Chapter 2 - Misery Mockers
The Mock turtle was a strange being indeed. He was a reptile of course with a few major differences that other turtles wouldn't have. For a start he had the head of a bull which came adorned with two great horns accompanied with un-turtle like ears and eyes. His shell was a light shade of blue instead of a dark green and he spoke quite fluent English. He would say of course this was natural because he wasn't a real turtle, he was a "mock" turtle of course and as usual, he was crying.
Alice approached him gingerly to let him know she was there but also not to make him any worse, when he was crying it didn't take much to make him worse.
"Err, hello Turtle." She said quietly.
The turtle stopped crying for a moment and arched his head over to her direction. He looked her over once and burst into tears again.
"Surely it can't be all that bad?" she asked "Tell me what's the matter."
He straightened himself out and turned to face her, his eyes a little more red than usual and his face streaked with tears.
"Sit down then" he said, miserably.
She did as she was told and he began.
"I'm crying because I haven't seen Gryffon for a long time now, After all that business near the cathedral, the Ants have been telling me he's dead!" and burst into tears once more.
"Don't worry he's not dead," she replied "He did get a little hurt but he's been resting in his eyrie till he gets better."
This news made the turtle smile again and he stopped crying, much to Alice's relief. However she was far from finished with him and began to question him again as delicately as she could.
"I have heard something's called Bandersnatches live beyond the great seas. Do you know anything about this?"
HE paused for a moment in concentration, scratching his horns and fiddling his ears until he answered.
"I've heard of Banderscotch! Does that help?"
Alice sighed.
"I'm afraid it doesn't but thanks anyway. Do you know anyone who could help me please?"
He paused to think again. This was obviously a hard thing for him to do.
"Some fish are downstream, maybe they have come from the ocean!? Lets ask, you remember how to get there don't you?"
"Leaf riding?" she said, not liking the answer.
"Yes that's it!" he jumped for joy and two leaves fell out of the sky and sat floating on the shimmering surface of the pond, drifting slowly down stream. The Mock Turtle jumped on one and flew off down one of the waterfalls, screaming with joy and excitement all the way.
Alice carefully stepped onto her leaf and braced herself in expectancy, but her leaf stood motionless casually bobbing on the surface of the water.
Alice could hear the turtle getting further and further away and began to grow impatient with her leaf.
"Could you follow him please!" she said, quite angrily.
"Ok then!" replied the leaf, and they raced down the waterfalls in pursuit of the turtle.
Leaf riding is a very dangerous thing in the Vale of Tears because downstream there were unexpected branches, thorns and sharp turns along the way that you had to dodge rather quickly or you fell in the water and were prey to the snarks. Alice steadied herself on the leaf as it surfed down the streams in hot pursuit of the turtle who was just ahead and closing. Alice suddenly lurched downwards as her leaf dropped a minor waterfall and landed on a soft patch of earth near a large daffodil looking as stupid as daffodils do, but her leaf was still moving down the stream.
"Better go after it!" said the daffodil, but Alice didn't need telling twice and ran up a tree root which was protruding from the ground and followed her leaf. She reached the top of the root and looked down. She was ahead of her leaf but there was no way down from here so she was going to have to jump! The leaf passed along the stream and disappeared behind her, under the root, a few seconds later it emerged and Alice jumped!
She landed on the leaf with a dull thud and collapsed onto her rear end which started to ache rather badly. The leaf below her started to laugh but it was silenced when Alice grinded her heel into it with a touch of anger on her face. Apart from feeling in pain she felt quite embarrassed and undignified.
The journey was now becoming more and more turbulent as the water began to get faster and more choppy, Alice felt it getting harder to stay on the leaf and yet she was trying to remember something about the last time she had done this. Something important.
She didn't see the turtle up ahead as the was thinking so hard and concentrating on staying upright. She remembered something about grabbing a vine near the end of the last time.
"Alice, LOOK OUT!" yelled the turtle.
She looked up suddenly and remembered what she had forgotten with horror! There was a large, deep pit ahead where the water dropped off suddenly with extremely sharp twigs lie below (already bloody from people who didn't remember in time!).
