Title: Confessions
Author: Jewel21
Pairing: Max/Alec
Rating : Hard R
Show : Dark Angel
Genre: Romance
Type: Stand Alone Fic. Completed
Summary: Alec tells Max some news that will cause her to have an epiphany.
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing smut. I want to thank Scarlet, for being nice enough to beta. And, I want to thank my fellow nuns for being so supportive. You guys rock :D
Disclaimer: I do not own DA. The characters belong to Cameron/Eglee Productions and Fox, although I really do want Alec. Feedback: It's much appreciated and just might make me write more, lol.
Confessions
by Jewel21
"I'm leaving."
It takes a second for those two simple words to register as I stare blankly into Alec's face.
When he knocked on my door a few minutes ago, those were the last words I ever thought he'd utter.
Panic flows through me at the notion that I won't ever see him again. I didn't realize until now just how accustomed I'd become to his presence. Somewhere along the way of finding him to be the most exasperating person I've ever met, he's become a good friend...and confidant.
Before I can further contemplate this, however, I realize that his lips have been moving. He's staring at me now, waiting for some sort of response, although to what I'm not exactly sure.
"What?" I hear myself ask, my voice small.
"I said I'm leaving tomorrow night. I just wanted to say goodbye and...thanks," he says shyly.
The word 'NO!' is screaming in my head but all I can manage to get out is a pitiful, "Why?"
"You don't really need me anymore, Max. Things at TC are pretty much running themselves now, and I just feel it's time for me to move on...spread my wings and all. I wouldn't leave if I didn't feel that everything was under control here," he says simply.
His face is a mask to me, but there's a hint of sadness reflected in his eyes.
"So, I just wanted to come by and tell you in person and to say bye," he says, smiling briefly before hugging me. It's over in seconds, and a part of me wonders if I had imagined the whole thing.
I'm frozen to the spot as I see him open the door. So many thoughts race through me-so many things that I want to do or say, as I stare at his retreating back.
"Wait!" I choke out, just as he closes the door. I'm terrified he didn't hear me, but then I see the door open, his questioning face staring back at mine, and relief flows through me.
"Max?"
"Don't leave." The words are pleading and in total contrast to my usual bitchy demeanor.
His puzzled face stares back at me.
I know he's waiting for me to explain, but I'm tongue-tied. He closes the door behind him and walks right up to me. I have to look up just to be able to stare him in the eye.
"Max?" he asks again, confused.
"I need you." The words are so faint, if it weren't for his transgenic hearing, I doubt he would have heard them.
"Max, you'll be fine on your own. You've proven you're completely capable of leading TC," he says, still not understanding what I'm desperately trying to tell him.
Maybe if I weren't failing so miserably at it...
"No. That's not what I mean," I say softly.
Everything is crashing down around me and I don't know how to make it stop.
"I don't understand," he says just as softly. His gaze is both questioning and intense and it bores into me, making me uncomfortable.
"I care about you," I find myself saying, and I immediately want to kick myself.
Could I be more lame?
He smiles briefly, "I care about you too, Max. You've been a great friend."
"NO!" I shout and judging from the expression of his face, I know he thinks that I've gone completely insane. God, maybe I have. "No," I repeat, my voice calmer, "I mean I care about you ALOT."
Oh yeah, really eloquently put, Max! Have I always been this stupid?
There are so many things I want to tell him, but nothing comes out. Feeling like I'm losing him every second that passes by, I do the only thing I can think of to make him stay. Reaching out, I grab the back of his head and press my lips against his. Caught up in the sensation, it takes me a few seconds to realize that he's not kissing me back.
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
Stepping away from him, I can feel my face flush and I want nothing more at this point than for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
He looks stunned, and I watch his mouth open and close a few times before actual sound emerges.
"Max, are you in heat!"
It takes a while for these words to penetrate my muddled brain.
"No," I finally manage to say, the word part sob, part laugh.
"Max, you love Logan," he says simply.
But, I realize as he says these words, they are no longer true. They haven't been for the longest time, which is why I have been distancing myself from him. In fact, I haven't felt that way about Logan in ages. Although I have no idea why it took me this long to figure it out.
I shake my head and I can see the disbelief etched onto his features.
"So, you're telling me if suddenly you had the cure to the virus in the palm of your hand, you wouldn't want to be with him?" he asks me incredulously.
"No," I say. The words hold such certainty, they take us both by surprise. I can't believe what I've just said, yet I know it to be true. Who would have known that two simple words like, I'm leaving, would have caused me to have an epiphany. For the first time in my life, everything is suddenly clear and it terrifies me. I can't imagine TC without him, I can't imagine my life without him. Oh god, what if he doesn't feel the same way?
