Scene 3: BADMOVIE STUDIOS.
Cut to a different house. Sign outside reads: BADMOVIE STUDIOS. We cut to inside, two men named Ass and Ex are there. Ass is tying up his shoes, Ex is going through some papers.
Ass: (Tying up shoes) The rabbit dives through the hole, then does the loop- the-loop then ah, the rabbit ah, screw it. Come on she's going to be here in a minute.
Ex: Alright. Keep your pants on.
Ass: (Halfway through taking off pants) Oh, okay.
He pulls them back up. The doorbell rings. Ass and Ex: I'll get it.
They both race to the door. When they get there, another man called Scott is already there talking to Rebecca. Ass shoves him down the stairs to the door.
Ass: Hi.
Ex: Hi.
Rebecca: Hi, I'm Rebecca Watts.
Ex: I'm Ex, as in Executive Producer.
Ass: And I'm Ass.
Ex: As in wipe.
Ass: No. As in Associate Director.
Ex: Come on in.
Rebecca: Thank you.
She comes in and they close the door behind her.
Rebecca: Now, this is just for a small news story in the paper. I'll ask you some questions, take some photos and tape it all onto this cassette. Okay.
Ass and Ex: Yep, ok.
Rebecca: Alright then, to begin with what movie are you working on right now?
Ass: A movie called "Hurt". It's about a psycho killer who's after these kids trapped in a haunted house
Ex: It's screening tomorrow night on the BMC.
Rebecca: So it's all finished and ready?
Ass: No. We haven't even started filming.
Rebecca: How do you expect to finish it on time?
Ex: Ah, we've got over 24 hours. I think we'll have it finished.
Ass: Stupid.
Rebecca: Okay and who's in it?
Ass: Gwyneth Doberman, Brendan and Leeroy, and ah. Ex: Jenny.
Ass: Yeh, Jennifer Campbell and that other guy Mark.
Ex: Just wait a sec.
Ex gets up, he comes back with Jenny, Mark and Gwyneth.
Jenny: What?
Ex: This is Jenny, Mark and Gwyneth.
They all say hi.
Rebecca: Isn't Gwyneth a girl's name?
Gwyneth: No. It's a man's name. That Gwyneth Paltrow used it and become famous so now everyone thinks it's a girls name. Just like Cameron Diaz. I mean Cameron! And Drew Barrymore.
Ass: Yes thank you Gwyneth.
Gwyneth: And Shane Gould.
Ass: Goodbye Gwyneth.
Gwyneth walks off mumbling.
Gwyneth: Girl's name my ass!
Mark: You want us for anything?
Ex: Yeh, get me a cup of coffee.
Mark: Get Scott to do it.
They leave.
Ex: Hey Scott!
The geeky guy who was at the door comes running. He has a lisp.
Scott: What?
Ex: Get us and the lady a cup of coffee.
Scott: Yeth, Ecth.
Ass: We hired him 'cause he has a lisp.
Ex: Yeah the last guy we had, had a stutter, but we had to fire him because he got better.
Rebecca: And what does Scott do?
Ass: He's the ah, um.
Scott: Prompter.
Ass: Prompter.
Rebecca: And who's that?
We see another man.
Ex: That's Billy. He's another actor. But he's mainly the editor so we don't usually see much of him.
Ass: Oi! Billy! Get back in your cell. I mean editing room, yes editing room.
Rebecca: Oh my god!
Ass: What?
Rebecca: What's he doing?
We see another man holding a knife in front of his stomach.
Stephen: On three. One, two, thr.
Ex: Stephen!
Stephen drops the knife in surprise.
Ex: We want to show the lady a stunt, so go set up outside.
Stephen: Oh.
He walks out annoyed. We cut to the three of them outside and Stephen.
Ex: This is our stunt-double Stephen Bradley. He does most of the stunts in all of our films. And we've got him to perform a special stunt just for you. Stephen.
Stephen: Ah yeh. I'm going to roll down this driveway on my board, onto the ramp, do a flip in the air and land on the shed roof on such an angle so that I'm balanced in the middle of it.
Ass: Okay then. Get to it.
Stephen: Right. (He starts to pray) Dear Lord, Kill me. Amen. Here goes nothing. He stamps his foot down on the board as to pass it up to himself but he stamps to hard and it flies up into the sky and disappears. Rebecca, Ass and Ex all look disappointed. They start to walk inside.
Ass: Nice going fuckwit.
Back inside.
Ex: Max!
Max: Yeh.
Ass: You gotta do a bit of an interview for the paper.
Max: No, no, no.
Ass: This is our cameraman Max.
Rebecca: Ah.
She pulls out a camera to take a picture. He jumps back.
Max: Holy crap, get it away from me!
Rebecca: What?
Ex: Put the camera away.
She puts the camera away. Max storms off.
Max: Dang, now I'm all messed up.
Rebecca: Your cameraman is camera-shy?
Ex: Yeh he only likes his camera. He's sort of scared of other cameras.
He walks away from her. We cut to a room where another man is. They are watching him.
