What A Broken Heart Can Bear
Chapter 6: It's In My Job Description
~I know I know I know…I'm a horrible person. I don't know why some chapters take me forever and others take a mere matter of hours. I just hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me somehow…maybe? :o) Yes? No? I hope so, cause I dunno what I'd do if you didn't. :o)
~Kat, as always you are the best! I love you! Thanks sooo much for everything….Kimmy you rock!
~Well anyhoo, no big changes if any in here that I need to tell ya about, so I guess I should just get to the story.
~And just a brief venting from the author: I swear if Max and Alec hook up I will scream! And for the love of Mike, Max….Why couldn't you just say that Logan was wrong about what he saw? WHY GOD WHY?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? If any Dark Angel writers are out there and reading this (though I dunno why you would be) GIVE US A BREAK PEOPLE! HAVE YOU NO HEART?!
Ok, I'm done…for now…
~~*~~Too Slow to Ride~~*~~
Over the past few days Max and Logan had spent every available moment together, and then some. Things between them had become nearly the same as they had been; dinners filled with smiles and laughter. The massive canyon between them was at last a bit smaller allowing them to see each other from across it. Granted, the fact that if, even for a moment, their skin touched Logan would die still loomed in the back of their mind but, right now, they were too happy to worry much about it. They could finally touch. Not skin to skin, but they could touch. If it weren't for Adriann, the simple idea and temporary solution they now had would never have come to light, and they surely would not be together now. For that they would be forever grateful.
Unbeknownst to the happy pair, Adriann was working with an old friend, who happened to be a chemist and microbiologist, to find a more permanent solution to their problem.
"Thanks again Wyatt. You're the best." Adriann said walking up beside the base for the phone. Logan looked up from his current culinary project when he heard Adriann across the room
"Okay…Yeah, don't worry about it…Will do." She turned her back on Logan with a roll of her eyes when she had had her fill of obnoxious looks and batting eye lashes. "Later."
Casually walking into the kitchen and plopping down on the stool behind Logan, she waited for his onslaught of mocking questions to begin.
"So," he began, his back still turned to her, "who's Wyatt?"
"A friend." She stated, giving him no additional information. 'If he wants to be a moron about this, fine. I can play this game…hell, I am the reigning champ at this game.'
"Just a friend?" Logan pressed, busying himself with adjusting the temperature of the oven and other unnecessary tasks for the newest Cale cuisine he was preparing for later that night.
"Yep." 'This is driving him nuts! Ha. He should have known better than to mess with the master.'
"So when's your date?" He asked finally turning around.
"See, that's where you're mistaken, my friend. There is no date, because Wyatt is just a friend. But that must be hard for you to understand, considering how, for a year, you said that you and Max were just friends and you loved her the whole time. I can understand the confusion, but not all of us are swimming up denial." Adriann answered suppressing her laughter with an overly sweet smile and patting his cheek.
"Touché." Logan laughed, and returned to the dessert he was making on the counter next to Adriann.
"So what are you making?" Adriann asked looking down into the mixing bowl beside her.
"A fruit tart. This is the custard filling I here," he said pointing to the contents of the bowl, "and the shell is in the oven as we speak. The fruit is in the fridge."
"Uhhh…Logan." Adriann said poking at the mixture as if it were alive. "You sure you know what you're doing with this one."
"Yeah. Why?" He replied taking the milk from the refrigerator door.
"Well, I know you're the master of the culinary arts and all, but ummm…."
"What?" He asked setting the milk carton down behind her and leaned against the counter as he waited for he answer. Adriann looked up at Logan's questioning eyes and suddenly felt sorry for the man. 'Is it his fault that he can't bake? I mean it's a common misconception that if you are a god in the kitchen that you can automatically become a god in the bakery. Poor thing.' Sliding off the stool, Adriann picked up the bowl and turned to face Logan.
