she all but ignored his greeting and looked him over from head to toe. He sighed and simply waited for whatever she would say or do. For a while Myrelle kept looking at him, then she laid her hands on him and he felt the tingle of her channeling. He frowned slightly as she had still barely acknowledged him -the Yellows the day before had at least said 'may I?' before delving, even though some had not waited for an answer. But he did not comment. Next, she looked over the tent. Her eye fell on the breakfast tray with still quite a bit of food left over. She turned to Sheriam. "He should be eating more," she said.
Al right, that was enough of that. "You could speak to me, you know," he snapped at the Green. She blinked and she looked at him with slight disapproval. But Sheriam smiled and her concern was gone again. He couldn't quite figure out what was up with that. He would ask her later, after this Myrelle was gone.
"Well?" he asked. Myrelle frowned.
"Yes, an Asha'man would be headstrong," she muttered. Then she did finally address him. "But you should eat more even so. Wielding the Power does not mean your body needs any less food after being Healed."
He shrugged irritatingly. "I feel fine."
Sheriam reflected his sense of irritation now, although she still acted pleasant enough. Fortunately, Myrelle soon said she had other duties and left.
Jahar glared at the tent flap as she disappeared, and Sheriam's irritation slowly dissipated. "Myrelle has bonded Warders before, after their Aes Sedai died," she offered as explanation.
Jahar grunted. "She looked at me as if I was a horse she wanted to buy, then spoke like I was not in the room."
"She is Ebou Dari," Sheriam replied, "But she has saved more Warders than any other Aes Sedai.", she added meaningfully.
Jahar grimaced. "I guess that means I have to eat more?" he said.
"It is important to eat after being Healed, but I told you that and I think you knew already," she answered. "I can not make you eat more but it would be good if you did."
He nodded. Well, he would see. He told himself he did eat, he just did not finish those huge servings she had been giving him. Then he thought of what he had wanted to ask earlier. "When I burst out in anger you feel relieved, not angry. I do not understand, why?"
Sheriam blinked, then nodded as if she thought of something she had not before. "Of course, you have not been a Warder long, I should have explained more to you. When an Aes Sedai dies, the danger lies in two places. The initial shock is the worst. If I had not bonded you, you would never have woken up. But most Warders who live through that simply give up the will to live. No Warder has ever died of anger, or even hurt, as long as they allow themselves to feel it -but when you feel so indifferent and empty, I worry."
"I am not going to lie down and die just yet," he said flatly.
Sheriam studied him for a moment. "No, I guess you are not," she said, and he could tell she felt reassured. Yet even so, each time he got one of his indifferent moods, he would feel her concern again.
It was late afternoon when he wove the Gateway to Cairhien. He stood in the roped-off area in between the tents, and now that he knew the camp he would also return directly here. It was only when Travelling to an unknown place that it was risky to open the Gateway in a populated place, since it was difficult to pinpoint an exact spot just looking at a map. But after weaving one Gateway here, he could open another one returning and he would be surprised if he were a tenth of an inch off.
He stepped through into the palace in Cairhien, and let the Gateway close. Immediately he felt his bond change to a distance presence. Sheriam had not come along, since he would be returning the same evening and she was with the Hall in a meeting. If he concentrated, he could still feel her clearly, and he knew he could point exactly to the camp. But it felt fuzzy in a way, distant, and strange. He had never Travelled far from Merise in the brief time he had been with her. He flinched at the reminder -there was no change in how strong he felt the effects of the broken bond.
The Aiel maidens who had apparently taken up their task of guarding the Lord Dragon again showed him into the rooms. Apart from the Lord Dragon, Min and Cadsuane were also present. He saluted, but before he had a chance to speak, Cadsuane asked, "Isn't Merise with you?"
Jahar bit back a snarl. He took a deep breath and answered her question, but he directed his words at the Lord Dragon. "Merise is dead. So is the woman who channeled Saidin at Shadar Logoth."
His words came as a shock to everyone in the room. The Lord Dragon dropped his hands on the arms of his chair and muttered to himself. Min's eyes opened wide as she said "I'm sorry." But Cadsuane responded as if stung. She veered up and tried to lay her hands on him in a flash. He stepped back, avoiding her.
"Sheriam holds my bond now," he said, and his tone of voice left no doubt that he would not let Cadsuane get her hands on him.
The grey-haired Aes Sedai stood frozen for a second, with her hands half- raised. Then she stepped backwards, turned and went back to her seat. "Well, tell us what happened," she said.
Jahar told his story for the third time, again trying to address the Lord Dragon more than Cadsuane, but she kept asking questions while he did his account. "The woman must have been the one who killed Eben at Shadar Logoth," he said as he finished relating the events of his battle. "She went by the name of Halima and was a secretary to one of the Grey Sitters. None of the Yellows can figure out how she managed to channel Saidin."
