Scene 11: Gwyneth Doberman is a dead MAN!
Cut to BADMOVIE STUDIOS. Inside. Ex walks past Gwyneth.
Ex: Hi Gwyneth, wassup?
Gwyneth: Not your penis!
Ex: Dude!
Gwyneth: I am a man, I am a man, Gwyneth may be a girl's name, but I am man!
Brendan: Hey Gwinny!
Gwyneth: Shut the hell up I'm as much a man as you! I am a man, I am a man.
Gwyneth storms off. Brendan falls over in pain. Ass and Ex come over.
Ex: Brendan what's wrong?
Brendan: I think I've got a urine infection.
Ex: Ow!
Brendan: It hurts like hell. And it wasn't me who did it.
Ass: Ouch! Did Fitzroy do it?
Brendan: No all he does is jig. Another personality, that can't feel pain did it. I'm just worried about how it's going to come out. It's like pissing razorblades!
Ass and Ex: Ehh! Brendan: But I am getting better at controlling my personalities now. I only change when I'm stressed or very frightened. (changing) Damn white cracka!
Brendan/Leeroy runs off.
Ass: Go piss some razor blades!
Ex: I don't know who's more troubled Brendan with multiple personalities or Gwyneth.
Ass: Gwyneth?
Ex: Yeah. He has female tendencies if you know what I mean.
Ex is suddenly slapped.
Gwyneth: I do not.
Gwyneth walks away with high-heels and holding a hand-bag. Ass turns his head.
Ass: She's got a damn fine ass!
Ex: That's a he!
Ass: Oh. Sorry. HE'S got a damn fine ass!
Scott: Ah, guyth thouldn't you be filming now?
Ex: Oh yeah.
They get up and walk away. Cut to Gwyneth talking to Scott, Jenny and Stephen.
Gwyneth: I'm masculine right?
We zoom out and he is wearing woman's dress.
Gwyneth: Okay, so I may act weird sometimes, but at least I'm not gay. Like Scott.
Scott: I'm not gay.
Stephen: Oh sure you're not. (While coughing: Queer!)
Jenny: (While coughing: Poof!)
Gwyneth: (While coughing: Fag!)
Ex: Alright and action! Hey where is everyone? Everybody hurry up!
They all come running.
Ex: That's better. And action!
Jen and Gwyneth are standing in a room.
Jen: Oh Dale they're dead. First Stu and now Barry. What are we going to do?
Gwyneth: Don't worry. We'll be okay. You being a woman and me being a MAN! For I am a MAN and I will act MANLY so everyone realizes I'm a MAN! Me MAN you woman.
The killer comes.
Jen: Oh no the killer what are you going to do?
Gwyneth: I'll do the only thing a MANLY MAN would do! Ooo Dolly!
Gwyneth sits down and crosses his legs.(He has high-heels) He pulls out a Dolly magazine.
Ex: And cut. Thanks Gwyneth. For wrecking the scene. But we don't have time for reshoot so it'll have to stay that way.
Cut to Scott and Stephen.
Scott: Cast and crew meeting in five.
Stephen: Hey Scott you reckon you could do me a small favour?
Scott: Ah, maybe.
Stephen: Do you think you could drive a car over me five or six times? Yeah, that should be enough to kill me.
Scott: Ah, no I can't drive.
Stephen: How about strangulation or you could drown me! I'll pay you!
Scott is walking away. Cut to everyone at the table.
Ass: So Ex why'd you call this meeting?
Ex: I didn't call the meeting, you did.
Ass: Ah, no I didn't. You did.
Ex: No.
Ass: Yes.
Ex: Come on Ass. Bring it on. They leap onto the table and start fighting. Gwyneth enters.
Gwyneth: Guys, stop. I called this meeting.
Ass and Ex have got their hands around each other's throats.
Ass and Ex: Oh.
They sit down.
Gwyneth: I called this meeting to announce my name change. I have officially and legally changed my name. To something more suitable for a man. I am no longer Gwyneth Terrence Doberman. I am now Susan Terrence Doberman.
