Started and Finished: November 5, 2002
Last Episode Seen Before Writing: Redux
Pairing: Slight Clana and Leana, read the summary
Rating: PG-13
Category: angst
Spoilers: slight Pilot, Tempest, Heat, Red,
Summary: Lana thinks about Clark and what's she's lost. She decides that she can't handle it anymore, then clings to a new friend. Songfic to Michelle Branch's 'Goodbye To You.'
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the song.
Author's Note: Please forgive me. I know I've sworn off Clana, but the look in her eyes at the end of Red just broke my heart. So, I've been on a big Lana kick ever since. Please be gentle in your beatings!
Goodbye To You
*Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry*
Lana walked down main street, her hand trailing across the shop windows. She feels torn inside. Like the tornado that almost took her life came from inside of her and ripped everything in her to shreds. She feels lost, and alone. There's only one thing that can change that.
*Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old*
"It's just not enough anymore." She had said those words to him as she was perched atop her favorite horse. She could see the pain in his eyes. He had really tried, but he had failed. She wasn't sure what hurt more, the fact that she had said the words, or the fact that they were true.
*It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend*
"Hey, Lana." It's him, and she doesn't know if she wants to cry, or run.
"Hi, Clark." She doesn't say more for fear that her words will betray what she knows she has to do.
"So, how's it going?" With those words she feels a little part of her crumble.
*And I said,
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew*
"Clark, we need to talk." She can feel the pressure in her chest. The feeling of tears waiting to burst to the surface.
"Of course, Lana. What's up?" She won't cry. He's hurt her too many times to make her cry again..
*You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you*
See, her real problem is that deep inside she thinks she loves him. He's her savior. The one there to talk to, open up to. But he won't open up to her. That's why she has to do this.
She takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. "I can't do this anymore, Clark." She says the words softly, unsure if he heard her.
"Do what, Lana?" Her arms wrap themselves around her waist in a self-hug. What she wouldn't do to have her daddy by her side now.
*Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right*
If she looks at him just right she can see it. Her future. What she can be with him. She gasps audibly when the vision shatters before her eyes as if it's made of fragile glass. Involuntarily she winces, waiting for the shards to cut her.
"Us, Clark." She shakes her head. That's not right. "I mean, the changing. Either you're with me, or you're not."
Clark seems confused. "What do you mean?"
*Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to*
She finally lifts her head, forcing herself to look into his eyes. She clenches her jaw against a wave of tears. All she wants to do is run and hide, but she has to finish what she started.
"I can't- You can't just-" She knew it would be hard, but not this hard. Now he's touching her. His hands are on her arms.
"What is it, Lana?" He sounds so concerned, but she will not break.
*And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time*
Lana steps back, watching as Clark's hands fall to his sides.
"Clark, we can never be more than friends." There, she said it. It's out now and she can't take it back, no matter how much she may want to.
"But, why?" His eyes are so full of pain. He doesn't understand, but she didn't expect him to.
"Because I can't take this anymore. The constant change in your actions." She has to look away. She thinks he might cry.
"Is this what you really want?" He has no idea.
"No, but this is the way it ahs to be." She hears a hitch in his breathing. If he cries, then she'll cry. She knows that if she starts to cry she may never stop.
*Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to*
When she looks up, he's gone. Just like he's done so many times before. She should feel better, but she doesn't. What do you do when the only one who can make you stop crying is the one who made you cry?
She takes a ragged breath in. The tears fall, stinging her cheeks like acid.
"Lana? Are you okay?" It's a male voice from behind her.
Lana turns, not trying to hide her pain. This man has become her friend, and she's not afraid to show him her feelings. "No." And it's the truth.
*The one thing that I tried to hold on to
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake*
The man nods. He knows that nothing can help a broken heart. He's been down this road before.
After but a second Lana throws herself into his arms. Her tears wet his lilac shirt, but she can't stop them. She clings to him, and after a minute he clings back.
*You're my shooting star*