Alice looked around furiously for the vine but it was nowhere to be seen, until it was too late that is.
Her leaf careered off the end of the waterfall and they both fell into the inky blackness below and Alice could see the blood tipped spikes below her coming to meet her and end her knife, she had to act,
she instinctually pulled out her vorpal blade and thrust it into the soft earth which was the walls of the pit. Sparks flew out as the blade grinded with the stone but it was paying off as she was slowing down, "Was it going to be enough" flashed through her mind as she approached the ground.
Suddenly her descent stopped completely and she hung motionless on the side of the pit clinging onto the knife for dear life and hearing the Mock Turtle above her crying again.
"Oh no!" he sobbed, very loudly "I've killed Alice" and let out a pitiful wailing scream.
Alice dropped to the bloody floor of the pit, retrieved her knife (still sharp as ever) and called back.
"Oh do be quiet turtle!" she yelled up. "I'm alright but how do I get out!?"
It was a valid question for anyone to ask but unfortunately for her, turtle hadn't the slightest idea.
"I don't know," he replied honestly tears still rolling down his cheeks "No-ones ever survived the drop before you!"
"I feel quite privileged!" she yelled sarcastically "But next time I'll throw you down here if you don't get me out"
"How will you do that if your down there?" he asked.
He was suddenly silenced by Alice's blade as it sliced through the ear close to one of his horns and imbedding itself into a nearby tree, he stopped crying.
"I'll go get help!" he yelled down and ran off somewhere, leaving Alice in her dirty great hole.
In fact it was a dirty hole. The walls and floor were painted with blood of different colours and it didn't improve ones mood in the slightest to see various severed limbs scattered around the floor. Alice grimaced at the sight of an arm protruding from the floor and She thought herself lucky that her appendages were not residents of this place. She sat for what seemed like an hour, carving pictures on the walls with her blade, it reminded her of the asylum.
For hours she would be locked in the small room. The lights were always depressingly darker than normal with only the sunshine to improve ones mood and lighting. She often wondered what good could become of such a terrible place when her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by small bits of dirt falling from the hole above near the waterfall. She looked up and saw the Turtle and Bill Mcgill standing on the edge carrying a rope ladder.
"Mornin' miss!" yelled Bill. "Ya got any brandy?"
"I'm afraid not but I do have a problem!"
"Haven't we all! He He!". He calmed himself and threw down the rope ladder. "There ya go, cop hold o that!"
She did as she was told and climbed out of the pit rather shakily as the ladder was not entirely stable and swung around from time to time. If she fell off it, she would probably be impaled on the spikes below but she didn't and her two friends pulled her up off the ladder and back onto solid ground, the waterfall streaming nearby. She brushed herself down, sheathed her blade and smartened her dress before speaking.
"Well thank you turtle for getting me into that!" she said angrily.
The turtle began to weep once again. Bill and Alice rolled their eyes in confusion.
"And thank you for getting me out of it!" smiled Alice to Bill. They both laughed.
"Come on then, my house is not that far away." Gestured Bill "We can have a rest and a cup o tea. And don't worry! No Duchess this time."
They strolled along the hard ground, passing various flowers chatting to themselves about any bit of gossip they had. It reminded Alice of her aunts around the sewing circle chatting to themselves about anything and everything and eventually they came to a clearing with a large lake behind it and Bills house was standing in the distance illuminated dimly by torch light. They paused at the lakeside and Bill stamped the ground quite hard. In response, a large leaf floated down from the sky and settled on the water. Alice was hesitant to get on another leaf but the ride was less turbulent, and much slower as they glided gently over the lake towards Bills house, occasionally seeing glimmers of shiny snark skin below them as they swam about their own, simple business. Alice turned to the Turtle.
"I thought we were going to talk to them?" Alice asked.
"Not now, they're too busy!" he replied, almost surprised.
"Busy doing what?"
"Nothing! It's uses up a lot of energy doing nothing, you know." And nodded his head in encouragement.
Alice mealy shrugged her shoulders in confusion as they all made their way into the house and Bill closed the door behind them.
