Scene 15: Jen Dies.
Ass: Ok, and cut. Reshoot in half an hour.
Jen: Guys, what am I meant to do for the next half hour?
Ex: Hang out with Mark.
Jen: He's dead.
Ex: Gwyneth?
Jen: Dead.
Ex: Max, Stephen, Scott?
Jen: Dead, dead, no way!
Ex: Go practice your lines or something.
They leave.
Jen: Thanks! Leave me alone like a helpless victim in a horror movie! Jerks!
The phone rings. She answers it.
Jen: Hello.
Killer: I know you're alone.
Jen: Where are you?
Killer: Closer than you think.
Jen enters the kitchen. The microwave is going off.
Jen: Hey, is somebody cooking something?
Killer: Have you heard the one about the dog in the microwave?
Jen: No.
She slowly opens the door.
Microwave: Thank you for cooking with me, enjoy your meal. Inside we see blood and fur dripping from the roof of the microwave.
Jen: Oh! No! You sick.Hey hang on, I don't have a dog. Whose dog is that?
Killer: Oh.
Cut to the blind guy from the start outside.
Blind guy: Max, where are you boy?
Killer: I'm going to kill you.
Jen hangs up. She walks into a new room. There must be a phone in there. The phone rings. She leaves it. It keeps ringing. She slowly walks to it and picks it up.
Jen: Hello?
Killer: Are you scared? Do you want to die?
Jen: Scared? Show yourself you coward.
The killer appears behind her at a cupboard door.
Killer: My pleasure.
She screams and runs out of the room. We cut to her outside in a driveway.
Jen: Somebody help me!
She notices something.
Jen: Hello?
The bright headlights of a car flash on blinding her. We see the killer is in the car. He revs up the engine. He suddenly slams his foot down and the car goes flying backwards off screen. A crash is heard. The killer comes running covered in smoke and on fire. Jen starts running again. As Jen is running the killer keeps getting closer. We zoom out and see she is on a treadmill. She gets off and continues running. The killer leaps on her. He grabs her by the neck. Cut to Ass talking to a group including Ex, Billy, Brendan and Scott.
Ex: Now I want everyone to scream and shout into the microphone for the background screams for our flashback scene. Let's start.
Back outside.
Jen: Ahhhhhhhrgh! {SAME TIME}Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhhhrgh!
Jen: Help me! God! {SAME TIME}Everyone: Help me! God!
Jen: I'm getting killed, anyone please help me, I don't want to die.{SAME TIME}Everyone: I'm getting killed, anyone please help me, I don't want to die.
Ex: Nice.
Jen's body collapses. Cut straight to Ass talking.
Ass: I'm sorry to tell you this, but Jen is dead.
Gasps are heard.
Ass: But luckily we have already filmed her death scene.
The time "Phew" is heard.
Ass: And it turns out we have the rights to her corpse so we can you her as an extra!
Cheers, applause and whistles are heard.
Ass: Thank you. Now back to work. Except for Scott who I'd like to see in my office right away.
Everyone leaves. Cut to Scott entering Ass and Ex's office.
Ass: Ah, Scott come in.
Scott: Thank you.
Ex: Now Scott, I think you know why we called you in here.
Scott: Ah no.
Ex: These murders, threatening notes, itchy balls, you have anything to do with them?
Scott: No! What are you implying?
Ass: Nothing.
Scott: I didn't do anything Ass.
Scott leans over on his desk and a mobile phone falls out of his pocket.
Scott: Ah, I can explain that.
Ex: Scott take a seat.
Scott sits down and his chair grabs him. It turns out to be a sheriff under there.
Ass: He's the killer, he's got a mobile phone.
Sheriff: You're coming with me.
Scott: Guys, I didn't do it. You know me.
Ex: Your mobile gave you away Scott.
Cut to the policeman and Scott at a table sipping tea.
Sheriff: Where were you, over the last couple of hours?
Scott: Bad movie studios.
Sheriff: That seems a little suspicious don't you think?
Scott: I work there.
Sheriff: Let me ask you this then, what are you doing with a mobile phone, son?
Scott: What do you mean? Everybody's got one. Why don't you check with the phone company, they got a list of every number dialed.
Sheriff: Good idea. Check phone company and while I do that, you'll spend an hour in prison.
Scott: Oh!
Sheriff: And whatever you do, try not to bend over. At all. Cause, you know.
Makes hand gestures. Scott looks scared. Cut back to BADMOVIE STUDIOS.
