What a Broken Heart Can Bear
Chapter 5: Too Close For Comfort
~ Well, I'm gonna try and not take the lack of reviews from the last chapter personally…but it's gonna be hard. To the 3 people who did…Kat, Kimmy and Rajana, you have my unending thanks and gratitude. PLEASE read and REVIEW!!!!!
~Kat, you're the best! I honestly don't know what I'd do without my beta….you seriously rock. And BTW when's your next fic comin out…you know an original story of your own?
~ Ummm….just so you know this is the first chapter with the dual realities…they'll be in the same order each time starting with the first one 'Too Slow to Ride' in the last chapter…followed by 'Got me Down' Many thanks to Nina Gordon for the awesome songs and CD…if only she would read this…lol
~~*~~Too Slow to Ride~~*~~
'He is such an ass! I mean really. Who the hell does hell think he is? I don't know how I could have possibly thought hat he was Ben. At least I did until he opened his big obnoxious, condescending mouth.' Adriann sighed leaning up against the elevator wall. 'Calm down, just forget about him. His pompous ass isn't worth your time.'
When the door finally opened revealing the pent house door, Adriann's thoughts were consumed with trying to forget about her encounter with Alec. But after all he was her brother. Opening the front door with ease Adriann nearly collided with Max.
"Max!" Adriann said shocked to see her sister there, especially by the close call. "What are you doing here? What's wrong?" She added seeing her tear streaked face.
"Nothing." she snapped. "I've gotta get outta here." Max mumbled trying to push past Adriann's much shorter frame.
"No you don't. You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong." Adriann said firmly, blocking Max's path.
"Adriann, I swear to God, if you don't get out of my way…" she threatened.
"You'll what? Fight me? I think not. You're angry, that makes you sloppy. I can kick your ass on your best day as it is. So I think it would be in your best interest to turn yourself around and sit your butt down on the couch." Adriann challenged, not backing down an inch as Max rose to her full height with a defiant glare. "Now." She ordered leaving no room for argument.
When it came right down to it, Adriann carried an aura about her that was much bigger than she actually was. When she decided to use that, it could be not only intimidating, but terrifying. Not many people, human or transgenic, would expect such a small woman to be as formidable as Adriann could be and was. And if need be, she could always pull rank on Maxie, but that was a last a resort. Max grudgingly turned and stalked into the living room, shooting one last venomous glare at Adriann.
'Stop it Maxie. You can't always get your way and run from every painful situation in life. Suck it up and deal.' Adriann followed a few steps behind Max, making sure she did as she was told. Walking around from the back of the couch, Adriann kneeled down beside Logan to make sure he was okay. Logan nodded slightly, without lifting his head from his hands giving Adriann the go ahead.
"Okay. Now will someone tell me what the hell is going on here?" Adriann asked returning to her position behind the couch. She watched to couple sulk at either end of the couch while she paced its length. "We can stay here as long as you want, cause no one is going anywhere until this is thing is talked out. I don't have to sleep and I have more patience that you can imagine. So whenever you two are ready just let me know." Adriann pulled up a chair from the dining room table and made herself comfortable. Twenty minutes later Adriann heard Max mumble something about how this was bull and useless.
"Bull it may be sister dear, but it's up to you how long this bull continues." She smirked.
"Shut up, Max." Logan said quietly, speaking for the first time since Adriann's arrival. "You're the one who never wants to deal with anything because it's just easier to run. Well guess what, I'm not letting you run this time." Logan turned to look at her sitting a few feet away, but the feet seemed like miles.
"I'm only trying to save us both a lot of pain and suffering. You know as well as I do Logan that it's killing us a little bit at a time. And don't say it doesn't. I can see it in your eyes every time some couple on the street kisses, or is holding hands. I see it every time Cindy hugs me, and I see it every time that your first instinct is to brush my hair out of my face, or take my hand, or ask me to dance. I can't take seeing how much this damn thing is killing you anymore. That's worse than the actual separation Logan, seeing your heart break a little more each time you have to hold back." Max told him, her voice softening with each word as fresh tears trailed down her cheeks.
"You think that it would be better if you just left completely? God Max! I don't know what I would do if I didn't get to see your smile and the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh. I hate the fact that I can't do half the things I want to, but having you here is what gets me through. It hurts so bad sometimes when I think of everything standing in our way, but I haven't lost hope yet. We'll find a way to get rid of this damned virus; I have to keep believing that. Otherwise what's the point?" Logan explained turning towards her.
'That's it guys. Keep talking. Just keep talking.'
"Exactly. What's the point?" Max yelled, shifting to face Logan.
"Love, Max. Love is the point. I love you, and I'm not going to sit back and watch you walk out of my life. I can't do that. I love you Max. When are you going to see that and know that I'm willing to fight for this, for us." Logan said, finding her eyes and not letting Max break eye contact.
"But, even if we do somehow find a cure, life will never calm down Logan. I'm not exactly a normal girl with normal problems."
"I don't care. That's what makes you who you are. That's what makes you Max."