The Mock turtle was a strange being indeed. He was a reptile of course with a few major differences that other turtles wouldn't have. For a start he had the head of a bull which came adorned with two great horns accompanied with un-turtle like ears and eyes. His shell was a light shade of blue instead of a dark green and he spoke quite fluent English. He would say of course this was natural because he wasn't a real turtle, he was a "mock" turtle of course and as usual, he was crying.
Alice approached him gingerly to let him know she was there but also not to make him any worse, when he was crying it didn't take much to make him worse.
"Err, hello Turtle." She said quietly.
The turtle stopped crying for a moment and arched his head over to her direction. He looked her over once and burst into tears again.
"Surely it can't be all that bad?" she asked "Tell me what's the matter."
He straightened himself out and turned to face her, his eyes a little more red than usual and his face streaked with tears.
"Sit down then" he said, miserably.
She did as she was told and he began.
"I'm crying because I haven't seen Gryffon for a long time now, After all that business near the cathedral, the Ants have been telling me he's dead!" and burst into tears once more.
"Don't worry he's not dead," she replied "He did get a little hurt but he's been resting in his eyrie till he gets better."
This news made the turtle smile again and he stopped crying, much to Alice's relief. However she was far from finished with him and began to question him again as delicately as she could.
"I have heard something's called Bandersnatches live beyond the great seas. Do you know anything about this?"
HE paused for a moment in concentration, scratching his horns and fiddling his ears until he answered.
"I've heard of Banderscotch! Does that help?"
Alice sighed.
"I'm afraid it doesn't but thanks anyway. Do you know anyone who could help me please?"
He paused to think again. This was obviously a hard thing for him to do.
"Some fish are downstream, maybe they have come from the ocean!? Lets ask, you remember how to get there don't you?"
"Leaf riding?" she said, not liking the answer.
"Yes that's it!" he jumped for joy and two leaves fell out of the sky and sat floating on the shimmering surface of the pond, drifting slowly down stream. The Mock Turtle jumped on one and flew off down one of the waterfalls, screaming with joy and excitement all the way.
Alice carefully stepped onto her leaf and braced herself in expectancy, but her leaf stood motionless casually bobbing on the surface of the water.
Alice could hear the turtle getting further and further away and began to grow impatient with her leaf.
"Could you follow him please!" she said, quite angrily.
"Ok then!" replied the leaf, and they raced down the waterfalls in pursuit of the turtle.
Leaf riding is a very dangerous thing in the Vale of Tears because downstream there were unexpected branches, thorns and sharp turns along the way that you had to dodge rather quickly or you fell in the water and were prey to the snarks. Alice steadied herself on the leaf as it surfed down the streams in hot pursuit of the turtle who was just ahead and closing. Alice suddenly lurched downwards as her leaf dropped a minor waterfall and landed on a soft patch of earth near a large daffodil looking as stupid as daffodils do, but her leaf was still moving down the stream.
"Better go after it!" said the daffodil, but Alice didn't need telling twice and ran up a tree root which was protruding from the ground and followed her leaf. She reached the top of the root and looked down. She was ahead of her leaf but there was no way down from here so she was going to have to jump! The leaf passed along the stream and disappeared behind her, under the root, a few seconds later it emerged and Alice jumped!
She landed on the leaf with a dull thud and collapsed onto her rear end which started to ache rather badly. The leaf below her started to laugh but it was silenced when Alice grinded her heel into it with a touch of anger on her face. Apart from feeling in pain she felt quite embarrassed and undignified.
The journey was now becoming more and more turbulent as the water began to get faster and more choppy, Alice felt it getting harder to stay on the leaf and yet she was trying to remember something about the last time she had done this. Something important.
She didn't see the turtle up ahead as the was thinking so hard and concentrating on staying upright. She remembered something about grabbing a vine near the end of the last time.
"Alice, LOOK OUT!" yelled the turtle.
She looked up suddenly and remembered what she had forgotten with horror! There was a large, deep pit ahead where the water dropped off suddenly with extremely sharp twigs lie below (already bloody from people who didn't remember in time!).
