Natsukashii (Nostalgia)
Written by Star
It never ceases to amaze me how life can move so swiftly, yet so dreadfully slow. Or, that no matter how good your intentions, you always seem to forget something.
I hadn't seen Aki in years, but here I am, waving her off. Time had been good to her, I've often thought she's a prime example of the old saying: good things come to those who wait. Simple pleasantries, small talk; for two people who had been through so much together, we had very little to talk about.
Until I asked her why she had come.
It wasn't all that long ago that my former colleagues were my world ~ should anything happen to any one of them, I would've been devastated. I guess life has an uncanny ability to change us without our realizing it, just as it has that cruel ability to force us to remember what we'd left behind.
Why?
Friends, companions, colleagues: one day you'll realize they're just a bunch of people traveling down the same path as you. Suddenly, you find yourself alone and asking yourself where everyone went. Shrugging, you walk on. I never meant to take another path and never see them again. I never chose to avoid them...yet I can't deny feeling guilt.
Why?
We all went in different directions, all had equal opportunity to keep in contact, yet we never did. We all lead busy lives, all with our own priorities and urgent matters - it's natural people drift apart. Perhaps I'm not so much troubled by the fact that we drifted apart; how we drifted apart. Suddenly we're all strangers passing by.
Then one day in the midst of the daily furor, your hectic life comes to a stand still. Suddenly, the past confronts the present; vulnerable, you're left desperately seeking your long-lost past. Memories flood your heart, yet you can't cry. You feel numb to it all.
Do I have a right to cry?
Grieving for a man I hadn't been close to in years feels unnatural...as does denying his memory. I begin to remember his handsome face and the way his laughter could put the forlorn at ease...and wonder why I hadn't appreciated these memories sooner. Perhaps I would've been able to rekindle the lost fire, grasp the fragile past that I suddenly miss so much.
Should've...
Could've...
Would've...
I'd buried my past without even know it, perhaps, as selfish as it sounds, I'd be better off ignorant to Noaru's fate. My tormented heart cries: "Ignorance is bliss!" Louder and louder until I can take it no longer.
Slamming the door, I storm back to my desk and glare hatefully out the window.
Maybe there's a reason for our separate paths and why they never, or should never, cross. Nonetheless, here I am, bawling for the sixteen year old who lost herself when she lost her friends.
OWARI
Dedicated to the memory of Kevin Lane.