WORMHOLE SHATNER
CHAPTER 2
****
Zaphod didn't see any reason to be careful about the subject. "A...starship."
William slouched into a convenient chair beside the Telivision.
*This is probably an elaborate prank,* he thought, *But that guy with the three arms and two heads...he looks drunk.* as he stared, his second head, which was previously sleeping, yawned widely. He slumped back in his chair, unable to tear his eyes away from the strange two-headed man.
"What, I'm on the Enterprise or something?" He smiled weakly, but only Arthur laughed. Ford stared, and Zaphod, showing surprising strength, lifted him up with two of his arms by his uniform, and pointed accusingly at him with the third. It was quite a sight to behold.
"Hey...what..." Zaphod hiccoughed. "You shouldn't...that's top secret! You could get yourself...arrested for that." All the time he was smiling like a maniac. His other head had fallen back asleep.
William was beginning to choke. "It's my...ship...in a telivision program...I act in it."
Zaphod let him down. He staggered slightly. "Star Trek? Oh...god..."
Arthur, who had been in shock, spoke up suddenly. "Zaphod, what did the movie come in?"
Zaphod looked puzzled. "Some silver discs, with writing on them, something about original...production? Something like that."
"I think I know what's wrong...the reels came from the studio, where Mr. Shatner--"
"Please, call me William..." the actor said, still confused as to why he was here. *These guys seem not to be joking. My god, am I really out in space?*
"--where William was also. He probably got sent through the wormhole along with him."
William laughed despite himself. When everybody stared at him in bewilderment, his smile faded. "Come on, you guys can let me out of here. It's been fun and all, but I really have some work to do...If you could get me back to the studio, I'd appreciate it."
Ford rolled his eyes. "You don't get it do you? We're in space."
"No, seriously."
"I mean it."
Will looked around appraisingly at Zaphod and Arthur "He's kidding right?" He looked back at Ford. "You're kidding right?"
"No!" Said Ford and Arthur.
"...no..." said Zaphod, a few moments later.
William decided that the best way to get through the situation was to have a sense of humor about it. "So, you have a big veiwscreen somewhere that shows you the outside?"
"Not exactly..." said Ford.
"How do I see outside then?"
"You ask the computer. But--"
"So, I just say 'computer?'"
Everybody groaned as the familiar unbearably perky voice filled the white-walled room. "Hello, guys! Boy, it's sure been a long time since you've talked to me! Have you thought about that?" The computer, as it often did, abruptly jumped to a completely different topic. "Guys, I'm sensing another life-form aboard!"
"We know that!" Yelled Ford.
The computer sounded slightly put off. "What was it you wanted?"
Ford spoke before Will could open his mouth. "Our visitor her wants to know where we are."
"Sure thing guys! We're in space right now, currently in orbit around the green planet Gragfajar...are we going to go exploring, guys? That'd be fun, wouldn't it? I'm sure it would be something we could all Share and Enjoy...Share and Enjoy!"
Everybody groaned a little louder. Shatner, however, seemed to be very interested. "Computer, how far are we away from the Earth?" He still didn't beleive that this was real, but felt now that the best thing to do would be to play along.
"From those coordinates, we are...let's see...we are approximately nine hundred and ninety nine trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion..."
A moment and a dozen more trillions later, the computer was still talking.
"Way to go, new guy," said Ford, from between his hands.
CHAPTER 2
****
Zaphod didn't see any reason to be careful about the subject. "A...starship."
William slouched into a convenient chair beside the Telivision.
*This is probably an elaborate prank,* he thought, *But that guy with the three arms and two heads...he looks drunk.* as he stared, his second head, which was previously sleeping, yawned widely. He slumped back in his chair, unable to tear his eyes away from the strange two-headed man.
"What, I'm on the Enterprise or something?" He smiled weakly, but only Arthur laughed. Ford stared, and Zaphod, showing surprising strength, lifted him up with two of his arms by his uniform, and pointed accusingly at him with the third. It was quite a sight to behold.
"Hey...what..." Zaphod hiccoughed. "You shouldn't...that's top secret! You could get yourself...arrested for that." All the time he was smiling like a maniac. His other head had fallen back asleep.
William was beginning to choke. "It's my...ship...in a telivision program...I act in it."
Zaphod let him down. He staggered slightly. "Star Trek? Oh...god..."
Arthur, who had been in shock, spoke up suddenly. "Zaphod, what did the movie come in?"
Zaphod looked puzzled. "Some silver discs, with writing on them, something about original...production? Something like that."
"I think I know what's wrong...the reels came from the studio, where Mr. Shatner--"
"Please, call me William..." the actor said, still confused as to why he was here. *These guys seem not to be joking. My god, am I really out in space?*
"--where William was also. He probably got sent through the wormhole along with him."
William laughed despite himself. When everybody stared at him in bewilderment, his smile faded. "Come on, you guys can let me out of here. It's been fun and all, but I really have some work to do...If you could get me back to the studio, I'd appreciate it."
Ford rolled his eyes. "You don't get it do you? We're in space."
"No, seriously."
"I mean it."
Will looked around appraisingly at Zaphod and Arthur "He's kidding right?" He looked back at Ford. "You're kidding right?"
"No!" Said Ford and Arthur.
"...no..." said Zaphod, a few moments later.
William decided that the best way to get through the situation was to have a sense of humor about it. "So, you have a big veiwscreen somewhere that shows you the outside?"
"Not exactly..." said Ford.
"How do I see outside then?"
"You ask the computer. But--"
"So, I just say 'computer?'"
Everybody groaned as the familiar unbearably perky voice filled the white-walled room. "Hello, guys! Boy, it's sure been a long time since you've talked to me! Have you thought about that?" The computer, as it often did, abruptly jumped to a completely different topic. "Guys, I'm sensing another life-form aboard!"
"We know that!" Yelled Ford.
The computer sounded slightly put off. "What was it you wanted?"
Ford spoke before Will could open his mouth. "Our visitor her wants to know where we are."
"Sure thing guys! We're in space right now, currently in orbit around the green planet Gragfajar...are we going to go exploring, guys? That'd be fun, wouldn't it? I'm sure it would be something we could all Share and Enjoy...Share and Enjoy!"
Everybody groaned a little louder. Shatner, however, seemed to be very interested. "Computer, how far are we away from the Earth?" He still didn't beleive that this was real, but felt now that the best thing to do would be to play along.
"From those coordinates, we are...let's see...we are approximately nine hundred and ninety nine trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion..."
A moment and a dozen more trillions later, the computer was still talking.
"Way to go, new guy," said Ford, from between his hands.