*
*FEELINGS*
"We're there," Xellos announced about a half hour later. He stopped walking right in front of a large doorway leading into a dark room. Hesitantly, he let go of Filia's wrist, and waited for her reaction.
Filia took half a step back, and said, "I know you don't want to do this."
Shaking his head, Xellos said, "No, I don't. I really don't." Once again, he began avoiding Filia's eyes, not being able to look at her while telling her that he's going to turn her life into hell.
"Then why do it?" Filia asked him.
"I told you," Xellos said, a little irate at reanswering Filia's questions. "I have to." Without looking at Filia, Xellos stepped through the doorway ahead of him, the entire room illuminating from his presence there. Not surprisingly, Filia didn't follow him into the room. "Please," Xellos asked, in an almost begging voice. "Don't make this any harder than it already is."
"But it's already hard," Filia reminded him.
His fists tightening, Xellos shouted in frustration, "I know!"
There was a slight pause, before Filia asked, "Do you wonder what will happen if you let me go home?"
"Of course," Xellos said tensely. "Zelas will kill you instead of turn you into a mazoku, and she'll make my existence even worse, if possible. I'll try killing myself again, no doubt, and then just be faced with being brought back again. I can't stand the thought of you existing like I do, but there's no other way."
"Xellos--"
"Except," Xellos went on. "With you as a servant, she might not need me anymore. I could kill myself, and she could let me die.... But then you'd be in this hell on your own...."
Offering a slight smile, Filia said, "Even hell is more bearable when you have someone there with you." Xellos walked back to Filia again, still not looking at her. "Right?" Filia asked.
Instead of answering, Xellos just grabbed Filia's arm, and pulled her into the room. "Xellos!" Filia said, trying to get through to Xellos again.
Inside the room was only one thing. In the center of the room was a flat table with wrist and ankle straps, the entire thing surrounded by a giant magic circle taking up almost the entire space of the room. It was to this that Xellos led Filia. He held her against the vertical metal, and the straps magically buckled around Filia's wrists and ankles.
"Xellos, don't do this!" Filia begged.
"I...." Xellos started, but he didn't know what to say. He sighed, and stepped away from Filia, outside the magic circle.
Taking a last shot, Filia asked, "You don't want to do this, right?" When Xellos didn't answer her, she worried. "Right?" she asked more desperately.
Holding his staff out in front of him, Xellos said, "You know I don't, Filia."
"What if, after this, Zelas doesn't let you die?" Filia asked, grabbing for any lifeline she could think of. "Then what?"
"I...." Xellos began. "I don't know.... But I have to try! It's my only chance!"
Filia bit her lip, and struggled to think of something-- anything --to delay Xellos. His feelings. "Xellos! What are those feelings you've been having? The ones you aren't supposed to have?"
Xellos lowered his staff. "I.... I don't know," he said truthfully. "I don't know how to explain them.... They're different, one's much stronger than the other, but both are.... are inappropriate for a mazoku to have...."
"Try," Filia said simply.
Xellos hesitated. "The.... the stronger one.... I usually get that when I think about...." He paused. Could he tell Filia that he got that strong feeling what he was thinking about her? He didn't know what it meant, but he knew that, as a mazoku, he shouldn't feel that.
"About...?" Filia prompted.
Xellos looked away, and said embarrassedly, "About you...."
"W-what?" Filia stammered. That was the last thing she'd expected.
Shaking his head ruefully, Xellos started speaking the chant that would start the conversion process.
"No! Wait! Stop!" Filia shouted.
"No, Filia," Xellos said. "I.... I can't do this anymore.... I'm sorry...."
Filia groped around in her mind, and held onto the very last thought for her humanity that she could think of. "Xellos! Come here, please?"
Xellos paused. Then, curiously, he set his staff down outside the magic circle, and took a few steps closer to Filia.
"Closer," Filia prodded.
Xellos honestly wanted to know why Filia wanted him to come closer, but he was very unsure. He cautiously took an extra few steps closer.
"Closer, Xellos," Filia said, egging him on.
After doing as Filia asked, Xellos's face was just inches away from Filia's. It was then that Filia did the last thing Xellos could possibly expect. She kissed him on the lips. Xellos backed up immediately out of shock.
"Xellos, you may be a mazoku, a namagomi, a murderer, and a liar," Filia started. "But I think...."
Stepping backwards a bit, Xellos asked, "But you....?"
"I think that I.... I love you," Filia said quietly.
Xellos stumbled backwards, landing on his back. He pushed himself into a sitting position with his hands, and stared at Filia. "You.... what?" he asked incredulously.
"And I wanted to do that," Filia concluded.
After a moment, Xellos realized that maybe.... possibly.... that was the feeling he got when he was around Filia, or even thought of her. But.... Xellos pushed himself back to his feet, and said, "Filia, you understand.... that doesn't change what I have to do."
"Xellos...." Filia started.
Xellos bit his lip, and went back to pick up his staff. He stood straight, and faced Filia. He opened his mouth to say the chant, but he couldn't make himself say it. He couldn't do that to Filia. He couldn't make her go through what he'd gone through. He.... he loved her. He couldn't do it.
"Xellos!"
Quickly, Xellos whirled around, and found himself facing Zelas, who was standing in the doorway. "Ju-ou-sama!" he said in surprise.