Ass: Do you think it was him?
Ex: He was there Ass and he had a mobile phone.
Ass: Yeah.
The phone rings. Ass answers it. Ex is there. Brendan joins them later.
Ass: Hello.
Killer on phone: Hello Ass, poor Scott, an innocent man doesn't stand a chance with you, looks like you've fingered the wrong guy, again.
Ass: I didn't finger anybody! Who are you?
Killer: You'll find out soon enough.
Ex: Who was it?
Ass: I'd be guessing but I'd say a homicidal maniac. Ex: Oh. What he want?
Ass: To kill me - you know the usual.
Brendan: I heard Scott got released from prison.
Ass and Ex: What?
Brendan: His phone bill was clear, he didn't do it, Ass. And anyway it was found on your work record that you don't treat your employees very well.
Ass: What? That's not true!
Ass picks up a baseball bat and starts whacking it on Brendan.
Ass: Take it back! It isn't true!
Cut to Ex walking he suddenly hits someone.
Ex: Ah. Scott!
Scott tries to touch him. Ex pulls back.
Scott: Whoa, wait you thtill don't think it was me do you?
Ex pats him down for weapons.
Ex: No, no, not at all. It's just that someone is trying to kill us. He rang us just a while ago.
Scott: Thee? It couldn't have been me. I wath in jail, remember?
Scott shows Ex a tattoo on his butt cheek. It reads "Hank's stuff".
Ex: I'm sorry. Please understand.
Scott: What? You'd rather call me a killer than touch me?
Ex: That's not true.
Scott: Then what ith it?
Ex: What is it? Scott, it's gone and I can't get it back.
Scott: It's been a year Ecth. When mine left I dealt with it.
Ex: Scott, yours was stolen, mine was given up freely.
Scott: What are we talking about? I'm talking about my mother.
Ex: I'm talking about my virginity!
They both walk away. Cut to Ex is standing alone again, at the top of some stairs. He sees the killer approaching him again. He closes his eyes.
Ex: Go away. You're not real, be gone, you're not really there.
He keeps his eyes closed. He opens them and a hand suddenly taps onto his shoulder.
Ex: Ahh!
Ex falls very violently down the stairs. Ass follows him down.
Ass: You have got to stop doing that.
Ass: Ok, and cut. Reshoot in half an hour.
Jen: Guys, what am I meant to do for the next half hour?
Ex: Hang out with Mark.
Jen: He's dead.
Ex: Gwyneth?
Jen: Dead.
Ex: Max, Stephen, Scott?
Jen: Dead, dead, no way!
Ex: Go practice your lines or something.
They leave.
Jen: Thanks! Leave me alone like a helpless victim in a horror movie! Jerks!
The phone rings. She answers it.
Jen: Hello.
Killer: I know you're alone.
Jen: Where are you?
Killer: Closer than you think.
Jen enters the kitchen. The microwave is going off.
Jen: Hey, is somebody cooking something?
Killer: Have you heard the one about the dog in the microwave?
Jen: No.
She slowly opens the door.
Microwave: Thank you for cooking with me, enjoy your meal. Inside we see blood and fur dripping from the roof of the microwave.
Jen: Oh! No! You sick.Hey hang on, I don't have a dog. Whose dog is that?
Killer: Oh.
Cut to the blind guy from the start outside.
Blind guy: Max, where are you boy?
Killer: I'm going to kill you.
Jen hangs up. She walks into a new room. There must be a phone in there. The phone rings. She leaves it. It keeps ringing. She slowly walks to it and picks it up.
Jen: Hello?
Killer: Are you scared? Do you want to die?
Jen: Scared? Show yourself you coward.
The killer appears behind her at a cupboard door.
Killer: My pleasure.
She screams and runs out of the room. We cut to her outside in a driveway.
Jen: Somebody help me!
She notices something.
Jen: Hello?
The bright headlights of a car flash on blinding her. We see the killer is in the car. He revs up the engine. He suddenly slams his foot down and the car goes flying backwards off screen. A crash is heard. The killer comes running covered in smoke and on fire. Jen starts running again. As Jen is running the killer keeps getting closer. We zoom out and see she is on a treadmill. She gets off and continues running. The killer leaps on her. He grabs her by the neck. Cut to Ass talking to a group including Ex, Billy, Brendan and Scott.
Ex: Now I want everyone to scream and shout into the microphone for the background screams for our flashback scene. Let's start.
Back outside.
