Special note: This story is written as a script, rather than prose, as a form of tribute to Robert Lamb, the author of ScoopThis.com's seminal wrestling humor fanfic series, "The Adventures of the nWo B-Team", as well as one of the greatest inspirations for me to write fanfics. If you've never read Lamb's work, I suggest you do so now.
(Opening Montage shows scientists working on microscopes, cells dividing, other science-y stuff)
HHH (voiceover): Recent advancements in genetic technology have made it possible to create a perfect duplicate of a person, aged to adulthood, in the course of a single week. We salute the incredible scientists who have created this technology, as well as the visionary genius who funded their research, Vince McMahon. Thanks to their dilligent work, the WWE will now be able to give the fans exactly what they want to see... All Triple H, all the time. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight... Raw is HHH.
(Theme sequence plays, all wrestling clips are replaced with HHH clips)
HHH: Welcome to Raw-a! I'm HHH-a, and with me-a is my broadcast colleague-a, HHH-a!
HHH: That's right-ah, HHH. Tonight-a will be a show-a like none-a before. For the WWE-a has spared no expense-a to give the fans-a exactly what they want-a... HHH by the ton-a!
HHH: Let's-a run down the card-a for tonight-a: First off, HHH will face-a HHH. Then-a HHH and HHH will face-a HHH and HHH for-a the tag-a-team-a titles-a. Next, a HHH-a Desire video-a. Then, HHH-a will meet HHH-a in a Hell-in-a-Cell-a Grudge Match-a. And finally, HHH will-a fight HHH-a for the World-a Title-a!
(The fans settle in, expecting some sort of payoff to all of this, but there isn't one--unless you consider an entire night of multiple HHHs a payoff. Finally, during the main event... Chris Jericho's music hits and every single other person on the Raw Roster files out on the stage. Jericho has a mic.)
JERICHO: What the hell do you think you're doing, you assclown? First you hold me and everybody else down, then you replace us with clones of yourself?
HHH: Hold on a sec, Chris, I'm-a just giving the fans-a what they want to see-a.
HHH: Yeah-a. You bunch of losers-a never put an ass-a in a seat-a!
BISCHOFF: No, I think Chris is right. This farce has gone on way too long. In fact, it has gone on... three minutes too long!
(Everybody waits, nothing happens)
BISCHOFF: I said, this has gone on three minutes too long!
(Again, nothing)
BISCHOFF: THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES! WHERE THE ^%*(& ARE THOSE TWO?!
(Cut to concession stand, where the Island Boys have been laid out by 19 HHHs)
JERICHO: Oh, the hell with this crap! Let's go, boys!
(Jericho and the rest of the other wrestlers storm the ring, intent on beating up the HHHs. Unfortunately, 40 more HHHs armed with sledgehammers arrive and beat our heroes to death.)
HHH: YES! I AM SUPREME-A! NOBODY CAN STOP ME-A! I AM THE GAME-A! I AM THAT DAMN GOOD-A!
(Another HHH fights his way through the crowd of HHHs to give the HHH with the mic a note. The HHH on the mic reads the note.)
HHH: "Due-a to the horriffic-a 0.01 rating-a that tonight's-a episode of Raw-a has received-a, TNN-a has cancelled-a WWE Raw-a!" NO! THIS CAN'T BE-A! YOU ALL WANT TO SEE ME-A! ME-A AND NOBODY ELSE-A!
(Camera pans to crowd--or lack thereof, as every single person in the audience has left.)
HHH: Well, don't that beat all-a.
(Opening Montage shows scientists working on microscopes, cells dividing, other science-y stuff)
HHH (voiceover): Recent advancements in genetic technology have made it possible to create a perfect duplicate of a person, aged to adulthood, in the course of a single week. We salute the incredible scientists who have created this technology, as well as the visionary genius who funded their research, Vince McMahon. Thanks to their dilligent work, the WWE will now be able to give the fans exactly what they want to see... All Triple H, all the time. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight... Raw is HHH.
(Theme sequence plays, all wrestling clips are replaced with HHH clips)
HHH: Welcome to Raw-a! I'm HHH-a, and with me-a is my broadcast colleague-a, HHH-a!
HHH: That's right-ah, HHH. Tonight-a will be a show-a like none-a before. For the WWE-a has spared no expense-a to give the fans-a exactly what they want-a... HHH by the ton-a!
HHH: Let's-a run down the card-a for tonight-a: First off, HHH will face-a HHH. Then-a HHH and HHH will face-a HHH and HHH for-a the tag-a-team-a titles-a. Next, a HHH-a Desire video-a. Then, HHH-a will meet HHH-a in a Hell-in-a-Cell-a Grudge Match-a. And finally, HHH will-a fight HHH-a for the World-a Title-a!
(The fans settle in, expecting some sort of payoff to all of this, but there isn't one--unless you consider an entire night of multiple HHHs a payoff. Finally, during the main event... Chris Jericho's music hits and every single other person on the Raw Roster files out on the stage. Jericho has a mic.)
JERICHO: What the hell do you think you're doing, you assclown? First you hold me and everybody else down, then you replace us with clones of yourself?
HHH: Hold on a sec, Chris, I'm-a just giving the fans-a what they want to see-a.
HHH: Yeah-a. You bunch of losers-a never put an ass-a in a seat-a!
BISCHOFF: No, I think Chris is right. This farce has gone on way too long. In fact, it has gone on... three minutes too long!
(Everybody waits, nothing happens)
BISCHOFF: I said, this has gone on three minutes too long!
(Again, nothing)
BISCHOFF: THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES! WHERE THE ^%*(& ARE THOSE TWO?!
(Cut to concession stand, where the Island Boys have been laid out by 19 HHHs)
JERICHO: Oh, the hell with this crap! Let's go, boys!
(Jericho and the rest of the other wrestlers storm the ring, intent on beating up the HHHs. Unfortunately, 40 more HHHs armed with sledgehammers arrive and beat our heroes to death.)
HHH: YES! I AM SUPREME-A! NOBODY CAN STOP ME-A! I AM THE GAME-A! I AM THAT DAMN GOOD-A!
(Another HHH fights his way through the crowd of HHHs to give the HHH with the mic a note. The HHH on the mic reads the note.)
HHH: "Due-a to the horriffic-a 0.01 rating-a that tonight's-a episode of Raw-a has received-a, TNN-a has cancelled-a WWE Raw-a!" NO! THIS CAN'T BE-A! YOU ALL WANT TO SEE ME-A! ME-A AND NOBODY ELSE-A!
(Camera pans to crowd--or lack thereof, as every single person in the audience has left.)
HHH: Well, don't that beat all-a.