"Where on earth did you learn to bake?! I mean really Logan…did you honestly think that custard is supposed to look like baby poop?" Laughing hysterically, Adriann began to dump Logan's baking mishap in the garbage.
"Ok..." Logan admitted, laughing just as hard as Adriann, "So I suck at fruit tarts."
"And cookies, and cakes, and brownies, and home made Popsicles. I mean really Logan, how do you mess up Popsicles?"
"Just good I guess." He grinned sheepishly.
"Yeah. Throw me the dish towel will ya." She added after quickly washing out the bowl and patiently held out her hand behind her.
"OWWW!" Adriann yelped when the end of the towel cracked against her butt. She spun around to see Logan nearly doubled over in laughter. "What the hell was that for?!" Dre demanded.
"That was for insulting my baking and then throwing it in the garbage!" He told her.
"Oh please. It was awful and you know it." She smiled as she grabbed the small hose from the sink, making sure Logan didn't see it coming.
"But still, it was a work in progress. And you're one to talk…BAAHH!" Logan sputtered as his sentence was interrupted by a stream of water hitting him in the face. "Hey!"
"That's for smacking my ass with the towel!" She laughed.
"Oh this is war!" He laughed as he took a handful of the chocolate glaze he had made for his tart and launched it at Adriann. Squealing with laughter, Adriann ran behind Logan with her superhuman speed and picked up the container with the glaze.
"No fair…you're cheating. Adriann don't…please…no…" He laughed seeing the mischievous glint in her eyes.
"Don't do what? Oh…this?" She asked pointing to her ammunition. "Nope sorry. I think I'm gonna go with this one. It's just to good to pass up. And don't' try running, cause I'll catch you and make you wish you never ran." Adriann laughed as she slowly moved towards him and began to raise the container. Knowing that he was doomed, Logan held his hands up in surrender. At the last moment, when Dre was just about to dump the glaze over his head, Logan grabbed her arm and twisted it so she would pour the glaze on herself.
"Oh no you don't!" Fighting back, Adriann tried to counter his attack, but ended up spilling the majority of the glaze on the floor. As the two began to laugh harder looking at one another with streaks of chocolate glaze dripping down their faces, Logan lost his balance when his feet slipped on the sugary mess on the floor. Adriann tried to catch him, but the weight difference and her own unexpected slip sent the both crashing to the ground, landing in a heap and coated with the rejected glaze.
"Kinky…Maybe I should leave you two alone. And don't worry guys I won't tell Max." Alec said leaning over the edge of the counter to watch the pair laughing hysterically on the floor in a very incriminating position.
Logan and Adriann froze instantly at the sound of the familiar and unwelcome voice. 'Wonderful.' Adriann looked up at Logan helplessly, silently reminding him that she couldn't move until he did because she was pinned beneath him. As the realization hit him, Logan scrambled to his feet, then help Dre to hers, and tried to regain his composure.
"Alec. What can I do for you?" Logan asked with a hint of nervousness in his voice.
"Hey sis!" Alec said in a far too perky manor. "How ya doin'?"
"Alec." Adriann replied her tone dripping with disdain, but it didn't hold a candle to the glare Alec was doing his best to dodge. 'What is he up to?'
"Alec?" Logan asked, pulling Alec out of his silence.
"Oh, yeah. Could you whip up some sector passes for this friend of mine. She got into a little trouble with the cops…" He explained vaguely, picking up an apple from the counter and rubbing it on his shirt for the nice shinny look.
"What did she get kicked off her corner and has no where left to go?" Adriann hissed.
"Dre." Logan whispered, as he gently laid a hand on the small of her back for comfort. Sending him a sidelong glance of gratitude, Adriann forced herself to relax.
"Sure." Logan said distracted by Adriann's reaction to Alec…apparently they had met. "Just give me a few minutes to get them together." He continued walking off towards his office. Alec fell into step behind him, but stopped abruptly when Adriann grabbed his arm.
"We need to talk."