Jen: Ahhhhhhhrgh! {SAME TIME}Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhhhrgh!
Jen: Help me! God! {SAME TIME}Everyone: Help me! God!
Jen: I'm getting killed, anyone please help me, I don't want to die.{SAME TIME}Everyone: I'm getting killed, anyone please help me, I don't want to die.
Ex: Nice.
Jen's body collapses. Cut straight to Ass talking.
Ass: I'm sorry to tell you this, but Jen is dead.
Gasps are heard.
Ass: But luckily we have already filmed her death scene.
The time "Phew" is heard.
Ass: And it turns out we have the rights to her corpse so we can you her as an extra!
Cheers, applause and whistles are heard.
Ass: Thank you. Now back to work. Except for Scott who I'd like to see in my office right away.
Everyone leaves. Cut to Scott entering Ass and Ex's office.
Ass: Ah, Scott come in.
Scott: Thank you.
Ex: Now Scott, I think you know why we called you in here.
Scott: Ah no.
Ex: These murders, threatening notes, itchy balls, you have anything to do with them?
Scott: No! What are you implying?
Ass: Nothing.
Scott: I didn't do anything Ass.
Scott leans over on his desk and a mobile phone falls out of his pocket.
Scott: Ah, I can explain that.
Ex: Scott take a seat.
Scott sits down and his chair grabs him. It turns out to be a sheriff under there.
Ass: He's the killer, he's got a mobile phone.
Sheriff: You're coming with me.
Scott: Guys, I didn't do it. You know me.
Ex: Your mobile gave you away Scott.
Cut to the policeman and Scott at a table sipping tea.
Sheriff: Where were you, over the last couple of hours?
Scott: Bad movie studios.
Sheriff: That seems a little suspicious don't you think?
Scott: I work there.
Sheriff: Let me ask you this then, what are you doing with a mobile phone, son?
Scott: What do you mean? Everybody's got one. Why don't you check with the phone company, they got a list of every number dialed.
Sheriff: Good idea. Check phone company and while I do that, you'll spend an hour in prison.
Scott: Oh!
Sheriff: And whatever you do, try not to bend over. At all. Cause, you know.
Makes hand gestures. Scott looks scared. Cut back to BADMOVIE STUDIOS.
Ass: Do you think it was him?
Ex: He was there Ass and he had a mobile phone.
Ass: Yeah.
The phone rings. Ass answers it. Ex is there. Brendan joins them later.
Ass: Hello.
Killer on phone: Hello Ass, poor Scott, an innocent man doesn't stand a chance with you, looks like you've fingered the wrong guy, again.
Ass: I didn't finger anybody! Who are you?
Killer: You'll find out soon enough.
Ex: Who was it?
Ass: I'd be guessing but I'd say a homicidal maniac. Ex: Oh. What he want?
Ass: To kill me - you know the usual.
Brendan: I heard Scott got released from prison.
Ass and Ex: What?
Brendan: His phone bill was clear, he didn't do it, Ass. And anyway it was found on your work record that you don't treat your employees very well.
Ass: What? That's not true!
Ass picks up a baseball bat and starts whacking it on Brendan.
Ass: Take it back! It isn't true!
Cut to Ex walking he suddenly hits someone.
Ex: Ah. Scott!
Scott tries to touch him. Ex pulls back.
Scott: Whoa, wait you thtill don't think it was me do you?
Ex pats him down for weapons.
Ex: No, no, not at all. It's just that someone is trying to kill us. He rang us just a while ago.
Scott: Thee? It couldn't have been me. I wath in jail, remember?
Scott shows Ex a tattoo on his butt cheek. It reads "Hank's stuff".
Ex: I'm sorry. Please understand.
Scott: What? You'd rather call me a killer than touch me?
Ex: That's not true.
Scott: Then what ith it?
Ex: What is it? Scott, it's gone and I can't get it back.
Scott: It's been a year Ecth. When mine left I dealt with it.
Ex: Scott, yours was stolen, mine was given up freely.
Scott: What are we talking about? I'm talking about my mother.
Ex: I'm talking about my virginity!
They both walk away. Cut to Ex is standing alone again, at the top of some stairs. He sees the killer approaching him again. He closes his eyes.
Ex: Go away. You're not real, be gone, you're not really there.
He keeps his eyes closed. He opens them and a hand suddenly taps onto his shoulder.
Ex: Ahh!
Ex falls very violently down the stairs. Ass follows him down.
Ass: You have got to stop doing that.