Willow's POV



"Angel? Um, Buffy are you sure that's what you need right now?" I ask in a careful voice.

It's not that I don't want her to see him, I do. I know that deep down she still loves him. Of course she does. He was a huge part of her life for three years. And I know for a fact that he still loves her. I could see it in his eyes when I told him..., well, when I was in LA. So, there's no doubt in my mind that the love is still there. It's just, well, the Buffy/Angel love affair is famous for being angst-ridden and painful.

"I think he deserves to know I'm alive, Wills." she stops for a second and her brows knit tightly together, a frown marring her features. "I mean, you did tell him I was dead didn't you?"

"Of course!" I shout, automatically, and a little too loudly. How could she even think that?

When a guilty spread across her face, I realize that I must have said the last part aloud. But as quickly as it was there, the look is gone, replaced by her familiar 'mellow look' as Dawn had dubbed it. We've seen a lot of that in the short time she's been back.

"I'm sorry. I've been kinda" she hesitates for a second, but quickly catches herself, "not myself lately."

"It's okay, Buffy." putting my best 'understanding face' on. "We all know how it must have been for you in.." I don't want to say it. I know it was horrible for her there. It must have been. Why else would she be like this? "..hell. And we understand that it's gonna take sometime for you to adjust." I get up from my position on the bed and cross the room in long strides to take her hand. "But we're here for you Buffy. All the way."

She doesn't say anything. We stand the like that, holding hands, for a few minutes. Before long the silence becomes unbearable. I need her to say something, anything. Her gaze slowly lower to our joined hands and rests there for a while. Then, she tenses and pulls from my grip, crossing her arms again. Her eyes dart around the room, looking at anything but me.

"Um, yeah." she whispers quietly under her breath.

She still uncomfortable about her death. That much is obvious. I just wish she'd talk to me. Then, I think back to the things Buffy told me a couple of years ago. Back when we found out that Angel was back. I remember she broke down in my lap and told me all about his condition when he first returned. How different he was. She had to deal with him all by herself then. She was all he had. But, it's different now. We're all here for Buffy, and all she wants is Angel. I guess things haven't changed that much after all.

"Look, Buffy" I say with a sigh, "if you really think it'll help you...."

"It will." she cuts me off before I can finish. "I know it will. I just want to make sure he knows I'm okay. He must be hurting so much. He is isn't he?" she shakes her head, realizing what she just said. "I mean, how did he take it? Y'know, the fact that I....died."

I can tell she needs some reassurance when it comes to Angel. She always did.

"You don't have anything to worry about, Buffy." I say calmly. "It's obvious that you're still a huge part of him." I thought about telling her for a few seconds; about the way he reacted when he saw me sitting there at the hotel. It was so strange. It was so un-Angel of him. I mean, he's always been known as Mr. "I-don't-let-anyone-know-what-I'm-feeling". I know that for a fact. I spent many Friday nights listening to Buffy complain about it. To see him just break down like that.... It threw me.

"But, Willow," Buffy starts, "we haven't been together in a long time. How can you be so sure he still feels that way about me?" she asks. Her voice is was always different when she talked about Angel, and this time was no different. It sounds small and child-like. Ashamed and afraid. Nothing like the girl I know. Well, used to know.

My feet were kinda hurting. Raising the dead has a tendency to do that to you. So, I turned and made my way to my bed. I was surprised when I heard my friend's footsteps mimicking mine. I think that was the first time she unconsciously did something like that. Usually, she's a tight ball of nerves, just hanging out in the doorway. Not quite taking part in the conversation, but still there, nonetheless.

Once we sat down next to each other on the soft comforter, I finally started talking.

"Do you still love him?" I asked, straight and to the point.

She look kind of surprised, but not really. I think she knew the question was going to come up sooner or later when she announced her need to visit him. She hesitated for a few seconds. But after that, her voice came out clearer and stronger than it had since her return.

"You know I do." And to my surprise, she looked me square in the eyes. There was so much more in those hazel orbs than what she said. Anyone could see that. But, something was holding her back. Something had her tied down inside. And I guess she thought that Angel was the only one who could release her.

"Then why would it be any different for him?" I ask, and I honestly want to know.

"Oh, I don't know." she answers with a small sigh. "Maybe the fact that he left me?"

"Buffy, you know he only did what he thought was best for you. He.." I was cut off before I could finish.

"Yeah, well I'm sick and tired of people thinking they know what's best for me!" she spits out. I jumped back a little at the sound of her voice. I didn't see that coming.

"I just wish, for once in my life, that people would stop butting in and just let things happen. Everyone seems to know what I need. But you know what? You don't! So just stay out of it!" And with that, she stormed out of the room, leaving me to wonder what I'd said wrong.