"Max," he says, trying to reason with me. "You know Logan's the one you want to be with, I'm-"
I quickly reach up and gently press my fingertips against his lips, effectively cutting him off in mid-sentence.
Fear, nervousness and about twenty other emotions that I can't even begin to describe are coursing through me and I can see the exact same emotions reflected in his eyes.
"Max," the way he says it almost sounds like a warning, causing me to pause. "Max, you don't know what you want."
A flicker of anger courses through me and I suddenly have the urge to slap him but then I notice the wariness in his eyes, and my anger quickly dissipates.
I'm terrified of him... of the situation. Part of me just wants to run, it is, after all, what I do best, but the other part of me is sick of running away-sick of denying my feelings.
Fuck I'm a soldier, I've done much harder things than this. Strengthening my resolve, I look up at him. "I want you," I whisper.
As I take in the different emotions filtering across his features, a part of me wonders what he's thinking at this very moment. And, it's then I realize that I'm sick of thinking and analyzing. For once, I just want to feel.
Slowly, raising my arm I cup his cheek in my hand, stroking my thumb over his smooth skin before lowering his head and kissing him. It takes him a couple of seconds to react, but then he returns the kiss, deepening it, causing all my insecurities and fears to disappear. I can't focus on anything but him as he nibbles on my bottom lip, sucking on it. Sighing, I part my lips, my tongue moving against his, tasting him. He groans and the sound makes me shiver. My fingers wind themselves in his silky locks, and I feel his arms pull me closer, pressing me against him. Breathless, I move my hand from his hair and stoke down his back and under his shirt, feeling his muscles tense under my fingers as I lightly run them over his chest. He gasps before slowly moving away.
"Max, are you sure?" he asks. Looking up, I see the desire so clearly reflected in his eyes - desire for me, and a surge of liquid fire travels down my body.
"Yes," I whisper. But, then he sees me tense as a horrible thought crosses my mind.
"What's wrong? he asks.
"Do you want me?" I ask, holding my breath as I await his response.
"Always," he whispers, crushing my hair in his hands as he brings his face back down to mine. The kiss is bruising and our movements become more frantic. I feel his hands slip under my shirt and I shiver as he runs his fingers up my ribcage. I hear him groan softly as he realizes that I'm not wearing a bra. He cups his hands over my breasts, gently kneading them in his palms as his lips travel down to my neck, sucking gently on the sensitive skin.
My hands continue to run over his heated flesh, before I grab the hem of his shirt, quickly pulling it over his head.
God, he's beautiful.
I try to remove my own shirt, but his hands brush mine aside.
"Let me," he says. The sound of his deep voice makes me shiver slightly in anticipation. I raise my arms quickly and within moments, I'm bared before him, self-consciously waiting as he drinks me in.
"You're so beautiful." Blushing at his soft words, his lips find mine once more. I feel him lift me and I wrap my legs around his waist, as he walks to my room, our lips and hands never leaving one another.
Gently, he places me on the bed and leans over me. I watch him through hooded eyes as his hands reach down to my pants. My hips raise of their own accord, allowing him to remove them, my panties quickly following until I'm completely exposed to him.
His eyes roam over my body, before he settles over me. His lips press briefly against mine and he sucks on my tongue before quickly moving down my body. Lapping at my skin and leaving heated trails in his wake. His right hand cups my breast, encircling the erect nipple as his mouth closes over my other breast, gently sucking.
His name leaves my lips in a gasp as he uses his teeth, lightly scraping at the taut bud, before running his tongue over it soothingly. He switches his attention to my other breast, gently tugging on it with his teeth as I grab the back of his head, arching further into him. I feel his other hand stroke downward, the destination clear to both of us.
My hips buck lightly as I feel his hand move over me, tracing the sensitive flesh, before settling on my clit. I gasp as he lightly encircles it and I feel his mouth move off my breast, leaving open-mouthed kisses down my body before stopping at the juncture between my thighs.
His hands grab my legs and spread them further apart, opening me to his gaze. I gasp as his tongue quickly finds me. My hips buck madly, my back arching off the bed, as he swirls his tongue around me. Strong hands hold my hips down as he continues to wreak havoc on my senses. I feel a finger enter me, stretching me. My hands fist in the bed sheets, twisting them, as he continues to push me closer to the edge. Alternating between nipping, sucking, and kissing, I feel a second finger enter me, stretching me further, as he slides them in and out of me. He brings me to a peak, pure-hot pleasure courses through me and I shatter, my hips bucking beneath him. His fingers continue to move, pushing me through my orgasm, until I finally still, spent. Watching him through partly closed eyes, I see him slowly raise his head and smile. He gently removes his fingers from me and I sigh at the loss as he moves back up my body.