Ass: Does this mean we have to change the name in the credits?
Ex: My god you're right. Come on!
Ass and Ex run off.
Gwyneth: So what do you guys think?
They all make excuses and leave.
Gwyneth: Well I like it.
Killer appears behind him.
Killer: So do I.
The killer grabs him around the neck with some wire. Gwyneth manages to break free. He begins running. He takes off his high heels and throws them at the killer's head. He runs outside. The killer steps outside. He steps back inside. He comes out wearing a coat. Gwyneth runs around the house until he finds a ladder. He climbs up the ladder. He kicks it down only to realize the killer is climbing up another ladder. As he edges along the roof the killer grabs him and chucks him off. He screams. Cut to Stephen. He is holding a bottle marked poisonous.
Stephen: One mouthful of this and bye, bye world.
Suddenly Gwyneth lands on him. His bottle breaks. He pulls out another.
Stephen: Lucky I brought a spare.
The killer lands on him. The spare bottle breaks.
Stephen: Oh!
Cut to Gwyneth on the ground. The killer approaches him, Gwyneth tries to run. The killer grabs him by the throat and lifts him up against a wall. The killer pulls out a knife.
Gwyneth: No.
The killer stabs Gwyneth and Gwyneth is left dead hanging on the wall. Gwyneth falls off the wall.
Killer: Oh!
The killer tries stapling, pinning and tying Gwyneth to the wall but none of them work. Finally he gets some large tape and tapes Gwyneth to the wall. Gwyneth stays on the wall and the killer walks away. Gwyneth then falls off the wall.
Cut to Ass and Ex.
Ex: Ass, I'm sorry about fighting before on the table.
Ass: Me too! It was stupid.
They run towards each other to hug. A look of evil crosses through each of their eyes. They run faster and clothesline each other onto the ground. They are fighting each other.
Scott: What ith wrong with you guyth! Get up!
They get up.
Scott: Thake handth. Come on kith and make up.
Ass punches Scott in the face. He falls down.
Ex: You read my mind.
They walk off together.
Cut to BADMOVIE STUDIOS. Inside. Ex walks past Gwyneth.
Ex: Hi Gwyneth, wassup?
Gwyneth: Not your penis!
Ex: Dude!
Gwyneth: I am a man, I am a man, Gwyneth may be a girl's name, but I am man!
Brendan: Hey Gwinny!
Gwyneth: Shut the hell up I'm as much a man as you! I am a man, I am a man.
Gwyneth storms off. Brendan falls over in pain. Ass and Ex come over.
Ex: Brendan what's wrong?
Brendan: I think I've got a urine infection.
Ex: Ow!
Brendan: It hurts like hell. And it wasn't me who did it.
Ass: Ouch! Did Fitzroy do it?
Brendan: No all he does is jig. Another personality, that can't feel pain did it. I'm just worried about how it's going to come out. It's like pissing razorblades!
Ass and Ex: Ehh! Brendan: But I am getting better at controlling my personalities now. I only change when I'm stressed or very frightened. (changing) Damn white cracka!
Brendan/Leeroy runs off.
Ass: Go piss some razor blades!
Ex: I don't know who's more troubled Brendan with multiple personalities or Gwyneth.
Ass: Gwyneth?
Ex: Yeah. He has female tendencies if you know what I mean.
Ex is suddenly slapped.
Gwyneth: I do not.
Gwyneth walks away with high-heels and holding a hand-bag. Ass turns his head.
Ass: She's got a damn fine ass!
Ex: That's a he!
Ass: Oh. Sorry. HE'S got a damn fine ass!
Scott: Ah, guyth thouldn't you be filming now?
Ex: Oh yeah.
They get up and walk away. Cut to Gwyneth talking to Scott, Jenny and Stephen.
Gwyneth: I'm masculine right?
We zoom out and he is wearing woman's dress.
Gwyneth: Okay, so I may act weird sometimes, but at least I'm not gay. Like Scott.
Scott: I'm not gay.
Stephen: Oh sure you're not. (While coughing: Queer!)
