A/N: *pouts* lotsa people anticipated me. That's not fair. NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO ANTICIPATE ME!!! *bursts into tears*
T-chan: o.o` um… Lexi-sama? …Only a couple people anticipated you… It's not that big of a deal…
Vegeta: *growls at Lexi* SHUT UP WOMAN!!! *ki blasts her*
Lexi: *sniffles, looks down at ruined shirt, glares at him* You baka! YOU MESSED UP MY SHIRT!!! *screams, chases after him with ^chopstix^* YOU'LL REGRET THAT!!!
Disclaimer: *screams as she sprints by chasing Vegeta* Hey t-chan!
T-chan: *looks up from where she is single mindedly cutting up her clothes and safety pinning them back together* What?
Lexi: Can you take care of the disclaimer today? I have to kill my darling mate.
T-chan: =D Sure!!!
Lexi: *slides to a momentary halt in front of t-chan* And make sure you get it right!!! *takes off after 'Geta again*
T-chan: Oooooh! I can't believe she's finally letting me write …a little... She actually trusts me enough to leave me alone with her precious...can I say it...computer! *gasps* Ok… I can do this… just breathe *puts fingers on keyboard* just breathe...
"Hey guys this is your one and only T-chan the muse! *bows* Well, Lexi put me in charge of disclaimer duties so here it goes... Lexi-sama doesn't own DBZ, but if she got a dime for each time she thinks about killing her brother or damning him to hell, she would have enough money to buy the rights!!! Me too, come to think of it… If I got a dime for every time I chewed on (or hit, or whipped, etc.) Greg for deleting those 5 stories *whips brother severely* ...I would have enough money to buy anything I wanted!! *thinks* …this disclaimer sucks...I'm going to get ki blasted again…"MEEP"...well I'll just post it and run away… *presses post button, grabs scissors and safety pins, then makes a dash for it*
*
Chichi bustled happily around the kitchen, making a breakfast worthy of two growing demi Saiya-jins. It was almost 6:00, the time she usually sent her youngest son to wake up the elder so that he wouldn't be late for school. She walked towards the door, intending to call in Goten, but the phone rang before she had gone even four steps.
~Now who in the world could that be? Bulma is never awake this early… And Trunks has already learned his lesson about calling before breakfast…~ Pondering over who could be calling this early, Chichi picked up the phone, answering on the last ring.
"Hello, Son residence, Chichi speaking."
"Hello Ms. Chichi! My name is Miss Tengler, and I'm the secretary for Orange Star High…"
Chichi's eyebrows drew down into a frown, why was Gohan's school calling now??? She was about to start a loud voice rant about her precious baby when the woman's words reassured her.
"We have a huge shortage of teachers today, and I have your number down as a possible sub. Can you come teach today from 8:00-3:00?"
Chichi blinked incredulously. Her teach high school??? "Absolutely!"
"Fantastic! Just check into my office and I'll give you all the information that you'll need for the rest of the day!"
They exchanged goodbyes, and Chichi hung up feeling very elated. She was going to be a scholar, just like her son! Even if it was only for a day… A huge Son Grin™ spread across her face and she grabbed up the phone again, dialing up Bulma's number quicker than a flash. When Bulma's sleepy voice finally answered, Chichi imperiously informed her that Goten needed to go over for the day, she had somewhere important to go. Bulma was far too tired to care, and merely mumbled an affirmative; Goten was always over anyways…
Even happier than she had been before, Chichi called in Goten and merrily told him to wake up his brother. Breakfast proceeded as normal, and Chichi was quick to usher her son out the door. Suddenly a complication showed itself. Both she and Goten needed to get places, and neither could independently fly. Both needed the nimbus, but both had agendas… what to do, what to do!
Suddenly their little problem was solved for them, in the strangest possible form… And Goten set happily off towards CC on Kinto'un.
*
Gohan waved wearily to Launch as his class trooped off towards the Sex Ed room. Videl was trailing Gohan closely, glaring at his back and mulling over what had just happened in their previous three classes. There were so many secrets hanging over this strange boy just asking to be discovered…
They stopped by their lockers to drop off their books; lunch was next and nobody wanted to have to tote around extra books in the cafeteria… As she was waiting for her turn at the locker, Erasa turned to Gohan who was rummaging around for his lunch capsule.