"Hey, ease up on the grip there She-ra." He whined pulling away from his sister once they had reached the end of the hallway furthest away from Logan's office.
"So how long have you and Logan been getting busy?" He asked teasingly.
"That is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about." Adriann sighed. "This will probably be hard for you to understand being a womanizing pig, but Logan is my best friend and nothing more. And what you saw meant nothing more than your frequent one night stands." She explained, her voice reaching a dangerously low level.
"Now I am a forgiving person, brother dearest. But I swear to you, if you do anything to hinder, threaten, sabotage, or destroy Max and Logan's relationship…I will make your life a living hell in ways that you can't even imagine."
If Alec hadn't seen the look of in her eyes himself, he would have thought that it was a joke. Even though he had just met his sister, he never would have imagined the huge and threatening persona that Adriann could exude. To be honest, Alec was scared.
"You follow?" Adriann asked.
"Yeah. I follow. But, Adriann…I would never do anything to intentionally hurt Max or Logan. They're family…" Alec told her, trying to mask his fear. "I hope you believe that."
Adriann looked up at Alec, and for a moment she saw the brother she had hoped he would be and her expression softened. 'Could there really be a beating heart under that gruff exterior? Or is this just one more of his acts? I want so badly for him to be a real brother…for a real friendship…but is he capable of having one without any ulterior motives? I don't know if I'm willing to take that risk. But I will not put Max and Logan's life together on the line. That's for damn sure.'
"I wish I could Alec, I really do. But I…I just don't know. But please…" Adriann admitted searching his eyes for some sign of humanity.
"Don't worry, I'm pulling for them just as much as you are. But I'm not one to get my hands dirty in the love affairs of others." He told her, his usual wit once again present.
"Shocking." Adriann rolled her eyes and walked towards the bathroom door. "I'm gonna take a shower and attempt to get this glaze out of my hair. So seeing as how Logan's got your little friends sector passes for you, you can go. And don't let the door hit you on the way out." Adriann smiled sarcastically before disappearing into the large guest bathroom.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Alec mumbled. "Hey, Logan! You done?" He called walking back into the kitchen.
"Yeah, here you go. I hope they help." Logan handed over the small package with the forged documents inside. "Where'd Adriann go?" He asked curiously.
"Shower…you know chicks…can't let anything happen to their hair." Alec told him flippantly. "Thanks."
"Not a problem."
"So, I'll see you later." Alec said awkwardly, as he headed for the door.
"Sure."
~~*~~
"Dre?" Logan called, knocking on her bedroom door later that night, after he too had showered and cleaned up the remaining mess in the kitchen.
"Hey." She said opening the door and letting him in. Instead of being in the flannel pants and tank top Logan had expected to see, Adriann was dressed to go out.
"You look nice. Where are you going?" He asked jokingly, as he sat down on the edge of her bed.
"You and Max need some alone time tonight. And I don't wanna crash your romantic diner for two, by making a diner for three. So I'm gonna go to Crash, hang with gang, make some friends, and hopefully have a good time." Adriann smiled throwing the top section of her hair up into her typical spunky knot.
"Dre, you don't have to do that. You're more than welcome to stay…this is your home too now, remember?" Logan told her, feeling slightly guilty.
"I know. But I want to." Adriann smiled at Logan's unwarranted guilt and applied the little make up she wore.
"I wanted to thank you again for everything you've done."
"It's nothing Logan. Really."
"Dre, you saved our lives. It is most definitely not nothing." Logan insisted.
"Ehh…it's in my job description. Right there in the best friend manual. Page 5 I think. " Adriann said brushing off the importance of her actions.
"You really don't have to leave tonight. You know that right?" Logan told her again, hoping that she didn't feel like she was being thrown out.
"It won't kill me to make some new friends. Plus, like I said, you two need some time without any interruptions…and if there are any unforeseen Manticore related issues, I'll take care of them. And drag Alec along just for kicks."
