BAD DAYS
By Oregano

EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY
LORELAI GILMORE stands in front of the door with her back to the camera. She is holding two very big bags of GROCERIES. She grunts and pushes at the door. It's stuck.

She frowns and drops the bags to the ground. She steps back a bit and rams it with her shoulder.

The door opens.

Lorelai smiles proudly. But her smile quickly morphs into a face of panic.

We hear a CREAK, and the door suddenly comes off its hinges and CRASHES into the front hall.

RORY (O. C.)
Mom?

RORY GILMORE runs into the frame from the kitchen.

LORELAI
Um. I think we may have a teensy bit of a problem…

RORY
Oh, no. Mom! I told you that the door was broken!

LORELAI
I didn't mean to break it even more! I was carrying so much stuff and the door was stuck, and my hand was starting to pulse in that weird uncomfortable manner and the door wouldn't open and-- and…

RORY
Uh huh. And?

Lorelai thinks for a second.

LORELAI
I'll give you a big bag of candy if you stop looking at me like that.

We see that Rory has her arms folded against her chest, glaring a bit at Lorelai.

Lorelai pauses for a moment and quickly bends down to her grocery bags. She gets up and holds a bag of candy in one hand and a box of Pop Tart Danishes in the other.

LORELAI
Aaaand, this box of Danishes!

Lorelai swings the box around and accidentally hits the other door. The box flies out of her hands and smashes through the glass.

RORY
Mom!

Lorelai blinks.

LORELAI
Ah, I guess I'll go call Luke.


INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
The Diner isn't very busy. There is a small FAMILY at one side, and a MAN on one of the tables near the counter.

We hear a JINGLE as Lorelai and Rory come in.

LORELAI
HEY LUKE! WE NEED YOUR SEXY MANLINESS OVER AT OUR CRIB!

LUKE DANES pops out of the kitchen doorway and glares at Lorelai.

LUKE
Will you keep your voice down?! Jesus!

LORELAI
Ooooh, I'm sorry my cute little hunny-bunchy!

Lorelai makes her way to Luke with her arms open.

Luke rolls his eyes and waits for her to come closer.

But Lorelai TRIPS over the MAN'S (who was sitting near the counter) foot and pitches forward.

We follow Lorelai's hand as it inadvertently slaps Luke in the face.

Luke stops abruptly as Lorelai hits the floor.

LORELAI
Gah! Why didn't you catch me?!

Lorelai gets up.

LUKE
Did you just SMACK me?

Lorelai cracks a smile, but tries to contain it.

Rory snorts back a laugh.

LUKE
Lorelai, you just hit me in the face.

LORELAI
I realize that, Luke. And I'm sorry.

Lorelai puts her arms around Luke and gives him a kiss.

MAN (O. C.)
Hey, are you guys okay?

The MAN who caused all the ruckus stands.

MAN
I'm so sorry. I have this bad habit of stretching in public. I really should keep my legs closer to myself.

LUKE
Yeah.
(beat)
Better yet, just sever them off. I'd gladly do it for you. I think I have a saw back there somewhere…

MAN
Excuse me?

LORELAI
Don't listen to him, he's supposed to be adorable that way.

Luke grunts.

LORELAI
(cont'd)
I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Rory.

RORY
Hey.

Rory waves.

MAN
Oh, my name's Chance.

LUKE
Like the dog?

LORELAI
Will you stop that? Whatever happened to the sort-of-nice Luke that everyone loved?

LUKE
Some mentally unstable lady smacked him in the face.

LORELAI
Will you let that go already?

LUKE
No. I will not let that go. Nice girls don't beat up their boyfriends.

Lorelai rolls her eyes.

LORELAI
Whatever gave you the idea that I was a nice girl? I ran away from the plaid and the saddle shoes a long time ago, Buddy.
(looks at Rory, who is in her Chilton uniform)
No offense, Hun.

