Vaughn was just setting the table in the sitting area with their feast when Sydney stepped into the room. Boy, does she look cute in that robe. He forced himself to look her in the eye without blushing.
"Dinner is served, señorita."
"It looks great!" She sat down and dug into chile rellanos with rice. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten anything.
After they were done, Sydney looked at Vaughn. He had taken off his jacket and tie. She could see a few hairs poking out of his unbuttoned collar. She found herself suddenly uncomfortable in their once-comfortable silence. She looked around the room. She could see the rain was letting up through the balcony doors.
"Can we go outside? I haven't been to the beach in ages. I want to hear the ocean."
"Sure." He grabbed a dry towel from the bathroom and dried off the balcony's two seats as best he could.
"Have a seat."
Sydney decided to start first. "I want to thank you for being so nice to me, for taking care of me tonight. For always taking care of me. I know you are my handler, and it's your job, but you've really gone beyond what the job calls for, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. I am so sorry I questioned you."
"You don't have to thank me, or apologize. You life is incredibly difficult. The fact that I can be here for you, that I can help you, makes me happy."
Sydney took Vaughn's hand. For a few minutes, they just sat like that, listening to the waves as they crashed a few yards away.
"It must be nice to have a normal life. To spend the weekend at the beach with the people you care about." Sydney stopped. She couldn't help thinking about her father and how long it had been since they did anything together that wasn't spy-related. And about Danny, and all of their plans.
"Sydney, I know it's hard. The isolation you must feel. I feel it too. I'm not undercover like you are, but I wish things could be different too."
Sydney looked into his eyes. She saw the same longing there that she felt. She pulled him closer by the hand, and he didn't resist.
"Michael…" She had never used his given name before.
And he kissed her, slowly at first, cautiously. But how could he resist her? He placed his hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair as their kiss went deeper.
A few minutes later, "Sydney…" he whispered in her ear. She held him tightly as she nuzzled in the crook of his neck.
"Michael, I have been wanting to do that for so long."
"If you keep calling me Michael I'm not going to be able to stop." Vaughn grinned, the creases of his dimples deepening.
Sydney shivered. Vaughn realized that they were sitting out at night at the beach in late fall and all Sydney was wearing was a robe. Of course, she'd worn a lot less on some of her missions, but they were usually in warmer locales.
"Let's go inside. You must be freezing."
Sydney didn't protest. He led her inside, and closed and locked the balcony doors.
"Sydney, whatever you want is OK with me. I want to be with you, but I don't want to take advantage of you. You're vulnerable right now. You just found out things about your father that no daughter should have to deal with. And if we go any further, I don't know how safe it can be for us. I know you can compartmentalize your feelings, but I don't know if I can with you."
"I'm finding it harder and harder lately to separate out my feelings from my work. It's all so jumbled up. But this can't be wrong. We have a right to a little happiness. Even if it's just for one night."
She dropped her robe to the floor. Vaughn had so many feelings toward Sydney at that moment: tenderness, lust, love, protectiveness, guilt. He stopped analyzing everything for once and let himself just feel. And then he embraced Sydney, kissing her neck, rubbing her back softly. Sometimes you have to let you feelings take over, he thought as she unbuttoned his shirt. Otherwise, what is living all about?