Cadsuane had a flood more questions about that, but finally she seemed satisfied he had told everything he knew. The only thing he kept quiet about was Sheriam's reaction to Delana.
"If there is nothing else, I would like to return to Tar Valon tonight," Jahar said. The Lord Dragon nodded, then suddenly said, "Wait." He got up and rummaged through some drawers in the back of the room. He returned holding something small. "Narishma, you are hereby promoted to full Asha'man," he said as he pinned the dragon on Jahar's coat. "The light knows you earned it," he added softly.
Jahar was not sure what he felt. Of course, he had wanted the dragon's pin since the Lord Dragon first announced the ranks he had instituted. He had worked hard. But the price had been higher than he could ever have thought that day when he saw the M'Hael being named as the first full Asha'man. It was an effort to keep his back straight and his voice steady. "Thank you, Lord Dragon." He saluted as the Lord Dragon stepped back. Then, he turned around and left to Travel back to Tar Valon.
He felt Sheriam's presence nearby as he stepped through the Gateway, and naturally she felt him returning as well. She emerged from the Amyrlin's tent as soon as he closed the Gateway and let go of Saidin. He briefly told her about his meeting, mentioning Cadsuane and her questioning. He could not quite make out the emotions Sheriam felt when he named her; a mixture of irritation, uneasiness but also awe. Well, Cadsuane had a formidable personality, even among other Aes Sedai. She did feel proud as he told her of his promotion. She looked at the Dragon pin, then studied his face.
"Yes, the price was high," she said. "But you earned it." She looked at him intensely for a few more moments, then frowned. "You have not eaten yet." She turned around towards the cooking fires. "Come." He followed her.
As they were almost at the nearest table where several of the cooks were handing out big bowls of stew, Delana emerged from a tent and walked briskly toward the tent of the Hall. Jahar felt Sheriam's fear and hatred before he even saw the Grey sister. Sheriam did not show any emotion anyone else could see, and he knew it was useless to ask again, but he would find out what was happening.
Jahar awoke early every morning, but even so Sheriam was gone each day before him, already in conference with the Amyrlin or Lord Bryne or one of the Sitters. He heard little of the siege efforts. He was not there to fight, but to set up some communication between the Lord Dragon and the Amyrlin. And the Amyrlin did not want the Lord Dragon to get directly involved in the taking of Tower.
His nights were restless, his dreams bad, and he always woke in an empty mood, the indifference being easier than feeling the pain in his sleep. But he was determined that he would go on. Once awake, he would grit his teeth and fill the emptiness with anything he could think of. He started to channel again when washing, dressing, and making his bed. Also during the day he would use the Power rather than lift or carry anything by hand.
Soon Sheriam noticed he used the Power as often as he did. "You should not channel so often," she said, and he could feel she was apprehensive. "The Power is dangerous when used too much, it is addictive to hold the Source and harder to let go all the time. That is why we don't do our chores with the Power."
During his weeks with Merise he had stopped channeling for minor chores as he had learned in the Black Tower. She had said the same thing Sheriam just told him. He had tried to argue, but Merise had gone to get Cadsuane and no one argued with her. He thought even the Lord Dragon usually listened to Cadsuane. But Sheriam was different. She did listen to what he said. She had even apologised to him a couple times, and he had never heard any Aes Sedai do that before, not to anyone who was not Aes Sedai as well. So he tried.
"At the Black Tower, we use Saidin for everything. It is good practice."
"So is playing it safe," Sheriam retorted.
"We have no time to play it safe. First there was the taint, and we did not think we would have years to learn regardless of outside events. But that is not all. I have channeled for eight months, and in that time I have fought the Shaido at Dumai's Wells, the Seanchan in Altara, the Forsaken at Shadar Logoth. What could I have done if we played it safe at the Black Tower? Juggle balls of light at them?" Jahar explained.
Sheriam nodded reluctantly. "I guess you are right," she sighed. "Use your judgement and do what you have to do. But I don't like it."
"I have no desire to burn myself out," Jahar told her, conviction clear in his voice.
"Just make sure you don't," Sheriam replied quietly. She still felt apprehensive but she did not mention his channeling again.
Chapter 5
As Jahar woke on his second morning in the camp, it was still early. Even so, Sheriam was up before him and already out. He ate little more than he had the day before, but he did channel briefly to warm the icy water in the pitcher. It was the first time he had channeled since.. well, the first time, and he almost lost the Source again. When filled with Saidin everything seemed more pronounced, not just sights and sounds but other things as well. He gritted his teeth and he made himself hold on to Saidin after he heated the water, and channeled a few times to move the breakfast tray and to straighten the bedclothes. He would have to Travel to Cairhien later today and it would do not good to mess up then. He felt tired from a night of bad dreams. Slowly and methodically he dressed and braided his hair.
