A/N: Hey peeps. To those of you were getting worried, let me straighten things out for you right here. Chichi is not teaching Home Ec. In fact, if you think that someone ought to be teaching a certain subject, I can almost guarantee that they won't be. There is only one exception for this general rule, and even then it's a bit twisted… ^^ also for your info, Goku is still dead. Okay? Okay. ^~
Oh, and as a warning: I don't know Launch's character very well, so she's probably out of character here…
T-chan: Oh! And before you all go to read the story, thanks for wishing me happy birthday! *grins* 'cause it certainly was a happy one! ^_________^
Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own Dragon Ball Z, as much as I wish I did…
T-chan: *winks* and you should all be very glad of that…
*growls, chases after her with ^chopstix^*
Launch yawned and stretched. It was always nice to wake up with the sun shining and your husband still beside you… Usually she woke up late, and Tien would already be up training with Choutzu. This morning she was the first one up, and he was still sound asleep beside her.
Slipping quietly out of bed, she pulled on her bathrobe and went down to the kitchen to make a nice warm breakfast. Right as she was taking the last pancake off of the hot griddle, the phone rang. Not wanting to wake Tien any earlier than absolutely necessary, she snagged it up before it had the chance to ring a second time.
"Hello, Launch speaking!"
"Um, Hello Miss Launch, my name is Essa Tengler, and I'm the secretary for Orange Star High school. We're about 17 teachers short today, and I have your name down as a possible emergency substitute for Home Economics. Will you be able to teach this morning from 8:00 to 3:00?"
Launch thought for a moment, then nodded to herself. "Alright Essa! It'll be fun!"
On the other end of the line, Miss Tengler grinned- she wasn't about to disillusion this poor unsuspecting soul… After giving Launch fairly detailed instructions, she hung up, fingers fairly itching to see what other interesting people these phone numbers would reveal…
*
Waving cheerfully to Krillin and Marron, Gohan and his friends trouped off towards the Home Ec room. Unfortunately for Gohan, there was more than enough time to be put through the rack- so to speak…
"Hey Gohan."
"Yeah Videl?"
"Who was that nose-less guy to you?"
"…"
"Gohan?"
"Um… An old family friend?"
There was a moment of silence as the navigated their way through the crowds in front of the door, before Sharpener put in his two cents worth.
"What the hell did he mean about you being able to kick his ass in a fight? He might have been tiny, but that dude had loads of muscles! How could Scrawny-Backwoods-'I-Have-No-Social-Life'-Nerd-Boy beat him in a fight???"
This comment earned him a thoughtful nod from Videl, another whap on the head from Erasa's purse, and a silent scowl from Gohan himself.
Luckily for Gohan, though, the foursome just then reached something slightly more puzzling than Gohan's 'fighting ability'- all of their male classmates crowding into the Home Ec room over five minutes early.
Puzzled, they pushed through the throng of boys to see a beautiful, petite blue haired woman standing with her back to the door, flirting with a bunch of teenage guys. Sharpener whistled appreciatively, earning another whap from Erasa, as poor Gohan's jaw hit the floor.
"LAUNCH!!!"
The blue haired ditz froze and thrust her hands into the air; fingers spread wide, horrified expression stamped across her face. "I'M INNOCENT, I SWEAR!!! MY RECORD'S BEEN CLEAN ALL WEEK!!!"
This statement earned her many a strange look- what did she mean by 'record's been clean all week'?
She slowly turned around; hands still thrust into the air, and came face to face with a sweatdropping Gohan. She laughed in relief and brought her hands down, only to throw them around a befuddled Gohan's neck. The boys all glared jealously at Gohan -already having forgotten the girl's cry- and Erasa and Videl both glared daggers at the girl. Gohan was still a bit surprised at finding Launch at his school in the first place, that he didn't really register the fact that she was now hugging him quite tightly.
"Gohan! You shouldn't scare me like that! I might have sneezed!"
That possibility shook Gohan back into 'reality', and long strings of the complications of having Launch in a room with pepper flying around the room danced through his head.
This most definitely spelled imminent disaster.
"Uh Launch… dare I ask what you're doing here?"