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Alec." Logan said changing the subject; grateful for the seg-way he didn't need to create on his own.
"That's what I figured." Adriann said turning around and leaning against her dresser. "I saw him the other night when I went out. I actually thought he was Ben for a minute."
"Are you okay? That's got to be hard, seeing him again…but knowing it's not really Ben." Logan asked gently. He didn't want to press the issue, but he did want to make sure Adriann was okay.
"Yeah, I mean at first I was a little confused. Then I was pissed that he was such an ass, but then I was like…what did you expect…he's not Ben. Once I accepted that, I was good. Alec is still an ass, and he probably always will be…so what can I do." She told Logan, purposely leaving out how badly she wanted Alec to be a real friend and brother. 'I don't feel like getting into that right now. Besides, he doesn't have time for that now - Max will be here any minute.'
"Dre, what aren't you telling me?" Logan persisted. 'You know me too well Logan. But at least it's mutual.'
"Nothing you need to know about now. We'll talk later though, okay?" She explained, walking up to him.
"Promise?"
"Yes, Logan. I swear on my right pinky toe, that we will continue this conversation some time in the near future." She joked, kneeling down next to him, so they would be level.
"Okay." He smiled.
"Can I go out and play now Dad?" Adriann asked mockingly.
"Go ahead." Logan said shaking his head. "Have fun."
"You too…and as always, be good." Adriann reminded and kissed his cheek, making sure to leave a perfect lip print. "I'll see you tomorrow when you tell me all the juicy details of the night." She added pulling on her boots and her leather jacket, that every transgenic seemed own.
"And talk about Alec…" Logan reminded with a grin.
"Yeah that too." Adriann laughed. Pulling Logan to his feet, Adriann shut off the light and walked into the kitchen to get a bottled water.
"Ok, you think you can manage to serve the fruit tart with out killing it?" Adriann smirked, looking from the tart to Logan.
"I think I can handle that." He chuckled. "Thanks for fixing that by the way." Dre waved her hand in dismissal as she drank down the cold water.
"I'll see you later Sweets." She said with one more quick peck on his cheek.
"Okay Hun." He said returning her kiss.
"Be careful." They called to each other simultaneously as Adriann walked out the door.
~~*~~Got Me Down~~*~~
Adriann quietly closed the penthouse door behind her before setting the phone back in its base. She had just gotten off the phone with Original Cindy for about the hundredth time in the past three days – each time talking about Max's sudden disappearance.
Adriann could only hope that she'd come back, but when she found out that Max had taken a handful of clothes and her sole picture of Logan that once sat on her dresser, Adriann began to have her doubts. Sighing, Adriann tenderly massaged her temples trying to relieve the tension that had built up over the past few days. But most of all, Adriann was worried about Logan. He hadn't moved from the couch since she sat him down on it, and he didn't seem to have any intention of moving in the near future either.
'Max, you've got to come back to him.' She walked a few feet forward so she could see Logan's unmoving figure. 'He's dying inside and you don't even know it…and you don't seem to care all that much. Because if you did, maybe you would have stopped just for a second to think about what you were about to do, and how it would affect everyone around you. But as usual Maxie, you were only thinking of yourself and how hard it was for you. Well, guess what Max…the world does not revolve around you and all your problems that you have to deal with. So get you ass back here and clean up your own mess…because I don't want to do it.'
Blinking back tears Adriann walked the remaining distance to the couch to join Logan. 'But unlike you, I'm gonna stick by him, especially when it gets tough.'
"Sit up a little." She whispered, gently lifting his shoulders just enough for her to slide underneath them and sit down. Logan shifted to make room for his friend and laid his head down in her lap as she pulled a blanket over him. "There you go. Better?"
"How's Cindy?" He asked uninterestedly.
"She's hanging in there. But it's you I'm worried about." Adriann told him, her eyes never leaving his face.
"Well, don't be."
