Sorry

Disclaimers: Want to own them, but can't >_

Author: Avium
Website: http://www.limitlessdesire.com
Rating: R
Contents: Yaoi, violence, language & angst
Pairing(s): Aya x Yohji
Fic length: One-shot
Time line: Indefinite - take it as whenever you like.

Author's notes: Yes, I'm feeling all angsty because of my incoming finals, so I did this as a one shot when I was in front of the computer. It is basically a set of short, interchanging POVs between Yohji and Aya, but I'll restate this at the beginning of each snippit.
I'm sorry, but I'm not much of a Yoran fan. I'm a 101% Ranken supporter XD But since those 2 guys have been suffering a lot in my other fics (both in-progress ones and completed), I might as well pick another pairing to torture ^_~
Anyway, people looking for a happy read, don't expect to find it here.
All comments and criticisms welcomed, but don't expect a sequel ^_^



-@-@-@-@-

//Yohji//

Do you know that I love you? I love you so goddamned fucking much… so much that it hurts to let go.

So…fucking much…

And what do you do in return, huh? What do you say to me when you find out about my affections for you, o saintly untouchable one?

"Sorry."

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

That was all you can say, isn't it? Fucking all that you can manage to mouth for the entire week after that. I know you try to avoid me immediately after, because I am seeing so much less of you in that period.

Yeah, I notice how much you avoid me, because I always keep count of our daily encounters prior to that. Even the number of times we talk to each other, or in your case, the number of syllabus uttered.

Pathetic huh?

But I love you so much that I pay more attention to you then I ever do to others, to myself.

And when we do cross paths, what do you say to me?

Sorry.

Ha.

Well, fuck you, Aya.

-@-@-@-@-

//Aya//

I hate you, don't you know? I can't take your attitude towards life, can't stand your fucking cheerful optimism. In your eyes I can see the accusations you throw at the rest of us, chiding us for not being able to enjoy life the way you did.

Yes well, sorry, Kudou. I am not going to join you in your decadent ways.

Go fuck your whores.

Yes, that will be the best thing to say to you, if a little crude.

I am not about to join you in your fucking sexual pursuits, or become one of them for that matter.

Don't you know anything about love at all?

In my mind, I can only see one equation pertaining to you and your goddamned libido - that love means a wall-shaking earth-shattering atom-bomb-exploding old-ladies-clapping climax, completely caught up in the throes of primal passion.

You fucking glorify the rapists we kill, Kudou.

So fuck you fuck you fuck you.

-@-@-@-@-

//Yohji//

I love you. Love every single part of you, from your fucking stick-up-the-ass attitude to your sister complex.

They say love is blind.

And Kudou Yohji is one heck of a blind man, huh?

Goddamned blindfold over the eyes, unable to see past it and into the soul. Just a longing, a fucking bloody wanting. A desire…

Yeah, I desire you, your face, your body but most of all your love. I want you to respect me, to treat me as your equal. Not like those stupid bugs that you squish under your feet as you trod over the sidewalks.

I want your love.

Can't you see?

Or are you as blind as you are silent?

-@-@-@-@-

//Aya//

I want you.

I want to fuck you, screw you inside one, and ram you so hard that you can't walk straight for the next 10 days.

And perhaps, fuck you so hard that your legs can't close for the next fortnight at the same time. Bet it will be funny to see you goose-step around the Koneko, huh?

Hee - I kill me at times.

But hell, it was tempting.

Tempting to screw your fucking used and spoilt body, claim you like the little hussy you are.

Basically, fuck you like the prostitute that you farm yourself out to be.

Yes, I want to fuck you stupid, because you know you want me to do just that. Just jerk you around, screw you so hard, so fast that you won't stop screaming for me for a long, long time…

So come here.

And be mine.

-@-@-@-@-

//Yohji//

I don't want you this way, can't you tell? I don't want your hands all over me, groping, touching and hurting.

I don't want to be used and abused like a fucking toy.

But that's reality for you, isn't it? I'm just another toy for you to play with. Fucking spoilt brat that just tramples over his belongings and then goes out hunting for newer interests.

Take your hands off me!

I struggle, I shout, I *scream* - like a pathetic little virgin.

Fuck you.

No, wait, I am getting the order wrong - you are fucking me, aren't you? Enjoying every single moment of this goddamned physical pleasure.

You are hurting me.

I am in pain.

I hurt.

But you won't stop. You don't want to stop.

Then the realisation hits me - this is all you want from me.

Kudou Yohji - sex toy extraordinaire.

-@-@-@-@-

//Aya//

Stop struggling already. You know you want this.

Isn't this what you've been trying to squeeze out of me for the past month, huh, Kudou, huh? Strutting around half-naked and letting your pants ride around your hips at the loneliest hours.

You are fucking trying to seduce me.

And fuck you - it works.

Now you have me down to your level, because you make me realise what desires are. Those desires that I have buried ever since the day they stole Aya from me, the day when I promised to sell my soul for hers.

You make me want again, Kudou.

So just stand up straight and face up to the consequences, damn it!

Oh… is that hurt I see in your eyes?

You want more than just sex, don't you, Kudou? You want me to embrace you as we bathe in afterglow after experiencing the pinnacle of sexual gratification, sharing our little secrets while teasing each other with feather-light kisses and caresses.

Yes, well - sorry.

I cannot envision such a future with you.

So just stop screaming like a girl and give yourself to me already.

…

There, much better already, isn't it?

Why are you crying, though? I thought you wanted me…?

-@-@-@-@-

//Yohji//

This is wrong. This is all wrong.

Everything is wrong. From the mere act to the fact to the bodies involved.

Goddamn it, you broke my heart, you bastard.

Where are you?

Oh, you're gone already. Your clothes are no longer around. Your warmth still lingers, though.

Inside of me.

I can still picture you.

When you violently thrust yourself into me, make me realise what pain is like when it rips you apart from the inside. Both body, heart and mind.

Oh Aya, when you fuck, you fuck really efficiently, don't you know? You're good with your hands, your tongue.

Never knew that you had such a tiger inside of you.

Fucking big pussy cat on the outside with eyes that beg to be understood, and inside…? One hundred and ten percent bastard, full of home-made goodness.

I can still feel you, your body, your touch… and taste your essence.

It's bitter.

Just like your heart.

-@-@-@-@-

//Aya//

It's cold.

I can't sleep.

Fucking insatiable desires that eat you away from the inside. I want to drift off into dreamland, because the pillows are so soft and inviting.

Just like your body.

You have ruined me.

Now I know I have a heart.

I don't want it to all end here, like this. It's all wrong.

But it's too late, isn't it? Too late for any sorry, too late for apologises, because I have hurt you.

Hurt you in a way I can never bring myself to believe.

I'm sorry that I screwed you.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Forgive me…

~ End