"Hey Gohan, are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah Erasa, that bullet didn't hit me."
"It sure looked like it did!"
"Well, babe, it obviously couldn't have seeing how nerd-boy here is still standing." Once again Gohan found himself being shoved away from the locker and for the umpteenth time that day he was forced to keep a tight curb on his growing irritation. Erasa shrugged at Sharpener's comment, and began babbling happily about their upcoming sex-ed class. Like several of the other preppy girls, she had actually been looking forward to this class…
"I wonder who the teacher will be! Lisa was telling me that Mr. Miranda is supposed to teach it! I haven't had him at all, have you guys?"
Videl sighed, relinquishing the locker to the blonde. "Of course not Erasa! Me and Sharpener have been in all of your classes since what- fifth grade? If you've never had him, then neither have we."
Erasa shrugged it off like she seemed to do to everything, and continued babbling pointlessly as they made their way through the halls. Finally they reached the room and made their way up to the seats they normally occupied in every other room.
"This should be sooooo much fun! Scissors was telling me that in his class they all got condoms! Do you think we will too???"
Videl turned to stare at Erasa incredulously. "Condoms??? Somehow I doubt it."
Erasa's disappointed pout didn't last long, and the ever-happy girl grinned at a new thought. "Do you think we'll get to see any videos? Or maybe get the chance to demonstrate?"
Videl and Gohan both gagged at that idea, but Sharpener and Erasa began a spirited discussion that soon led to Videl and Erasa switching seats so that the blondes could advance to more *ahem* involved discussion… Fortunately for those sitting next to them, they were interrupted before they got a chance to "demonstrate" for the class.
The very talkative class was shocked into silence when two strange people just appeared in the front of the class. And these were no ordinary people, let me assure you. The people were almost as strange as their mode of entering a room!
It was a man and a woman, both looking to be in the mid twenties. The woman was very pretty, and had over half of the guys grabbing their drool catchers, despite he rather motherly outfit she was wearing. She smiled prettily at the class and waved a bit, as did the man who was with her. The man made just as many of the girls grab their drool catchers. He was tall and handsome, with spiky black hair and an orange gi. They were far too busy drooling over his incredible buffness to notice the golden halo floating above his head…
But Gohan noticed. He let out a small cry and stood up, causing the desk to tip over in his haste to get to the front of the room. The class stared in shock as Son Gohan the geek threw his arms around the buff guy and started weeping like a baby.
"Dad! You're back! You're back!!!"
Goku scratched the back of his head and patted his son on the back rather awkwardly; flashing a confused grin at the stares the three were receiving. "Uh huh! I'm only back for the week though… Kaiosama decided that I deserved a holiday to see my family again!"
***More like my pantry needed a holiday from that damn black hole he calls his stomach…***Chichi smiled slightly as she watched the emotional father-son reunion. Well- emotional on her son's part at least… After giving Gohan a couple of seconds to get re-acquainted with his dead father, she decided that enough was enough; they were delaying her class! Whipping out her Frying Pan of Doom™ from the nice little dimensional pocket that Bulma had made for her, she conked both males on the head rather forcefully. The two Son males turned a baleful eye on the frowning female.
"Gee, what was that for Chichi? We were just saying hi…"
"Come on mom, I haven't seen dad since Cell killed him!"
"Oh well! Goku's sticking around for a while, so you two can get reacquainted later. But for right now I want to start this class! Goku, you go sit up with Gohan. I think you need this lecture just as much as these teenagers do."
She reinforced her words with another thwap on the head for the both of them, and Gohan led his father towards his seat, only to be met with Videl's Death Glare. Luckily for Gohan, Videl didn't get the chance to have her anticipated rant, because Chichi chose that moment to start class; and we all know how insistent Chichi can be…
"Hello class, my name is Son Chichi, and as the brighter among you might have already picked up on, I am Gohan's mother. The man with me is Son Goku, Gohan's father."