"How the hell are we going to have any kind of relationship when we can't even touch?" Max whispered sadly.
"We'll find a way." He said weakly, knowing the same thought had passed through his mind before.
"Logan, I don't know if I can do this." Max cried, wanting nothing more than to curl up in his arms.
"Just try. Don't walk out on me Angel. Please." He begged.
"I won't. Promise." Max smiled sadly at the man across from her. "I don't think you heard me the last time I told you. I love you Logan."
"I heard you." He smiled. "How could I not hear the words I prayed I would?"
"Hey guys? I hate to interrupt, but…" Adriann said standing. "Maybe it's just so simple that none of us thought of it before. Frankly I'm surprised I didn't think of it sooner."
" Dre, what are you talking about?" Logan asked after turning around to face her.
"The virus is only transmitted through skin to skin contact."
"Yeah, we know that Dre." Max cut in.
"Skin to skin contact." She repeated a little slower, hoping they would make the connection. "You guys have to learn to think out side the box." Adriann said rounding the couch, taking Logan's hand and laying it on Max's thigh. "Skin to skin contact. Not skin to denim, or skin to cotton, or skin to leather. As long as you don't have any direct contact, you should be fine." Adriann told them. "Granted sex is still out of the question, but I would think you guys would take what you can get right about now."
Max and Logan stared at his hand, that slowly began to caress the material beneath it, for a moment before bursting into laughter of pure joy.
"I can't believe I never thought of that." Logan laughed shaking his head.
"Some Ivy League grad you are." Max said pushing his shoulder. Smiling at the pair Adriann stepped back and sighed as she thought how close they had come to losing each other.
"You two might want to invest in some gloves or something." Adriann said with a chuckle. "I'll leave you two alone." She added ducking out around the corner towards her room.
"Dre!" Logan called.
"Yeah?" She said peeking around the corner with a smile.
"Thank you." He said with a sincere smile matching the one Max wore.
"Ehh..." Adriann waved off their gratitude. "It's in my job description." Turning back towards her room Adriann laughed hearing her sister giggle.
"Be good you two!" She yelled just before shutting her bedroom door on another roar of laughter.
~~*~~Got Me Down~~*~~
Adriann sat down atop the space needle as she looked at the city lights. At this height, the cold January air held a great chilling frost and the wind dropped the temperature below freezing while it whipped her hair around into furious swirls. Adriann never really minded the cold; it let her know she was alive.
As the city blurred into a kaleidoscope of lights her thoughts drifted from Alec to Ben, to Max and Logan, to Bling, to her last few months in Seattle. It hadn't taken long for things to get rough with Bling. He was a great guy, but Adriann carried baggage that he didn't know how to deal with. There were some things that she just couldn't talk about when it came to the night she nearly lost her life. Bling couldn't understand why she was scared of crows and why there were times she just needed to be alone and work things out on her own, and so many other things that just made them push each other away to avoid the arguments. Before she knew what hit her, Adriann found out Bling was seeing someone new. Although she knew the breakup was for the best on both their parts, it hit her hard, and Bling's marriage a few months later even harder. Bling was the first guy she had let herself love. But Heather really was a sweetheart, one of the nicest people she had ever met, making hating her completely impossible for Adriann.
After Bling had moved on with his life, Adriann was still trying to cope with her life as more than a shadow. When Logan took her under his wing as more than Max's sister and more than just a roommate, but as a friend, Adriann had to admit she was a little surprised. Logan had always been cordial and accommodating, but she never expected a real friendship, mostly due to the deceptive and stressful beginning of their relationship. But being roommates must have changed something.
Somehow, Logan could get Adriann to talk about how she felt about herself and situations, and some of the most painful moments in her life. The trust built in those conversations was the greatest trust she had even had in anyone. Logan must have felt the same bond because one night he bared his soul to Adriann; talking about his other and how she had died, how he wished that just once he could see approval in his uncles eyes, how much he felt like a failure for not being able to Valerie from herself, and how much he truly does care about Max.
A week after their first discussion that lasted into the early morning hours, little traditions began to be formed. At least once a week they'd stay up and watch some stupid movie of the week from the 90's together on the couch. If they ever got into a fight, they both promised that they'd talk it out before they went to sleep and never go to bed angry at one another. Falling asleep together on the couch with the TV showing nothing but snow, playful verbal jousting, and quick pecks on the cheek or forehead and hugs became a regular part of their lives. Eventually, Logan even started to go to Crash with Max and Adriann and actually enjoy his time there.
Logan had become Adriann's best friend and Adriann his. They knew everything there was to know about each other and there wasn't a thing a they couldn't talk about. There was a feeling of perfect safety and trust that would be nearly impossible to break. Logan had even started calling her Dre. It wasn't until Adriann decided to move that they realized how dependant upon one another they had become. But it time for her to move on with her life and it was something she had to do, and they both knew that.