RORY
None taken, James Dean.

LORELAI
Anyway, Luke, my pal, my friend, love of my life, I need a favour to ask you.

LUKE
What now?

LORELAI
I broke my door and I need you and Bert to do things to it.

Chance suddenly smiles at them O. C. He returns to his seat and resumes eating.

Rory is left out of the exchange. She looks to the doorway to the apartment. She thinks for a moment and walks towards it.

A few feet before reaching it, she whips around and exits the Diner.


EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY
Luke examines the damage to the front door.

Lorelai stands behind him.

LUKE
Jesus, what did you do? Use a battering ram?

LORELAI
I was stuck!

Luke turns the door over.

LUKE
I think it was locked.

LORELAI
What? Am I that stupid? Oh, God, Luke! What if I have Alzheimer's? I have to write your name on your forehead so I can identify you.

LUKE
I was joking.

LORELAI
What?

LUKE
I was joking. It's been known to be done by human beings once in a while, Lorelai.

LORELAI
But... you don't joke. If you do, it's a grumpy, sarcastic, cynical joke-joke, not a ha-ha-gotcha! joke-joke, and you're not exactly life-of-the-party material...

LUKE
(deadpan)
Thank you. I feel a blush coming on.
(beat)
I'll come back tomorrow with my tools. For the mean time, I suggest you comethrough the back door.
(holds his hands up)
Dirty, I know. Spare me.


EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY (THE NEXT DAY)
Luke pulls the door upright and measures the glass frame.

Lorelai comes out with a glass of lemonade.

LORELAI
Lemonade for my man.

Luke stares at it.

LUKE
You sure this is ingestible?

Lorelai sighs.

LORELAI
Yes.

LUKE
Did you put sugar on it?

LORELAI
Yes.

LUKE
How much sugar?

LORELAI
Yes.

LUKE
What?

LORELAI
What?

LUKE
I think I have to lie down. Stop playing with my head, dammit!

LORELAI
And what a hot head it is.

LUKE
You're so annoying.

LORELAI
But you love me.

Luke kisses Lorelai.

Suddenly, we see JESS MARIANO come out from behind the bushes.

He sees them and makes a face. He keeps walking to the porch, grabs the hammer and leaves.

JESS
Gross. Get a room.

Lorelai breaks away.

LORELAI
Did Satan just walk by? Because his trial of fire'll scorch my tulips.

LUKE
Lorelai...
(beat)
He's helping me out.

LORELAI
Oh.

Lorelai looks at her watch.

LORELAI
Hey, I have to get back to the Inn. I'll see you and my fixed door later.


EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY
Rory is in her Chilton uniform, on her way home. She passes a corner and sees Jess. Her eyes widen and she quickly darts behind a tree.

Jess raises an eyebrow.

CLOSE ON: Side of the tree. We see part of Rory's skirt peek out.

JESS
I'm not going to kill you.

Rory takes a breath and peers at Jess from behind the tree. She clears her throat and walks out timidly.

RORY
Hey.

JESS
Hey.

RORY
What are you doing here?

JESS
This conversation's sounds oddly familiar. You're not going to kiss me and run again, are you? Because this Batman-esque utility belt, while fashionable, is going to slow me down.

RORY
Jess…

JESS
Sorry, low blow. I know.

RORY
What are you doing here?

JESS
Fixing your door. You guys really need a new house.

RORY
Oh. Well, I'm going to go inside now. Away from… this.

Rory does a gesture.

JESS
And I'll be out here… in… this.

Jess copies the same gesture.

Rory walks around him and his tools. She jumps up the porch steps. She stops and turns around.

RORY
Do you…

Jess looks up.

JESS
What?

RORY
Do you want to come inside for a sec? We have those apple Danishes that come in packets that come in a box. It looks kind of gross, but once you nuke it, it's actually deceivingly good.

Jess smirks.

He drops his hammer and follows Rory inside.