At this, Erasa's hand shot in the air. She had taken great pains to know as much as possible about her potential boyfriend, and had learned very early on that Gohan's dad was dead…
"But Mrs. Son, I thought that Gohan's dad was dead!"
Goku, of course, took the opportunity to clear things up on his son's behalf… " I am dead! See my halo!" To illustrate his point, the clueless Goku pointed at the golden circle floating above his head. The class stared in awed amazement until something suddenly clicked in one girl's mind.
"IT'S A GHOST!!!"
Her scream sent everyone else into hysterics, and all of the teens close to the confused Saiya-jin scrambled away in fear. Goku's eyes widened slightly, "WHERE?!"
Gohan just thumped his head against his desk. Something told him this day was only going to get worse… ~Dende, calm them down now. Make them forget about it; they don't have very long attention spans in the first place, so I doubt that will be too difficult… And if you don't, I will hurt you. Badly. After taking away that Pina Colada.~
*
"Damn! How in kami's name did he know about my Colada?! Wait… I really need to stop swearing in my name…" The bemused god downed the rest of the glass and tossed it aside, yelling at Popo for another one… Things were going to get messy around here very soon. With an absentminded manipulation of his power, Dende obliged his friend and made the class settle down… For now.
"Ah Gohan… The things I do for you…"
*
Gohan smiled in relief as his classmates calmed down: without the assistance of his mother's beloved Frying Pan. The first part of the class proceeded without too much commotion… If you didn't count Goku's repeated questions about the most basic things… Beginning with the very first thing.
"Uh, Chi… what's sex?"
Everybody in the classroom sweatdropped, including Chichi.
"Well Goku, it's what…um…we did nine months before Gohan was born." This statement caused lots of laughs in Gohan's direction, and the boy to turn an interesting shade of red. Unfortunately, Goku was still clueless.
"Um… I thought that was called marriage!"
Gohan's head hit the desk.
"No. Marriage was the ceremony. Sex is what happened after."
"…You mean the big party with lots of food?"
Gohan's head thumped the desk a second and third time.
"No. After that."
"The big cake thingie?"
"No Goku. Think after nightfall."
Thump. Thump. Thump.
"You mean…dinner?"
Thump. Thump. Thump.
"No Goku! Later. In the bed." By this time even Chichi was slightly embarrassed, but it was more over her husband's ignorance than the subject matter…
"…"
Chichi began rubbing her temples, foot tapping impatiently against the floor.
"Mating Goku. Sex is the same thing as mating."
"Oooh, I get it! You should have said that in the first place!"
Thump. Thump. Thump.
This little misunderstanding cleared up, Chichi continued on to the next issue at hand. Educating these students – and her husband – about sex.
Far more difficult than she first anticipated… Especially with her oldest son trying to break the desk he was sitting in. After only two minutes of lecturing, Chichi began to get very annoyed by the repetitive thumping sound coming from her son's desk. Goku had turned his attention towards trying to stop his son, which diverted both of their attention. Glaring, she walked up to Gohan's desk and hit him as hard as she could with a two handed swing of her Frying Pan.
That got the thumping to stop.
Satisfied, she walked back up to the front of the room and cheerfully continued her talk. Before she was even half way through, Gohan had invented at least three new shades of red, each darker than the last.
And he had started the head thumping again.
Much quieter this time so as not to attract his mother's wrath, but load enough to divert his own attention. In theory, he knew all this stuff already – but to hear his mother teach it to his classmates… He shuddered through the thumping and sped up slightly – but in his attempt to drown out his mother, he also failed to notice the growing crack across the surface of the poor desk.
The rest of the class, including Goku, was listening raptly to Chichi's lecture. Unlike Gohan, they didn't have the in depth knowledge that this woman had; all they had really known about It was that you took off all your clothes, grabbed the nearest member of the opposite sex, and "went at it". Now they were learning the why and the how, as well as such useful tips as how to get pregnant or prevent it, as well as how to survive the pregnancy itself.
Chichi was about to go into further detail about the actual raising of children, which had all of the girls – even Videl – enthralled, when she was very rudely interrupted.
The poor desk had finally had enough, and now lay in splinters at the feet of an ashen-faced Son Gohan.
