INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
The door JINGLES O.C. and Luke looks up from the counter where he is busy with an order pad.

Lorelai suddenly comes in and gives him a passionate kiss.

They break apart and Luke stares in the distance, frozen.

LUKE
Yowza.

LORELAI
Did you just say, "Yowza"?

LUKE
What was that for?

LORELAI
Now I need a reason to kiss my own Luke?

LUKE
Your "own Luke"? Jesus, I sound like some stupid action figure…

LORELAI
With bendable arms and a plastic baseball cap melted onto your plastic hair backwards.

LUKE
Who the hell would buy one of those?

LORELAI
I know I would. I'd kiss it and play with it—

LUKE
Stop.

LORELAI
…and pet it and bend it's little arms—

LUKE
I'll give you a donut if you just stop.

LORELAI
I love you.

Lorelai kisses Luke's cheek. Luke rolls his eyes but he's obviously enjoying it.

Rory enters (in her Chilton uniform).

LORELAI
What took you so long?

RORY
I tripped and all the stuff in my bag fell out. Then that stupid Rollins kid rode by on his bake and ran over my Bio lab, now I have another thing to do, and a very big scowl on my face.

LORELAI
Bad day?

RORY
Horrible.
(to Luke)
And Chance is on his way here, so I suggest you hide.

LUKE
Dammit!

Luke exits into the kitchen just as Chance enters the Diner.

Lorelai and Rory stare at him O. C.

LORELAI
He's getting creepier and creepier by the second.

RORY
I know.

LORELAI
It's entertaining!

RORY
I know!

We see that Chance is wearing a flannel shirt and a backwards baseball cap. He looks around the Diner and walks over to an empty table.

Jess comes out from the apartment door and sees him.

JESS
Hey, I can't close up to— AH, JESUS!

Jess jumps back and grabs his heart.

CHANCE
Are you okay?

JESS
(confused and gasping)
Sorry, I just thought you were someone else.

Jess surveys Chance critically.

CHANCE
Oh, no problem. You thought I was Luke?

JESS
Yeah. Sorry again.

Chance smiles proudly as Jess walks away with a very annoyed face.

Jess passes by Lorelai and Rory.

LORELAI
(to Jess)
He's out back.

JESS
Thanks.

Jess glances back to Chance, who is innocently looking over a menu. He adjusts his cap and clears his throat.

JESS
Godamn psychos in this town.

RORY
Hey…

Jess looks sideways at Rory and smirks. Then he exits into the kitchen.


INT. LUKE'S DINER – KITCHEN – DAY
Luke is at the grill, making hamburgers.

Jess enters.

JESS
Single white male is outside.

LUKE
Damn! Is he looking for me?

JESS
Well, he's looking like you…

LUKE
What?

JESS
Jesus, I just said, "Single white male."

LUKE
Never saw the movie.

JESS
Really?

LUKE
Bridget Fonda. It's like you and Hanson.

JESS
Those guys freak the hell out of me.

LUKE
My point exactly. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about her.

JESS
Anyway, stalker-dud's in a flannel shirt and some Canucks cap.

LUKE
Bastard.

JESS
I know, I mean, come on, the Canucks?

LUKE
This ends now.

JESS
That line sounds oddly familiar.

LUKE
Shut up and flip these.

Luke shoves the burger flipper to Jess and throws the apron at him.

LUKE (cont'd)
Godamn psychos in this town.

JESS
Go get 'em, girlfriend.

Luke exits.


INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY
Luke emerges from the kitchen and looks around the Diner. His eyes fall on Chance's figure.

LUKE
Lord Almighty.

Chance looks up and smiles.

CHANCE
Hey, Luke!

Luke frowns and stalks over to Chance.

Lorelai and Rory watch him.

LUKE
What the hell are you doing, Chance?

CHANCE
What?

LUKE
You think you can just sashay in here mocking my clothes?! I'll let you know, I spend a LONG time deciding on what to wear! It's not just, "Oh, I'll just wear flannel today." I have to look at length, color, design, shape, and fit!

LORELAI
Woohoo, for fit!

LUKE
I don't appreciate you dressing up as me, you damned square! While you think this is amusing, I am not a cartoon character to dress up as in costume parties!

Chance's eyes start to well up with tears.

LUKE (cont'd)
Oh, don't do that stupid crying thing! You're a freaking man, for Pete's sake! I hate criers—whatever their gender may be, but come ON! Don't
you have any testosterone?!

CHANCE
I… I just wanted to be like you! I just thought that you were cool! You have the best girlfriend—

LORELAI
A compliment, at last!

CHANCE
…you have a steady and decent job, you're not afraid of people, and you can survive in a hardware store all on your own! I'd kill to be like you, Luke!

LORELAI
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Luke's face softens up and his shoulders droop.

CHANCE (cont'd)
You're everything Lourdes wants in a man!

We see Lorelai mouth, "Lourdes?" at Rory.

Rory shrugs.

CHANCE (cont'd)
I thought that maybe if I shadow your moves a bit, I'd get the hang of it and finally impress her!
(sniffs)
But if I've offended you in any way, I apologise! Good day!

Chance takes his cap off and throws it on the table with a SMACK. He shoves Luke out of his way and exits angrily.