An amused Launch detached herself from him, only to snatch up a spatula from where it rested on a table and whack it on his head. More out of reflex than actual pain, Gohan clutched his head and glared at her, obviously pouting. Launch giggled at his expression, but didn't offer any explanation, merely gesturing that he should go and sit down as the bell rang.
Launch cleared her throat and smiled cheerfully at the class, spatula still in hand. "Hello class! My name is Launch, and I'm going to be your teacher!"
Her happy statement was punctuated by a loud groan and a noisy thump as Gohan's head thwacked his desk. Launch frowned slightly, marched over, and whapped him again, soliciting a muffled grunt from Gohan.
"As I was saying, I'll be your sub. To start out with, I'd like to say that we'll be cooking in groups of two today! So please, find yourself a partner!"
Erasa immediately made a grab for Gohan, as did nearly every girl in the room. Gohan gulped slightly and scooted down in his chair, frantically trying to avoid their grasping fingers.
Launch snickered at his predicament, but decided to 'help' by picking the only girl in the room that wasn't squabbling over him to be his partner. Sharpener pouted- he wouldn't get Videl as his partner! The disappointed girls scurried off to lay claims to various boys or friends, and five minutes later Launch was able to move the class onwards.
"Okay- does anyone have suggestions for recipes that we could try?" Gohan's hand shot up, and Launch pointed her spatula at him. "Yes Gohan?"
Gohan leaned back in his chair, hands folded behind his head and an evil Vegeta Smirk™ smeared across his face. Everybody stared in shock, jaws dropping as they heard his proposition.
"Gee Launch, I was thinking maybe Kami Burgers. Or maybe a nice Kami Stew! You know, actually, Kami a la mode sounds rather appetizing right now…"
Launch was the only one unaffected by his rather sudden mood swing, and she actually chuckled a bit. "Gee Gohan- I've always known that you Saiya-jins have iron stomachs –just look at your father!- but don't you think eating Kami is going a bit far? Besides- where do you plan to get the main ingredient?"
The class stared in horror at the calm blue haired sub, then swung their shocked gazes back towards Gohan. They must have seriously misjudged his character if he could sit there talking calmly about eating GOD!!!
"Actually, according to Vegeta they were quite the delicacy back on Vegeta-sei… And after what he's put me through this morning, I don't think any punishment is too harsh for the little twerp. And I'd be more than happy to hunt him down for you."
Even Launch was slightly disturbed by that litany, and deigned it necessary to beat the evilness out of 'darling little Gohan' with her newly adopted Spatula of Ruin™. It took nearly ten minutes of frantic thwaps before Gohan finally decided to repent, causing the entire room to anime faint. The class moved onwards, Launch quickly settling on chili as an easily attainable goal for their skill level.
Twenty minutes later revealed exactly three pots of tasty chili sitting on the front table. Of the rest, four were burned beyond repair, two were bubbling, and the remaining three… well lets just say they weren't very appetizing...
Everybody stood back as Launch inspected the finished products, making marks in the teacher's grade book.
Pausing over Gohan and Videl's, she raised an eyebrow. Theirs was one of the few that turned out well. Curious, she picked up a spoon and dipped it in, cautiously sipping up a taste. Her face quickly turned a bright red, and she began fanning her mouth. Worried, Videl thrust a cup of cold water at her, and Launch gratefully gulped it down. Her face slowly returned to it's normal color, and she glared at Gohan, still coughing a bit. Videl and Gohan both had the grace to appear sheepish, and she moved on to the next decent looking pot.
Far more cautious this time, she leaned over and sniffed it. To Gohan's horror, she immediately threw her head back and sneezed violently.
"ALRIGHT, SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING HERE BEFORE I KILL EVERY (&#@$@) ONE OF YOU!!!"
The class stared in open-mouthed horror at the blonde mad woman who had somehow replaced the sweet blue haired woman. Only Gohan appeared unsurprised by the transformation, though he looked every bit as worried by the high-tech pistol that had manifested in her hands.
"ANSWER ME (*&^#!$%#&!!!" This cry was punctuated by the crack of gunshot at close range. Two dozen frightened teens let out a scream of horror as a bullet struck poor little Son Gohan in the shoulder- at close range.