Chichi's eyes narrowed into slits and she marched up to her dazed son and proceeded to beat him over the head with her Frying Pan, accompanied by the furious shrieks that had earned her the title 'banshee woman', as well as the grudging respect of a certain Saiya-jin prince…
"SON GOHAN, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LISTENING TO A WORD I'VE SAID!!! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIND YOURSELF A MATE AND GET ME GRANDCHILDREN IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION??? DO YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE YOUR FATHER AND ONLY ACT ON INSTINCT?!?! THAT'S NO WAY TO IMPRESS MY FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!!!"
Chichi would have continued in that vein for quite a bit longer if she hadn't been interrupted by the sound of the bell. Later Gohan had to wonder how they could possibly have heard the bell through his mother's screams, but he supposed that it had been made to cut through the daily sounds of student life…
Goku waved cheerfully to the class as it processed out, clapping his son on the back before turning him over to his friends. Chichi's glare softened as she watched the way the blonde girl caringly led her son out the door… maybe he had found himself a mate after all… Then her glare returned full force as she realized that he hadn't told her about any girlfriend… ~Ooooooh, that boy has some explaining to do!~
*
A/N: *pats Vegeta on the head* Good boy! Thank you for your shirt, it was very kind of you to give me yours! *eyes his bare torso dreamily* very kind… *drool*
T-chan: =.= *thumps her head against the floor* kami… this is almost as bad as when they're alone!!!
Lexi: *grabs Vegeta's hand, leads him away, calls over shoulder* Guess what folks! I'm in a good mood today *wink, wink* so I have good news! Tell 'em T-chan! *jogs away, toting a bemused Vegeta in her wake*
T-chan: o.o` I'm not sure whether to be happy or afraid… Not only did she let me write the disclaimer, she's letting me tell her faithful readers her good news!!! Well, the news is that this chapter isn't over yet. Why are there author notes here? Who knows. The mind of Lexi is a strange and twisted thing…
*
Goten landed in front of CC and charged threw the door, not even bothering to knock. He raced through the halls until he found Trunks's room, where he skidded to a halt. (a/n; please bear in mind the fact that it is still only 6:30 or so…^^)
Opening the door silently, Goten crept in, running over the various ways that one can wake up a demi Saiya-jin… needless to say, he had a lot of practice, so it was only a matter of choosing the best one…
Finally settling on one, he crept up to the bed and smirked down on his sleeping best friend. He'd teach Trunks that Son Goten could be just as mischievous as his friend! Taking a quick glance around the room, Goten found everything he'd need to make his plan successful…
Ten minutes later a girly, earth-shattering scream echoed through the halls of Capsule Corps, followed by a loud stream of cursing, loud laughter, and the sounds of two demi Saiya-jins barreling through the building.
Poor Trunks, dripping with icy water and …other things… chased after Goten with murder in his eyes. Luckily for the continued existence of them both, they ran into Vegeta before they had a run in with Bulma.
The poor Saiya-jin prince had just finished his dawn training and had ventured inside to frighten somebody into making him breakfast - just in time to hear his son's shriek. Dismissing the sound as most likely being the Woman seeing a spider, he continued stalking the halls in search of something that could make him food. Luck was on his side because not more than ten seconds later, two somethings plowed into him.
Stumbling slightly and cursing fluently, Vegeta picked both boys up by their ears and toted them towards the kitchen, oblivious to the sounds of their shrieks. He was going to get breakfast, even if it meant forcing the brats to cook it for him!
A/N: All right, these are the real author notes at the end of the chapter. Um… I don't have a whole lot to say in this chapter other than "lucky Gohan"… lunch is next! …Or maybe he isn't such a lucky Gohan… Who knows what surprises await?!
T-chan: *hits her head against the floor again* Kami Lexi, that was cornier than my disclaimer!!!
Lexi: *glares at her muse* Your disclaimer was corny?
T-chan: *gulps slightly* n-no way! Uh…ask the readers!
Lexi: *whirls to eye the readers* that might actually be a good idea! Hey guys, do me a favor and report on the work of my muse. It's her first real writing experience, and I need to know whether or not she needs to be …disciplined. *laughs evilly*
T-chan: O.O "MEEP"!!!