A/N: Well, so far the score (including reviews e-mailed to me during one of ff.net's prolonged absences) stands at 10-8 to Taikeru. *waits for collective gasp* Yep, it's true. So far it looks like TK's getting the happy ending. (If happy ending there be...)
Anyway, here we are at the second chapter (sorry it took so long - creative blocks mingled with vacations are NOT helpful things). It's from TK's point of view. Please read and vote in your review at the end of it - Taito or Taikeru. Simple as that.
All warnings and disclaimers still stand. Nothing explicit, neither here nor throughout the fic.
Now read on, and make your choice...






Ugh. This is not going to be pretty.
I hunch my shoulders even more, curling in on myself in a vain attempt to block out the world and prevent what is now inevitable. As soon as Tai gets his head together and stops flopping like a stranded goldfish I'll be out on my ear and I'll have lost the two most important people to me in the world.
Sounds stupid, doesn't it? The two people I care about more than anyone else, and I've completely screwed both of them over. Matt will never talk to me again, and somehow I don't think Tai will feel too kindly disposed towards me either.
I can't believe I've been such a homewrecker. They were perfectly happy before I came along, and they fitted together so well - best friends become so much more.
And then I spoilt it. I got between them, forced them apart, tore them asunder. I hate myself for it. I can't believe I've been so selfish - I never thought about what was best for Tai or Matt, despite saying that I love them.

Of course, they belong together. Any fool can see that - even as big a fool as I've been. You should see the look on their faces when they're in the same room - those little half-glances and half-smiles. Like they know exactly what the other one's thinking or something. It isn't fair.

Ack. There I go again with the selfishness. I want what I can't have; I want what they've got. I want to be the one who makes Tai look like that, the one to kiss him in front of everyone instead of behind a closed door, the one to love him.
I do love him. I shouldn't, I know, but I do. I can't help it - there's so much about him that makes me love him. Everything about him - from the way his mouth quirks up at the corner when he's having one of his inward jokes to how gentle he is when it comes to more...physical matters. He's like a burning candle, and I'm the moth.
And I'm about to get burnt.

About time, I suppose. It was bound to come back and haunt me eventually, and it's no more than I deserve.
I can still remember how it first started. That party at Yolei's. God, I wish I'd never gone. If only I'd stayed at home, watched that film like I was going to, gone to bed at the proper time instead of staying out past curfew, been a good little boy, this would never have happened. The first step on a long downward path.
I wasn't feeling too hot that night - I'd just been told I was failing Maths (I'm terrible at numbers - I can't even see that one plus two doesn't equal three intact hearts), and then when I came home I mouthed off at Mum. She started it, wanting to know how my grades had slipped so far. I just snapped and launched into this massive tirade against her and Dad and how they'd forgotten how to love anyone when they stopped loving each other. I was horrible - I even made her cry - but I was just so angry I couldn't stop myself. That's why I ended up going to that damned party - my own little act of stupid rebellion.
It was probably a decent party - Yolei's always been good at social events - but I didn't notice. I wasn't angry any more, just extremely miserable. It seemed as though everyone was having a good time except me. I didn't dance, didn't play any games, didn't even talk to anyone. Eventually I realised I just wanted to be alone and walked out. I found myself a nice quiet spot outside in the garden and proceeded to cry my eyes out.
That's when I heard someone coming up behind me. I remember wanting to run, to hide, but it was too late.
I never expected it to be Tai. I thought it would be Yolei, come to do the 'don't-cry-everything's-all-right' routine, or Kari wanting me to come back inside and pretend to be her boyfriend. (How ironic that turned out to be.) I could've put up with Ken or Sora, could've fobbed them off with some lie about what was wrong and endured their sympathy.
Not Tai, though. I don't know what it was, but for some reason I just realised that I couldn't possibly lie to him. I'd have to tell him everything - that's why I wanted to run.
I can still remember how surprised I was when he asked me what I was looking for. His tone was light and bantering, and I realised he mustn't have seen me crying. I came up with some flippant-sounding answer, told him I was looking for Heaven or something. The next thing I knew, his jacket was around my shoulders and he was crouched next to me, asking me what was wrong. I tried the facetious approach again, making up a line about finding a star to wish on amongst the millions, but he saw straight through that - he's always been good at that - and asked me what was really wrong.
What could I say? I've always been a sucker for sympathy. I just opened my mouth and let everything spill out - all my fears and insecurities, how since my parents broke up no-one had ever loved me properly. I told him I knew I should be happy with just having a brother who was devoted to me, but it was never enough. Then I told him I was being selfish and started crying again.