"The last time you were like this you almost killed yourself. And you don't want me to be worried?" She asked disbelievingly. "How could I not be? God, Logan! You've been laying here for so long that if you don't move soon, you'll become a permanent part of this damn couch." She told him bluntly, but softened with her next statement. "I know how much this hurts…"
"You don't have a clue." He cut in.
"Don't I?" She let her question hang in the air for a moment before continuing. "Logan, you have to stop doing this. It's not healthy. You're really starting to scare me. I have never seen you like this, and it kills me to see you this way and know that I can't do anything about it. And not for nothing Logan, but the odds that Max is doing this…" she gestured to Logan's body sprawled out across the couch cushions, "are slim to none."
"It's just not fair Dre." He whispered, moving a bit closer and taking the she had resting on his arm in his.
"I know it's not."
"I mean I don't know what's worse…holding her in my arms as she died, knowing that she didn't want to leave, or hearing her say she loves me and knowing that she left because she wanted to. I feel like she took a piece of me with her when she walked out that door and now the rest of me is dying without it." Adriann began to absently stroke Logan's unwashed hair as she watched yet another tear fall for her sister. 'Max, right now…sadly I'm ashamed to call you my sister. To think that you could do something so heartless, without a second thought…I don't know who you are anymore Maxie. I'm not sure I want to.'
"Even though it feels like you're dying inside, you have to remember that there are so many people that love you who are still right here with you. Do you really want to inflict the pain that you feel now on them? Because if you continue this, you will. And I know that's the last thing you want. But think of all the people who need you, who need Eyes Only. You have no idea how much of an impact one person can have on the lives of others."
"You will make it through this…you will smile again, you will laugh again, and the pain will dull. I can promise you that." The only response that he gave was a quiet grunt.
"A very wise man once told me that 'No man is worth your tears, and the only one who is will never make you cry.' The same goes for women too you know."
"Oh really?" He asked with a slight smile. "Well maybe that guys isn't as smart as you think he is."
"He got me through one of the hardest times in my life. He helped me deal with living my life outside the shadows and pick up the pieces of my heart. He made me see that despite what people may say, I really…am…human."
"Hmmm."
"I don't want to know what I'd do without him. He's my lifesaver. Just when I think that there's no way out and I'm too tired to fight anymore, he picks me up and pulls me to safety, or shows me that I have the strength to do it myself."
"Is that so?" Logan asked, sounding slightly shocked at his role in her life.
"Yep."
"Who is this guy? Superman?" Logan said, trying to minimize her image of him.
"Nope. This is the guy who's gonna be a love and take a shower for me." She said smiling down at Logan, who had turned to look at her.
"Oh is he?" For the first time in three days Adriann could see a spark of life in Logan's eyes, finally letting her breathe a sigh of relief.
"Yes he is. Because we already have enough problems with our O-Zone layer and the fumes that are coming from him aren't helping to fix the problem." Adriann joked.
"Are you saying I smell?" Logan asked pretending to be insulted.
"I'm saying that if it weren't for all the air fresheners that I have in this joint…the whole apartment would reek and need to be evacuated for the health and safety of it's residents."
"Ok, ok, I'll shower." Logan said almost laughing.
"Thank you Logie." Adriann said, helping him to his feet, in an overly sweet tone.
"You know I hate that." He said once he was standing, with at least ten inches on her he attempted to let his height be intimidating.
"Yep." Stepping up onto the couch so she would be at eye level with him Adriann smiled and kissed his forehead. "Logan, you are my best friend and I love you. But right now…you stink. So go take a shower – bring the Lysol with you – and we'll talk later. There's something I want to show you."
"Okay." Turning towards his bathroom Logan paused to face her once again. "Thank you Adriann. I don't deserve you, and I don't know why you put up with me and take care of me the way you do."
"I could always leave…" Adriann quipped, trying to cover the fact of how touched she truly was. 'Not that I ever could.'
