Vegeta: Hello. On 'Archaeology Today' tonight I have with me Professor
Lucien Goku of Oslo University.
Goku: Good evening.
Vegeta: How tall are you, professor?
Goku: ... I beg your pardon?
Vegeta: How tall are you?
Goku: I'm about five foot ten.
Vegeta: ... and an expert in Egyptian 'tomb paintings. Trunks... (turning to Goku) are you really five foot ten?
Goku: Yes.
Vegeta: Funny, you look much shorter than that to me. Are you slumped forward in your chair at all?
Goku: No, er I...
Vegeta: Extraordinary. Trunks Eversley, who's just returned from the excavations in El Ara, and you must be well over six foot. Isn't that right, Trunks?
Trunks: (puzzled) Yes.
Vegeta: In fact, I think you're six foot five aren't you?
Trunks: Yes. (Applause. Trunks looks up in amazement.)
Vegeta: Oh, that's marvellous. I mean you're a totally different kind of specimen to Professor Goku. Straight in your seat, erect, firm.
Trunks: Yes. I thought we were here to discuss archaeology.
Vegeta: Yes, yes, of course we are, yes, absolutely, you're absolutely right! That's positive thinking for you. (to Goku) You wouldn't have said a thing like that, would you? You five-foot-ten weed. (he turns his back very ostentatiously on Kustner) Trunks Eversley, (who's very interesting) what have you discovered in the excavations at El Ara?
Trunks: (picking up a beautiful andent vase) Well basically we have found a complex of tombs...
Vegeta: Very good speaking voice.
Trunks: ... which present dramatic evidence of Polynesian influence in Egypt in the third dynasty which is quite remarkable.
Vegeta: How tall were the Polynesians?
Goku: They were...
Vegeta: Sh!
Trunks: Well, they were rather small, seafaring...
Vegeta: Short men, were they... eh? All squat and bent up?
Trunks: Well, I really don't know about that...
Vegeta: Who were the tall people?
Trunks: I'm afraid I don't know.
Vegeta: Who's that very tall tribe in Africa?
Trunks: Well, this is hardly archaeology.
Vegeta: The Watutsi! That's it - the Watutsi! Oh, that's the tribe, some of them were eight foot tall. Can you imagine that. Eight foot of Watutsi. Not one on another's shoulders, oh no - eight foot of solid Watutsi. That's what I call tall.
Trunks: Yes, but it's nothing to do with archaeology.
Vegeta: (knocking Trunks's vase to the floor) Oh to hell with archaeology!
Goku: Can I please speak! I came all the way from Oslo to do this programme! I'm a professor of archaeology. I'm an expert in ancient civilizations. All right, I'm only five foot ten. All right my posture is bad, all right I slump in my chair. But I've had more women than either of you two! I've had half bloody Norway, that's what I've had! So you can keep your Robert Eversley! And you can keep your bloody Watutsi! I'd rather have my little body... my little five-foot-ten-inch body... (he breaks down sobbing)
Trunks: Bloody fool. Look what you've done to him.
Vegeta: Don't bloody fool me.
Trunks: I'll do what I like, because I'm six foot five and I eat punks like you for breakfast. (Trunks floors the Vegeta with an almighty punch. Vegeta looks up rubbing his jaw.)
Vegeta: I'll get you for that, Eversley! I'll get you if I have to travel to the four corners of the earth! (Crash of music. Music goes into theme and film titles as for a Western. Caption on screen: 'FLAMING STAR - THE STORY OF ONE MAN'S SEARCH FOR VENGEANCE IN THE RAW AND VIOLENT WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL ARCHAEOLOGY' Cut to stock film of the pyramids (cica 1920). Superimposed caption: 'EGYPT- 1920' An archaeological dig in a fiat sandy landscape. All the characters are in twenties' clothes. Pan across the complex of passages and trenches.)
Bulma: (voice over) The dig was going well that year, We had discovered some Hittire baking dishes from the fifth dynasty, and Trunks: was happier than I had ever seen him. (Camera comes to rest on Trunks Eversley digging away. We close in on him as he sings to Hammond organ accompaniment.)