Though the shot didn't even really sting, Gohan decided to play along, and let out a 'cry of pain', dropping down to one knee and clutching his arm where the bullet hit, letting the 'wounded' arm hang limply. His face 'contorted with pain', as he scanned the room for something to make Launch sneeze again before she hurt someone…
Videl stared, just as shocked as the rest by the crazy blonde lady, but she was quite determined to stop her. She tried to push her classmates out of the way so that she'd have enough room to do some damage, but they were too shocked to respond.
Surreptitiously, Gohan leaned over and grabbed a peppershaker, preparing to end this as soon as possible. Unfortunately his plan was short lived as Launch saw him and decided that she didn't want to go back to being a ditz quite yet… Before Gohan could act, Launch had her pistol against his head, making even Videl freeze. Gohan began sweating heavily; not that he was afraid of being shot… No, it wouldn't hurt him. He was afraid of what everyone else would think.
~This is all Kami's fault! Dende, if you let her shoot me again… oooh, Kami Burgers wont be the least of it!!!~
Faster than the human eye could follow, Gohan had thrown a handful of pepper at Launch, hand hanging limply again before anyone noticed he could still move it. Launch sneezed forcefully, returning to normal. She blinked and looked down at the gun in her hand and laughed nervously. "Whoops… I really hope I didn't hurt anyone this time…"
Gohan grimaced slightly, still pretending to be in pain. "Actually Launch, yeah, you did."
Launch frantically searched the room, looking for a hurt student. "Where?!"
Gohan sweatdropped slightly. "Um… right here…"
Launch whipped her head towards him, blinking owlishly before throwing her head back and laughing, much to the bemusement of the class. Soon she was on the floor, trying to talk through the mirthful tears rolling down her face. "Me… h-hurt Gohan!!! …yeah right!!!"
Gohan glared at her and coughed slightly. "Well now Launch, considering the fact that you shot me in the shoulder I should think that it would hurt!"
Launch got to her feet, suddenly serious. "I don't know what kind of bullshit this is Gohan, but since when does one measly bullet hurt you??? I mean, Kami, I've emptied half a dozen rounds on you at closer range than that and not even phased you!"
By this time the rest of the class's brains had experienced massive overloads, and they weren't hearing a word of the exchange, lucky for Gohan… Except, of course, Videl. She was as alert as ever, though very shocked to say the least…
Gohan sighed, took a glance around the room to make sure that no one was still 'with it' and sighed. Climbing to his feet, he let his hand drop off his 'wounded' shoulder and eyed Launch.
"Well Launch, let's just say that bullet never hit me, alright. It went into the floor right there."
"Right where?"
"There." As he pointed, he flicked the bullet from his hand into the floor, causing it to imbed itself several inches in. Launch nodded complacently, not really caring.
Videl, however, cared a great deal. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SON GOHAN!?!?!"
Her powerful scream woke the dazed students around her, who immediately stared at Gohan, who was now standing up, completely unharmed. And blushing very heavily, I might add.
"Uh… Videl, can we talk about this later? Like, after school maybe?"
Videl glared at her friend, she didn't want to have to wait for an explanation of why exactly was Son Gohan bullet proof. But she could tell she wouldn't get any answers here… "Fine. We'll talk at lunch."
Poor Gohan gulped slightly, but nodded, as his female classmates swarmed him, asking if he was really all right.
Finally, with only minutes till the bell would ring, a strange announcement came over the intercom.
"Attention. This is a reminder that it is class 315's turn to report to Sex Ed. Got that class 315? Thank you."
The class of 315 exchanged a glance, then shrugged. Everyone else had been having to go through this, they might as well get it over with. Poor Gohan had a veeeeeeery bad feeling about his class getting picked for today…
A/N: *grins* There you go! Another custom made chapter for your enjoyment. I hope I didn't make Launch too OOC… I had this problem in the Field Trip too… Oh well, who cares?!
T-chan: *smirks* Am I supposed to answer that?
Lexi: *glares* No. You aren't. And if you do, I'll beat you with my ^chopstix^ until you're black and blue. Now scram!
T-chan: *laughs, skips off to find Mirai Trunks*