Lactaphobia 8 Disclaimer: There will be no disclaimer on this chapter because Monk (who belongs to USA) is afraid of them. A/N: Warning: Major Fluffy Stupidity Ahead A/N (the sequel): Funniest thing, I tried to write a sex scene last night, but a strange virus invaded my computer. The only clue as to its origins were the letters CAFF. Weird. ******************************************************** Sharona fell asleep halfway through Thir13en Ghosts. No that it mattered; Adrian had ruined the twist ending five minutes into the movie. Monk didn't want to watch it (he didn't think that guy was at all good looking ;) ), so he covered Sharona with the throw blanket, pulled a strand of hair out of her face, and headed off to his room. When Sharona woke up in the morning, she smelled food. Hmm. Pancakes. Yummy. Was Benjy cooking? She opened her eyes and remembered where she was. "'Bout time. It's nearly ten o' clock," Adrian called from the kitchen. "I was just going to wake you up. Soup's on." "Soup? I wanted pancakes and eggs." "No eggs. I don't eat them." Sharona, sarcasm and all was awake. "Dare I ask why?" "They're little fetuses. It's just. . ." he shivered. "Yuck." "Adrian, a little advice: if you ever go on a date, heaven forbid, don't go to dinner." "I don't date." He put the pancakes on the table as Sharona. "I would never have guessed." She took a bite. "Mmm. Good." The phone rang, which was a darn good thing, because the poor fanfiction writer couldn't think of anything else for them to say. Adrian answered it. "Hello? Yes, Captain?" He nodded. "We'll be right there." He hung up. "There's been another one." He looked sickly pale. "In the floor right above us. All the bolts were cut. He could have just as easily come here." Sharona tried to be optimistic. "Well, that's good, right? It means he's not after us!" Adrian shook his head. "There was a note, written in newspaper clippings. 'I'm getting closer.'" "Oh my God." ************************************************************ They were upstairs in fifteen minutes. Before Sharona could say anything, Adrian had burst out, "Captain, I'm off this case." "Adrian, NO. We can solve this case, I mean, you can solve it." But Monk had already given Stottlemyer the letter. "Oh, this is just Precious." His sarcasm, Adrian noted, wasn't half as annoying as Sharona's. She should give him lessons. "Why didn't you turn this in?" "I was going to, I never - " "It was my fault," Sharona interjected. "I kinda, um, stole it." Stottlemyer looked incredulous. "Sharona, this is important evidence. You realize you could go to jail for withholding it." "It really was my fault, Captain, I shouldn't have let her see it, I should have come straight to you, I'm sorry." "No, I'm the one who took it." They were now talking simultaneously, completely ignoring the captain, who rolled his eyes in annoyance. Randy and Nobodyinparticular were trying to place bets on who would win this particular skirmish, but couldn't get any off the ground as neither seemed willing to bet that Adrian would win ANYTHING against Sharona. "STOP IT!" All the characters snapped to attention. "Who said that?" Andy asked. "Good grief, people," LMR said. "I wrote it, it's my fault! Just stop yelling, you're giving me a headache, and I've got midterms coming up!" There were mumbles of "Sorry" all around the room. Three sorrys, none of which had a New York accent. "Where's Sharona?" Monk asked. "Help!" Sharona screamed as she was dragged off by the Milkman. "Yoink !" The Milkman called. "D'oh!" LMR said, sitting at her computer. *********************************************************** A/N: OMG!!! I feel so guilty! If it weren't for me distracting them, Milkman could never have caught Sharona! Can you ever forgive me??????? I know I can fix it! Promise!