As he was done, Sheriam came in with another Aes Sedai. "Jahar, this is Myrelle, she is a green," she said. She felt concerned again, he noticed.
He greeted Myrelle, but she all but ignored his greeting and looked him over from head to toe. He sighed and simply waited for whatever she would say or do. For a while Myrelle kept looking at him, then she laid her hands on him and he felt the tingle of her channeling. He frowned slightly as she had still barely acknowledged him -the Yellows the day before had at least said 'may I?' before delving, even though some had not waited for an answer. But he did not comment. Next, she looked over the tent. Her eye fell on the breakfast tray with still quite a bit of food left over. She turned to Sheriam. "He should be eating more," she said.
Al right, that was enough of that. "You could speak to me, you know," he snapped at the Green. She blinked and she looked at him with slight disapproval. But Sheriam smiled and her concern was gone again. He couldn't quite figure out what was up with that. He would ask her later, after this Myrelle was gone.
"Well?" he asked. Myrelle frowned.
"Yes, an Asha'man would be headstrong," she muttered. Then she did finally address him. "But you should eat more even so. Wielding the Power does not mean your body needs any less food after being Healed."
He shrugged irritatingly. "I feel fine."
Sheriam reflected his sense of irritation now, although she still acted pleasant enough. Fortunately, Myrelle soon said she had other duties and left.
Jahar glared at the tent flap as she disappeared, and Sheriam's irritation slowly dissipated. "Myrelle has bonded Warders before, after their Aes Sedai died," she offered as explanation.
Jahar grunted. "She looked at me as if I was a horse she wanted to buy, then spoke like I was not in the room."
"She is Ebou Dari," Sheriam replied, "But she has saved more Warders than any other Aes Sedai.", she added meaningfully.
Jahar grimaced. "I guess that means I have to eat more?" he said.
"It is important to eat after being Healed, but I told you that and I think you knew already," she answered. "I can not make you eat more but it would be good if you did."
He nodded. Well, he would see. He told himself he did eat, he just did not finish those huge servings she had been giving him. Then he thought of what he had wanted to ask earlier. "When I burst out in anger you feel relieved, not angry. I do not understand, why?"
Sheriam blinked, then nodded as if she thought of something she had not before. "Of course, you have not been a Warder long, I should have explained more to you. When an Aes Sedai dies, the danger lies in two places. The initial shock is the worst. If I had not bonded you, you would never have woken up. But most Warders who live through that simply give up the will to live. No Warder has ever died of anger, or even hurt, as long as they allow themselves to feel it -but when you feel so indifferent and empty, I worry."
"I am not going to lie down and die just yet," he said flatly.
Sheriam studied him for a moment. "No, I guess you are not," she said, and he could tell she felt reassured. Yet even so, each time he got one of his indifferent moods, he would feel her concern again.
It was late afternoon when he wove the Gateway to Cairhien. He stood in the roped-off area in between the tents, and now that he knew the camp he would also return directly here. It was only when Travelling to an unknown place that it was risky to open the Gateway in a populated place, since it was difficult to pinpoint an exact spot just looking at a map. But after weaving one Gateway here, he could open another one returning and he would be surprised if he were a tenth of an inch off.
He stepped through into the palace in Cairhien, and let the Gateway close. Immediately he felt his bond change to a distance presence. Sheriam had not come along, since he would be returning the same evening and she was with the Hall in a meeting. If he concentrated, he could still feel her clearly, and he knew he could point exactly to the camp. But it felt fuzzy in a way, distant, and strange. He had never Travelled far from Merise in the brief time he had been with her. He flinched at the reminder -there was no change in how strong he felt the effects of the broken bond.
The Aiel maidens who had apparently taken up their task of guarding the Lord Dragon again showed him into the rooms. Apart from the Lord Dragon, Min and Cadsuane were also present. He saluted, but before he had a chance to speak, Cadsuane asked, "Isn't Merise with you?"
Jahar bit back a snarl. He took a deep breath and answered her question, but he directed his words at the Lord Dragon. "Merise is dead. So is the woman who channeled Saidin at Shadar Logoth."
His words came as a shock to everyone in the room. The Lord Dragon dropped his hands on the arms of his chair and muttered to himself. Min's eyes opened wide as she said "I'm sorry." But Cadsuane responded as if stung. She veered up and tried to lay her hands on him in a flash. He stepped back, avoiding her.
"Sheriam holds my bond now," he said, and his tone of voice left no doubt that he would not let Cadsuane get her hands on him.