Now, up till then I'd never thought of Tai as being the ultimate People Person. Ken was always the best at quiet sympathy and everyone invariably ran to either him or Sora when they had problems. I don't think I can remember anyone - except possibly Kari - going to Tai for a shoulder to cry on.
Heaven only knows why, because I found out that night that underneath all that macho soccer star image he is one of the most caring, understanding people imaginable. There I was, being the most pathetic piece of crap possible, deserving nothing other than him walking away in disgust, and what does he do? He hugs me. He pulled me right into his lap and just held me there, resting his chin on top of my head and stroking my hair. I buried my face in his neck and cried until his shirt was sopping wet, hating myself all the while for being so weak and wishing I could be as strong and self-reliant as him.
Although I expected him to push me off at any minute, he never did. He held me so close I could feel his warm breath stirring my hair, so close that I could feel his chest rising and falling, so close that I could hear his heartbeat mingle with my own.
Eventually I couldn't cry any more. All the twists and knots inside me had unfurled, flowing out of me along with my tears.
They left something like a vacuum...but not for long.

I sat there for a few seconds, clinging to him, not wanting him to leave. Then suddenly I realised what I was doing, and made to get up. I looked up at him, intending to mumble out a thank-you and leg it, but something caught me and held me there.
It was the look in his eyes. Just something in those deep brown depths made me look twice, hoping I wasn't hallucinating.
I couldn't believe it. I mean, I've not had much affection directed at me in my life, but this was unmistakeable. He actually cared about me, cared what happened to me, cared how I was feeling.
That's when it happened. Possibly the biggest rush of emotion I'd ever felt in my life. I felt some connection open up between us - now that I knew he cared about me, I opened up completely, instinctively pouring love and warmth back the other way. I tightened my arm around him, reaching up with my other hand to stroke a fingertip down his cheek, asking a question I desperately wanted answering - but that I knew I shouldn't even ask. A voice at the back of my head was screaming at me no, he's with your brother, you shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't help myself. I stretched up towards him and he answered, leaning down towards me and capturing my lips.

My first kiss, my first kiss ever, and it was with my brother's boyfriend. How sick is that?
I felt so...weird, after. I felt...dirty, yet at the same time incredibly happy. Half of me was on the biggest high imaginable, the half that couldn't believe someone actually cared about me; the other half kept reminding me that this boy was already taken, that he was going out with my brother. For a long time I couldn't actually believe what I'd done.
When he came back for more, I nearly tore in half.

I honestly couldn't believe it. When I heard his voice on the other end of the phone it fell out of nerveless fingers, and I had to scrabble to pick it back up. He invited me over, and eventually I went, fully prepared for a 'what-we-did-was-wrong' speech.
When I got there, I thought I'd guessed right. He was stood there, shifting nervously from foot to foot, barely meeting my eyes. He offered me a seat, which I declined - I wanted to be able to make a quick exit.
Then something totally unexpected happened. He started talking, and instead of the predicted speech he confessed. Confessed to having thought about nothing else but me ever since the kiss, to not having dared to see or even phone Matt in case he let slip something he shouldn't, and above all to wanting to see me again.
I had no idea what to say. I was struck completely dumb. I guess that sent the wrong signal - he turned away and said that if I wanted to leave now was a good time. So much inside me yelled at me to just turn around and get out of there before I hurt Matt even more.
Still, I've always been a stubborn little idiot. Instead of running like I knew I should, I did the exact opposite - I went up to him and put my arms round him. Not exactly number one on the list of Smartest Things I've Ever Done, but still.
Even then, some part of me didn't believe it. I still expected him to push me off, to go back to Matt and leave me alone again, but he didn't. He held me, and kissed me, and cried. And I let him.

God, I'm such a selfish little piece of crap. Even now I keep silently willing him to pick me, but no, he mustn't. He mustn't. He and Matt have been together for four years - who am I to come between them? He has to stay with Matt, he has to...
...and how much I wish he could stay with me. When he does choose Matt (and he will - how could he ever choose me over my brother?), my heart is going to tear in half. I love my brother, and I want him and Tai to be happy, but...
I love Tai too. He's the only person in my life that I've ever felt this way about. He makes me feel...indescribable. Warm and happy and incredibly content. I never deserved the time he spent with me, the attention he lavished on me, and I love him so much for it.
So even though I know he belongs with my brother, and even though I love them both enough to recognise that, I still want to stay with him. To have him hold me like he used to. Is that so much to ask?

I guess I'm about to find out. He's finally got himself under control.
His mouth opens, and I brace myself.






A/N: *waits for the collective chorus of 'oh no, not another cliffhanger'* Hey, there are worse people out there! Mentioning no names *cough Persephone cough Darkened Sunrise cough* (read that if you haven't yet).
Anyway, reviews and especially votes will speed the next chapter on its way. Taikeru 10 - Taito 8 at the moment; who can tell what that score will be by the time the next chapter comes out?
Thanks as ever for the feedback and your input. Much love,
CS xx