Adriann kept in touch with both Max and Logan through e-mails and phone calls, but it wasn't the same. She talked to Max about once a week, getting the updates on their friends, life and anything that came to mind. Their conversations were brief most times as phones calls with Max usually were. Every week there was a phone call with Logan; he insisted that he be the one who calls so the call would be on his phone bill, and there were at least 3 e-mails a week that past between them, often talking about nothing in particular.
Adriann lived a peaceful life in northern California. She made money singing at a bar of sorts, living off any tips she may have earned. Money was tight at times, but she enjoyed her nights at the bar. Singing had always been something she loved, but could never pursue seriously because of the publicity that would risk her life. But ever since she won the karaoke contest at Crash Logan had been on her back about doing something with her talent. The conversation always ended in her laughing his suggestion off. Who would have guessed she'd actually listen to him?
Now she was back in Seattle, the city Adriann considered home, because the two most important people in her life needed her. 'I only hope I can actually help, and not do more harm than good.'
Looking down at her watch, Adriann was surprised to see that three hours had passed. 'I should get back. Knowing Logan, he'll be lying awake in bed waiting to hear me come in so he knows I'm alright, then he'll be able to sleep.' Adriann smiled as she rose to her feet and looked out over the city once more. 'If only it was peaceful as it looks from here. Maybe one day it will be.'
*_*
When sounds of Logan in the kitchen the next morning floated down the hallway, Adriann closed the book she had been reading and left to join him.
"Morning." She said taking two mugs down from the cupboard and setting them down on the counter. Looking up curiously at him when there was no response Adriann's heart lurched.
"What happened? You look like hell." She asked fearing his response. "Logan?" She asked softly, he simply continued with his morning routine putting two slices of bread in the toaster.
"Logan?" Adriann asked again, as he reached past her for the butter. She watched him carefully, trying to gauge his emotions. 'What the hell happened? For him to be like this it must have been huge. He's quiet when he's upset, but this robotic zombie isn't like him at all. He hasn't even acknowledged my existence. If only I was here last night.'
When Logan reached to pick up the coffee pot Adriann grabbed his arm with one hand and turned his face towards hers with the other forcing him to look at her.
"Logan talk to me! What the hell happened?" She yelled inches from his face. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet hers revealing dark circles and unabashed pain. His eyes seemed so much bluer in contrast with the surrounding redness.
'He's been crying all night. How did I not hear him, or at least sense something was wrong? I thought I could still do at least that much.'
"She's gone." He rasped, not wanting to believe his own words.
"What?" Adriann asked loosening her grip on his arm.
"Max is gone. And I don't think that she's ever coming back." He said again as his already swollen eyes began to shine with tears.
"She'll be back." Adriann told him, trying to calm his fears. "She's got too much to here to just walk away from it all. She's got to come back." Fighting her won tears, Adriann took Logan's shaking hand and led him to one of the stools by the counter and sat him down gently.
"What happened last night Logan?" She asked again, this time more gently as she smoothed his erratic and disheveled hair.
"Max…she dropped by last night…not long after you left. She said that she wanted to talk, because she was gonna come by tonight Cindy talked her into it or something. But she kept apologizing for the way things worked out with the virus and the 12 hour cure…she said she was sorry that I didn't hear her say she loved me… I told her to stop, none of it was her fault, and she did what she thought was right, what was the best thing for us. She was crying Dre. All I wanted to do was hold her, and I told her that I wanted to hold her until the end of time, and that would be enough for me…Just to have her in my arms forever. But she said that I can't, and might never be able to. She started yelling at me about how hopeless it all is. I reached out for her hand; I didn't care about the consequences. But she pulled away from me sobbing, asking me if I wanted to die. Then she stood up and looked at me with the saddest look I've ever seen and she whispered I can't do this anymore and walked out." Logan looked up at Adriann with complete hopelessness in his eyes. "I've lost her. I've really lost her." Leaning forward into Adriann's shoulder, Logan began to sob. Adriann wrapped her arms around her broken-hearted best friend, not knowing what else to do other than just be there for him.
'Why did I have to go out last night? Why did I have to go to the space needle? If I had only been here I could have done something. I could have prevented this. I could have stopped all this pain. What's the point of me being here if I'm not gonna be around when the people I love need me most? But Logan needs me now, more than ever. The love of his life has just walked away for God knows how long. He can't lose his best friend too.'
"You're going to be okay." Adriann whispered. "You'll get through this, and Max will be back. She loves you more than she knows how to deal with, and she doesn't know what to do." She explained tightening her embrace. "But you'll be okay Logan. You'd be surprised what a heart can bear. You'll be fine." She repeated resting her cheek on the top of his head. "I promise you'll be fine."
~There you go people. Chapter 5 and the real beginning of the twist. I hope you liked it. Any thoughts, comments, questions, and criticisms are more than welcome…. Luvvbug101@hotmail.com
~ I have to recommend Nina Gordon's CD Tonight and the Rest of My Life, cause it is really an incredible CD. And that would be where I got the names for each section…so please if you've got a second, and a few spare bucks…check it out….