Trunks: Today I hear the robin sing Today the thrush is on the wing Today who knows what life will bring Today... (He stops and picks up an object, blows the dust off it and looks at it wondrously.)
Trunks: Why, a Sumerian drinking vessel of the fourth dynasty. (sings!) Today!!!! (speaks) Catalogue this pot, Bulma, it's fourth dynasty. Bulma: Oh, is it... ?
Trunks: Yes, it's... Sumerian. Bulma: Oh, how wonderful! Oh, I am so happy for you. Trunks: I'm happy too, now at last we know there was a Sumerian influence here in Abu Simnel in the early pre-dynastic period, two thousand years before the reign of Tutankhamun, (he breaks into song again) (singing) Today I hear the robin sing Today the thrush is on the wing (Bulma joins in) Today who knows what life will bring. (They are just about to embrace, when there is a jarring chord and long crash. The Vegeta, in the clothes he wore before, is standing on the edge of the dig.)
Vegeta: All right Eversley, get up out of that trench.
Trunks: Don't forget... rm six foot five.
Vegeta: That doesn't worry me... Kakrott. (He snaps his fingers. From behind him Goku appears, fawningly)
Goku: Here Lord.
Vegeta: Up! (He snaps his fingers and Goku leaps onto his shoulders.)
Trunks:. Eleven foot three!
Goku: I'm so tall! I am so tall!
Trunks: Bulma! (Bulma leaps on his shoulders.)
Vegeta: Eleven foot six - damn you! Abdul (A servant appears on Goku's shoulders.)
Trunks: Fifteen foot four! Mustapha! (A servant appears on Bulma's shoulders.)
Vegeta: Nineteen foot three... damn you! (The six of them charge each other. They fight in amongst the trestle tables with rare pots on them breaking and smashing them. When the fight ends everyone lies dead in a pile of broken pottery. The Vegeta crawls up to camera and produces a microphone from his pocket. He is covered in blood and in his final death throes.)
Vegeta: And there we end this edition of 'Archaeology Today'. Next week, the Silbury Dig by Cole Porter with Pearl Bailey and Arthur Negus. (He dies.)
Goku: Good evening.
Vegeta: How tall are you, professor?
Goku: ... I beg your pardon?
Vegeta: How tall are you?
Goku: I'm about five foot ten.
Vegeta: ... and an expert in Egyptian 'tomb paintings. Trunks... (turning to Goku) are you really five foot ten?
Goku: Yes.
Vegeta: Funny, you look much shorter than that to me. Are you slumped forward in your chair at all?
Goku: No, er I...
Vegeta: Extraordinary. Trunks Eversley, who's just returned from the excavations in El Ara, and you must be well over six foot. Isn't that right, Trunks?
Trunks: (puzzled) Yes.
Vegeta: In fact, I think you're six foot five aren't you?
Trunks: Yes. (Applause. Trunks looks up in amazement.)
Vegeta: Oh, that's marvellous. I mean you're a totally different kind of specimen to Professor Goku. Straight in your seat, erect, firm.
Trunks: Yes. I thought we were here to discuss archaeology.
Vegeta: Yes, yes, of course we are, yes, absolutely, you're absolutely right! That's positive thinking for you. (to Goku) You wouldn't have said a thing like that, would you? You five-foot-ten weed. (he turns his back very ostentatiously on Kustner) Trunks Eversley, (who's very interesting) what have you discovered in the excavations at El Ara?
Trunks: (picking up a beautiful andent vase) Well basically we have found a complex of tombs...
Vegeta: Very good speaking voice.
Trunks: ... which present dramatic evidence of Polynesian influence in Egypt in the third dynasty which is quite remarkable.
Vegeta: How tall were the Polynesians?
Goku: They were...
Vegeta: Sh!
Trunks: Well, they were rather small, seafaring...
Vegeta: Short men, were they... eh? All squat and bent up?
Trunks: Well, I really don't know about that...
Vegeta: Who were the tall people?
Trunks: I'm afraid I don't know.
Vegeta: Who's that very tall tribe in Africa?
Trunks: Well, this is hardly archaeology.
