Tomb Raider: The Scantily Clad Chronicles
Chapter 1: The Attack off the Lesbian android
[Lara's old and wrinkly butler enters the bathroom holding a tray full of fluffy white towels. In the background a shower can be heard]
Butler: Miss Croft….are you quite all right?
Lara: [From inside the shower] Yes, could you pass me a towel? [Her hand reaches out of the curtain and with uncanny precision it lands right in her hand. She gets out drops the towel to the floor. She is stark nude]
Butler: Um…Miss Croft wouldn't you like some clothes?
Lara: No, being naked in the inevitable oncoming fight scene will be a hit with male gamers [Fondling herself she winks in the direction of the computer screen]
Butler: Oh, of course.
[Through the window bursts a large female android with incredible bosoms]
Android: Croft join the lesbian androids or be DESTROYED!
Lara:[Taking a heroic pose and shouting] NEVER!
Butler:[Slightly stunned] Miss Croft would you like a weapon?
Lara: Never mind, Jeremy!
Butler: It's Pimms actually.
Lara: Oh, whatever [From the depths of her cleavage she produces an Uzi, sub-machinegun, bazooka and a grappling hook. Once again she winks at the screen]
Android: I suppose, Croft you do not desire the Dagger of the Monks of Scantily Cladness?
Lara: What on earth is that?
Android: It gives you the highest Polygon count known to man!
Butler: Why Miss Croft with that you could be beautiful!
Lara: [She points her sub-machine gun at him] What!
Butler: Oh I mean more so! Why for the first time you could have round breasts!
Lara: Yes that is interesting. Let's have a cup of tea.
Butler: [Worried after being threatened with a gun] Miss Croft what about the fight scene. Everyone would be terribly disappointed….
Lara: Oh all right! [She attaches a claymore to the robot and throws herself out the window]
Butler&Android: Oh crap!
[Large explosion with large bits of debris. There is a minute of silence and the Butler climbs out of the rubble carrying his tray]
Butler: Umm Miss Croft….
Lara: [Annoyed] Oh don't you ever die!
Chapter 1: The Attack off the Lesbian android
[Lara's old and wrinkly butler enters the bathroom holding a tray full of fluffy white towels. In the background a shower can be heard]
Butler: Miss Croft….are you quite all right?
Lara: [From inside the shower] Yes, could you pass me a towel? [Her hand reaches out of the curtain and with uncanny precision it lands right in her hand. She gets out drops the towel to the floor. She is stark nude]
Butler: Um…Miss Croft wouldn't you like some clothes?
Lara: No, being naked in the inevitable oncoming fight scene will be a hit with male gamers [Fondling herself she winks in the direction of the computer screen]
Butler: Oh, of course.
[Through the window bursts a large female android with incredible bosoms]
Android: Croft join the lesbian androids or be DESTROYED!
Lara:[Taking a heroic pose and shouting] NEVER!
Butler:[Slightly stunned] Miss Croft would you like a weapon?
Lara: Never mind, Jeremy!
Butler: It's Pimms actually.
Lara: Oh, whatever [From the depths of her cleavage she produces an Uzi, sub-machinegun, bazooka and a grappling hook. Once again she winks at the screen]
Android: I suppose, Croft you do not desire the Dagger of the Monks of Scantily Cladness?
Lara: What on earth is that?
Android: It gives you the highest Polygon count known to man!
Butler: Why Miss Croft with that you could be beautiful!
Lara: [She points her sub-machine gun at him] What!
Butler: Oh I mean more so! Why for the first time you could have round breasts!
Lara: Yes that is interesting. Let's have a cup of tea.
Butler: [Worried after being threatened with a gun] Miss Croft what about the fight scene. Everyone would be terribly disappointed….
Lara: Oh all right! [She attaches a claymore to the robot and throws herself out the window]
Butler&Android: Oh crap!
[Large explosion with large bits of debris. There is a minute of silence and the Butler climbs out of the rubble carrying his tray]
Butler: Umm Miss Croft….
Lara: [Annoyed] Oh don't you ever die!