Title: Never Before

Author: Zierra

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A/N: Here is the second chapter. I agree with you all, this story sucks… Hopefully the continuance with be better…..

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Chapter 2

The day of his departure, Squall stood outside Seifers door, battling with himself if he should knock or not. It felt odd having his heart beat that fast, for no apparent reason.

In the end the never ending habit of being a Commander, took the upper hand, and his fist fell hard against the door.

" Just a sec!" it was heard from inside. Squalls hand involuntarily started too make contact with his thigh.

A few minutes later the door opened, and Seifer ignorant expression turned into a frown.

" Squall?"
" Seifer, I took your advice under consideration."
That unmistakable Seifer-smirk appeared and he leant casually against the doorframe.

" Which one?"

" The one about a vacation. I'm leaving for Esthar today. The thing is….. Can I come in?"

With a nod, Seifer stepped away from the door, granting Squall access.
Well inside, Squall stood with his back against Seifer, trying to find words.

" The thing is what, Lion?"

" This trip I'm taking… it's a rather big step."
" Yes, but it's a step in the right direction."

" I know. But I've been thinking. And, maybe I could need…..some….." Damn, asking for help was always hard. " ….some company. So… if you feel up for it… there's a ticket in your name, ready to be used."
Squall, still turned away, couldn't see the genuine smile on Seifers lips.

" Just tell me when we're leaving."

The train station was hot, even for the season, and Seifer continuously wiped the sweat from his face.

" You sure you want to go to Esthar?" he said, turning to the ever so calm Squall, who wasn't sweating the slightest. " I mean, if it's this hot in Balamb, damn, we'll get fried over there!"

Squall glanced up at him.

" So stay here."
Frowning, Seifer sat down next to Squall, instantly feeling how wet the back of his t-shirt was. He had since long taken of his trench coat, and it was now rolled up on top of his suitcase.

" How do you do it?"

" Do what?", Squall asked, why checking his watch. Seifer had lost count on how many times the last five minutes.

" How can you stay so cool? If you haven't noticed, I'm melting over here!"
Squall slowly turned his head towards Seifer, eying him up and down.

" Good. You should loose some weight."
" Funny." Seifer attempted to glare at Squall, but his eyes fell upon a blond figure over by the entrance. The resemblance was remarkable, only the tattoo was missing. Seifer hoped that Squall hadn't spotted the guy, but a weak, unsteady voice beside him, confirmed that he had.

" Zell…"

Squalls face was the blueprint of pained confusion and Seifer wanted nothing but to help him out of it.

" Squall…"
" No, Seifer, don't… I know it's not him, you don't have to rub it in."
" I wasn't going to. I was just gonna ask if you wanted some gum?"

The hotel was rather small, but still cosy enough. It was right by the beach, and a happy surprise for Seifer. He'd never expected to be living so…relaxed, when on vacation with Squall. He wasn't really the type, living in a place like this, with friendly faces smiling everywhere. Then again, this was maybe exactly what Squall needed.

" I had Selphie help me finding this place. Apparently she knows the owners."

Seifer had witnessed a change in Squall since they'd arrived in Esthar. He hadn't glared at anyone or anything, and he had slowly developed a bigger vocabulary on the way over to the hotel. It was balm for Seifers soul to see his Lion loose all that pressure constantly put on him, even if it was only for a couple of days.

" Wanna go down to the beach later?" Seifer asked while unpacking his bag. Their room was on the third floor, with a perfect view over the ocean, and a balcony. " Only the best for the friends of my little Sephie", as the owner, apparently Selphies aunt, had said before she'd opened the door. Maybe that little annoying girl was good to know sometimes.

" Don't think so. Just feel like staying in today. But you can go, if you want."
Seifer knew that Squall wanted to be alone, so he quickly unpacked the bag, then left.

" I'll be back in a few hours", he called to Squall before closing the door, not waiting for an answer, not expecting one.

Squall sighed when Seifer closed the door. He didn't regret taking Seifer on this trip, but the long hours on the train, and the Zell-look-alike at the station in Balamb, had gotten some thoughts in motion, and he wanted to process them, before they got incontrollable.

He opened the door to the balcony, and sat down in one of the plastic chairs. The view truly was amazing, and he felt something he hadn't felt in years. Excitement. Something was going to happen here, something good, and in fact, he was ready to accept it.

His gaze fell upon a well known figure on the beach, and he tilted his head to the side, watching Seifer walk by the water's edge. The sun caught his hair, and made it look like pale fire, framing his body against a clear blue background.