Luke stares after him.

We hear Lorelai COUGH O. C.

Luke looks at her and makes a face.

Lorelai makes another face in return that says, "Get out there and talk to him!"

LUKE
All the stupid stuff only happens to me.

Luke exits.

Lorelai chuckles and stands.

LORELAI
Well, break over, babe. You just have to live without my greatness for a few hours. I know it'll be hard, but I know you'll survive.

RORY
I'm barely breathing without you.

LORELAI
You're funny. You should get into stand-up.

RORY
I'll be the next Jimmy Fallon.

LORELAI
I'll be counting on that.

Lorelai exits, leaving Rory alone.

Jess comes out with two plates of hamburgers. After he hands them to a table, he goes to the counter. He leans on the surface and close to Rory's face.

JESS
Howdy.

RORY
Hi, Jess.

JESS
So how's everything?

RORY
Peachy.

JESS
Dean still breathing?

RORY
Yes.

JESS
Damn.

Rory rolls her eyes.

RORY
We broke up.

Jess is suddenly interested.

JESS
Oh, really?

RORY
Yeah.

Jess sees that it's a serious moment and softens.

JESS
Are you going to be okay?

RORY
Yeah. It's just...
(beat)
So, how's Shane doing?

JESS
I don't know. She's out there, running around somewhere…

RORY
Jess…

JESS
I really don't know!

RORY
She's your girlfriend!

JESS
Not anymore.

RORY
What?

JESS
Broke up with me, too. Something about not listening to her needs. I really wasn't paying attention.

RORY
If I was your girlfriend, would you listen to me?

JESS
Oooh, hypothetical question…

Rory realizes her mistake and slaps her mouth.

RORY
Oh, God! Don't answer that!

JESS
Well, if you were my girlfriend—

RORY
Stop right there!

JESS
...my little lady, my shorty, my boo, my missy—

RORY
I'm not listening!

Rory starts singing "mmmBop" by Hanson.

JESS
Okay, okay, I'll stop! Stop singing! I still want my ears! How do you even know the words to that?!

RORY
Let's… forget this ever happened, okay?

JESS
You mean together with the night you said you wanted to make out with me?

RORY
Yes. Let's just stuff those moments in a box and throw it away in the figurative ocean in our brains.

JESS
I don't know… I kind of want to hold on to them. Just so I can laugh about them in the future.

RORY
I hate you.

JESS
Please.

RORY
Just… get back to work, you bum!

JESS
Aye, aye, cap'n.

Jess salutes Rory and goes back to work.


EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY
Luke comes out of the Diner and looks around for Chance.

He walks a few steps and finally finds Chance sitting on the side of the road with his head in his hands.

Luke sighs in exasperation and sits beside him.

LUKE
Hey.

CHANCE
Haven't you ever felt that deep pain when someone you're head over heels in love with dates all the other losers out there but doesn't even look at you in particular twice?

LUKE
So this is about a girl.

CHANCE
Lourdes.

LUKE
Cool name. Reminds me of little girls with wide eyes and flouffy dresses holding daisies.

Chance looks at him weirdly.

Luke notices this and clears his throat.

LUKE (cont'd)
So, anyway, there's this girl you want to impress?

CHANCE
Yes.

LUKE
By being me.

CHANCE
It's a stupid idea, in retrospect.

LUKE
Hell, even NOT in retrospect.
(beat)
But listen, Chance. I went through the same thing. I know how that pang of jealousy that stabs you every time that girl kisses someone else feels like.

CHANCE
You do?

LUKE
Yeah. That feeling where you just want to break something to have some kind of outlet to your emotions.

CHANCE
Broke three pencils in half just thinking about it.

LUKE
But you don't have to be a carbon copy of me, Chance. Some kooky wardrobe change won't cut it. You just… you just have to suck it up and tell her.

CHANCE
What if she laughs in my face?

LUKE
Is she even worth this if you think that?

CHANCE
I guess not.

Chance gives Luke a faint smile and looks down at his shoes.

CHANCE
So how does it feel on the other side of the line?

LUKE
Oh, it's bitchin'.

Luke grins at something O. C.

We see that it's Lorelai walking quickly towards the Independence Inn. She turns her head and gives Luke a dazzling smile. She trips a bit on a small rock but regains her balance.

Luke chuckles softly.

Lorelai blows him a kiss and runs off.

LUKE (cont'd)
Kicking rad.

CHANCE
I hate you.

LUKE
Come on, I'll give you some coffee. On the house.


EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY
Jess is standing on a ladder by the doorway, measuring the frame. He holds a tape measure against it and bites on a pencil.

Rory comes out and watches him.

Jess ignores her for a while, but finally sighs.

He takes the pencil out of his mouth and slips it behind his ear.

JESS
T.V. broken or something?

RORY
No. Just came out here thinking that maybe you need some help?

JESS
No, I'm fine. Luke's coming in a few minutes.

RORY
Can you come down for a second?

JESS
Do I have to? Just crane your neck!

RORY
I don't want to break it!

JESS
Fine.

Jess gets off the ladder. But his foot gets caught somewhere and he falls backwards onto the porch.

A great CRASH is heard (again) and Jess falls through the front porch.

RORY
Jess!