K...now, the lines are a little...messed cuz I am bad at making poems fit all together. Just do your best to make everything sound how it should. And 'Quina', here is a little warning. STAY AWAY FROM ME. I DISLIKE YOU. *cough* Anyway, I don't own anyone in here...but, I would like to.

Dante Does Christmas

T'was a little later than Christmas,

The house was a mess.

Yeah, ok. It was me. There, now I've confessed.

I was upside-down on the couch,

Just sleeping in,

Pondering the trouble that I soon would be in.

When suddenly there came a thud from the roof,

And I questioned my dangling sanity,

As outside, loud and clear with a "thump" and an "oof"

Came a scream of upset profanity.

What was it? Santa?

But I just couldnt tell,

Until down from the roof the fat loser fell.

It was about time,

It hadn't even been stormy,

And I was under impression Santa tried to ignore me.

But wait just a second!

Something just wasnt right!

As the figure stood up, I saw NO beard of white.

I watched in wonder,

As he hit the cold ground.

I wasn't aware Santa had lost so many pounds

Or that he carried a gun!

No wait! He had two!

Santa? With weapons? What was earth coming to?

To my surprise

'Santa' fired his gun,

Making me duck, and break into a run.

That wasn't Santa!

It was the half-demon guy!

I stood up with a grin and yelled: "HEY! DANTE! YO! HI!"

Dante was dazed.

Must have been from the crash.

So I brought him inside...and offered him cash.

"Christmas is awful,"

I began with a sigh.

"I have a job for you, Dante. Would you like to apply?"

He tilted an eybrow,

And agreed with a shrug.

Wow! My own demon! My own personal thug!

"Now, I know you're not Santa,"

I slyly began,

"But, he never came, so you'll fullfill my holiday plan.

Besides, I'm sure you can easily manage.

Since you're not quite human, you'll have the advantange.

I need things delivered

And am lazy you see...

So I need you to do Christmas gift rounds for me.

Bring my beloved Cloud Strife

Back massages galore

Since he always is dragging that over sized sword.

Fill Spikes sock up with candy,

You know...chocolate and such

All he wants is some food, thats not asking for much.

Due to the battles, get a pager for Van

To hear from Hitomi when something goes wrong.

Now what for great Squall?

How 'bout real expensive head phones,

So he can block out Rinoa and be left alone.

Parn, what a sweety, just like his old dad.

Get him the best armor any knight ever had!

How about Dilandau, is that kid sane yet?

Oh well, let him torch stuff with the Pyro Dream Set.

Doughnuts for Vash; chocolate, sprinkled and pink.

And for the cat: some warm milk to drink.

Take money to Faye to pay off her debt,

And while your at it, a new arm for Jet.

Then there is Shinji from Evangelion...

Give him some tissues since he's ALWAYS cryin'.

Or, you know what? Please just blow him away,

Cuz He doesnt deserve to be with a cool chick like Rei.

Zidane! My cute monkey! He needs something nice.

Since he chases the chicks, lets get him 'Old Spice'.

My sweet Kenshin, a killer but still very cute!

I'll get him an apron and a cook book to boot!

For our dear friend, psycho Ed, any item will do...

How 'bout a few wires and a lap top or two?

Can't forget Tidus, a surfboard for him.

The guy must get tired always having to swim

Get some socks for the villians....No, I don't have a reason,

But, we all should be nice, its that time o' season.

For Garnet and Van; No matter the cost,

Therapy sessions for "the kingdom we've lost".

...Ugh...

Then there is Rinoa, who couldnt be cuter.

I think for her gift, I'll get Ivrine to shoot her.

Now...I'm sure there is more, but my ideas, they do vary,

and I'm pretty sure that thats all you can carry.

So jump away, Dante! Do my bidding my demon,

And then come right back, cuz my man, you are steamn'!