I can taste myself on his lips and it turns me on further. Rolling to straddle his body, I grin wickedly before sucking on his neck. Grinding myself against his denim covered arousal, I groan at the friction. Biting gently on his cartroid artery, I hear him swear softly, his hands tangling in my hair as his fingers gently massage my scalp. Moving down his body, I quickly unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans. He helps me remove them and his boxers follow, pooling with my own clothes on the floor.
My tongue moves down his body, lapping at his heated flesh before dipping into his bellybutton. I hear him gasp sharply, and I grin before finally settling between his legs. I grasp him lightly, gently squeezing, feeling him pulsate in my hand as his back arches off the bed. Grinning mischievously, aware of his eyes on me, I dart my tongue out, licking him from base to tip and swirling my tongue around the head.
"Fuck!" he shouts, his eyes closing. Opening my mouth, I take him in, fully enveloping his silky length. Relaxing my muscles, I take him in deeper, feeling him hit the back of my throat. Aware of him trying to regain some form of control as he tries desperately not to thrust madly into my mouth, I hum lightly. The vibrations quickly travel through him, and his fingers tighten in my hair. "You're killing me, Max," he manages to get out. Moving my mouth back up his steely length, I use my teeth, grazing the sensitive flesh and then soothing with my tongue. My mouth leaving him, I lightly blow, the cool air a startling contrast to the warm cavern of my mouth. His hips buck upwards before I take him back in. Moving up and down, my head bobbing, I can feel him tremble. Suddenly, his hands reach under my arms, pulling me of off him.
He crushes my pouting lips with his. "Next time, " he breathes in my ear, flipping us over. My legs part of their own violation and he settles between them. I can feel his arousal pressed against me, before he raises his hips, rubbing his silky length against my aching center. My hips jerk as I feel him nudge at my entrance. Within seconds, he's fully sheathed inside of me.
We stay that way for a few seconds, adjusting to the feel of him inside of me, my walls fluttering around him as he fills me completely. Slowly, he starts to thrust in and out of me, and I wrap my legs around his waist, losing myself in the sensations he evokes. My eyes fall shut and my lips part. Small gasps leave me as he thrusts hard and deep inside of me. His teeth lightly graze the indentation between my neck and shoulder before reaching my lips. We kiss, our tongues dueling, as we continue to move in counter rhythm. Tightening my legs around his waist, drawing him further in, my hips rock against his as he continues his hard strokes. My hands move up and down his back, lightly scratching him, and suddenly I snap. My body arches, my mouth falls open in a silent scream, and I shudder. It takes me a few minutes to come down, and when I do I'm aware of Alec still moving inside of me. He whispers my name, his breath warm against my ear, and I shiver. Reaching one hand down, he lifts my leg higher on his hip, changing the angle of penetration. Bringing me back to a fevered pitch, my hands clench his shoulders, pulling him to me. Trembling, he reaches his hand down between us, circling my clit, his hand slipping into the wetness, and I feel myself shatter once more. He thrusts into me and his body tenses as he explodes inside of me, my name rolling off of his tongue.
Sated, he collapses against me, briefly settling his weight over me before rolling us over, so that my head is resting on his chest, our bodies still fully joined. We stay that way for awhile, and I take comfort in the sound of his steady heart beating beneath my cheek. Both of us are too stunned by what has just transpired to fully comprehend what has happened tonight. Never in a million years would I have imagined that Alec would show up at my door, telling me he was leaving for good and make me finally come face to face with my feelings. Suddenly, a thought crosses my mind and my body tenses.
I feel his hand reach up, tilting my face until I'm looking into his questioning eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asks, warily.
"You're not still leaving are you?" Even as the words leave my mouth, I realize just how foolish they are. His flashing eyes and amused expression only serve to reinforce this. Raising myself slightly, I hit his arm, trying to wipe the smirk off his face. Laughing, fending off my attack, he rolls us over, his body pressing me down into the mattress, preventing me from inflicting anymore bodily harm. Grabbing my arms, he raises them over my head, pressing himself against me.
"I'm not going anywhere," he says seriously, capturing my lips with his for another bruising kiss. He lets go of my wrists and my hands quickly make their way down his back, his muscles tensing beneath them. Still intimately joined, I felt him harden inside of me and I stretched to accommodate him. Groaning into his mouth, I delight in the truth of his words and feel of his movement.
End