Unconsciously a smile formed on his lips, and Squall couldn't help to thank Hyne that he had Seifer.

" What would I do without you?" he whispered to the disappearing Seifer.

In his mind, Seifer replayed everything that had happened during his life. Most of the things anyway. And some things he went past quickly. It was the last few days events that had kept his mind spinning, and he needed to clear his head.

First was to figure out what he felt about Squall. The answer was easy. Lots of things. Too many things. There was love, friendship, anger, disappointment, jealousy… The list could be made longer, but he wanted to end it before it came to that last, crucial word. Hate.

" I love you, Squall, in many different ways", he said to the sunset he was witnessing. " I want you to love me in those ways too. But your heart is reserved for someone else. But this person is gone, for good. Are you willing to find a replacement for him?"

Considering what he'd seen the last days, it wasn't likely. And also counting the reaction at the station, he was not by far over Zell.

" There's got to be some way that I can help you, Lion."

" There is."

Seifer spun around. Squall came walking across the sand, boots still on, just as his leather pants.

" You're not the least bit warm, are you?"

" Not really."

" So…. How can I help you?"

Squall sighed and looked out over the ocean.

" I remember the first time I saw the ocean. It was so… endless. It seemed invincible. Something so big couldn't be defeated. But one day, there was this really big storm. I could hear the walls of the house creak. And I though, if the ocean can deal with this, so can I. So I looked out the window, and looked at the ocean, for support. All that water was raging, the waves reaching high. And I realized that the ocean was fighting for it's life. Trying to win a battle against the wind. Nothing is invincible, Seifer. Nothing is what you think it is."

" You're not really talking about the ocean, now are you?"

Squall didn't answer, just sat down in the sand.

" I thought love was invincible. As long as I loved Zell, and he loved me, nothing could happen to us. I was wrong, so wrong, that I put his life in danger. And he willingly excepted it. He would have hated me if I hadn't let him go… but knowing what I know now…"

" Squall, you have to stop beating yourself up for this. It wasn't your fault."

" Everything we do, matters. Every little choice we make, decides what's gonna happen. I chose the wrong thing for Zell, and now I'm paying for it. It not more than fair. And if I let myself think of how he must have felt in that final moment, and if I let myself guess of what he thought… Maybe he hated me for it…"

Seifer sat down next to Squall, stared disbelievingly at Squall.

" Do you really believe that?"

" Sometimes."
" Then stop. There was never a time when Zell hated you, I'm sure of it. Everything he's ever done has been from love for you. He died, because he thought it was what you wanted."
" How could he think that I wanted him dead."
" Not that you wanted him dead. That you wanted him to matter. Do make the difference. He died to do so. And in some way, I'm actually proud of him."

" Proud? For dying?"
" No, for being so damn brave, that he gave his life, to save someone else's. Come to think of it. He finally became that hero he thought you wanted. I think he died happy. Or at least content. He died, thinking of you."

There was a long silence, were Seifers words was being considered.

" You think so?"

" Yes. I know I would…"

Squall turned towards Seifer, a small frown on his face.

" You'd die thinking of me?"
" Yes. I'd wonder who would look after you, when I was gone. You've never been capable to live on your own."

" Seriously, I'd be the last thing on your mind?"

Seifer nodded.

" I'd be damned…"

" Is it so hard to believe?"
" Actually, yes, it is. I've never thought you the type to think of someone else. I guess I've been wrong about many things. You in particular. Maybe…"

" Maybe what?"

Instead of answering, Squall looked deep into Seifer eyes, measuring and weighing everything he saw in there. And made a decision.

The kiss was soft, tender, honest. Free.

" What…?" Seifer stammered. " Why?"

" I want him back, Seifer. I really do. And being with you would almost be cheating. But I also realize that I can't mourn him forever. He will always be a part of me, and I will never stop loving him. What I'm meant to be saying is that I want to try…if you can except me and my feelings."

" Try what, Lion?"

" A relationship… With you. If you want, off course."

" If I want?" Seifers eyes was almost flooding over with the tears gathering. " You damn sure I want to. I'd try anything for you."
A faint smile, a tear across a cheek, and the world was no longer such a horrible place to be.

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Yes, this chapter was shorter than the first, but I couldn't find a good place to cut the story (I write it without chapters to begin with) so you'll have to deal with it!

Anyway, this story may have a sequel if someone is interested. And if someone is really interested, it might already be written…. =o)

Give me your comments! To quote Vin Diesel in "xXx" " I live for this shit!"