Ass: That's Brendan and Leeroy. He's our prized actor.
Rebecca: Brendan and Leeroy, I only see one.
Ex: Yeh they are only one. Brendan's got multiple personalities.
Rebecca: What is one of them evil or something?
Ex: (Laughing) No. You've been watching too many movies.
Ass: But one of them thinks they're black. Ex: Brendan?
Brendan: Yeh.
Ex: We want to talk to Leeroy now.
Brendan makes queer face movements.
Ex: Yo dawg?
Leeroy: Yo Ex, was goin on, on your side?
Ex: Nothin' much, just hangin'. Leeroy this is Rebecca.
Rebecca: Hi.
Leeroy: Yo bitch.
Rebecca: I don't like to be called bitch.
Leeroy: No, you see, by bitch, I meant slut.
Ex: See, we're the first film company to hire an actor with multiple personalities.
Rebecca: I wonder why, I mean he's only mentally ill.
Jenny comes running up to them.
Jennifer: Who do I play in this movie ah Hurt?
Ass: Jennifer, you play the girl.
Jennifer: Great, I'm typecast to that role.
Ex: Yeah also in Hurt, we've got a cameo from a famous sports star.
Rebecca: Who?
Ex: That's a secret.
Ass: But we will tell you that his famous and he plays sport.
Rebecca: (Sarcastic) Thanks I never would have guessed that.
Cut to them outside on the balcony.
Ass: And finally, our lovely view. Oh someone left the ladder and paint here again. Grab the paint Ex.
Ex moves away from them to get the paint and Ass grabs the ladder. Ass: I'm always telling Scott to put away the equipment away when he's finished.
He turns holding the ladder and Rebecca is knocked off the balcony, screaming.
Ass: But. Hey? Where'd she go?
Ex: I guess she left. Jeez. How rude!
We see her lying on the cement under the balcony. Cut to Max.
Max to Scott: Scott I feel like a cuppa coffee.
Scott: Get it yourself. I'm not your thervent.
Max: I said get me a cup of coffee!
Scott: Okay.
Scott bolts off. Ass find some mail on a desk.
Ass: Ah, one for me and one in the bin. (It was for Scott. D.)
Note: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SEASON AFTER SPRING!
Ass: Ex, I think you'd better come here.
Ex: What is it?
Ass: Look.
Ass passes the letter to Ex.
Ex: So?
Ass: Don't you remember what we did last season after Spring.
Ex: Ah. No.
Ass: Ex, we killed somebody.
Ex: We did?
Ass: Don't you remember? It all began at your house.
Cut to a different house. Sign outside reads: BADMOVIE STUDIOS. We cut to inside, two men named Ass and Ex are there. Ass is tying up his shoes, Ex is going through some papers.
Ass: (Tying up shoes) The rabbit dives through the hole, then does the loop- the-loop then ah, the rabbit ah, screw it. Come on she's going to be here in a minute.
Ex: Alright. Keep your pants on.
Ass: (Halfway through taking off pants) Oh, okay.
He pulls them back up. The doorbell rings. Ass and Ex: I'll get it.
They both race to the door. When they get there, another man called Scott is already there talking to Rebecca. Ass shoves him down the stairs to the door.
Ass: Hi.
Ex: Hi.
Rebecca: Hi, I'm Rebecca Watts.
Ex: I'm Ex, as in Executive Producer.
Ass: And I'm Ass.
Ex: As in wipe.
Ass: No. As in Associate Director.
Ex: Come on in.
Rebecca: Thank you.
She comes in and they close the door behind her.
Rebecca: Now, this is just for a small news story in the paper. I'll ask you some questions, take some photos and tape it all onto this cassette. Okay.
Ass and Ex: Yep, ok.
Rebecca: Alright then, to begin with what movie are you working on right now?
Ass: A movie called "Hurt". It's about a psycho killer who's after these kids trapped in a haunted house
Ex: It's screening tomorrow night on the BMC.
Rebecca: So it's all finished and ready?
Ass: No. We haven't even started filming.
Rebecca: How do you expect to finish it on time?
Ex: Ah, we've got over 24 hours. I think we'll have it finished.
Ass: Stupid.
Rebecca: Okay and who's in it?
Ass: Gwyneth Doberman, Brendan and Leeroy, and ah. Ex: Jenny.
Ass: Yeh, Jennifer Campbell and that other guy Mark.
Ex: Just wait a sec.
Ex gets up, he comes back with Jenny, Mark and Gwyneth.
Jenny: What?
Ex: This is Jenny, Mark and Gwyneth.
They all say hi.
Rebecca: Isn't Gwyneth a girl's name?
Gwyneth: No. It's a man's name. That Gwyneth Paltrow used it and become famous so now everyone thinks it's a girls name. Just like Cameron Diaz. I mean Cameron! And Drew Barrymore.
Ass: Yes thank you Gwyneth.
Gwyneth: And Shane Gould.
Ass: Goodbye Gwyneth.
Gwyneth walks off mumbling.
Gwyneth: Girl's name my ass!