Vegeta: The Watutsi! That's it - the Watutsi! Oh, that's the tribe, some of them were eight foot tall. Can you imagine that. Eight foot of Watutsi. Not one on another's shoulders, oh no - eight foot of solid Watutsi. That's what I call tall.
Trunks: Yes, but it's nothing to do with archaeology.
Vegeta: (knocking Trunks's vase to the floor) Oh to hell with archaeology!
Goku: Can I please speak! I came all the way from Oslo to do this programme! I'm a professor of archaeology. I'm an expert in ancient civilizations. All right, I'm only five foot ten. All right my posture is bad, all right I slump in my chair. But I've had more women than either of you two! I've had half bloody Norway, that's what I've had! So you can keep your Robert Eversley! And you can keep your bloody Watutsi! I'd rather have my little body... my little five-foot-ten-inch body... (he breaks down sobbing)
Trunks: Bloody fool. Look what you've done to him.
Vegeta: Don't bloody fool me.
Trunks: I'll do what I like, because I'm six foot five and I eat punks like you for breakfast. (Trunks floors the Vegeta with an almighty punch. Vegeta looks up rubbing his jaw.)
Vegeta: I'll get you for that, Eversley! I'll get you if I have to travel to the four corners of the earth! (Crash of music. Music goes into theme and film titles as for a Western. Caption on screen: 'FLAMING STAR - THE STORY OF ONE MAN'S SEARCH FOR VENGEANCE IN THE RAW AND VIOLENT WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL ARCHAEOLOGY' Cut to stock film of the pyramids (cica 1920). Superimposed caption: 'EGYPT- 1920' An archaeological dig in a fiat sandy landscape. All the characters are in twenties' clothes. Pan across the complex of passages and trenches.)
Bulma: (voice over) The dig was going well that year, We had discovered some Hittire baking dishes from the fifth dynasty, and Trunks: was happier than I had ever seen him. (Camera comes to rest on Trunks Eversley digging away. We close in on him as he sings to Hammond organ accompaniment.)
Trunks: Today I hear the robin sing Today the thrush is on the wing Today who knows what life will bring Today... (He stops and picks up an object, blows the dust off it and looks at it wondrously.)
Trunks: Why, a Sumerian drinking vessel of the fourth dynasty. (sings!) Today!!!! (speaks) Catalogue this pot, Bulma, it's fourth dynasty. Bulma: Oh, is it... ?
Trunks: Yes, it's... Sumerian. Bulma: Oh, how wonderful! Oh, I am so happy for you. Trunks: I'm happy too, now at last we know there was a Sumerian influence here in Abu Simnel in the early pre-dynastic period, two thousand years before the reign of Tutankhamun, (he breaks into song again) (singing) Today I hear the robin sing Today the thrush is on the wing (Bulma joins in) Today who knows what life will bring. (They are just about to embrace, when there is a jarring chord and long crash. The Vegeta, in the clothes he wore before, is standing on the edge of the dig.)
Vegeta: All right Eversley, get up out of that trench.
Trunks: Don't forget... rm six foot five.
Vegeta: That doesn't worry me... Kakrott. (He snaps his fingers. From behind him Goku appears, fawningly)
Goku: Here Lord.
Vegeta: Up! (He snaps his fingers and Goku leaps onto his shoulders.)
Trunks:. Eleven foot three!
Goku: I'm so tall! I am so tall!
Trunks: Bulma! (Bulma leaps on his shoulders.)
Vegeta: Eleven foot six - damn you! Abdul (A servant appears on Goku's shoulders.)
Trunks: Fifteen foot four! Mustapha! (A servant appears on Bulma's shoulders.)
Vegeta: Nineteen foot three... damn you! (The six of them charge each other. They fight in amongst the trestle tables with rare pots on them breaking and smashing them. When the fight ends everyone lies dead in a pile of broken pottery. The Vegeta crawls up to camera and produces a microphone from his pocket. He is covered in blood and in his final death throes.)
Vegeta: And there we end this edition of 'Archaeology Today'. Next week, the Silbury Dig by Cole Porter with Pearl Bailey and Arthur Negus. (He dies.)