"Hey, I never said I was complaining." He replied with a genuine smile. "But seriously, I can't thank you enough."
"No need to. It's in my job description."
"No, it's not." Logan whispered as he entered his bedroom, knowing that Adriann would hear him and not say a word.
~~*~~
Adriann led Logan down the sand dune that evening, still surprised that she was doing this. Never before had she brought anyone with her to see Ben.
"Is this…?" Logan ventured seeing the large boulder off to the left on the beach. Adriann took his hand and slowly walked to the face of the boulder where she had carved her name along with Ben and Bling's, who later added his name at her request. Timidly reaching out her hand, Adriann touched the carved names as if they would burn her. 'There are so many memories here. So much pain…but so much healing.'
"You okay?" Logan asked wrapping an arm around her shoulders, after seeing a tear slide down her cheek.
"Yeah." Adriann said swatting at the tear. "Come here, we're just in time." She said finding a foot hold and pulling herself up onto the giant rock, then offering her hand down to Logan. After helping him up, Adriann sat down facing the ocean and patted the spot beside her telling Logan to join her.
"I've never seen a sunset like this anywhere else." Adriann said wistfully, as she pulled her knees up to her chest.
"It is beautiful." Logan agreed, wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek on her head as she leaned into him.
"I guess the reason I brought you here was to show you that you will be ok. Every hurt that I have ever had has ended up here in one way or another. Ben…Bling…and all the memories I have of my past still float in the air after I told my secrets to the ocean. But every hurt has also been every joy. Logan, I want you to carve your name here too…and let this become the place you run to when you need to just get away. I can't tell you how many times I've let my sorrows drown with the sun at sunset. I don't know what it is about this place, but it's a place of incredible healing."
Logan gently rocked her back and forth as the sun sank into the sea, bringing an end to another day of tears and heart break. The idea that Dre would share such a private place with him blew Logan away. Every time Adriann shared a painful piece of her life with him he was surprised. He had never known such great compassion and understanding in anyone in all his life, let alone from a person who was taught to have no emotion whatsoever. He gently kissed the side of her head.
"Thank you…again. I know you're right…I will be okay, eventually. It just hurts so bad right now. Almost if there's a black hole in me that sucks every ounce of hope into it. But I have so much to be grateful for, and I have to remember that…try to look at the good I have rather than the bad." Logan hugged her a little tighter. "And again you're right, there is something about the sunset here that makes everything just seem to fade away."
"You know…if you keep telling me that I'm right, it might go to my head. You don't want me to get and ego now do you?" Adriann smirked, turning her head up to see him.
"Oh God no…" He countered with a smile.
"Because really, who needs a set of overly arrogant twins running around Seattle?" Adriann laughed, for the first time where Alec was concerned, and it felt good. 'Maybe we could actually have a friendship…he's just as lost as I am. We need each other, or will eventually.'
"Adriann…have I told you lately that you're my best friend
and that I'd be lost without you?"
"Uhhh, yes actually. But thanks."
"I love you sweetie."
"I love you too…even if you are a slacking cyber hacking journalist."
"Ouch." Logan chuckled as he lightly kissed the top of Adriann's head.
"Come on, let's get your name carved in this sucker." Adriann said bouncing to her feet and pulling Logan to his.
"What are we going to use to carve it?" Logan asked looking around the beach.
"Think this will work?" Adriann asked laughing as she pulled a large throwing knife from her Manticore standard leather jacket.
"I guess that would work." Logan answered, carefully taking the knife from her grasp with a grin.
~OK PEOPLE…I NEED YOU ALL TO DO ME A FAVOR………GO READ ILUVAQT'S NEWEST FIC…OH IT'S A GIRLS NIGHT OUT ….AND REVIEW!!!!!
~Thanks soooo much guys for reading! Any and all feed-back is welcome…just no death threats please….lol…Thankx again people…… luvvbug101@hotmail.com