Mark: You want us for anything?
Ex: Yeh, get me a cup of coffee.
Mark: Get Scott to do it.
They leave.
Ex: Hey Scott!
The geeky guy who was at the door comes running. He has a lisp.
Scott: What?
Ex: Get us and the lady a cup of coffee.
Scott: Yeth, Ecth.
Ass: We hired him 'cause he has a lisp.
Ex: Yeah the last guy we had, had a stutter, but we had to fire him because he got better.
Rebecca: And what does Scott do?
Ass: He's the ah, um.
Scott: Prompter.
Ass: Prompter.
Rebecca: And who's that?
We see another man.
Ex: That's Billy. He's another actor. But he's mainly the editor so we don't usually see much of him.
Ass: Oi! Billy! Get back in your cell. I mean editing room, yes editing room.
Rebecca: Oh my god!
Ass: What?
Rebecca: What's he doing?
We see another man holding a knife in front of his stomach.
Stephen: On three. One, two, thr.
Ex: Stephen!
Stephen drops the knife in surprise.
Ex: We want to show the lady a stunt, so go set up outside.
Stephen: Oh.
He walks out annoyed. We cut to the three of them outside and Stephen.
Ex: This is our stunt-double Stephen Bradley. He does most of the stunts in all of our films. And we've got him to perform a special stunt just for you. Stephen.
Stephen: Ah yeh. I'm going to roll down this driveway on my board, onto the ramp, do a flip in the air and land on the shed roof on such an angle so that I'm balanced in the middle of it.
Ass: Okay then. Get to it.
Stephen: Right. (He starts to pray) Dear Lord, Kill me. Amen. Here goes nothing. He stamps his foot down on the board as to pass it up to himself but he stamps to hard and it flies up into the sky and disappears. Rebecca, Ass and Ex all look disappointed. They start to walk inside.
Ass: Nice going fuckwit.
Back inside.
Ex: Max!
Max: Yeh.
Ass: You gotta do a bit of an interview for the paper.
Max: No, no, no.
Ass: This is our cameraman Max.
Rebecca: Ah.
She pulls out a camera to take a picture. He jumps back.
Max: Holy crap, get it away from me!
Rebecca: What?
Ex: Put the camera away.
She puts the camera away. Max storms off.
Max: Dang, now I'm all messed up.
Rebecca: Your cameraman is camera-shy?
Ex: Yeh he only likes his camera. He's sort of scared of other cameras.
He walks away from her. We cut to a room where another man is. They are watching him.
Ass: That's Brendan and Leeroy. He's our prized actor.
Rebecca: Brendan and Leeroy, I only see one.
Ex: Yeh they are only one. Brendan's got multiple personalities.
Rebecca: What is one of them evil or something?
Ex: (Laughing) No. You've been watching too many movies.
Ass: But one of them thinks they're black. Ex: Brendan?
Brendan: Yeh.
Ex: We want to talk to Leeroy now.
Brendan makes queer face movements.
Ex: Yo dawg?
Leeroy: Yo Ex, was goin on, on your side?
Ex: Nothin' much, just hangin'. Leeroy this is Rebecca.
Rebecca: Hi.
Leeroy: Yo bitch.
Rebecca: I don't like to be called bitch.
Leeroy: No, you see, by bitch, I meant slut.
Ex: See, we're the first film company to hire an actor with multiple personalities.
Rebecca: I wonder why, I mean he's only mentally ill.
Jenny comes running up to them.
Jennifer: Who do I play in this movie ah Hurt?
Ass: Jennifer, you play the girl.
Jennifer: Great, I'm typecast to that role.
Ex: Yeah also in Hurt, we've got a cameo from a famous sports star.
Rebecca: Who?
Ex: That's a secret.
Ass: But we will tell you that his famous and he plays sport.
Rebecca: (Sarcastic) Thanks I never would have guessed that.
Cut to them outside on the balcony.
Ass: And finally, our lovely view. Oh someone left the ladder and paint here again. Grab the paint Ex.
Ex moves away from them to get the paint and Ass grabs the ladder. Ass: I'm always telling Scott to put away the equipment away when he's finished.
He turns holding the ladder and Rebecca is knocked off the balcony, screaming.
Ass: But. Hey? Where'd she go?
Ex: I guess she left. Jeez. How rude!
We see her lying on the cement under the balcony. Cut to Max.
Max to Scott: Scott I feel like a cuppa coffee.
Scott: Get it yourself. I'm not your thervent.
Max: I said get me a cup of coffee!
Scott: Okay.
Scott bolts off. Ass find some mail on a desk.
Ass: Ah, one for me and one in the bin. (It was for Scott. D.)
Note: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SEASON AFTER SPRING!
Ass: Ex, I think you'd better come here.
Ex: What is it?
Ass: Look.
Ass passes the letter to Ex.
Ex: So?
Ass: Don't you remember what we did last season after Spring.
Ex: Ah. No.
Ass: Ex, we killed somebody.
Ex: We did?
Ass: Don't you remember? It all began at your house.