The grey-haired Aes Sedai stood frozen for a second, with her hands half- raised. Then she stepped backwards, turned and went back to her seat. "Well, tell us what happened," she said.
Jahar told his story for the third time, again trying to address the Lord Dragon more than Cadsuane, but she kept asking questions while he did his account. "The woman must have been the one who killed Eben at Shadar Logoth," he said as he finished relating the events of his battle. "She went by the name of Halima and was a secretary to one of the Grey Sitters. None of the Yellows can figure out how she managed to channel Saidin."
Cadsuane had a flood more questions about that, but finally she seemed satisfied he had told everything he knew. The only thing he kept quiet about was Sheriam's reaction to Delana.
"If there is nothing else, I would like to return to Tar Valon tonight," Jahar said. The Lord Dragon nodded, then suddenly said, "Wait." He got up and rummaged through some drawers in the back of the room. He returned holding something small. "Narishma, you are hereby promoted to full Asha'man," he said as he pinned the dragon on Jahar's coat. "The light knows you earned it," he added softly.
Jahar was not sure what he felt. Of course, he had wanted the dragon's pin since the Lord Dragon first announced the ranks he had instituted. He had worked hard. But the price had been higher than he could ever have thought that day when he saw the M'Hael being named as the first full Asha'man. It was an effort to keep his back straight and his voice steady. "Thank you, Lord Dragon." He saluted as the Lord Dragon stepped back. Then, he turned around and left to Travel back to Tar Valon.
He felt Sheriam's presence nearby as he stepped through the Gateway, and naturally she felt him returning as well. She emerged from the Amyrlin's tent as soon as he closed the Gateway and let go of Saidin. He briefly told her about his meeting, mentioning Cadsuane and her questioning. He could not quite make out the emotions Sheriam felt when he named her; a mixture of irritation, uneasiness but also awe. Well, Cadsuane had a formidable personality, even among other Aes Sedai. She did feel proud as he told her of his promotion. She looked at the Dragon pin, then studied his face.
"Yes, the price was high," she said. "But you earned it." She looked at him intensely for a few more moments, then frowned. "You have not eaten yet." She turned around towards the cooking fires. "Come." He followed her.
As they were almost at the nearest table where several of the cooks were handing out big bowls of stew, Delana emerged from a tent and walked briskly toward the tent of the Hall. Jahar felt Sheriam's fear and hatred before he even saw the Grey sister. Sheriam did not show any emotion anyone else could see, and he knew it was useless to ask again, but he would find out what was happening.
Jahar awoke early every morning, but even so Sheriam was gone each day before him, already in conference with the Amyrlin or Lord Bryne or one of the Sitters. He heard little of the siege efforts. He was not there to fight, but to set up some communication between the Lord Dragon and the Amyrlin. And the Amyrlin did not want the Lord Dragon to get directly involved in the taking of Tower.
His nights were restless, his dreams bad, and he always woke in an empty mood, the indifference being easier than feeling the pain in his sleep. But he was determined that he would go on. Once awake, he would grit his teeth and fill the emptiness with anything he could think of. He started to channel again when washing, dressing, and making his bed. Also during the day he would use the Power rather than lift or carry anything by hand.
Soon Sheriam noticed he used the Power as often as he did. "You should not channel so often," she said, and he could feel she was apprehensive. "The Power is dangerous when used too much, it is addictive to hold the Source and harder to let go all the time. That is why we don't do our chores with the Power."
During his weeks with Merise he had stopped channeling for minor chores as he had learned in the Black Tower. She had said the same thing Sheriam just told him. He had tried to argue, but Merise had gone to get Cadsuane and no one argued with her. He thought even the Lord Dragon usually listened to Cadsuane. But Sheriam was different. She did listen to what he said. She had even apologised to him a couple times, and he had never heard any Aes Sedai do that before, not to anyone who was not Aes Sedai as well. So he tried.
"At the Black Tower, we use Saidin for everything. It is good practice."
"So is playing it safe," Sheriam retorted.
"We have no time to play it safe. First there was the taint, and we did not think we would have years to learn regardless of outside events. But that is not all. I have channeled for eight months, and in that time I have fought the Shaido at Dumai's Wells, the Seanchan in Altara, the Forsaken at Shadar Logoth. What could I have done if we played it safe at the Black Tower? Juggle balls of light at them?" Jahar explained.
Sheriam nodded reluctantly. "I guess you are right," she sighed. "Use your judgement and do what you have to do. But I don't like it."
"I have no desire to burn myself out," Jahar told her, conviction clear in his voice.
"Just make sure you don't," Sheriam replied quietly. She still felt apprehensive but she did not mention his channeling again.