Alice looked around furiously for the vine but it was nowhere to be seen, until it was too late that is.
Her leaf careered off the end of the waterfall and they both fell into the inky blackness below and Alice could see the blood tipped spikes below her coming to meet her and end her knife, she had to act,
she instinctually pulled out her vorpal blade and thrust it into the soft earth which was the walls of the pit. Sparks flew out as the blade grinded with the stone but it was paying off as she was slowing down, "Was it going to be enough" flashed through her mind as she approached the ground.
Suddenly her descent stopped completely and she hung motionless on the side of the pit clinging onto the knife for dear life and hearing the Mock Turtle above her crying again.
"Oh no!" he sobbed, very loudly "I've killed Alice" and let out a pitiful wailing scream.
Alice dropped to the bloody floor of the pit, retrieved her knife (still sharp as ever) and called back.
"Oh do be quiet turtle!" she yelled up. "I'm alright but how do I get out!?"
It was a valid question for anyone to ask but unfortunately for her, turtle hadn't the slightest idea.
"I don't know," he replied honestly tears still rolling down his cheeks "No-ones ever survived the drop before you!"
"I feel quite privileged!" she yelled sarcastically "But next time I'll throw you down here if you don't get me out"
"How will you do that if your down there?" he asked.
He was suddenly silenced by Alice's blade as it sliced through the ear close to one of his horns and imbedding itself into a nearby tree, he stopped crying.
"I'll go get help!" he yelled down and ran off somewhere, leaving Alice in her dirty great hole.
In fact it was a dirty hole. The walls and floor were painted with blood of different colours and it didn't improve ones mood in the slightest to see various severed limbs scattered around the floor. Alice grimaced at the sight of an arm protruding from the floor and She thought herself lucky that her appendages were not residents of this place. She sat for what seemed like an hour, carving pictures on the walls with her blade, it reminded her of the asylum.
For hours she would be locked in the small room. The lights were always depressingly darker than normal with only the sunshine to improve ones mood and lighting. She often wondered what good could become of such a terrible place when her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by small bits of dirt falling from the hole above near the waterfall. She looked up and saw the Turtle and Bill Mcgill standing on the edge carrying a rope ladder.
"Mornin' miss!" yelled Bill. "Ya got any brandy?"
"I'm afraid not but I do have a problem!"
"Haven't we all! He He!". He calmed himself and threw down the rope ladder. "There ya go, cop hold o that!"
She did as she was told and climbed out of the pit rather shakily as the ladder was not entirely stable and swung around from time to time. If she fell off it, she would probably be impaled on the spikes below but she didn't and her two friends pulled her up off the ladder and back onto solid ground, the waterfall streaming nearby. She brushed herself down, sheathed her blade and smartened her dress before speaking.
"Well thank you turtle for getting me into that!" she said angrily.
The turtle began to weep once again. Bill and Alice rolled their eyes in confusion.
"And thank you for getting me out of it!" smiled Alice to Bill. They both laughed.
"Come on then, my house is not that far away." Gestured Bill "We can have a rest and a cup o tea. And don't worry! No Duchess this time."
They strolled along the hard ground, passing various flowers chatting to themselves about any bit of gossip they had. It reminded Alice of her aunts around the sewing circle chatting to themselves about anything and everything and eventually they came to a clearing with a large lake behind it and Bills house was standing in the distance illuminated dimly by torch light. They paused at the lakeside and Bill stamped the ground quite hard. In response, a large leaf floated down from the sky and settled on the water. Alice was hesitant to get on another leaf but the ride was less turbulent, and much slower as they glided gently over the lake towards Bills house, occasionally seeing glimmers of shiny snark skin below them as they swam about their own, simple business. Alice turned to the Turtle.
"I thought we were going to talk to them?" Alice asked.
"Not now, they're too busy!" he replied, almost surprised.
"Busy doing what?"
"Nothing! It's uses up a lot of energy doing nothing, you know." And nodded his head in encouragement.
Alice mealy shrugged her shoulders in confusion as they all made their way into the house and Bill closed the door behind them.