Jenny: (While coughing: Poof!)
Gwyneth: (While coughing: Fag!)
Ex: Alright and action! Hey where is everyone? Everybody hurry up!
They all come running.
Ex: That's better. And action!
Jen and Gwyneth are standing in a room.
Jen: Oh Dale they're dead. First Stu and now Barry. What are we going to do?
Gwyneth: Don't worry. We'll be okay. You being a woman and me being a MAN! For I am a MAN and I will act MANLY so everyone realizes I'm a MAN! Me MAN you woman.
The killer comes.
Jen: Oh no the killer what are you going to do?
Gwyneth: I'll do the only thing a MANLY MAN would do! Ooo Dolly!
Gwyneth sits down and crosses his legs.(He has high-heels) He pulls out a Dolly magazine.
Ex: And cut. Thanks Gwyneth. For wrecking the scene. But we don't have time for reshoot so it'll have to stay that way.
Cut to Scott and Stephen.
Scott: Cast and crew meeting in five.
Stephen: Hey Scott you reckon you could do me a small favour?
Scott: Ah, maybe.
Stephen: Do you think you could drive a car over me five or six times? Yeah, that should be enough to kill me.
Scott: Ah, no I can't drive.
Stephen: How about strangulation or you could drown me! I'll pay you!
Scott is walking away. Cut to everyone at the table.
Ass: So Ex why'd you call this meeting?
Ex: I didn't call the meeting, you did.
Ass: Ah, no I didn't. You did.
Ex: No.
Ass: Yes.
Ex: Come on Ass. Bring it on. They leap onto the table and start fighting. Gwyneth enters.
Gwyneth: Guys, stop. I called this meeting.
Ass and Ex have got their hands around each other's throats.
Ass and Ex: Oh.
They sit down.
Gwyneth: I called this meeting to announce my name change. I have officially and legally changed my name. To something more suitable for a man. I am no longer Gwyneth Terrence Doberman. I am now Susan Terrence Doberman.
Ass: Does this mean we have to change the name in the credits?
Ex: My god you're right. Come on!
Ass and Ex run off.
Gwyneth: So what do you guys think?
They all make excuses and leave.
Gwyneth: Well I like it.
Killer appears behind him.
Killer: So do I.
The killer grabs him around the neck with some wire. Gwyneth manages to break free. He begins running. He takes off his high heels and throws them at the killer's head. He runs outside. The killer steps outside. He steps back inside. He comes out wearing a coat. Gwyneth runs around the house until he finds a ladder. He climbs up the ladder. He kicks it down only to realize the killer is climbing up another ladder. As he edges along the roof the killer grabs him and chucks him off. He screams. Cut to Stephen. He is holding a bottle marked poisonous.
Stephen: One mouthful of this and bye, bye world.
Suddenly Gwyneth lands on him. His bottle breaks. He pulls out another.
Stephen: Lucky I brought a spare.
The killer lands on him. The spare bottle breaks.
Stephen: Oh!
Cut to Gwyneth on the ground. The killer approaches him, Gwyneth tries to run. The killer grabs him by the throat and lifts him up against a wall. The killer pulls out a knife.
Gwyneth: No.
The killer stabs Gwyneth and Gwyneth is left dead hanging on the wall. Gwyneth falls off the wall.
Killer: Oh!
The killer tries stapling, pinning and tying Gwyneth to the wall but none of them work. Finally he gets some large tape and tapes Gwyneth to the wall. Gwyneth stays on the wall and the killer walks away. Gwyneth then falls off the wall.
Cut to Ass and Ex.
Ex: Ass, I'm sorry about fighting before on the table.
Ass: Me too! It was stupid.
They run towards each other to hug. A look of evil crosses through each of their eyes. They run faster and clothesline each other onto the ground. They are fighting each other.
Scott: What ith wrong with you guyth! Get up!
They get up.
Scott: Thake handth. Come on kith and make up.
Ass punches Scott in the face. He falls down.
Ex: You read my mind.
They walk off together.